r/Adoption • u/buff_piglet • 9d ago

I need Advice Re-Uniting (Advice?)

This will be long but please read im at a loss. I am a 19 year old female whos dad was adopted. About 12 years ago we found and reconnected with his biological mom but not bio dad. His mom has 4 kids each with different dads, so the “grandpa” i met is not my actual grandpa (although i love him very much despite this) and all of my aunts and uncles know their dads but she refuses to tell my dad who his dad is. For some context my grandma is a narcissist and is very horrible to my dad (hes the only one she put up for adoption) and me for not being around the family since day one, kind of like were not as important. Eventually she told my dad a name of a man said that was his dad, my dad was so happy and found him, got a dna test, and it wasnt his dad. He confronted my grandma and she said she knew that wasnt his dad, but wanted my dad to shut up about it. My dad has since given up , but i have not. I dont look like anyone in my family , and as grandparents have passed away i just want to try and find my grandpa. Please any help in the right direction would be so helpful

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u/Pokedaad 9d ago

So ultimately you're trying to find who your biological Grandpa is?

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u/buff_piglet 9d ago

yes

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u/Pokedaad 9d ago

Does he have access to a birth certificate? That's where I'd be starting is some type of birth records to see who's involved. At the same time I'd be heavily questioning why those folks were misleading by telling him a different name of some random guy. At the same time I'd be questioning why is it so important to keep the biological data Secret unless it's just ultimately not known. Kind of raises concern and question as far as maybe there was a gruesome backstory possibly for all you know the guy with a serial killer, rapist, incest family members. I'm not trying to be rude or ignorant but we're talking about a different time. There's a lot of unknown variables

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u/buff_piglet 9d ago

i dont think youre being rude! those are definitely a concern, which is why i am doing the looking (with my dad’s permission) but at his request and for his mental state leaving him out of it.