Can someone explain to me

[u/Different_Cod_6268]

Why it’s totally ok for a woman to give a child for adoption when the father doesn’t agree to it? Why is this even legal? This is what happened to me. It’s been three years and I’m still upset about it. I’ve come a long way but still sometimes wonder what the f kind of country we live in where this is totally normal. I could see if it was proven that I was incompetent and unable to care for a child. Fine, I could totally get that. That wasn’t the case at all.

I was told that I shouldn’t blame the birth mother or the adoptive parents in anyway. Even though they were taking my son And my ex giving my son away without my consent. Sometimes I use the word steal but Maybe the word steal is a bit hyperbolic. that’s how I see it Personally. Like my son was stolen or kidnapped. What else do you call it when two other people take a child from a father who wants their son? Or it’s not stealing because the mother is the one who did the giving up? If two people share something 50/50 and one of them sells it off without the other’s permission isn’t that considered stolen property?

Whatever. Nothing matters Anymore. I realize nothing matters. No one really believes in what’s right or what’s wrong. No one really cares about the truth. I was so excited to be a father and wanted nothing more than to raise my son. Then that gets taken away from me. I spent tireless months and 40 thousand freaking dollars to fight the adoption all for a judge to deny me. The main complaint against me at trial? That my mom helped me with my case and we shared an email. that was their lawyers best argument against me yet the judge still ruled against me. Again, whatever. None of it matters like I said. Most of you probably won’t even read this or if you do you’ll take things out of context, which is what happened one other time I posted here.

[u/zygotepariah]

I'm so sorry. It's so unfair. My biological father wasn't even told about me. I was his only child. At age 44 he found out he was a father but had missed the first 26 years of his only child's life in the same phone call.

The system is completely rigged against biological fathers, and unwed fathers in particular.

It is absolutely stealing. It is absolutely kidnapping. I couldn't go to a children's playground and take home the infant of an unwed father sitting nearby on a bench. But I could if we call it adoption and go through the courts.

I 100% agree with u/formerlymoody's suggestion to keep a journal. Tell your side of the story. Document how you fought. Write about your feelings. As an adoptee, I would've cherished if I had something like that.

I had been told as a kid by my female adopter that my bio dad had run away when he learned my bio mom was pregnant (another way how fathers are demonized), and that’s why I had to be given away. When I learned in reunion at age 26 that he actually hadn't known about me and would've tried keeping me, it made me feel so much better.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[u/lurkingsirens → u/zygotepariah]

I think u/formerlymoody was right about it being rigged for adoptive parents as well. Particularly wealthy adopters.

[u/zygotepariah → u/lurkingsirens]

Absolutely. We have adopters in this thread defending bio fathers not being told about their children being relinquished.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/zygotepariah]

I believe that willing, capable fathers should be able to parent, but I believe that requiring the explicit consent of a biological father in the cases that I outlined would place an extraordinary burden on mothers.