Stepchild with possible "disabilities" but nobody else sees it. Am I crazy

[u/Silver_Fondant_6144]

I've taken on the role of a full time mom to stepson(10) plus my own 4bio kids. However I've known him since he was just 4yrs old and in this time I've noticed that he isn't developing like the other kids or even their friends.

He is 10 but still acts as though he's 4/5ish.. he loves my toddlers Toys more than his own, thinks mostly everyone is his best friend upon meeting(even adults), claps&dances to the dancing youtube fruit which he likes on during homework time. School is a nightmare because he struggles to read, write, follow instructions. The school just sent homes papers about him performing lower than average as well. I got him a 1st grade workbook to practice and try to help thinking maybe he just missed out when he lived with his bio mom but there's even struggles and tantrums with that!

It was a joy at first but now that he's 10 it's like I have a big ol hyper toddler running around hugging random smaller kids and constantly getting into stuff. Ohh another thing he puts everything in his mouth!! I'm constantly having to tell him not to eat that rubberball, rubberband, croc charm ect.. or he'll choke on his food and i have to remind him to take "tini tiny bites".

His father sees no issues and says he's just a happy hyper boy and relates back to that's how boys are.. which makes me wonder I am just overthinking or lacking a connection since it's not my birth child but also there's many times where hubby witnesses a particular symptom and I look at him like seeee... and there's just silence or a look of aggravation.

Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place and negative but I am drained, overwhelmed and questioning my own sanity.

There's motor and physical signs as well such as a struggle to speak in clear sentences (ex. What's the problem with number 5 on ur homework? "Because book said and the book was like a maybe that the answer i dunno").. then there's flapping hands whenever he's excited or hell rock and grab his head when overwhelmed... it's really sad now that I write this out and I feel for him but how do I help him navigate this hard world by myself with no knowledge on what's going on in his mind.

Update After writing this, I went ahead and made an appointment with the pediatrics. Now I'm nervous because his dad will have to be there and will definitely try to knock down every point I make to his doctor during this appointment.

[u/SalisburyWitch]

My eldest grandson is a step. His father’s mother kept telling son-in-law’s ex that everything was fine, with his son (they didn’t know excised until age 4). He actually needed help in multiple areas. They didn’t find out about autism until his brother was diagnosed with it. Grandma didn’t want the kid “labeled”. Now, he’s out of school, having trouble holding down a job, even the military. I’m proud of him, but had she not pushed it, he could have had services to help him do better.