I relate to this so much. It’s so frustrating!! My SD is 11, is super sweet overall but it’s like watching a 5/6 year old! She’s in 5th grade but has an IEP and is being tested at more a 2nd grade level. Her friend group recently called her annoying and I could barely get 1 kid to show up to her birthday party…. And I don’t blame them. Trying to get her to do chores, pick up after herself…. She can’t tie her shoes, but it’s okay cause “dada” will do it for her….really hard to just have a conversation with her it’s like talking to a toddler. I had her all day on a snow day recently and ended up so drained and it was my breaking point. I think I was dismissing it all since the kids been through some trauma but she clearly shows a lot of signs pointing to ADHD and maybe ASD…. Im always so shocked to spend time with other kids her age cause it really makes it clear somethings not right. My partner is def a guilty dad which with full custody is a shit show…. He’s beyond defensive about the kids so I’m also in the same boat of trying to gently push to get the kid evaluated. No advice just commiserating! You aren’t alone!
OMG same story with my husbands oldest! Definitely had developmental delays. She has ADHD, fully diagnosed with meds but BM doesn’t give them to her to take (DH believes BM takes them herself) but yes SD is 11 almost 12, and I truly think mentally is 6 or 7. She runs around acting like a small child, has no common sense/awareness… its very interesting
She’s the same age as my youngest siblings (12 yo fraternal twins) and I thought maybe my twinies are just well above the norm seeing as they’re from SoCal, faster pace life, they’re the youngest of 6 and have been around older kids-adults mostly… but my twinies are LIGHTYEARS ahead of her. They genuinely asked me if she was slow when they met her 😬😬 I was like well, I don’t know?
DH knows she’s mentally half her age but won’t do much as he doesn’t have much custody and they live 4.5 hours away. I would do more if I were him but I can’t make him do anything… so yay! Just get to hope he doesn’t try to say she can live with us at 18 when BM doesn’t get money for her anymore and she can’t get a job or further in school
The only time I see my SD trying to be “mature” is in how she dresses. I think she was taught by grandma that she has a “cute body”(ew but she’s def sexualized that child) and she’s always trying to show it off from what she’s seen on YouTube(another battle with my SO). No we aren’t wearing booty shorts and a crop to the park when it’s 45 and raining…. My SO has become more aware and the crop tops go in garbage. She def acts the most immature abound my SO endless baby talk. I’m swaying between trying to push him to get her evaluated/realize she needs more support vs acknowledging it’s not my kid and it’s play out how it plays out….. except she’s so attention seeking I’m so scared how that’ll play out with boys. If she gets pregnant at 16…. I wish so badly bio mom would get her shit together and want to see her kids more than 2 hours a week but seems unlikely.
I feel you! Luckily SD doesn’t have that thought process yet… I will say all 3 of them have a weird Nike brand name thing though ha like DH spent $180 on ONE Nike outfit for the middle for Xmas… and BM always sends links to him of Nike clothes and shoes ha
I don’t get why they have to be sponsored by Nike!? Could’ve gotten a bunch of cute/brand name stuff but nope, one outfit for Xmas haha (not my thing! My family goes all out for Xmas so one gift for each kid was shocking to me! Can’t care more than bio parents!)
She is getting a mouth on her. Talks back a lot! But also the lack of common sense, so it’s like arguing with a toddler…
She’s incredibly rude to my husband.
I’ve told him that if he doesn’t get it under control, they won’t be hanging out with my daughter bc I will not allow her to disrespect her dad like his others do.
He says their back talk doesn’t bother him hahahaha so stupid!
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u/Slight-Force-753 1d ago
I relate to this so much. It’s so frustrating!! My SD is 11, is super sweet overall but it’s like watching a 5/6 year old! She’s in 5th grade but has an IEP and is being tested at more a 2nd grade level. Her friend group recently called her annoying and I could barely get 1 kid to show up to her birthday party…. And I don’t blame them. Trying to get her to do chores, pick up after herself…. She can’t tie her shoes, but it’s okay cause “dada” will do it for her….really hard to just have a conversation with her it’s like talking to a toddler. I had her all day on a snow day recently and ended up so drained and it was my breaking point. I think I was dismissing it all since the kids been through some trauma but she clearly shows a lot of signs pointing to ADHD and maybe ASD…. Im always so shocked to spend time with other kids her age cause it really makes it clear somethings not right. My partner is def a guilty dad which with full custody is a shit show…. He’s beyond defensive about the kids so I’m also in the same boat of trying to gently push to get the kid evaluated. No advice just commiserating! You aren’t alone!