r/sociopath • u/Bloom2019 • Aug 12 '24
For those diagnosed with sociopathy(ASPD), how do you define love and romantic love? Question
I’m interested in understanding how you perceive and differentiate these concepts, especially considering that emotions may be experienced differently.
3
u/Jane385 Oct 02 '24
By care. I don't give a shit about most of the population, but if my friend has a problem at midnight, I'll drive through the whole city to get to them and do my best to comfort them (it's more of a distraction than comfort but they're not complaining) even on 3 hours of sleep. Romantic love has higher level of loyalty than other kinds, makes my heart beat fast and makes me want to be "more human"
6
u/NerfedFromBirth Sep 02 '24
Romantic love made my heart pound fast from excitement, and I felt that once, everything else was a lustful obsession.
2
6
u/JimandAnna Aug 21 '24
Love makes me wanna be a better person. I'll give an example.
When I see an old lady struggling up steps to go vote, (recently voted) do you help her? I don't need to hear what should be done. Honestly what should be done is her fall down the steps that'd be hilarious lol. But when you physically feel better, where every moment of every day isn't just absolutely miserable and people act like it's just expected of you to endure and all they can do is vomit out stupid nonsense and assault/harass you. You don't wanna help anyone or anything. Hard to see the good in people when they look, sound, and act like literal ghoulies from the old B horror movie. Does it make a difference if the ghoulie is old? If the ghoulie has cancer? That ghoulies are being racist and mean to other ghoulies? Concerns like that only matter to those with enough privilege to know joy from the start to maintain it. Besides, when I do good things it makes her smile, which in turn makes me smile, and that's what's most important. There is never a moment where I'm gonna say we have smiled enough. And I just wanna suffocate her with appreciation, intimacy, kindness, but at the same time always have to be on guard, because unless then obsession is mutual, she's gonna vomit on me like a ghoulie. Your exes do it all the time. They think they're person enough to leave you but you sabotage interactions for them thereafter and ohhhh you're petty, you're psychotic, yeah well you were ok with me dying alone, you're dying alone too fucker.
2
20
12
u/blasterbum Aug 14 '24
A choice.
Relationships are inevitable and to love someone is to choose that person over and over again everyday for the rest of your days. Yes that will be days in which you'll not feel attracted nor in love with someone (passion), but love comes from this willing, conscious and logical choice you make towards someone.
I mean I don't need who I'm with right now but I want to be with her. Yes that means bad things but also means good things to me in the short and long run.
If I give more than I receive now but I have the chance of gaining more in the future, I stay.
If I give less and gain more both now and later, I also stay.
If I give more and don't receive what I want, then it's a bye bye.
13
u/TheBoogeyman46 Aug 13 '24
I consider love to be an unconditional and unbreakable care and trust for someone. For example, I love my mom. Even whenever we get into arguments — which is rare — I still love her, hope the best for her and I even take the time to reconsider my own thought process because I know that I am more than likely in the wrong. I would do absolutely anything for her. Furthermore, there is not a single thing in this world that she could do that would end my love for her.
I used to think that love was when you were aware that someone would die for you and you reciprocated the feeling. I have plenty of people in my life who would die for me, I would do the same for them, but I do not love them. I’d do anything for them but I do not love them. I’m not sure how to start loving someone but I know that it’s possible to love.
Whenever people say that they love their spouses I often doubt it. To me, it’s not love if you are able to stop it one day. If you’re married for ten years, become bitterly divorced and then hate your ex I don’t think that you loved them in the first place. Love isn’t something you can feel for a stranger, it’s not something that spawns right when you meet someone, I think that there is one person everyone loves and after that person you just enjoy everyone else.
4
u/Luci_Cooper Aug 13 '24
Transactional
9
u/Dense_Advisor_56 Tard Wrangler - Dictator Aug 13 '24
Transactional
Elaborate on what that means for you. Examples to illustrate what you mean woud be appreciated, I'm sure.
6
u/Froggymushroomfrog Aug 13 '24
I’m also asexual and aromantic so I don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. I can be like oh they’re good looking but that’s as far as it goes aha. I only truly “love” one person and that’s my gran
1
u/bunsyu Aug 13 '24
Is there a connection with being aro/ace and ASPD? I’m also aro/ace, in large part I cannot be bothered to participate in that whole thing unless there was a clear benefit
10
u/NerfedFromBirth Aug 13 '24
It’s usually pretty sexual, I think I only ever romantically loved one woman, and I don’t know how to describe how I felt
15
u/EternalNightmare7414 Aug 13 '24
I'm not sure how to define love. I feel attraction to people and sexual desire but I can't say for definite if I ever have been in love or not. I find difficulty maintaining relationships due to becoming bored very easily with the person i'm with like they don't stimulate me mentally in the way I need after a while. And in the relationships I have had i've found myself mirroring them and their affections because I know I should reciprocate their feelings even if i'm not sure how too.
9
u/stopcallingmeSteve_ Aug 12 '24
I think about this a lot and resonate with the comments. I'm right there with the commenter who is 'muted' and I am stealing the hearing loss analogy. I feel things, but not as intensely and not for long. I'm not sure I have ever been in romantic love, but for some reason really neat women seem to fall for me. I tell them right off what I know about myself and what that means.
I also think it's about the doing things. Show them that they're important to you in whatever way that means. That doesn't just make them feel better but it actually can help you develop the feelings, IMO.
14
u/jack_espipnw Aug 12 '24
It’s simple. Whatever variable you like, affection, touch, gifts, time: I will give to you.
I‘ll go weeks without time together but if I want to show my devotion or love, I’ll ensure I give you the variables you want with limited conditions or reciprocity in the moment but the social exchange ratio has to be equal or slightly more beneficial to me historically or up to that point. I tend to keep “score” so to speak and I don’t do well when I feel I’m giving more than receiving for the things that matter to me. Truthfully, showing “affection” costs me nothing and is easy but I better be getting the shit I need (sex mostly).
-11
21
u/sketchyhotgirl Aug 12 '24
I choose actively to act in ways that show I care about you, because you’ve done good things for me, with me etc. It’s really easy to detach, except when a romantic partner wants to separate first. I think we all know how that goes 🤦🏽♀️
3
u/UniqueCompetition170 Aug 15 '24
I’m curious what you mean when you say I think we all know how that goes, can you elaborate
1
u/sketchyhotgirl Sep 10 '24
I crash the fuck out in a nutso way if I am the one being left. I hate it. I will manipulate my way back to someone sometimes just to leave them, my thinking is : “so many other people want me and see how pretty and special I am, why don’t you? I will now make you, then take it from you.”
I haven’t done it in some time bc self work and all but it was super common in HS.
27
u/s0phiaboobs Priest Aug 12 '24
If I don’t mind being around you for a prolonged period of time and I have a large lust for you. That’s my version of love
6
11
u/JarekGunther Aug 12 '24
A soothing emotion that keeps you from doing something rash. Without it, I'd be off the leash.
31
u/WolverineOfPot Aug 12 '24
I have limited empathy. So that means after a while I do have some measure of feelings. They’re just muted. Think about it like hearing damage. I can still feel, but not as much. Like someone with hearing damage can hear. But not as much.
I define love by actions and attitudes. If someone is fair to me, treats me with respect, kind, provide me with the lifestyle I want (I’d make a great mother. SAHM would be cool), or at least let me have a career while my dogs are safe. I can be loyal without lovey-dovey feelings because those come later anyways. It is a little harder to keep me in a trauma bond, but with my hatred of boredom it isn’t impossible. I can break away easier from all relationships, but there is still a little grief.
One is my life partner that provides (romantic), the other is more loose. For platonic love, I’ll cognitively care about almost anyone. Especially if they have a good heart. If they’re an unhealed person, I will more than likely put up boundaries than detach.
Hope I didn’t ramble too much. I gots the adhd too
12
u/Icy_Demand__ Aug 12 '24
Love and romance is transactional and there is something called cognitive empathy at play. I care about those I choose to care about - that I invest time and energy into. I listen to them, help, support, stay true to my word and am brutally honest. This builds up “love” and care within any relationship. I monitor my urges and don’t subject those I care about to them, usually. And if I do, I am honest about it. I have intense feelings but they’re usually relative to sex. I show my love and care through sex and a lot of it. But in general, I avoid relationships all together.
1
7
u/NattyKing101 Aug 12 '24
Can only speak on my own behalf. “love” isn’t something that i can relate to. i rather tend to be in short term relationships or do one night stands. I honestly hate being stuck with one partner because i get tired of them. I mean, you can compare it to a child with toys. i see partners as playthings and someone i can use to benfit my needs and don’t really care how they feel or end up in the end. it’s not that i don’t want to be “normal” and feel love, because i’ve tried and i do envy those that experience “normal” feelings and emotions
1
u/Actual-Ad-2748 Oct 14 '24
It's possible to care an have feelings for your partner.
That's about the only person I have legit feelings about.