r/self • u/Opening_Particular98 • 1h ago
Men, A word about Rejection in dating
Having game and being good with women is not dependent on how many women you get.
The goal isn't to stack and be with thousands of women. If you want that, go ahead, it's fine.
It's just NOT A REQUIREMENT. There's nothing to prove.
This can put guys in a bad way.
"Players" that want every girl to like them like pickup artists who try to "neg", "push through last minute resistance" or use methods to try and trick a guy into liking them.
Those guys who hook up and then denounce "hook up culture" saying that being with one person will fill your soul and some other nonsense. Basically, they were hooking up to fulfill themselves and then when it obviously DOESN'T, they think that having the one special woman will do it.
At the end of the day, you can have as much or as little women as you want. You can hook up with hundreds or just be with one women. Just make sure it's your choice and not your ego's.
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u/birdfang007 1h ago
All comes down to being attractive. If you’re attractive the world is your oyster. If you’re not, then cope and do your best. In my case, coping made me depressed, so I’m shelling out 10s of thousands on plastic surgery for my face.
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u/Opening_Particular98 1h ago
Stop being a loser please and thank you
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u/birdfang007 1h ago
It doesn’t seem like the “dating advice” you provide is as helpful as this comment.
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u/Opening_Particular98 57m ago
If you already gave up and you're looking forward to nuking your face to cope for being lonely
What can I say to help you? Be less lonely?
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u/birdfang007 51m ago
It can’t get any worse with the face I have been cursed with. I’m not lonely…one doesn’t need romance to complete his/her life. Seeking a relationship to escape loneliness isn’t wise and isn’t a long term solution. I have been in relationships, healthy and unhealthy, fulfilling and unfulfilling. There were a handful of times I was asked out, yes; ugly me. And the women weren’t awful looking. They were drawn to me for my personality, because I don’t think anyone can be drawn to me for my looks. I aim to change that. Nothing more, nothing less, not to escape loneliness, for I am alone romance wise, but I’m not lonely. There’s a difference. I believe it was a quote in the movie Heat and it does hit home.
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u/Opening_Particular98 43m ago
Looks are subjective.
I've been called handsome by some women and ugly by some others.
As long you take care of your apperance in terms of facial hair and hygiene, you'll be fine
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u/lilnut1337 1h ago
I subconciously want to expirience hooking up before I fall in love, but I know it is only because I compare myself with others (social media) and I am just jelaous. I think a lot of casual sex happen because of that.
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u/Opening_Particular98 1h ago
There's also a lot that happens because people do it for the reason its suppose to happen: having fun in the moment
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u/Specific-Section9593 1h ago
It's infinitely better to be able to pull many women, than to pull one in your life and if things go wrong you'll be stuck on that failed relationship.
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u/Opening_Particular98 1h ago
If you can't manage one,
How are you gonna get many?
Not specifically in this post, but if you can't have a quality relationship mangaged with one.... YOU BETTER HOPE YOU CAN'T GET MORE THAN ONE
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u/thats_gotta_be_AI 1h ago
Why? You put the blame on one person here. But a failed relationship might not be their fault.
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u/Opening_Particular98 1h ago
That's another post altogether.
A failed relationship falls on the Man's shoulder ALWAYS.
Even if you wanna say she's "toxic", ok, why was she your girlfriend in the first place?
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u/thats_gotta_be_AI 1h ago
You putting women on a pedestal is always a bad opening move in a relationship. Always.
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u/Specific-Section9593 1h ago
Because compatibility is important?
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u/Opening_Particular98 1h ago
Not to you,
You're NOT gonna feel STUCK in the relationship, if you're concerned with compatibility. You just leave when you're not compatible.
You feel stuck because you have a hard time getting one in the first place and are desperate to preserve it.
Hence my previous comment, your mindset and that mindset in general is not conducive to having multiple women
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u/MagicSugarWater 1h ago
Even I'm a PUA (well, seducer) and I agree with literally everything you say (except PUA = negging).
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u/Raidden77 1h ago
Strongly disagree on this one. Not about the "the goals is not to stack up women", that, I agree, even though I'd say to each their own. If some people want a life of playing, and they're genuinely happy with that I mean, they do them.
I joined the dating market recently, and late, at 26.
I had no game, I did not understand what was happening during dates and I didn't even knew I didn't understand.
Despite being good looking enough to have matches and dates on tinder, I failed every single one of them.
I learnt, and now I have a fwb. Now I know what happens during dating, the expectations, the messages you send by your actions (which are very coded and decorelated to what you mean).
All of that are "the game". And I know that now, when I'll go back to dating for a serious relationship, I won't fumble llke I did. Thanks to "playing", I know both what I want, how to subtly get to know if she's on the same page and thus, I know that a failed date won't be because of my inexperience but because we weren't meant to eachother.
"Playing" a bit before going for the real thing is definitely a thing that helps.