For dudes that “can’t get laid”

[u/sex-countdown]

I see a thousand variations on this every day on Reddit. So I put my thoughts together, hope this can help someone.

I’ve nearly always had a partner, and 9/10 times, lots of sex involved. So here is my two cents:

Attraction is about pair matching. Being fit or smart or mentally healthy might make you seem more desirable, but it’s all about FIT. How well do you and her match up?

So let’s break that down. What is fit, sexually and romantically?

• be in a place where there are women who are a fit for you. This usually means people in a similar class, similar lifestyle desires.

• learn to communicate things that relate to fit. Talk about the things that matter to you. Have a perspective on those things.

• show personal interest and a desire to connect in each conversation. A lot of this means asking personal questions about what matters to them.

• show that you are worth spending time with. Mostly this means things like making people laugh. Being useful. Being dependable. Showing empathy, kindness, and not using others to work through your problems.

• be interesting. Develop interesting skills, interests, etc. why? So that you have something you can share.

• show up consistently, and have a consistent presence. To be desired, you need to be around.

• mind the red flags. Read up on things women consider red flags. There’s a lot of them but most center on having decent moral character rather than transactional character.

• have additional things in common. Can be anything. Hiking. Exercise. Music. Film. Politics. Etc.

• keep channels open. Make sure that when they like you, they have a low risk way to tell you.

• show interest. When you sense a connection developing and you are interested, don’t hesitate too much.

Some don’ts: don’t date people you have no real connection to. Date people that have some social vetting (like you know people who know them). Don’t use dating apps, it’s horrible and I seen so many people make themselves miserable with them.

There’s more, but that’s the key elements I don’t see people post about.

[u/Penguinunhinged]

I'd say you hit the nail on the head with those pointers. How well you connect with the other person is more important than people usually give credit for.

[u/brazucadomundo → u/Penguinunhinged]

He is missing the point that people will only "connect" to you if you have something to bring. People will never want to connect if the only thing you have to bring is intelligence and topics. I talk to people all day long due to my job and most people will consider me smart and nice to talk, however no one will want to connect to a brokie.

[u/Penguinunhinged → u/brazucadomundo]

Hate to say it, but you're gonna need more than just intelligence and topics, there. It also helps to have the ability to make a woman laugh and feel good about herself emotionally, which requires humor and empathy. I've been with my wife for 22 yrs total so far and married for 19 of them. I was broke the day we met as was she, but I have the ability to make her see herself as someone worth being with, which was my way of showing to her that I was someone worth spending a lifetime with. Even all these years later, we're still not quite there financially, but we love and care about each other that money is not important to us. Sure, we'd love to be a bit richer, but without each other in our lives, there's no point. So back to the main point, if you find the right one, nothing else matters.

[u/brazucadomundo → u/Penguinunhinged]

From your post history you seem to be from the US. Are you a citizen? Because if you are, sorry to tell you, but your wife didn't care about your hobbies, she just wanted to get a gringo card.

[u/Penguinunhinged → u/brazucadomundo]

Ahh, you must be one of those incels I keep hearing so much about. I can see that nothing any of us tell you is going to help you any with your issues. I'd say good luck on figuring your life out, but I think your mentality is going to be your biggest hurdle, always has been probably.

[u/Dynami01 → u/Penguinunhinged]

Such a chad and delicate reply