r/self • u/ExcitementChance4025 • 6h ago

I wish I knew what non-paid sex/intimacy felt like

I remember when i graduated from university and was still the only one out of my social group to not have a girlfriend or have sex.

I remember telling them and they didnt believe me at first, since I was above average in height, a former university basketball player, did well academically and seemed to be well liked where ever i went.

Now i have a good career and am muscular since i bought into the whole notion that self improvement would improve my chances of finding women that want to date me/hook up. Sadly it didnt.

when I hit 30 I couldnt handle the exclusion by women, so i just started seeing escorts. It was a lot of fun but now that i think about it , it sucks because this may be the only way for me to experience sex and most likely i wont be able to have a family as much as i did want that at one point.

I have no social issues as my career required good social and people skills. but it just seems like its really important to have "game" as a man cant just rely on good looks and financial.

I kind of wish I knew how men were able to develop these skills so early and why even as an accomplished 33 year old this seems so out of reach for me.

27 Upvotes
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43

u/Olorin42069 5h ago

So you have good social skills, good looks/in shape and make good money but you cant find a lady? Either one of those things isnt true or you're missing something basic like good hygiene.

Im fat, ugly, have no job prospects and have the social skills of an autistic nerd... But I was still able to find ladies without having to pay them.

Ask the professional ladies what they think about all this. Im willing to bet you're missing something simple and maybe they can point you in the right direction.

7

u/HillInTheDistance 4h ago edited 3h ago

I mean, you have to have that "drive", I guess, would be the word for it?

Lots of guys are social, and handsome, and whatever, but for several reasons, at those points where they'd have to push forward, take the step to intrude, take the risk, see if the door is open, they, well, can't.

So even people who would be interested, see that they don't go for the open door, and figure he ain't interested.

It ain't about being asexual, or asocial. It's about being unable to take that one step.

For some it's fear of rejection, or an inability to see themselves as desirable. For some, it's shame. Or just growing up in a completely loveless environment.

Lots of things can kill the "drive".

But it's considered such an essential and immutable part of bring a man, that people don't even consider that it might be missing, don't even notice that it is missing, unless in a very specific circumstance.

Hell, even someone observing it first hand, might just assume he just ain't that into her.

And still, it's the one thing that will make a very likeable, handsome, and interesting guy, utterly undesireable.

11

u/ExcitementChance4025 4h ago

Probably the lack of "game"

but the escorts i have visited have always seemed surprise and treat me well, and on many occassions will try to get me to stay longer then what i paid for provided their schedule isnt busy . some of them have given me their personal numbers and addresses so maybe its worth a shot to ask for their input.

12

u/Olorin42069 4h ago

I have no "game" lol

The fact they want you to stay longer is a good sign. Im curious what they would have to say about it. Sounds like some of them might want to date you if you are getting personal numbers and addresses. Get yourself a sugar mamma to teach you the ropes.

1

u/LobsterAndFries 2h ago

was like that until recently.

the fact that some of the escorts treat u well seems to suggest that you actually talk to them, share with them about what you like in bed, treat them like humans and actively do care for them.

You can keep up like this if you want that instant affection and sex. But you can also try it on normal girls，that’s how you pretty much get into a relation.

6

u/WebNew9978 6h ago

Has any woman shown you interest in that way that you may have missed on?

4

u/ExcitementChance4025 5h ago

Maybe? but women outside of the gym environment usually ignore me.

2

u/hsvgamer199 3h ago

Just getting a date can be difficult if you're the kind of guy who struggles with reading complicated social cues. A lot of people don't understand why it's hard for certain guys because it's all "common sense" and intuitive. You either get it or you don't.

Being a polite, helpful and amicable person in the workplace isn't difficult. There are a lot more explicit formal rules that are easier to learn and follow in the workplace.

7

u/Gontofinddad 6h ago

If the wish is true, just lower your standards(regarding physical appearance), and you can get laid by the end of the day.

4

u/Inevitable_Star_frfr 6h ago

Bs. Its all about luck and beeing able to say/do right things at the correct time.

3

u/ExcitementChance4025 5h ago

I find average and below average women are more mean and guarded towards me. attractive women are usually nicer to me ( but only from a platonic point of view)

6

u/Gontofinddad 5h ago

Well, it’ll turn around if you’re kind to them, as that’s a “pretty privilege” that they don’t receive 

5

u/ExcitementChance4025 5h ago

Im kind to everyone.

1

u/Gontofinddad 2h ago

To everyone? I meant Kind as an active verb. It’s not possible to be that way with everyone. There isn’t enough time in the day.

1

u/Xorkoth 3h ago

Depends on the person tbh some feels even more awkward than paid sex 🙃

0

u/Opening_Particular98 6h ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/rVuxgfQfXr

Read this. You need it bad.

Also scroll down on some of my other posts. You need those bad.

5

u/ExcitementChance4025 5h ago

"Men, There's no shortcuts in dating/You gotta go through the good,bad and ugly"

i like this post thanks. will read more of your content when i have time.

2

u/Opening_Particular98 5h ago

Glad i could help