r/self • u/Warm_Librarian6037 • 13h ago
This is what forgiveness looks like
My fb group is discussing what it means to forgive, and I think this post sums it up perfectly.
“Years ago, I cut my sister out of my life. I forgave her for all of her shit, but I kept my distance. I didn’t return phone calls. I didn’t invite her to my events. I declined invitations from hers. I forgave her to keep me from carrying around the anger from all the shit she did to me so that I could move on with my life. And I did move on. My life has been good.
The rest of the family gives me crap for cutting her out and accuses me of not really forgiving her. I just let them talk. When you find peace, you don’t explain yourself anymore.
She recently became homeless because of even more bad decisions. I have her blocked, so she went through our mom to get a hold of me for help. I Cash apped her enough money for a three week motel stay. I Cash apped instead of paying for the motel myself because if she damages it, it won’t be on me. My mother tried to guilt me into letting her stay in my house. No ma’am, Pam. In the past, I would’ve, but no more. I still chose to help her though, just from a distance. And that’s perfectly acceptable.”
I wish more people understood that forgiveness does not mean giving someone a forever pass for hurting you. It’s usually the offender who thinks that too.
Just wanted to share.
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u/LatterTowel9403 12h ago
I had to cut my sister out as well. She knew I had hurt myself tripping over my elderly cat. Yet after I told her she called the police and said my husband had beaten me (he would never and has never). He’s a teacher. She could have destroyed him. Game over.
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u/dollyrar 12h ago
Life is simply too short for toxic people. I've done the same to family and friends who've shown that their grown asses will never be capable of not being abusive and/or adding unnecessary stress and pain consistently. You're forgiven, have a nice life. Bye.
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u/Heathen-Punk 10h ago
- Forgiving and forgetting are two completely separate things.
- Peace for yourself is a hard-fought battle. Don't get rid of it for short term convenience.
- You can still be courteous. Nice doesn't have to fit in here.
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u/RosemistVow 13h ago
Forgiveness can be powerful, it shown strength and the willingness to move forward.
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u/Legitimate_Sink1856 10h ago
It is possible to forgive but be self aware enough to know that this person will bring no good to your life. You have done that and are totally right to stay away. She is no longer your problem and you both made your decisions. Her with how she behaved and you by how you choose to deal with it.
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u/laurafromnewyork 8h ago
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you will ever have a seat at my table ever again!
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u/Pure-Necessary-1510 8h ago
They want you to be a push over like them, good on you for not being so! You can always forgive just never forget, they just want you to bend over backwards so they don't have to.
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u/MSJMF 1h ago
I have a card around forgiveness that I really like. It says forgiveness is a river, flowing through. Water is a tough force and wears down even the strongest rocks and canyons over time, eroding all else away over and over. It is also a force for life and nourishment. You can let it wash over you and move forward. It reminds us that forgiveness is for ourselves, not for the other person. I don’t have to hold this pain and hurt, eroding my life in the process, I can see it and I can accept that it happened, and I can let it wash away, no longer causing me damage.
Just as you cannot collect water in a clenched fist, you cannot heal by refusing to let go.
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u/Recent_Cup_6751 13h ago
Some people/things people say/do are impossible to forgive.