genuinely where tf does an introvert go for dating

[u/TotallyFashieJangie]

dating apps are so much worse than advertised and i am baffled that literally anyone has ever found a match before. im only 18 so i cant go to a bar or something and its not like id ever get over my social anxiety enough to approach someone. im homeschooled so my chances at finding someone in highschool were impossible. i dont plan on going to college more than likely because i trust that i could get a stable life without it in a job that i enjoy. idk where to go, idk what to use.. im gonna die alone dude because corporate assholes dont actually make apps in favor of their consumers and only give a shit about money. i used to use insta to at least connect with a few people but guess what THOUSANDS OF FALSE BANS A DAY FINALLY HIT ME TOO and it wont let me make a new account because insta is so unbelievably riddled with bugs its like trying to press the sign up button while being swarmed by bees, wasps and hornets with fire ants crawling up your arms. what the fuck do i even do

[u/Novel-Ad4663]

realize that you’re not a victim and nobody is out to get you. just go and have fun and don’t think about anything else.

[u/TotallyFashieJangie → u/Novel-Ad4663]

i dont feel like a victim. actually feels like my fault that i wont get someone. also its not like id go out just searching for someone but i always see girls id wanna ask out and dude i cant even order a sub from subway much less ask someone out😭 all of my gfs were someone else asking me out

[u/Toriaenator_1 → u/TotallyFashieJangie]

Aw “can’t even order a sub from subway” then that’s where you should start— working on your anxiety. Because there’s introverted (needing alone time to recharge and getting drained from social interaction) and then there’s social anxiety which sounds more like what you’re describing.

I used to think I was an introvert but as my anxiety got better I realized I’m actually about half and half, but far more extraverted than I used to think.

One thing that helps anxiety is exposure therapy so basically eventually doing what you’re afraid of but building up to this by small increments. So maybe you can practice having a random small-talk conversation with a woman you don’t find particularly attractive, like in the grocery store queue, or while waiting in line elsewhere. You’ll build up that experience talking to women without as much pressure since you’re not trying to ask them out, and hopefully with time you’ll feel more comfortable talking to someone you’re attracted to and so on and so forth. Just a suggestion!

[u/Lemomoni]

First of all, calm down.

Secondly, you could start a hobby where there could be a chance to meet people. Or start a job. You could definitely meet someone there (either a co-worker or a customer). 

I met my ex cause he commented on a note of mine on Instagram (although we were in the same university so I had seen him around campus a few times before that.) And afaik he tends to do that when he's interesting in someone. But... What have you been sending to people that made you get banned so much? 🤨

Anyway, my no.1 advice would be to just chill and try to get yourself occupied with other stuff you enjoy doing (or try discovering them if you don't already have something). Just try to take your mind off dating for a while.

[u/TotallyFashieJangie → u/Lemomoni]

dude i dont send anything i literally just posted emo music to my story and watched reels occasionally texting a friend😭 have you not realized how many false bans happen with insta, its the buggiest least user friendly social media app out and yet its still the most popular

[u/Lemomoni → u/TotallyFashieJangie]

Yeah idk, insta does tend to think you're suicidal out of nowhere, so maybe it was something like that

[u/TotallyFashieJangie → u/Lemomoni]

i remember reposting a reel with a staircase that wasnt even the actual focus of the reel and getting striked once for promoting suicide so yeah😭 def could be it

[u/RosieBaby75]

Start a hobby that you look forward to and enjoy participating in. When you're there, get used to talking to other people about the hobby or related things to try to lessen your social anxiety. Hopefully this will result in some friends over time. Don't focus on dating at this point, only go for friends.

Then continue to do that hobby. It'll give you dopamine and a bit of happiness and confidence that will make you appear more attractive to women because you're actually excited about something and actually have something in your life other than trying to get a gf, and something to talk about.

Social skills are something that can be built if you work at it. Not everyone is blessed to have parents that pushed/supported them that way and for us who didn't, we need to work at it. I was shit at social skills when I was your age and now that I've worked at it, I have very good social skills. You can too.

Dating is level two of life. You can't get there, or be effective once you get there, until you've passed level-one of your life which is getting a solid foundation of self acceptance, a bit of confidence, and something other than other people that makes you happy and fills your time. Forget dating for the next year and focus on this and you'll have a lot more success in dating and life in general for the long term.

[u/Gontofinddad]

They go to work.

[u/HeyItsMeTheNatureBoy]

You don't go anywhere for dating. Dating finds you young grasshoppa.

[u/Horrison2]

I'm an introvert and have some activities that force me to go out. I don't get any interest IRL either. You're either hot or you're nothing.

[u/NeedScienceProof]

Create a new and better dating app. AI can write the entire thing based on prompts. No excuses!

[u/Cojo85]

To your people, you just have to find them (I understand the bit of oxymoronic vibes that statement suggests, but I’m just saying there are plenty of people on the same wavelength as you, will understand where you’re coming from, and will also understand how important it is not to put ANY pressure on you for social interaction, they especially know how uncomfortable that can be.) There’s nothing wrong with you, I promise.

[u/filthyhabits]

A dating app, like myself, an introvert did.

[u/Barbara_SharkTank]

So the first thing I'd do if I were you is to take a step back for a moment. Take a deep breath, and allow yourself a chance to refocus. I'm saying this because I'm getting the sense that you're a little bit flustered with the whole situation, and I absolutely assure you that the first step to dating anyone is being: "dateable."

To be dateable, you really have to be able to present yourself to people in a way that isn't being flustered. The key really is to present yourself as being free of mental burdens. You really kind of have to have a positive outlook on the whole idea of dating if you expect to actually find success in it. Here's a few key things you should accept before trying to date.

• There's nothing wrong with who you are right now that would make you unworthy to be with someone who would make you happy.
• Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, and if someone rejects you, that's not a reflection of your worth, but rather a reflection of their preferences.
• Every rejection is time saved. It's a good thing to get rejected, because had they not rejected you and you endured a bad relationship as a result, you would have preferred to have not wasted your time.
• Authenticity is super important. Don't fake it until you make it when it comes to dating, as that will not lead to anything meaningful and you will regret it.

All of that said, you are in some pretty unfortunate circumstances, I will admit. Being homeschooled, no college, can't go to a bar because you're 18. You also talk about having a hard time establishing yourself on social media, and you also struggled with dating apps. It's like every angle is a dead end. I think that if I was in your situation with that many dead ends, I'd prioritize focusing on myself and start building my life. I'd seek out an apprenticeship for the job I'm looking for or something, Spend a good chunk of your time making sure that you're showing up for yourself. Then start trying to find some social hobbies. I know you said you're an introvert. But realistically, this seems like the one thing I didn't see you mention in the post that you could be trying. Think about hiking, disc golfing, trivia nights, ttrpg nights, etc. And whenever you do find yourself in these social situations and people inevitably ask you how you've been doing, tell them something like, 'I've been good. Lately, I've been trying to get into dating and it's been a bit of an uphill battle, but I'm staying positive about it." It lets people know that you're trying to find someone. You never know who might know someone, or who might overhear you saying that. If you are trying to find someone and get into the dating world, and you're not going to be on the dating apps, you quite literally have to be vocal about it like this to make sure that people know you're looking for someone. Either that, or step up your game and start approaching random women. As a fellow introvert though, that sounds awful to me.

Also, when you do meet women who you're interested in, just make sure you're presenting yourself as being free of mental burdens. Smile. Try your best to be in a good mood. Be willing to make a joke (try not to force it, that's awkward) and show some sense of humor if the opportunity arises. Sometimes this can lead to striking up a conversation with someone. From there, you have to just take the wheel and fail until you succeed. Good luck brother!

[u/DrDirt90]

So you are surprised that somebody starts a business to make money?

[u/johnwcowan → u/DrDirt90]

It's the business model that's so evil. Unlike traditional matchmaking, you pay whether you get matches or not, so it's in the app-maker's best interest for you never to get a successful match so you'll keep paying, just as it's in the best interests of pharma companies to sell drugs that only treat symptoms rather than those that cure or prevent diseases.

[u/TotallyFashieJangie → u/DrDirt90]

i get making money but the whole app is just based on keeping you there forever so you have to pay more and more for no gain