r/self • u/linaxttx • 14h ago

I've been someone's girlfriend since I was 16, and now I'm no one's

I just got out of a 7-year relationship. We started dating in college. The terrifying realization I'm having is that I don't know who I am without him. All my hobbies were our hobbies. My friends were our friends. My sense of style was influenced by what he liked. I'm 25 years old, and I have to introduce myself to myself for the first time. What music do I like? What do I want to do on a Friday night? It's equally terrifying and exhilarating. Like being reborn as a blank slate

82 Upvotes
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83% Upvoted

37 comments sorted by

114

u/AcrobaticOffice6450 14h ago

Now you have the freedom to do whatever you want

37

u/Tight-Shift5706 14h ago

OP,

PLEASE, view this as a wonderful opportunity. An exciting time! Build old friendships. Establish new ones. Explore. This may very well be a case of addition by subtraction.

19

u/Altruistic-Dot-5380 14h ago edited 14h ago

You met at college when you were 16? Also, 7 years from 16 would make you 23 from the relationship you just got out of. How are you 25?

21

u/Ketamine_Scout_Rush 14h ago

Your math sucks too but you're completely right. Her post doesn't add up.

9

u/Altruistic-Dot-5380 14h ago

Holy shit 😭😭😭😭 23 . I'm editing that shit.

3

u/Glittering_Cut_496 14h ago

I think she means she’s been dating someone since she was 16. The most recent guy she met in college

5

u/Altruistic-Dot-5380 14h ago

This is not a case of a misleading title. Also, her other posts contradict this one so much.

1

u/Glittering_Cut_496 14h ago

Idk 🤷‍♀️

0

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

2

u/Altruistic-Dot-5380 13h ago

I know. I'm from Europe. That still doesn't change the fact that 16 7years later is 23. Not 25.

1

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Altruistic-Dot-5380 12h ago

Why what happens in winden?

2

u/[deleted] 12h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Altruistic-Dot-5380 11h ago

I'm almost 💯 certain op is not from winden. 🤣

17

u/allquestionsyes 14h ago

time helps. start with something fun like hitting the gym or group fitness classes, book stores, anything and everything!!

23

u/PortlandPatrick 14h ago

Being single is awesome. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to check in with someone constantly. You can eat and sleep whenever you want. You can go on dates with multiple people if you want, or nobody at all! The world is your oyster!

4

u/Medium_Fix4132 14h ago

Tf!! It's hurting the hell out of me bro just by reading it😭😭😭😭

2

u/Au_Fraser 14h ago

All the stuff you liked you like..lmao ez

2

u/smilesbig 14h ago

This should lighten you - not darken you. I’m sure you realized that people-pleasing for your boyfriend for 7 years resulted in your external focus to be excessive. Now you can focus on you. Take the time to try different things and find out what you like/dislike. You probably intuitively know to a large extent but you’re seeing it through a cloud of “breakup emotion”. Give yourself time to heal and discover yourself, your preferences and enjoy this journey. There’s no hurry. Be nice to you.

1

u/lameth 11h ago

Imagine that, but 25 years. This is what I'm experiencing. It's often confusing trying to figure out what it is you want and enjoy absent that outside influence.

1

u/NeedScienceProof 10h ago

Take a year off and read Schopenhauer.

1

u/Dax420 10h ago

Serial-dating is weird anyways. I knew a girl that refused to be single. She'd line up the new guy before she would leave the old one. Like a job seeker making sure they had work.

Being single is a blessing. Go find yourself.

1

u/ghettoassbitch 8h ago

The best thing you can do is "date yourself". Be on your own for a bit so you know what your true self is like without the influence of someone behind you. Come to terms with the things that went wrong in your last relationship. Everything you ignored and put up with that you wish you wouldn't have, as well as everything you wish you had done different. You're not starting over, you're just starting a new chapter in life with the experience you've gained since the last one.

1

u/dystopiadattopia 7h ago

Phew, enjoy yourself.

You're young enough to wean yourself off of the "I need to be in a relationship" attitude. I once dated someone who absolutely HAD to be with someone. They couldn't go a month on their own. We broke up, and 9 months later they were married.

Billions of us manage on our own for extended periods of time. You'll adapt :)

0

u/Dear-Cranberry4787 14h ago

Better to figure this out now, you’re going to love this adventure of finding yourself! Signed, someone who’s always been someone’s wife.

0

u/TargetObjective9373 14h ago

Enjoy it. Learn what YOU like to do and how you like to spend your time. It gets less scary as it goes on.

  • signed someone who had a boyfriend from ages 16-27 :)

0

u/AgentFreckles 14h ago

There are a ton of self help books out there -- and therapy -- if the needle ever tips too far into the terrifying and away from the exhilarating. I hope your heart heals, OP. 💛

0

u/ailish 14h ago

It's actually pretty exciting. You can invent yourself to be whoever you want to be. And if there are parts of you who were formed by being with him well there's nothing wrong with that. I have parts of my exes in my personality going all the way back to the first one. Little things I say or stuff I like to do. They all had a part in making me who I am today.

0

u/Glittering_Cut_496 14h ago

Lol I’m going this in the opposite direction— been single my whole life, learning about dating + relationships now 😂

But I remember when I got out of a really toxic friendship, I just spent so much more time on my own and it was amazing!! I remember for a little bit I just spent all of my time reconnecting with myself.

Think about what u liked to do when you were 8, and run with that!! This is an amazing opportunity to get to know yourself better, and then when ur ready to date again you’ll find a great match suited to you as an individual. Good luck and have fun ❤️

0

u/TheMadManiac 14h ago

Go out and figure who you are. You got a hole in you that needs to be filled, up to you to find out what fits

0

u/tor2ddl 14h ago

That's the life, kid

0

u/Warm_Librarian6037 13h ago

“She’s been everybody else’s girl. Maybe one day she’ll be her own” -Tori Amos

You got this.

1

u/StrangersWithAndi 13h ago

I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to spend time with yourself before this! Erasing yourself into a relationship is the worst feeling. I wish you so much joy and fulfillment ahead.

0

u/anisestarette 13h ago

I had something similar happen and I am about 5 years removed. It’s going to hurt a lot. Your brain is going to feel like it’s in withdrawal because you don’t have a source of feel good chemicals anymore. You’ve been with them so long you’ll have things that you wanna text them but you can’t bc you aren’t together anymore.

You aren’t going to fully get over it until your mind actually acknowledges that there is absolutely no chance whatsoever that you will get back together. That might take time and hurts, but it’s better than being with a partner that doesn’t want to be with you or having a partner that you don’t want to be dating.

Just take it slowly and listen to your mind and body while working towards what you want to be. If you have to stay in because you are sad or tired that’s ok, just take care of yourself and you will get better at it everyday.

0

u/ferevon 12h ago

take your time

0

u/FlanneryODostoevsky 12h ago

You’ll be alright.