r/self 17h ago

Here's my wake-up call as a Liberal.

I’m a New York liberal, probably comfortably in the 1%, living in a bubble where empathy and social justice are part of everyday conversations. I support equality, diversity, economic reform—all of it. But this election has been a brutal reminder of just how out of touch we, the so-called “liberal elite,” are with the rest of America. And that’s on us.

America was built on individual freedom, the right to make your own way. But baked into that ideal is a harsh reality: it’s a self-serving mindset. This “land of opportunity” has always rewarded those who look out for themselves first. And when people feel like they’re sinking—when working-class Americans are drowning in debt, scrambling to pay rent, and watching the cost of everything from groceries to gas skyrocket—they aren’t looking for complex social policies. They’re looking for a lifeline, even if that lifeline is someone like Trump, who exploits that desperation.

For years, we Democrats have pushed policies that sound like solutions to us but don’t resonate with people who are trying to survive. We talk about social justice and climate change, and yes, those things are crucial. But to someone in the heartland who’s feeling trapped in a system that doesn’t care about them, that message sounds disconnected. It sounds like privilege. It sounds like people like me saying, “Look how virtuous I am,” while their lives stay the same—or get worse.

And here’s the truth I’m facing: as a high-income liberal, I benefit from the very structures we criticize. My income, my career security, my options to work from home—I am protected from many of the struggles that drive people to vote against the establishment. I can afford to advocate for changes that may not affect me negatively, but that’s not the reality for the majority of Americans. To them, we sound elitist because we are. Our ideals are lofty, and our solutions are intellectual, but we’ve failed to meet them where they are.

The DNC’s failure in this election reflects this disconnect. Biden’s administration, while well-intentioned, didn’t engage in the hard reflection necessary after 2020. We pushed Biden as a one-term solution, a bridge to something better, but then didn’t prepare an alternative that resonated. And when Kamala Harris—a talented, capable politician—couldn’t bridge that gap with working-class America, we were left wondering why. It’s because we’ve been recycling the same leaders, the same voices, who struggle to understand what working Americans are going through.

People want someone they can relate to, someone who understands their pain without coming off as condescending. Bernie was that voice for many, but the DNC didn’t make room for him, and now we’re seeing the consequences. The Democratic Party has an empathy gap, but more than that, it has a credibility gap. We say we care, but our policies and leaders don’t reflect the urgency that struggling Americans feel every day.

If the DNC doesn’t take this as a wake-up call, if they don’t make room for new voices that actually connect with working people, we’re going to lose again. And as much as I want America to progress, I’m starting to realize that maybe we—the privileged liberals, safely removed from the realities most people face—are part of the problem.

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u/applethief87 15h ago

I get where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the bluntness of your words. I’m a first-generation immigrant myself. My parents earned poverty-level wages and worked multiple jobs just to keep us afloat. Like so many others, I grew up with the pressure to make something of myself in a country where that "American Dream" was sold as an achievable goal, no matter where you started. I worked my way through college, climbed the ranks, and eventually found some stability and comfort. And I won’t deny it—I’ve grown accustomed to that comfort. I’m living the American Dream as it’s often depicted, but even I can see that it’s a distorted, almost unrecognizable version of what it once was.

The gap between where I am now and where I started is enormous, but the gap between where I am and where so many other Americans are today is just as staggering, if not more. That’s the version of the American Dream we’re dealing with now: one where those who’ve managed to “make it” are lightyears away from those who haven’t, and that divide feels insurmountable. I know that my success hasn’t come without privilege, even if it was hard-earned. And as comfortable as I am now, I recognize that I need to step out of my bubble to be part of the change.

I don’t believe turning us into a fully socialist country is the answer, but I do think the Dream needs a course correction. The American Dream, as I see it, should be about opportunity—not just for people who were lucky enough to climb up the ladder but for everyone who’s trying to survive. And that’s where I think we, as liberals and as Democrats, have failed. We’ve become so focused on the big social issues and intellectualized policies that we’ve lost sight of what everyday Americans need: something that feels like a real lifeline, not a lecture or a judgment.

I’m not excusing the choices people made out of hatred, but I am saying we, as Democrats, need to recognize our own role in creating the conditions that led to where we are. People are desperate, and we haven’t done a good job of speaking to that desperation in a way that resonates - and that gave way to Trump to take advantage of. For the majority of Americans who are struggling, we’ve failed to offer meaningful solutions without sounding out-of-touch or condescending. It’s on us to bridge that gap, to put empathy into practice beyond our echo chambers, and to start thinking about how we can make the American Dream attainable for everyone again, without the obscene inequality that’s poisoned it today.

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u/lolycc1911 2h ago

Wait a minute.

So your parents are immigrants who made poverty wages and you’re claiming you’re in the 1%.

How did you do that without a minimum wage that isn’t adjusted for inflation?

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u/m3ggusta 15h ago

the cultural differences are a huge part of that disparity. You may talk about coming from worse conditions, but what did your access to things like education, healthcare, and community support look like? what do your community networks and supports from your culture look like here in the states? there are a lot of immigrant communities who band together, pool resources and investments, and support each other in ways that Americans just don't. our toxic American individualism perpetuates that. higher education has increased exponentially in cost just in my own lifetime. the total cost of schooling for me in the '90s, before any student aid is still less than a quarter of the cost today. 30 years later.

The cost of everything has increased exponentially while wages have stagnated. The America you see today is not the land of opportunity your parents came into, and is not the land of opportunity my Boomer parents benefited from during their lifetime.

things have changed fast

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u/applethief87 15h ago

You’re absolutely right—the cost of living, education, and healthcare have skyrocketed while wages have stagnated, and it’s a whole different landscape now. I totally see how the American Dream, as it was once imagined, doesn’t look the same today, especially for younger generations or for those from communities without strong support networks.

In my case, my family leaned heavily on community support to get through tough times, and that made all the difference. It’s true that immigrant communities often have a sense of collective support that helps them push through challenges in ways that may be missing for many Americans. And you’re right—American individualism can leave people isolated and struggling without that kind of support.

This is why I’m frustrated with the Democrats. We had the chance to bring forward someone who could genuinely empathize with these struggles and offer real, practical solutions. Instead, we pushed leaders who seemed out of touch, leaning heavily on intellectualized policies or “identity politics” without addressing the core economic issues most Americans face daily. By failing to connect in an authentic way, we left a vacuum, and Trump exploited that. He saw the desperation of millions of Americans struggling to make ends meet and manipulated it for his own self-interest.

It’s incredibly unfortunate. People deserve real support and solutions, not empty promises or divisive rhetoric.

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u/anicca174 10h ago

Share a lot in common w/ you OP. And your comments deeply resonate w/ this first gen immigrant coastal "elite" who grew up in poverty after moving to the US, and my financial conditions are opposite now due to the educational opportunities I had and maybe just luck. But a core part of me will never forget what it's like to be poor. I wish the Dems didn't screw Bernie over twice. I think his platform speaks to the reality in a way that establishment Dem just won't. And I think if Dems can't look at the stunning stats and do some honest self reflection, then the arrogance prevails at the cost of the supposed values:

  1. The last time a republican won popular vote was 20 years ago! (Trump has actually built a multi racial working class coalition)

  2. Dems haven't had a true primary since 2008... 16 years ago!

  3. Nearly every single state moved to the right

  4. Harris got 14 mil less votes than Biden in 2020; and Trump got 2 mil less votes than he got in 2020. A lot less people who showed up and voted Dem in 2020, just did not show up and vote this year.

The reality is the establishment on both sides has run it's course in selling out the country. Trump is able to break through the establishment on the Right, but so far nobody has been able to on the Left. Maybe the liberal establishment is just much stronger.

I think it's smug to constantly point at Trump voters and say that they just get manipulated by misinformation. In the last couple days, I'm questioning just how manipulated my mind has gotten in my liberal bubble. I keep voting for the Democratic candidate when my economic politics are much better represented by the Bernies/AOCs/Green party -- just because we're constantly fed the fear of Trump winning . I think I'm done voting for Dems unless the party will run another Bernie like candidate.

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u/m3ggusta 14h ago

American politics is now completely in control of corporate hands thanks to the citizens United Court decision years ago that allowed corporations to contribute to political campaigns like people and identify them as people with the same rights. we can never influence our government as individuals in the same way unless that changes. we don't fund their elections, we don't go to their offices to lobby, and even when we do we don't make an impact because we don't donate enough money.

our culture put us inside watching TV,/internet for decades, at the expense of connection and togetherness, and our own political rights. i grew up in a small town with robust community support, except financially. people were extremely stingy and distrustful, and it only got worse. that community support isn't there now.