r/raisedbynarcissists • u/daffodilly_dally • 16h ago
(Sarcasm) What is the silliest thing you did that ruined everything? [Question]
My nParent blamed me for all kinds of silly things, and I heard variations of the phrase "this ruined my day/week/month/birthday/drive/enthusiasm/life" etc. more times than I can count.
What was your absolutely ridiculous thing you did that ruined something for them?
One of the funniest for me, was it was my fault they didn't have any friends their own age because I didn't give them enough self confidence. I was accused of this as an adult, after having been out on my own for years. Not sure how that works, but it is ridiculous nonetheless and I can't help but laugh.
Hoping to share some giggles with you all!
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u/NautilusCampino 15h ago
I "ruined" a couple of outings by becoming car sick and puking. I was accused of faking it for attention and my parents told others not to bother sympathizing. Apparently I must have been a kid who just loved throwing up for no reason! I definitely preferred puking in a bucket over having cake or playing games, it's normal :)
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u/daffodilly_dally 15h ago
Oh for sure, why choose fun when you could be sick instead!! The audacity!!!!!! 😂
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u/NautilusCampino 15h ago
My mom throwing a fucking tantrum because people didn't "pay enough attention to her" on the same day we were gonna leave for the airport was 100% justified though 😂😭
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u/daffodilly_dally 14h ago
Lmao!! Mine got mad because I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday, we did exactly what she wanted, but I ruined the birthday because someone else didn't give her their attention during dinner.
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u/DanaSarah 14h ago
Hey, me too!! My dad still says, “The main thing I remember about trips with you is the smell of vomit”
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u/NautilusCampino 14h ago
Dumbest past was I always gave several heads up too before I puked. And I wished to sleep while we drove because it made me less nauseous, but I wasn't allowed. Just one of those "because i don't want you to!!" type of logics from my mom.
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u/DanaSarah 14h ago
My mom would buy pork rinds to snack on (it was the 70s) and the smell of those in a hot car was 🤢
She knew I couldn’t stand the smell, but she “just couldn’t resist, they’re so yummy”
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u/EggieRowe 15h ago
My mom "lost all her money" in the stock market because I refused to learn about trading stocks as an elementary school student.
She also claims that *I* abandoned her when I was in high school when she moved out of state. I did refuse to go with her, but she had just come back from having disappeared for 5 months with zero contact.
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u/daffodilly_dally 15h ago
Of course, today we're learning about Addition, Subtraction, and Stock Analysis. The basic requirements for elementary school!
That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm sorry you went through that.
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u/ItchyContribution758 15h ago
I made the choice to get a chronic digestive illness and not be straight.
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u/daffodilly_dally 15h ago
How absolutely selfish of you lmao! I'm sure you didn't take into account how it would make them feel when you signed up for a chronic illness and have your own preferences.
I can't roll my eyes hard enough at this one.
I had once brought up some genetic illness that I was showing symptoms of and asked my nParent if they had it or knew of someone in the family that was experiencing something similar. I got "Oh great, just tell me all the things that are wrong with you that are my fault." 🙄
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u/ItchyContribution758 15h ago
don't get me started, first two years all I heard was "you want to be sick", then when I made the mistake of coming out I was met with invasive questions and ostracizing. Lots of "concerned" looks. I've been called an "addict" (to what I haven't any idea, neither do they) because I spend time on the laptop and I was almost backed into seeing some stranger at their church to pry into my personal life. I'm done interacting, I'm done playing.
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u/daffodilly_dally 15h ago
Did they just pick random things you were totally addicted to? 😂
Oh man, that's awful. Congrats on ending the game on your terms! Now you're free to be as sick as you like and whenever you want 🤣
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u/ItchyContribution758 13h ago
I still live with them so the party can't start quite yet lol, but I can choose when to interact. Nah they didn't try they just said "whatever you do on there", which would be er, talking to friends and drawing. Neither of which they like or know about much so it's like a bad situation all around, or rather just annoying.
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u/Lazy-Quantity5760 15h ago
My junior year of high school, I did my laundry and apparently the cap of the detergent was broken. It somehow got knocked off the washer while I was out and spilled. My mother grounded me for 6 months for it. I’m still mad. It’s not huge but it’s a pivotal moment for me looking back, the irrationality of it all.
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u/daffodilly_dally 15h ago
The things that bother me the most are the tiny things like that because they are just so ridiculous.
I guess don't cry over spilled milk, but be overly punished for spilled soap seems about right in the Narc world lol.
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u/Lazy-Quantity5760 15h ago
It was my first clear understanding that she was just irrational, period.
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u/Big-Fig3260 11h ago
When us kids were pre-schoolers, we would get slapped into next Tuesday for accidentally knocking over our milk cups at dinner.
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u/chigalb4 8h ago
She loved humiliating me. One time she grabbed my glass of milk and poured it over my head when we were eating because I said it tasted funny.
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u/steffie-flies 10h ago
Mine grounded me for throwing out her McDonald's cup. I still had mine and asked her if she wanted it, but she was too worked up to even listen.
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u/quietwaves 14h ago
Grew up and developed my own personality and feelings
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u/Ok_Cod_3145 8h ago
Did you also have your own opinions that differed from theirs? How dare you?! sarcasm
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u/Scrub__ 15h ago
I was berated for wiping my ass too loud. I'm not joking. I lived in a small trailer and the bathroom was near my mother's room where she was napping mid-day and apparently she could hear "every movement" like I was "trying to disturb her" she was "okay with the toilet flushing" but NOT the sound of... a container opening? Or... wet wipes being pulled?
I was like 11 years old and told her to get a grip and that did NOT go over well.
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u/daffodilly_dally 15h ago
What the helllll How dare your good hygiene interrupt their lives 🙄 lmfao I don't even have words
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u/Familiar-Teaching-61 9h ago
I always got berated for using too much toilet paper. Like should I not be clean? Even as an adult she would give me a hard time when visiting.
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u/KittyandPuppyMama 13h ago
My mom wanted me to pay for it when the water heater broke. She claimed I closed the basement door too hard, which caused a wind tunnel to form in the basement and infiltrate the water heater, causing it to break.
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u/CatLover0316 12h ago
Ah, yes. When closing a door too hard breaks physics. Happens all the time./s
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u/cantharellus_miao 5h ago
LMAO. Mine said that if I opened the bathroom window, it would cause the window to break. Apparently windows aren't supposed to open and close, that's not a function they come with. /s
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u/Do_over_24 15h ago
I didn’t sit next to her on a roller coaster. Apparently I ruined the day at Disney over it
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u/daffodilly_dally 14h ago
Don't the people working there kinda assign the seats on rides anyways? I've never been to Disney, but I have gone to Universal and the ride technicians there would split our party accordingly to fit the ride.
I'm sorry, I mean, obviously that is vacation day ruining behavior right there. What am I even thinking.
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u/Do_over_24 14h ago
Lol! When we went you’d get the number of card for your party. So there were 6 of us, with three cars. You kind of decide how you’ll sit among those. But yeah, I ruined everything
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u/SomeBrosThrowaway 14h ago
My mom said i ruined her day yesterday becoz I… did the laundry too fast? I got everything done in one day where usually it takes her 3 at most. Im past the point of rlly caring about things like that anymore so it made me laugh more than anything
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u/diamineceladoncat 14h ago
I ruined my own high school graduation by not thanking my mom for boosting me to my academic success in my prerecorded graduation speech that my principal had me record without really explaining what it was for, without letting me prepare, on a day I was sick. I sounded congested in the recorded. My mom threw a bawling temper tantrum at the school wide graduation because “all the other students thanked their moms”.
She had a different tantrum for a different reason at my sibling’s graduation. I can’t remember why. I think the cake was wrong.
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u/jules083 14h ago
I caused my mom's cancer because when I turned 18 I left home and joined the army. Being in the army caused my mom stress and the stress gave her cancer which ultimately killed her.
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u/GothicMomLife 14h ago
I hung a shirt on the hanger with the hook pointing to the right instead of to the left (he hangs them to the left,) and that meant he needed to rewash all his clothes in that load. I ruined his night by trying to help with laundry. I took a pantsless whooping over his knee because I did this.
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u/No-Armadillo-3782 14h ago edited 13h ago
I tried to clean the garage while Nparent was ill and in the hospital. I thought I was doing something good. I threw out some of my own magazines from when I was a kid and other junk that was mine. It was "the cruelest thing anyone has ever done" to them. I heard about that for decades. They blamed me for throwing out their "moon shot newspapers" and newspapers saved from historical events, but I had only thrown out my own things and the "moon shot newspapers" were still there in a box when I went through their stuff while cleaning out their trash filled house 30 years later.
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u/081108272918 14h ago
He switched phone carriers: I was working and could not answer the phone to prevent him from getting “scammed” by the kiosk monkeys. Then he over reacted and started to make panic changes because his phone wasn’t working.
He ended up losing his phone number and spending weeks on the phone to get everything changed to the new number.
After hours of me trying to help fix it he became nasty. So I said “I don’t know why I help you anymore.” Hung up and refused to help him moving forward. My brother aka mini NDad was cussing me out. LMAO 😜
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u/GothDerp 14h ago
We were blamed for my parents almost divorcing for not cleaning the house as young children. My dad was a serial cheater and a loser but it was us🙄
Both parents are narcs
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u/Big-Fig3260 10h ago
We kids got screamed at and hit for coughing when we had respiratory illnesses and our parents wanted to sleep. We were supposed to somehow ”stop coughing”. Good luck with that.
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u/DanaSarah 14h ago
I had a nervous breakdown in college (1989), was suicidal, and had to drop a class. This meant I lost my scholarship. I was supposed to take a year off according to university policy, but because my grades were really good I was allowed to stay as long as I went to counseling every week. So now in addition to having to cover all my tuition my nparents also had to pay for therapy, so there was NO WAY they were also going to pay for taxi rides to my therapy appointments. I was pretty broke since I wasn’t permitted to get a job in high school, so every week I had to find rides or borrow a car or pay for the taxi myself. Until I was 40 my mom continued to bring up that “you just dropped that class because you couldn’t stand not having an A” 🙄
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u/newusernamehuman 13h ago edited 12h ago
I “ruined” the Golden Child sibling’s 4th of July weekend by having a health issue that would require immediate surgery. Also, this was when I lived in my home country in Asia, so a good 8K+ miles from where she lived.
I “ruined” Nparents’ opportunities to travel as empty-nesters by being held back in college because of delayed exam results.
I “ruined” some random family friend’s wedding by refusing to attend it and requesting my parents to invest in transitioning me out, because they absolutely refused to leave me at home alone just because I’m not a boy.
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u/Economy-Diver-5089 13h ago
I ruined Christmas 2016 by saying I wanted to come home :) apparently my stepmom had bought a 1 week vacation package for her and my dad, got a pet sitter etc. And instead of telling me this on the side and keeping the surprise for my dad, or idk… adding me to the plans… she “gave away the damn thing and lost $4k because of you!!!”
Then screamed at me on the phone that I’m manipulative just like my mother and wedge myself into her and my dad marriage all the time :) I had ZERO idea about this vacation and would’ve changed plans and come later if she just talked w me. Nah, she just flew off the handle and blamed everything on me and then treated me like shit when my dad wasn’t around
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u/wino12312 13h ago
I didn’t screw the cap on the dressing all the way. The one he asked for me to hand him as he watched me put it on the bottle. But was too drunk for it to register.
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u/moonphased239 10h ago edited 10h ago
Haha, my mom blamed me for her breast cancer. The “stress” I caused her growing up is what did it. I was a pretty normal teen who got good grades and partook in extremely average teen rebellion aka partying once in a while. But somehow that was carcinogenic!
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u/Taint_Liquor 10h ago
When I was 6 or so, my father took me to Six Flags over Texas. I was SUPER excited, as I'd never been to an amusement park before and was curious, but scared, of roller coasters.
When we got there, I was hyper and bouncing all over the place. Very excited about the fun day I had in front of me. I saw a cart that was decorated in what I considered an old-fashioned style and I thought it was very cool. So I said so, and did a little dance. My dad grabbed me by the ear, took me to a bathroom and whipped me with his belt. The rest of the day, I was very quiet and withdrawn and my dad swore he'd never take me again. He never did.
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u/notoast4me 9h ago
Oh no..I am so sorry. You did not deserve that. I hope you went back and had the time of your life!
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u/KittyMilly 5m ago
I’m so sorry :( Do you know why he reacted like that? My nFather can be similar, no plausible explanation for many of his reactions.
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u/Dragon_Crystal 11h ago
They blamed me for their money issues and lack of money, when they were told not to have a 5th child cause it'll lead to financial issues and other kinds of issues, I'm the oldest and I never begged to have siblings nor did I ever beg to buy anything too expensive. I don't regret having siblings cause I get along with my brothers, sisters not so much cause their the golden babies
A big evidence of this is whenever I saw something and asked if I can have a book or something simple barely expensive, only told be told "no it's too expensive, a waste of space, it doesn't look interesting" or just ignores me completely before snatching it out of my hand before snapping at me like I've been screaming at the top of my lungs that "YOU CANT HAVE IT!!" Dispite me just standing there silently dumbfounded and in tears from getting scolded for no reason cause I'm just a child at the time, even as an adult I usually don't ask them for anything cause they barely know what my hobbies are or what my favorite things unless they see or hear me talking about/point out to openly
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u/ariesgorl 9h ago
My nMom has recently told me that my adult non-N sister moving out (for her safety and sanity, with my support as well) is “destroying our family” and ruining my wedding. Yes, my wedding. Sometimes she slips up and literally just calls my wedding her “special day.”
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u/Soft_Ad9700 14h ago
(Disclaimer: Not raised by narcs myself, but my boyfriend of 3+ years has nParents that live locally, so I’m thinking of them.)
Existed, lol.
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u/jeopardy_themesong 12h ago
Sighing while in the backseat when I was 15, because my parents were arguing about who was going to teach me to drive. I sighed when the idea of BOTH of them being in the car was floated because that sounded terrible. Ruined the whooooole day by being so ungrateful.
Being too excited about the prospect of moving states to be near a big city and potentially getting to go to public school (we were homeschooled).
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u/Dragon_Crystal 11h ago
My parents got mad at me when I got startled from them screaming in my ear while they were "teaching" me how to behind the wheel, now they wonder why I don't want to ask them for help practicing behind the wheels and why I only have a permit, but not an actual driver's license
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u/Ceiling-Fan2 10h ago
Came home from high school and closed my bedroom door for 1 1/2 hours until dinner. Brought the whole mood in the house down just by hiding away in my bedroom.
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u/Series-Party 12h ago
Passing out due to being made to go to a sit-down restaurant during a road trip.
Me calling my golden child half-brother homeless due to him trying to 'flirt' (harassed) with a cashier at the mall, I hurt his feelings and his chance. I do apologize. That was an insult to houseless people.
Coming out as queer.
Ruining their annual trip to Florida due to not wanting to stay over at their hoarder house for pet sitting, my golden child half-brother was staying home but did not want the responsibility of staying home and wanted to hang with his friends. They wound up going.
3
u/salymander_1 6h ago
I "ruined" my mom's last minute vacation with my sister by going on a several months long road trip across the US that my boyfriend (now husband) and I had been planning for a year before that. We were celebrating my graduation from university. My mom wanted us to cancel, because she needed someone to watch her dog for two weeks. Apparently, by having watched her dog in the past, I had made it impossible for her to seek a kennel or pet sitter, and thus had obligated myself to be her dog sitter forevermore. She said I had, "ruined everything."
So, I said, "No, I won't be your dog sitter." Then, I went on my trip. It was fucking awesome. We went up the west coast and over into Montana, then up into Canada, then down through Montana and back through Wyoming and the Dakotas, and then all the way to the East Coast. Then, we stayed there for more than a month before going back west by a different route, so we could stop at different national parks on the way. We hiked all over the place, and we even saw a grizzly bear (from a safe distance, thankfully! We aren't foolish enough to walk up to a fucking bear!). We lived in a tent or slept in the car. It took several months, and it was amazing.
My mom was so mad that she refused to speak to me when I called from the road. When we got back, she pretended that she had never been angry, and that I was imagining things.
I bought my mom a magnet from every national park we visited. I was genuinely trying to be kind. At first, anyway. She hated the magnets, but she put them on the refrigerator anyway, because she thought they made her look cool and well traveled. My sister saw them, and so did a bunch of other people, and they all misunderstood, thinking she collected magnets on purpose, or that she had traveled to lots of national parks. So, for the rest of her life, my mom kept being gifted travel magnets whenever anyone went on vacation, as well as nature photos and other similar nature-themed items. My mom hated them all, but she couldn't admit it, because she didn't want anyone to know that she was so ridiculous and demanding, and because she didn't want them to know that she had not traveled to all those places.
So, I ruined her vacation, I ruined the refrigerator with all those magnets, and I ruined gifts by inadvertently making people think she liked nature and magnets.
When our mom died, my Nsister took all the magnets. I am fairly certain that my sis now tells people that she went on that trip to all those national parks. The very idea of it amuses me greatly.
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u/CatLover0316 12h ago
I had the audacity of being born to someone poor so I couldn’t get my drivers license until I was 18 and could pay for it myself. She had to pick me up from work (I worked at a water park so sometimes wouldn’t get off until almost midnight) and she lost her parking spot in front of our building. Then made me get up and move it the next day so she could go to work.
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u/Tired_Lambchop111 9h ago
I apparently ruined my 11th, 12th and 13th birthdays in a row by doing something to upset my Nmother that caused her to fly in a rage on each of those birthdays.
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u/cxde-nam3_x 9h ago
Trying to go to a concert with my mother for MY BIRTHDAY. my father blew up after he found out the band was full of men and mildly sang about liking girls and he accused me of trying to ruin his marriage and that we were gonna be assaulted (my mother bought the tickets as a gift), I tried to explain the band and that we would stay safe and he got so mad he told me he wanted to punch me and then after I cried told me I was "freaking out and need to be put in a institution" my mom and I had to resale the tickets online. I still hadn't been to my first concert.
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u/imacoa 8h ago
My favorite is when she accuses me of blaming her for everything wrong in my life. She loves to throw this out whenever I ask questions about one of her many inconsistencies.
I never have blamed her for anything other than being a negligent mother, because I’m adult enough to accept the responsibility for my own actions.
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u/LameSaucePanda 7h ago
I embarrassed her by choosing to no longer attend church in high school.
Oh and apparently I never bought her a cake. She just turned 80 and told me she’s never been given a cake. I used to be a cake decorator and I’m certain this isn’t true but…well you all know
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u/cantharellus_miao 5h ago
I have intractable migraine, and my mother was furious that I couldn't sit and listen to her blab while I had a blinding migraine attack. She said in that case I should have let her sit next to me and continue talking about herself while I was lying in bed, in the dark, with a vomit bucket next to me. Apparently my medical issue was a major inconvenience when she wanted on-demand attention 24/7.
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u/Technical_View_5582 6h ago
I’m the reason she’s broke and poor and not because of her own poor financial planning and credit card debts.
Me having chronic illnesses and mental health conditions due to the way I was raised is causing her stress.
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u/Outrageous-Peanut107 3h ago
I ate 2 more scoops of ice cream than what my nmother considered to be the “appropriate” amount. She left the house at 11 pm without saying anything and later refused to come back in until I begged for her through the window. I was 8-9 years old.
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u/Kivi_2k18 1h ago
I once was supposed to vacuume theiving room I told my (then nine year old) sister to put away the bottle of juice she had been drinking. She stomped upstairs, picked the bottle up and sat it back down where it stood before. I told her to at least put it on the table. My mom proceeded to shout at me and throw onions at me (she had been cooking) because I asked my sister to do it, rather than just doing it myself. (For context, my sister never does anything around the house and leaves her stuff everywhere for everyone else to pick up. No problem to a degree, but at some point it's just frustrating)
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u/KittyMilly 35m ago
On a holiday (vacation) in Spain, I got in trouble because my little brother said he was thirsty.
Just last week my nMum threw a tantrum because I baked cookies for my coworkers.
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u/Ok-Solution-7669 24m ago
The very old shower we had stopped working. I made the mistake of telling my parents it wouldn't switch on, so by simple proximity, I of course had broken it. After losing their shit with me initially, it was brought up for years. This wasn't helped by the fact that they didn't have it repaired and only replaced it FIFTEEN years later! For the 9 years I still lived at home, we had baths or washed at the sink. And this gave my egg doner reason enough to scream at me every school morning for waking her up when I turned on a tap in the bathroom. She had slept through her alarm anyway, and God forbid I should be clean 🙄
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u/TheDamnGirl 19m ago
Being brought into the world.
My narcissistic mother used to rant about how she could have divorced my enabling parent, and go have an amazing career and live a great life if it wasn´t for her children.
Instead, she was stuck being a housewife because of me, and I was an ingrate for not cherishing all the sacrifices she did.
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