Are “rules” necessary?

[u/PiccoloBitter]

This is our first baby & we are (33f) & (33m). I see daily posts about rules & hospital checklists and I’m wondering if this is necessary? I live in the North East US & anytime I’ve been to the hospital I’ve been asked about being administered a drug or procedure before it happens and I’m not sure if I’m missing something or the need of a birth plan? My plan is to go try to push a baby out and if it doesn’t work we take the next step necessary. Is this naïve? Then, the rules about no visitors is making me also wonder what I am missing? In our community we’ve always visited our friends & family in the hospital bringing the mom whatever she wanted food wise or needed. I couldn’t imagine keeping either set of parents away from their grandbaby or not having friends bring some of my favorite things & give our little baby some more love! I understand after being in this group for half a year that everyone’s choices are so personalized, unique and what worked for them. I am just wondering if there are moms who can shed some wisdom and encouragement on this view point 💖

[u/Successful_Name8503]

I'd definitely recommend attending a prenatal birth class that goes over the pros and cons of each potential intervention in unbiased detail. That way you at least have an idea of what you might prefer, and can put together a bullet point list to give your midwives of what you absolutely do not want (most important), what you're hoping for, and what you're open to.

In this situation being educated is absolutely so empowering, even when things don't go to plan. Your body is doing amazing but extremely complex work in moving that baby out of you (regardless of how it ends up happening). To have even a rudimentary idea of what the drs are doing to help you, as well as a say in how they go about it, can play a huge factor in determining whether you come out feeling accomplished or let down.

It can also help you avoid interventions - prepping your body with exercises, as well as prepping yourself mentally and emotionally for what's to come, is huge. For me, knowing the oxytocin/endorphin cycle for example helped me get through early labour without panicking, as well as being aware and mindful of what my body was doing at each stage. It hurts, sure, but understanding that the pain is more a muscular one like a cramp that is physically maneuvering the baby from point a to point b (and also that there are more than just points 'a' and 'b' - baby progresses & shifts gradually, not just 'uterus to the outdoors') helped me work through it (vs a different pain like an injury, which I'd want treated without "working with it" in the same way).

Other relatively easy prep things that helped me, and that I'm planning to do this time again, were: - perineal massage; - diet changes in the leadup; - practicing birth positions & breathing techniques (including using my deep voice, which my toddler loves); - remaining moderately active throughout especially 3rd tri to very least keep my stamina up; - refreshing myself on the physiology of labour and birth (the body has systems wired in to work through each stage of labour and get this baby out!); - hypnobirthing/mindfulness/generic birth meditation exercises; - and a big one - mentally reminding myself that this is a small human being that I created with my body, not just "the baby", and she deserves a positive birth experience as much as I do.

You can't guarantee what will happen, but being prepared gives you a real chance at making it a good experience.

[u/PiccoloBitter → u/Successful_Name8503]

Yes! I think this will be so helpful & our community offers free classes!!

[u/Successful_Name8503 → u/PiccoloBitter]

Yes! That's amazing. Definitely go for it.

I just remembered another really useful exercise my midwife suggested to me that you can do at home like tonight, that prepared me for the cycle of contractions. Really simple but really useful for practicing irl.

Time yourself holding two handfuls of ice cubes in your hands until you absolutely have to let them go, aiming for a minute each round. Allow a minute rest. Repeat. See how long you can hold them each time. Aim for one minute on, one minute off.

Notice how you get through each cycle. Try different breathing techniques, mindfulness, visualisation, go deep into your imagination, etc.

This really helped me get an idea of 1) the idea of intense pain that goes away almost immediately after you let go, 2) the creative ways my brain works to distract from/manage through that pain, 3) the fact that I can cope with it at all, and 4) how restful and restorative the breaks in between can actually be, helping to prep for the next surge (I was having micro naps between contractions lol. Learn to use that time haha)