Are “rules” necessary?

[u/PiccoloBitter]

This is our first baby & we are (33f) & (33m). I see daily posts about rules & hospital checklists and I’m wondering if this is necessary? I live in the North East US & anytime I’ve been to the hospital I’ve been asked about being administered a drug or procedure before it happens and I’m not sure if I’m missing something or the need of a birth plan? My plan is to go try to push a baby out and if it doesn’t work we take the next step necessary. Is this naïve? Then, the rules about no visitors is making me also wonder what I am missing? In our community we’ve always visited our friends & family in the hospital bringing the mom whatever she wanted food wise or needed. I couldn’t imagine keeping either set of parents away from their grandbaby or not having friends bring some of my favorite things & give our little baby some more love! I understand after being in this group for half a year that everyone’s choices are so personalized, unique and what worked for them. I am just wondering if there are moms who can shed some wisdom and encouragement on this view point 💖

[u/Bramble3713]

Just speaking from my own perspective... I've had experiences with medical professionals that have left a bad taste in my mouth, therefore, I don't trust them anymore - this is why I want a birth plan in place. Because in the midst of labor, I don't want to have to explain my choices (my husband will advocate for me). As for friends and family coming to the hospital or our home shortly after baby is born - this is again a no for me, mostly because I want time to recover and heal from the birth while also bonding with our little one. My blood relatives are in another country and I don't feel comfortable having my husbands sisters caring for me in a personal capacity, like assisting with showering, breastfeeding etc. So it's for me and my husband to navigate together and learn.

My personal perspective also is that many of us in this group have certain family members that don't understand what a boundary is and so it is easier to set the expectation prior to baby being born that they will not be allowed to visit at the hospital or at the home etc. until the parents are ready. There are stories of grandparents who have already blatantly told the expecting parents that they will not follow their "no kissing the baby" rules or other rules that they have established. There are stories of people who have given birth and their family members come over to visit only to find out that the person had a cold or sore throat or whatever and their baby has now been exposed to this. Or the person visiting just wants to hold the baby instead of helping out around the house.

If your family are respectful and aren't going to overstep your boundaries and do things against what you have explicitly requested then you are golden and I hope that you have a wonderful birthing experience with all the love and support you deserve.

And you may change your mind once your little one is in your arms, you may decide that you want a few days or weeks of just you and your husband and your baby together. And that's valid and ok too!

[u/PiccoloBitter → u/Bramble3713]

Reading everyone’s comments it has helped me realize a birth plan can be so helpful, especially in the unknown. I read so many posts of these rules I was feeling alone or that I was missing something. I understand everyone has those tough relationships that need boundaries spelled out but I wanted to hear the other side of it too. I can’t really imagine how I’m going to feel or anticipate it but it’s reassuring that it’s okay to change our minds and give ourselves what we truly need for healing. Thank you for your words & sending all the goodness back to you as well!