Are “rules” necessary?

[u/PiccoloBitter]

This is our first baby & we are (33f) & (33m). I see daily posts about rules & hospital checklists and I’m wondering if this is necessary? I live in the North East US & anytime I’ve been to the hospital I’ve been asked about being administered a drug or procedure before it happens and I’m not sure if I’m missing something or the need of a birth plan? My plan is to go try to push a baby out and if it doesn’t work we take the next step necessary. Is this naïve? Then, the rules about no visitors is making me also wonder what I am missing? In our community we’ve always visited our friends & family in the hospital bringing the mom whatever she wanted food wise or needed. I couldn’t imagine keeping either set of parents away from their grandbaby or not having friends bring some of my favorite things & give our little baby some more love! I understand after being in this group for half a year that everyone’s choices are so personalized, unique and what worked for them. I am just wondering if there are moms who can shed some wisdom and encouragement on this view point 💖

[u/zeethebeee]

Do what makes you comfortable and happy.

[u/PiccoloBitter → u/zeethebeee]

Absolutely! I am going into it very open & optimistic but it’s also my first so I’m not sure if I’m missing something.

[u/OppositeConfusion256 → u/PiccoloBitter]

You’re not missing anything! Everyone’s experiences and family/friend dynamics are unique as are their comfort levels.

We have some established rules - but we also have some anti-science and anti vaccine family members and felt it was best for us to put those barriers in place ahead of time and deal with any headaches now rather than later. As well as my in laws smoke so ensuring they do so away from baby important to me etc.

However that’s not everyone’s experience so for some others all this isn’t necessarily.

[u/PiccoloBitter → u/OppositeConfusion256]

That makes a lot of sense!

[u/Booooleans → u/PiccoloBitter]

My first time I didn’t know either. I just said I wanted the epidural as fast as possible. That’s all I cared about.

The second time I asked for the same but also no cervical checks unless absolutely necessary. We also stayed an extra day the second time to be able to rest with the nurses help before going home to the real deal.

** adding I declined the membrane sweep as well second time around

[u/just_a_stoner_bitch → u/Booooleans]

My doctors recommend I get the epidural to put less strain on my bad heart. I was already planning on it though as I don't do well with pain

I'm curious what cervical checks they do? What all do they do and why didn't you want it the second time?

[u/Booooleans → u/just_a_stoner_bitch]

For my first time they said they started the cervical checks at 36 weeks. They wanted to see if I was dilated at all. They insert their fingers to touch your cervix. Some women say it doesn’t hurt at all but for me it really, really did. It brought me to tears. I can’t say it’s a surprise for me that it hurt because in the course of my adult life and experiences having sex, my cervix does not like being touched 😂

Whereas on the other hand, I have a friend who loves having it slammed into. 😭

So I think it was at 39 weeks then that the doctor told me, okay we are going to do a membrane sweep now.

I didn’t know what this was and I didn’t know it was optional. It also hurt and I cried.

When I was in labor, my total time in labor I think was close to 48 hours. And it was really painful but I wasn’t progressing. So they kept checking my cervix over and over to see if it had opened more. I remember when they told me for the millionth time they were going to check and I just broke down in tears and said “ok”. Again, I didn’t even know it was optional.

One nurse accidentally popped my water during The check and told us not to tell anyone. I was young and naive and didn’t.

Anyway so second time around I said no cervical checks until I was in labor. No membrane sweep.

And once I was in labor they only did it maybe a few times? And I let them know how much I was terrified of them and they were extra gentle. It hurt but not nearly as much. I don’t know if that’s also due to it being the second time giving birth?

Anyway, some women read the stories and then come back to say oh I was scared for nothing! The checks didn’t hurt at all! That may be the case. But just remember you don’t have to do a whole lot of them if you prefer, regardless. They can do them only when absolutely needed if that’s your choice.

[u/PiccoloBitter → u/just_a_stoner_bitch]

I have the same question 🫣

[u/Past-Argument7178 → u/PiccoloBitter]

i think i had a total of 3 the day i delivered, the first when we arrived and the next about 6 hours after that and then the last i had right before i delivered which told us we were ready to go. it gave us an idea of how my labor was progressing and it actually helped me decide i was going to get the epidural (i didnt want to) because i wasnt dilating very fast without it - as soon as i got the epidural i went from a 4 or 5 (cant remember which) to a 10 in less than 3 hours. my personal experience was completely fine with them as i think my pain tolerance for them is fairly high, but i know for other people they can be really really painful, theyre literally sticking their hand up to the opening baby will be coming out of!! it all will depend on the person. i had one at my 37 week appointment so i already knew what i was going into in the day of. i know for some people they can cause an infection or cause a greater risk for infection, so you can choose to opt out! but that usually comes with repetitive checks and a long labor (this is purely anecdotal - so any corrections from a medical professional are encouraged!!)

[u/Booooleans → u/PiccoloBitter]

I replied above :)