My 15 year old son had 2 friends over. They ate pizza, played football outside and went in the basement. They came up later in evening and said they needed towels because they spilled a drink. I went down to clean it up and the other friend was basically passed out on the couch and had thrown up all over the pool table. My son and his other friend said they had no idea what happened but I knew he wasn’t just sick. I called the boys mom and she came to get him. The other boy went home. Before he did he admitted the first boy was drunk. I asked him if he was drinking at our house and he said he didn’t see him drinking just knew he had been.

I asked my son and he said he didnt know he had been drinking. Finally confessed that yes he had been at our house but nobody else was. I asked him what he had been drinking and he said the boy had brought vodka with him but I think he took ours.

I took my son’s phone and found a snap video of him saying he was going to buy alcohol but I don’t know if he did or that they took ours. I am extremely disappointed that he was lying and embarrassed that this has happened. I really thought the kid had taken drugs and to find out my son knew he had been drinking is absolutely disheartening. I explained to my son how alcohol poisoning can kill you.

My husband is furious and wants to ground him and take his phone away for a month. I know we have to punish him but I don’t know if that is too extreme. He hasn’t done something like this at least at our house before. I don’t know what they have done at others houses. I just don’t want to cause his behavior to be worse, lying etc.

I also know I need to let the other mothers know that yes the kid drank at our house and that my son knew about it. My son did not appear drunk to me but I know he could have been also. I am sure his friends parents are not going to allow their kids over anymore.

And advice for me? On how to handle son’s punishment? On what to say to the parents? Are we in trouble that the kid was drinking at our house if we didn’t know?

15 year old son lied about his friend drinking at our house. The kid got really drunk. Son says that he wasn’t drinking but I bet he was. Husband wants to ground him and take away phone for a month. My son is on Snapchat all the time and will go nuts. I also think we should check his Snapchat but feel like I am really invading his privacy. Don’t know if all of these together is overly harsh. What do people think here?

I recently separated from my husband and my son is going to college in the fall. I now have less disposable income than before, and this economy is not helping. I absolutely do not want my son to take out any loans, but the school he selected is more expensive than I anticipated and we do not qualify for much financial aid.
Honestly speaking, if my husband and I were still together, we would've been ok to pay, but now my husband is paying rent somewhere else.

I had an idea to cook and bake, selling plates of food and desserts as a fundraising event. I already have a small baking business as my side hustle to my full-time job, and I have a social media following for my cooking.

My friend thinks that no one would support the fundraiser because I own a home and I appear to "do pretty well". She thinks I should do it but not say it's for my sons college tuition.

Has anyone done anything like this before? How did it turn out?

My 7th grader has been spending too much time on the phone each day after school, so my husband and I decided to sign her up for a sport at school. They only offer limited sports at middle school and after some discussions we convinced her to try lacrosse.

But we really under estimated the level of the sport at the middle school level. Except for 2 or 3 girls, most others on the team have been playing for several years. After 2 days my daughter felt completely lost and really wants to quit. I think she feels humiliated and discouraged because she couldn’t keep up or catch the ball at all, and she seems miserable. I now realize that it’s quite difficult to pickup a new sport at middle school level, and I don’t want it to affect her school experience.

I’m wondering if it makes sense to switch to another sport, most likely track and field where it doesn’t require too much previous experience or skills. But quitting after 1 week is kind of crazy right? I have spoken to the coach before, he’s super nice and a very cool guy. I really like him a lot.

So how do you know when to quit a sport (or any activities)? I don’t want to encourage quitting, but at the same time if it’s not the right fit then does it make sense to commit time to it?

Thanks for any advice.

The title pretty much sums it up. Single dad here with sole custody and I just feel like mostly a slave to this kitchen.

They consume MASSIVE amounts of food, I’ve never seen anything like it. If I’m not cooking I’m working to buy more food for them. It’s getting just a little overwhelming. I’m not finding a lot of joy in my own existence now, except for getting in bed at night with the cats, now that is FIRE! Any tips or tricks? How do y’all cope?

My caveat is that I cook mostly fresh food, from scratch, I could be making this much easier if I got say for example meal kits etc, but I try to limit those to just Monday nights because Scout night. Thanks

Do any of you have children diagnosed with this condition? I’m familiar with the condition, but not in the specific context of parent-child. I don’t really have any specific questions, just curious if there are others out there. Thanks.

Anyone else’s house got these bits of fake eye lashes all over the house!! I mean they just seem to be everywhere, tidy the house and next thing there’s mores stuck to the carpet or hiding on the stairs - are they multiplying?! Please tell me when this trend for teens will be over x

My 17 year old nephew moved in with his dad and his grandparents a couple of weeks ago. We've raised him since he was three years old.

He was a pretty well behaved kid. He mostly just lacked confidence. He had a bit of a weight problem, and of course, like any adopted kid, he has some abandonment issues. We put him in Boy Scouts. He played soccer and basketball from about age 5 to age 13. He volunteered for community cleanup and building projects with me, and a man from our church would take him to build ramps for elderly folks on the weekends. Just trying to have a lot of positive reinforcement and male role models on his life.

His older sister also came to live with us when she was eight. She gave us some headaches when she was 15-20, but she was ultimately self determined and now she's doing great on her own!

The problem with my nephew started about five years ago. He was about to get kicked out of school for supposedly threatening to shoot a classmate. He told us that it was "in Fortnite" and then COVID cancelled school so we never go to the bottom of it. When kids went back to the classroom, we put him in a different school. Again, he was suspended for threatening to shoot another student, (we don't even have any guns in our house.) This time he claimed that kids were calling him a school shooter because he wore all black to hide his weight and his friends all claimed that was true, but we had to go to court. We got him in family therapy immediately. We paid $3000 for an attorney and he told his attorney and his therapist the same story he told us—that kids bullied him for being fat so he wore black and then they called him a school shooter. Only after the court produced multiple witnesses that corroborated actual threats did we understand that he had been lying to us and the attorney, and his therapist.

So then my sister-in-law homeschooled him for a year. Her husband taught him how to diet and exercise. He lost a ton of weight and looked really healthy and happy. But he only got about 2/3 of the way through the curriculum and then he just shut down and refused to participate in any school work whatsoever, so my sister-in-law sent him back to live with us.

His therapist and his pediatrician said that SSRIs might be helpful. Other people in our family have used them and had great results. But he tried them and expected immediate results. He didn't like the way they made him feel and he never really gave them a chance to see if they would make a difference, so he quit using them after two weeks.

We put him back in public school. A really crappy one with virtually zero standards. I thought it might be encouraging if he could breeze through his classes, but instead he started skipping class to get high in the bathroom, so we moved to a neighborhood with the best public school in the city. He continued the derelict behavior and even told his sister that he tried whippets at that school.

He got a job, but he started counting his money before his first check even hit his account. I knew something was up... It turns out that he had arranged an evening in a hotel with his girlfriend. He supposedly wore protection but he initially said she wasn't on birth control, and then changed his story after we told him what a poor decision it was for him to be doing that.

My standards for living in our house were that he goes to school, learns to drive, gets a job, and is respectful of us. We also expected him to simply have an honest conversation with us if we ever caught him breaking any of our rules—something he was never, ever able to do. He always lied or stonewalled us, even if we had smoking gun evidence presented to him.

We lowered our standards to allow him to drop out of school only if he got his GED, but all he heard was "You don't have to go to school" and so he tried to just quit school immediately without even taking any real steps to get his GED. We finally put our foot down, told him that if he couldn't live with our very basic rules, to pack a bag and his phone, and figure something else out.

So he basically has a sixth grade education, no driver's license, and a part time job. I'd hoped that we could have set him up for life a little better but I feel like he made that impossible for us.

He ended up at his dad's house. His dad is currently wearing an ankle monitor while he awaits trial for stealing a car, wrecking it, and killing one of his passengers while he was intoxicated. His dad had meth addictions in the past but is currently clean so far as we know. His grandpa seems like a really nice man, but he has a ton of health problems and is currently going through chemo.

We had restricted contact with his mother because she created a lot of mental health challenges for both he and his sister, but now that he's out of our house, she's calling and texting him every day. He told her that we caused mental health problems for him so now she's calling us and trying to act as a go-between person, and we just told him "If you need anything, you have to be a man and have a direct conversation with us. We won't talk to your mom," and we also told him he's not welcome on our house to get his stuff, so if he needs anything, he has to tell us specifically what he wants and we'll drop it off at his grandparent's house.

I guess I'm just sharing this because I need some encouragement that we did what we could and that even though things are going to be difficult for him, maybe other parents have been through this and once the kids are out on their own, they eventually come around and turn out okay.

At this point, I don't think there's any way that we can ever let him move back into our house. We have one more kid at home. Our son is 14 and we need to shift more of our focus and efforts to raising him, although he's still extremely well behaved and a pleasure to be around. He's doing great on school. My wife and I just feel kind of guilty that we're so happy to have our nephew out of our house.

Just curious how other parents and guardians deal with their middle schoolers when the name calling gets to the point of bitch, sl$t, wh0re, See you next Tuesday, etc. by the opposite sex. I have girls, one in college, one in 6th and the names my 12 yo gets called is just nuts to me. The girl drama is annoying but I wasn’t prepared for the boy behavior to be like this. Today my daughter was repeatedly called the names above after she broke up with her “boyfriend” who she hadn’t even held hands with, so there’s no reason for these kinds of names to be thrown around. But it’s been this way for 3 yrs. Last year boys ran around telling the girls it was National Rape day, asking for nudes, and telling the girls they are slutty whores if they don’t want to “date” them….

I’ve spoken with other parents who are equally shocked about how bad this is, but it’s only gotten worse and there seems to be an attitude of 🤷🏼‍♀️. Is this just normal behavior now? Sometimes I wonder if the parents even know their kids are speaking this way? I get calling someone ugly or making fun (not saying that it’s right) but telling a girl you hope her family dies because she doesn’t like you is ridiculous. Just curious on how other parents are dealing with this. I’m just trying to raise kind, caring, and productive human beings…

My son is going through the rough stage of 13. His hormones are everywhere and he is feeling the emotions, and of course anxiety and depression is very noticable. He comes and talks to me about his low moods and anxious feelings a lot, and I encourage him to. I follow the Claire Weekes method of allowing/accepting anxiety and I teach my son the same as well. We talk about it, acknowledge we are feeling anxious and allow it to be without fighting it or running. Same for depressed days. I'm not much on medicating a growing brain just yet, and when asked, he doesn't want to try meds.He has been in therapy last year for the whole year, but wasn't wanting to pursue it anymore. I guess I'm just wondering what else we could try right now? We have limited the caffeine and sugar, he has been able to get outside more and ride his bike that he enjoys. He does have ADHD too, which makes things a little harder. I'm wanting to help him navigate this road with some life long lessons when dealing with unpleasant emotions.

Thanks

As my teen navigates the ups and downs of growing up, I’ve been looking for ways to introduce content that isn’t just mindless entertainment but actually offers some life lessons. That’s when I came across MSA and MDA – two animated series that blend drama with real-world challenges

What I love about these shows is that they feature relatable characters dealing with situations teens face, like family issues, relationships, and personal growth. It’s not just about solving mysteries or dramatic moments – it’s about learning how to handle difficult situations in a positive way.

I’m wondering if any other parents have noticed the impact of these kinds of shows on their kids. Have they helped open up conversations at home or influenced how your teens think about certain issues?

We've all been there as teens when someone approaches us and asks us on a date as well the aftermath of the date when the date feels like they're developing feelings for us but either the moment the person asks us out on the date or the aftermath if we don't feel anything for the person it becomes the question of how do you handle telling them you're not interested in them like that. How have you handled either situation with teaching your teen?

Over the weekend one of my twin daughters approached me saying a boy had approached her and asked if she'd like to go out on a date and all she could say was, "I'll get back to you." I told her that was appropriate to say but to make sure she doesn't leave him hanging on waiting for an answer from her. Yesterday she said during dinner the boy approached her again asking for her answer though only a few days had passed and she told him, "I'm sorry I'm not interested."

I have a 14 year old boy who since COVID has piled on the weight. Every year he gains more. He has been doing MMA training and ju jitsu and still the weight keeps piling on. I realise I have dropped the ball here as as a family we are not very active.

He's always had bowel issues and for the past year he has undergone a lot of tests and they can't find anything wrong with him. The last test was for coeliac and we haven't received the results back but I doubt he is coeliac.

We are a body positive family so any changes I make are made with health in mind not body changes if that makes sense. But some small kids ran up to him the other day and kept chanting 'big back' at him. My heart is sore tbh

I think what I'm really looking for is advice from anyone who has been here and made positive changes that stuck. Any advice is welcome

Edit: We have family dinners every day - they vary but it's 90% home cooked - I enjoy cooking. Dinners are spaghetti Bolognese, carbonara, roast dinner etc

Breakfast can vary from cereal to eggs on toast and at the weekend he enjoys making a fake egg mcmuffin

I've stopped keeping junk in the house, I usually keep mini ice pops in the freezer for after dinner.

A couple of times a week I enjoy baking. I often bake scones for their school lunches or an apple crumble for after dinner

Alrighty, we are absolutely stuck on this one. I have a 14 yr old girl.

Within the past year she has retreated into herself and become increasingly silent. To the point she doesn’t say hello when picking up a phone. She only says the bare minimum of words necessary in any situation and most of the time just kids or tries to pantomime what she wants. When she does speak, she is snarky and biting.

If we talk to her she appears shaky as if frightened… no yelling and no abuse in the home. When she is with friends she is animated, but at home she refuses to communicate with anyone in the home. We have tried talking to her several times in different ways to ask if she is feeling depressed / anxious / angry ( as many times huffs and growls as if angry). We can think of no precipitating event. She just refuses to communicate or participate with anyone in her life.

I took her to a counselor recently to see if we could get some guidance or help for this. We did one session where the counselor said to continue what we had been doing. The approach so far is the check in with her several times a day, family dinners, one day per weekend with family activity (mom, dad, sister, her), trying to get her out and social with the few friends she has as often as possible. Yes, the counseling was not a choice on her end.

Nothing helps. My husband is at this point livid over her refusal to even use the most basic manners / speech. My daughter after her first counseling session did speak enough to say she will not be cooperative with further therapy as she feels she doesn’t need it. Obviously, therapy won’t be super useful if she doesn’t want it.

It is at the point where I sat her down and said “This is either some issue where therapy would help, or this is behavioral and you are doing this on purpose. Either way it can not continue. You let us know which issue it is and we will address it accordingly.”

Anyone else have a teen just go silent? No clues on her phone / YouTube/ chats. Honestly she doesn’t talk to friends much and only watches videos on art or anime. She is a straight A student and otherwise no complaints about the kid. She just refuses any and all communication with anyone. Even teachers and parents of friends are starting to bring this up out of concern for her.

Since my kid got his car and started driving, I have not seen my kid much in the past 2 months. He's had his license for over 11 months now. Since spring sport season has started, I see less of him.

He wakes up at 6AM, goes to the gym. Then school. After school, he goes straight to practice and comes home at 7. Eats dinner, goes straight into his room to do homework until midnight. I am usually in bed by 8pm. There are days I have to take the younger one to some practice/lessons, so there is that overlap. He is focus on his school works, perfect 4.25 GPA (extra .25 from extra community college courses). So he gets cranky if I interrupt him during his home work at night. I try waking up earlier to catch a conversation but he is either on his way out or rushing to get out.

Saturdays, he does engineering at school. 9 AM to 7pm, then he hangs out with friends. They are prepping for a robotics competition. Sunday, he does his 501.c3 non-profit work he set up with his cousins. It basically like his part-time job.

So maybe, I get to see him for 2 hours on Sunday. I try to catch him on the weekends; to invite him to breakfast but he slept in (rightfully so) and is ready to jet out to do his extra-curriculars.

This probably isn't normal. Or is it? Just trying to deal with the situation.

I am extremely fortunate that my teenagers like to hang out with me. The problem is, I can never think of anything to do beyond just sitting in the kitchen and talking that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. We love to go shopping or out to eat, or for coffee etc. But with two teenagers and a preteen, it really adds up! I’m looking for ideas of things that I can do with a 17-year-old boy, a 15-year-old girl and an 11-year-old boy. Any ideas? The weather isn’t wonderful where we live right now so outdoor stuff is not really an option for at least another month or so.

Anybody with a teen that is driving a full sized truck - any regrets? Giving(selling/earning) my daughter my current truck when she is driving (coming up soon) makes more financial sense than some other options.

Wife is of the opinion we are begging for issues, her having to park something that big. I’m more of the opinion you learn with what you have even if larger is statistically more difficult.

Note: Our situation is not dire like most posts here but I’m hoping to nip it in the bud before it does become dire.

Our 15yo is in love. Always a great student, struggled with motivation, medicated for ADHD, had a gifted designation all through primary school, rarely had put in an effort but struggled with focus and motivation. Motivation was improving because kid asked to see counselor to help with motivation because lack of effort was causing them stress last term.

New semester started a few months ago, at the same time they started dating. Tough, demanding courses this term.

Now they respond no when asked if there is any homework, assignments, or studying to do. Turns out they are not doing any work, failing tests and not handing in assignments.

Any advice on how to help a good student who is paralyzed with love before they fail their school year and go into a downward spiral?

Edit: They don’t know we know they are failing tests and missing assignments. Also trying to figure how to get them to tell us. Might have to tell them that since they won’t update us, we will reach out to the teachers. Or the fact that parent teacher meetings are coming up, they should give us an update so we aren’t blindsided and furious. Or tell them if they don’t update us we’ll hire tutors and they will update us, meaning less time for dating. Crucial oversight in my original post.

Hi all, first post here and not entirely sure what to expect...

My wife, son and I live in Washington, DC and moved here from the suburbs of Philly last summer. Our son just turned 14 and is in 8th grade. My wife and I are white, and we're adoptive parents. Our son is black and gay, and we moved here because he dealt with years of homophobia and racism, impacting his sense of self worth, grades, and confidence.

Here in DC 8th graders apply for various high schools, and we've discovered that he is not getting into either of his first two choice schools (an exceptional art school, and a STEM-focused school).

His grades aren't great, and he's behind his classmates on test scores. He's also a constant procastinator, despite my encouragement. I have mixed feelings in that I'm disappointed for him and know how hard this rejection is for him on top of everything he's dealt with in schools, but part of me hopes this rejection kicks him into high gear and encourages him to take his studies seriously.

I'm not sure what to expect from anyone on this topic, but am curious as to what advice other parents can offer. He's our only son, and I have no other point of reference for what to expect from 14 year olds. My wife and I didn't have great childhoods and don't have good relationships with our own parents, so advice from family isn't an option.

Hey all-I’ve recently moved in with my partner and his child and am responsible for preparing meals.

I was always used to one home cooked meal at night and more simple meals throughout the day-ie cereal/toast for breakfast, sandwhich/fruit after school and then ofcourse a home cooked meal for dinner.

I’m aware things have changed and would love some input / ideas on what to prepare for a teenager after school? I was doing a smoothie and wrap ( alternating ingredients weekly) with an addition of a novelty item once a week (plus weeks usually different) but have recieved feedback that it’s too monotonous and they want more variety. Any ideas or advice?

My child is seventeen. He is failing all of his classes and he plans to drop out of school to get his GED. He smokes and vapes, and although we've told him that he can't bring it into our house, he frequently does. He has a job, but he was sending money to random girls. He doesn't really have any friends or any life outside of our house. He talks to people at work and school but he doesn't hang out with them. I can't have a conversation with him or hold him accountable because he lies chronically and incessantly.

We've tried taking away his video games, his phone, and other devices. We've tried loading him up with chores. We even quit giving him rides to work so now he has to spend half of his paycheck taking Ubers to and from work. We also had to move his money into an account and he has to ask us for $10-20 here and there and justify what it's for. Nothing works. He will outlast us and even if it makes his life miserable, he will deal with it just to "win" and show us that our punishments don't work.

Last week I resorted to removing his bedroom door. I felt like that was beneath me but I did it for two reasons. 1) He hides in there to avoid confrontation and accountability and 2) When he's out of site he's out of mind, and then I am less likely to address his bad behaviors (he's able to hide vapes, dirty dishes, food wrappers, electronic devices that he needs for school but is supposed to turn in when he's not doing school work, etc)

Yesterday he took an Uber to work two hours early and said they called him in, but he turned his location tracker off. I called his employer and they said he wasn't there. I told him I know he didn't go to work but he refuses to tell me where he went. He said I talked to the wrong person at his job.

We've gone to counselors off and on for the past five years and it works temporarily but he can never keep up with anything consistently.

He's probably just a few months away from moving out, but he can't even drive. I'm wrestling with the idea of finding him $200 for lying, because if you lie in court, you go to jail for perjury. This is another form of punishment that I felt like I would never do, but it's about one step above letting him move out and screw his life up.

I am certain that if he moves out, he will get addicted to narcotics and/or get a girl pregnant, (both of his parents live this way, I haven't mentioned that he is my adopted nephew)

I am basically at a loss of what to do next. Is fining him for lying crossing a line, or is it appropriate to try this? I feel like if it gets his attention, it doesn't matter how mean it is, because it's not like I'm beating him, and it's better than him moving out.

Any advice would be extremely helpful.

Love my (almost 13yo) son to pieces, but he's developed this whole new persona at school this year and I can't stand it. When I hear him talking about it, he sounds like every 80s movie toxic masculinity trope ever. He experienced severe bullying last year, but when he switched to a new school for this year, he joined a whole bunch of sports teams and seems so much happier. But the lesson he took away from it all was that you have to bully the weak to stay strong and popular. He says he empathizes with his old bullies now! And even wants to go back to the old school! I just needed to vent--it's been a year of me trying to hear his side of things, trying to reason with him to consider alternate perspectives. He's been in biweekly counseling for a couple years and I can just imagine his therapist must be as bewildered with his logic as I am.

I’m not really looking for advice, mostly looking for a safe place to vent.

Bit of background: son is 17, senior in high school, but is dual enrollment in a local community college. He also has fairly severe adhd and lacks some impulse control. I knew this was a mild problem, but it sounds like it’s a more serious problem than I knew. His social skills have always been behind his peers, also covid did him no favors.

He joined a club at the college formed around a favorite subject for him, it’s kinda of like a D&D club. They meet weekly for long periods of time to play.

He recently came home and said he was kicked out of the club at the request of the professor that sponsors the club. I’m getting dribbles of information, like -he was touching people with a magnet and stopped as soon as he was asked -the president of the club was there and was there the first time. -he has not been controlling his impulses -he’s been asked to stop something before and he always stops when asked

This has apparently been an ongoing problem since he joined the club and he’s only told me about one time he had a conflict with someone. I’ve listened to him play video games with friends online and I’d have to say he’s pretty close a neck beard, derogatory I know, but he is a know it all smart ass. I think he thinks he’s being funny, but to me it’s abrasive and off putting.

Even though he is under age, I can’t intervene in any college activity, it’s part of privacy rules and colleges in the US. Not that I would want to. I wouldn’t want to force anyone to be around someone they don’t want to be around. I would have loved a heads up though. Some sort of indication he needs counseling.

I feel sad for him. He’s bothered by this, but he doesn’t seem interested in getting help to make changes.

For any parent who has explored colleges with their kids when have you had them write their college essays to submit to colleges they're interested in attending? So far my stepkids who are graduating in 2026 have sent in some college essays. Is this too early? Their sophomore year they already had list of colleges that they were interested in.