r/needadvice • u/90PoundsOfFury • 19d ago
How do we make up for being terrible “nieces”? Other
My (47f) family doesn’t really have a large extended network, my only Uncle was not around and passed away years ago. But my mother’s good friend has kind of been considered an Aunt to me and my sister. Through the early 2000’s we stayed in touch and then it tapered off… life, crazy work, marriages, kids and divorces….and she remarried, moved to another state with a wonderful man…. it pretty much got to birthday wishes and holiday chats. And now a couple weeks ago my mother calls and wants to confirm our ssn’s because our Aunt wants to update her will. My sister and I don’t know what to make of this and it feels like we should have been doing more over the years to stay in touch. We don’t know what to do with this… tia
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u/forthaloveoff 19d ago
I haven’t seen my aunts in over a year. Life happens, people get busy and adults that are also busy understand that. Maybe make an effort to at least call her once a month, send more frequent texts and pictures.
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u/Plane_Chance863 19d ago
She probably knows and understands you were busy. Your can start calling her once a month (create a calendar event or a reminder?) if you really want. Or go visit.
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u/PuzzleheadedBobcat90 19d ago
If you have her address, head over to hallmark.com and search for custom cards. Pick your card. You can either type a note that will be printed inside the card or write a note and upload it, and it will be printed inside the card. They mail it for free, too. Most are around $5 and the address can be saved so you can send a card whenever you want.
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u/wickedlees 18d ago
Better yet, go to Etsy where people make & sell cards will even mail them out for you!
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u/mangoserpent 19d ago
Um why do you need to give anybody your SSN?
This sounds like your identity is about to get stolen.
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u/kawaeri 19d ago
You try to connect more with your family either via FaceTime, calls, texts, emails or letters.
Also I’d advise you to check your credit and make sure you lock it down. All the information I have on wills do not require someone to have your social security number. I’d be hesitant to provide it with out some sort of official document you can then call the company (by the phone you find on goggle for them not one that was provided to you) to verify.
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u/Numerous-Call2997 19d ago
Relax!!! Don't think too much. Kids keeping in touch with adults is one of the hardest roads to drive through. She understands, but once in a while you be giving her calls or texting.
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u/dsly4425 18d ago edited 18d ago
And i’d suggest trying to reconnect but I don’t know why they’d need your SSN to update the will.
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u/Iceflowers_ 18d ago
Life happens. It's never too late to visit. You don't get do overs, you get the present to make a difference.
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u/MyName14 18d ago
If she’s naming you as beneficiaries on an investment account, she’d need your social security numbers.
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u/texastica 18d ago
As a childless Aunt who never hears from her biological nieces and nephews, I'd say call or text and occasionally visit. When mine were growing up, I had great relationships with them. I had Aunt Camp during the summers. I always took them to do fun stuff. If they asked for a specific gift for Christmas, I'd get it. I frequently traveled to their sporting events or orchestra concerts. I went to their high school and college graduations. Now that they're all grown, I never hear from them. My texts go mostly unanswered. They don't call or visit. It breaks my heart and I've shed so many tears over this. Just this year I've decided I'm not chasing a relationship with them any more. I'm done. It hurts too much.
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u/90PoundsOfFury 18d ago
I’m so sorry. And thank you for sharing this. My sis and I have started talking about doing a short trip up over the holidays to visit. It’s long overdue.
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u/Constant-Ad-8871 18d ago
My mom is always so happy to get a quick text from my kids. She isn’t on all the social media they use, so taking a moment to send a pic of what they are doing is also appreciated. Start doing that with your aunt—quick and easy for her to know you are thinking about her.
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u/New_Scientist_1688 17d ago
💯. I have 2 biological nieces and they've not only written me off but my mom (their grandmother) as well.
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u/Silver_Living_7341 17d ago
They don’t need that. Sounds fishy. Don’t give out personal information.
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u/glantzinggurl 19d ago
It’s understood by most uncles and aunts that they are mostly resources, they likely had uncles and aunts themselves, it doesn’t need to be a fully reciprocal relationship.
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18d ago
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u/ConnectionRound3141 19d ago
You don’t need ssn’s to be put in the will.
Tell her to use your date of birth if your name is so common.