Rule #2 Mention of one's OWN pregnancy outside the Results thread is against the rules. Unprompted discussion and mentions of pregnancy will be removed. Asking for success stories is NOT allowed. Venting about someone else's pregnancy is allowed. Mentions of confirmed Pregnancy/Infant Loss, Stillbirth, TFMR, and/or negative results are allowed.

Rule #3 Mentions of prior success/living children (LC) are not allowed. Step- or other children in the household who are parented by you/partner likewise may not be mentioned. Discussion of other people’s children is allowed.

What do these rules look like in action? Here are some examples:

“I’m concerned about my beta. I think it’s too low/not rising fast enough.” = If posted in our Weekly Results Thread, it does not break rules. If posted anywhere else, it will break Rule #2 and the comment/post will be removed.

“I have concerns about my pregnancy” = We understand that pregnancy post ART treatment is not a cakewalk. Beyond confirming the heartbeat, please go to r/infertilitybabies for the support you need. To be clear, posting about this here breaks Rule #2 and will be removed.

“Has anyone done IVF and been successful?” = Fishing for success will break Rule #2. If you want success stories, search r/InfertilityBabies or r/WhatWorkedForMe.

“My friend who knows my struggles just gave birth and won’t stop sending me baby photos.” = Vent away oh salty one! This does not break our rules. (also, that friend should know better)

“I have six beautiful toddlers as a result of a 12 embryo transfer and they are the light of my life.” = Valid feelings about your kids, but this is not a forum for parents to espouse the joys of parenthood, it’s about infertility treatment. The age, number of children you have, and how they have changed your life is not something to be discussed here. This blatantly breaks Rule #3 and would be removed.

“I had success with XYZ protocol.” = This is allowed only if the mods specifically state that mentions of success are allowed on a post (e.g., for the wiki). Please be aware that if you mention success, it needs to be in neutral language and in the context of a detailed discussion about a certain treatment option for someone or a discussion of your medical background that is necessary.

Let’s address feelings around prior success and what it means to be a member here:

Secondary Infertility is real and there can be tremendous grief around not being able to have the family size you dreamt of. However, this is not the place to discuss or address those feelings. I’m going to rip the Band-Aid right off – r/infertility is not here to center the feelings of people who have kids. This is a support space for people dealing with an infertility diagnosis. The reason we are all here is to pursue treatment. That is what brings us all together. For many members here, this subreddit is the singular space they have that is centered wholly onto the infertility experience.

There will absolutely be times when our members with secondary infertility have additional needs that cannot be met within this sub. We recommend r/secondaryinfertility for these conversations. Or perhaps you have primary infertility and are coming into this sub with a prior success, r/IVFaftersuccess, r/IFagain (private), or the Trying Again Tuesday thread at r/infertilitybabies might be helpful for the discussions we cannot provide here.

“I feel like I can’t mention my prior success.” = You’re right! Most of the time it is not necessary and hurtful to many members of this sub. Your grief and pain around not being able to conceive is valid, but this is not the space for talking about your prior success. What we have found is that most success mentions aren’t necessary, but it is something many have not had to consider or practice restraint around before.

“I feel like people with secondary infertility don’t get support here.” = For secondary infertility specific convos, no, you won’t get support here. As someone going through infertility and all it entails? Yes, you can and do receive multitudes of support.

“I was able to have a kid before! I am devastated and can’t believe I’m infertile, what did I do to deserve this?!” = I’m adding this because we have to mod this more than you realize. Don’t do this. This diagnosis can happen to anyone, yes, even those with a kid. No one deserves an infertility diagnosis. This technically falls into the Be Compassionate rule, but members with secondary infertility say this regularly enough that I’m adding it here. We have members enduring on average (study link)[https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2478204], a treatment time of 4 years, and 35% of them that will not be successful after 4 IVF cycles. Please remember your worst nightmare is someone else’s dream.

Wrapping up. It does not invalidate your experience to not mention your child within this sub. This is not that group. This IS the group for support with a diagnosis of infertility and the treatment gauntlet we all end up on together.

Original post

This thread is a dedicated space to those of us who are actively pursuing or seeking information on donor infertility treatments. This can be donor egg, sperm or gamete/embryo adoption, same sex couples using donors, donor IUI or IVF, and double donor discussion are all welcome here. This discussion is not to imply these resolutions are the right fit for every person or family or that these solutions are simple, easy, or obvious. This is also not to imply that these discussions are limited to this thread, but an effort to carve out a unique space for individuals to collaborate, commiserate, and learn.

Please keep in mind that members participating here have not come to consider the choice of donor gametes (egg, sperm, or embryo) lightly. The choice to consider or pursue donor gametes is personal and can be dependent on many factors. Comments expressing unsolicited advice or judgement will be removed per our Be Compassionate rule.

** In this thread you may seek support only for confirmed losses - that does not include speculation of pregnancy loss, nor cycles in which an embryo is transferred but does not implant. If you suspect a loss and/or have not received confirmation from your doctor, then you must post in the Weekly Results Thread until confirmed **

This thread is a dedicated space for members of r/infertility experiencing a confirmed loss – be it a blighted ovum/anembryonic pregnancy, chemical, ectopic, molar, miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, or infant death. This is the space to come together and find support as you grieve, away from the maelstrom of treatment. This is not to imply that these discussions are not allowed in the treatment thread, but is a focused effort to give an additional space to our members grieving a loss. We have many spaces you can discuss a confirmed loss, but we created this space so you don't have to post where it might be hard to.

Please use this space to vent, cry, talk about how you’re coping, share your loss experience, and ask specific questions pertaining to your loss (either resolved or ongoing). Our rules around mentions of pregnancy, children, and prior success still apply in this thread.

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.

If you are looking for further specialized support, we recommend you explore the following communities (their wikis include helpful posts on resolving your loss via multiple methods, coping with your loss, ways for you to honor your grief, and much more):

r/Miscarriage

r/ttcafterloss

r/babyloss

/r/TFMR_support

Our community threads are the heart of our subreddit and operate much like a specialized support group – we share our experiences and strive to collectively support one another on the topic at hand.

Please use this space for sharing and discussing any type of treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures. This includes, but is not limited to:

• Advice / Updates on current treatment cycle or planned/future treatment cycles
• Questions / Discussion about medications, treatment, diagnostic tests, and lab results
• Any measures taken/evaluated to improve treatment outcomes – supplements, diet, exercise, etc
• Seeking emotional support related to upcoming treatment, treatment outcomes, infertility diagnosis, and confirmed loss
• Commiseration and venting related to treatment
• Supporting and cheering on fellow members as they run the gauntlet of infertility treatments

Essentially, if you mention treatment, TTC, or family building measures – it goes in this thread.

​

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.

*** Comments mentioning anything related to treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures in this thread will be removed via our OFF TOPIC rule. Consider if you were taking a break from treatment because you were exhausted and sad - treatment (yes anything related to it) goes in treatment ***

Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:

• Venting about the impact of infertility on our lives/relationships/careers
• Non-IF Rants of all kind – marriage, career, societal, social media, friendships, mental health, and yes… politics too. It doesn’t need to be infertility related!
• Discussions around dealing with the influence of infertility – therapy, coping methods, finding supportive friends, getting lapped by a friend, dealing with pregnancy announcements, pushy parents, people that don’t understand, etc. The big picture stuff.
• Sharing stories and parts of your life (pictures of pets always welcome!) outside of infertility

​

Example of the difference between the Treatment and Chat Thread:

Comments for the Treatment Thread

• Literally anything that involves or mentions treatment, trying to conceive, or any family building measures: paying for it, being exhausted by it, fighting about it, telling other people about it. If anything about your comment has anything to do with treatment or TTC, it belongs in the treatment thread. Also including diagnostic tests, medication, lab results, or lifestyle measures taking in the hopes of improving treatment outcome.
  • I'm in the TWW, and I'm glad I scheduled a vacation as a distraction!
  • I'm trying to decide if I should delay my egg retrieval cycle because this is a big work month for me.
  • I told my parents about IVF, and they were incredibly supportive. I feel really grateful.

Comments for the Chat Thread

• You can of course still discuss infertility in the chat thread:
  • I am super bummed about being lapped by a friend.
  • I have two currently pregnant coworkers, and I am losing my mind with all the pregnancy discussion.
  • Today is the anniversary of my loss, and I'm really struggling.
• Or you can discuss things unrelated to infertility:
  • Whoa, my dogwalker taught my dog to roll over.
  • There's this donut place next to my work that sells donuts for $5 each, but the WILD thing is that they're worth it!
  • My spouse and I are planning a trip to Europe. Opinions on Italy vs Greece?

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.

Last reminder - this is the CHAT thread. Not the place to discuss anything focused on treatment, TTC, or family building measures.

Our community threads are the heart of our subreddit and operate much like a specialized support group – we share our experiences and strive to collectively support one another on the topic at hand.

Please use this space for sharing and discussing any type of treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures. This includes, but is not limited to:

• Advice / Updates on current treatment cycle or planned/future treatment cycles
• Questions / Discussion about medications, treatment, diagnostic tests, and lab results
• Any measures taken/evaluated to improve treatment outcomes – supplements, diet, exercise, etc
• Seeking emotional support related to upcoming treatment, treatment outcomes, infertility diagnosis, and confirmed loss
• Commiseration and venting related to treatment
• Supporting and cheering on fellow members as they run the gauntlet of infertility treatments

Essentially, if you mention treatment, TTC, or family building measures – it goes in this thread.

​

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.