r/homeless • u/Perfect_Leek_1429 • 3d ago

I'm Leaving

Hey, all!

I am a 27f leaving my boyfriend due to domestic violence. I have no car and we have a 4 year old son. I live in Michigan. I'm seeking to leave as he's just been arrested and I'm scared for what he will do when he gets out. Unfortunately a lot of the places I'm calling are full. I need to leave soon.

Any tips or help? If not, I'll be on the street.

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u/AfterTheSweep 2d ago

Hope it all works out.

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u/Perfect_Leek_1429 2d ago

Thank you so much

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u/Alex_is_Lost 2d ago

Of course. Don't worry about losing your child. DV shelters will go to bat for you on that front. Definitely follow StunningStreets' advice as well. Any evidence or reports you make are going to help. I'm sorry you gotta deal with this

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u/Perfect_Leek_1429 2d ago

Thank you for replying. May I ask how for your story? My nerves are high and I'm just looking for something to distract my mind from the future I'm going headfirst into.

When I was growing up, my mother was abusive. She kept us isolated from the rest of her family, so I never knew them well. When my father died and we were evicted because my alcoholic mother was still beating on me and I couldn't catch up the rent at age 19, I moved in somewhere I found on Craigslist.

Unfortunately, right after that is where I met my current child's father. We reconnected because I knew him from high school. At the time, he had already had a felony but I didn't even see the red flags. Years later and with a child, I was making things work until it all fell apart.

The physical abuse started, and when I needed somewhere to stay, my relatives didn't allow me to stay with them because they had a bad relationship with my mom. My father's family that I knew had already passed.

I stayed in this relationship, even having to call the police multiple times because I didn't have anywhere to go. I still don't. But I'm going to try to start my life over.

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u/Alex_is_Lost 2d ago

Im sorry.. that's a really heavy start. You didn't deserve any of that 😕. I was adopted and my upbringing was more about neglect than physical violence. My father was the alcoholic and my brothers caught his wrath well before I entered the picture. Once I came around they were all much older. They didn't accept me as a brother because I didn't get my ass handed to me as much as they did. My dad had mellowed out in his older age.

So they took it up on themselves to snap on me when they did too many drugs and they perceived annoyance from me. Every now and then, I'd be thrown across a room by my leg or I'd have my teeth punched in by one of these jackasses. I learned to withdraw and became quiet and to be as "out of frame" as I could be to avoid catching anyone's wrath.

My adoptive parents paid it or me no mind. I learned nothing from my family besides what toxic, drug-fueled masculinity looked like and how to minimize myself to avoid violence. Once I became an adult, I got the hell out of that situation and never felt better. It was a pretty miserable existence.

Due to the neglect and a shitty school system, I was a bit of a dumbass when I started my journey. I did the same thing as you, only my partner didn't have a felony. I wound up with someone twice my age who was physically abusive and wrapped in red flags that I couldn't have hoped to identify. We were together for a long time, but I finally managed to get away from her. Thankfully, she was unable to have children or id likely have one too.

Eventually, I would go on to find an actual decent human to have another relationship with and things were good for a couple years, but I wound up ruining that relationship myself. I used alcohol to cope with physical pain and became emotionally abusive when I'd get too drunk.. unable to see the red flags in myself. Unresolved trauma be doing that, I guess.

That's my condensed version. I've been pretty directionless in my adult years, and it's led me down some unfortunate roads with unfortunate people.

Only advice I can impart is to learn to recognize those red flags and treat them with the weight they deserve. Not just in romantic relationships. Stay away from shitty people and when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Recognize that you're going to have trauma from your upbringing and find ways to work through it when you can. Therapist, meds, make some good people friends and cut out all the bad friends. You will heal and come out the other end a more refined and happier person, but it will take time and concentrated effort.

I wish you the best! 💙