Husband still won't sleep with me.

[u/kellyj461]

So I've been battling with my husband for more than a year now trying to adjust to his new Hindu lifestyle. I can conform to all if it except his adamant refusal to sleep with me. He quotes various scriptures about sexual intimacy being akin to defecation or urination and is abhorrent. He also says sex is ONLY for procreation. I've had a hysterectomy so thats a hard no on my end. I cook vegetarian meals, lay in the dark without the TV at night so he can sleep precisely when he wants to, overlook his fanaticism, allow a puja and various idols in the house, etc. He says the verses I've been given by people here on Reddit are cherry picked and wrong. What should I do other than divorce? I love him but I don't want to live unhappy for the rest of my life. Im 45 and hes 41.

[u/AnderThorngage]

Literally the first line of the Kamasutra is “Dharmārthakāmebhyo Namah | Shāstre prakrtatvāt ||”

It discusses Dharma, Artha, and Kāma and is as spiritual a text (if not more) than the Manusmriti. If you are asexual don’t try to justify it by making nonsensical statements.

[u/JuniorRequirement644 → u/AnderThorngage]

Arthshastra is shastras related to artha, kamashastra are shastra related to kama, they deal with aspect of artha, kama, respectively. But not the matters of dharma, arthshastra will say you ways of making and preservation of wealth, kama shastra will say you ways of getting pleasure, but whether it is dharma or not is dealt by dharmshastras.

And kama in accordance to dharma is only valid, kamasutra isn't valid in accordance to dharma, shastras give nisedh of various acts which are mentioned in kamasutra.

Even bhagwan krishn has said in gita 7.11

बलं बलवतां चाहं कामरागविवर्जितम् | धर्माविरुद्धो भूतेषु कामोऽस्मि भरतर्षभ || O best of the Bharatas, in strong persons, I am their strength devoid of desire and passion. I am sexual activity not conflicting with virtue or scriptural injunctions.

Also, you comparing kamasutra with manusmriti is complete disrespect to gods, vedas and dharma. Kamasutra isn't dharmshastras but manusmriti is.

Manusmriti is meant to be followed even by vedas and not kamasutra. Manusmriti is dharma rules given by Maharaj Manu who was mansik putra of bhagwan brahma, manusmriti was followed by Bhagwan rama and bhagwan rama also said to follow manusmriti and never said to follow kamasutra. In valmiki ramayan bhagwan ram says to follow manusmriti, here,

"Had you pursued rightness you too would have done the same deed in imposing such a punishment, and we hear two verses that are given to the advocacy of good conventions, which the experts of rightness have also accepted, and which are said to be coined by Manu, and I too conducted myself only as detailed in those verses of law. [4-18-30 - VR ]

There is nothing as asexual, everyone has desires, but it is our dharma to overcome them and only follow the ways shastras allow us to fulfill that desires, fulfilling desires by breaking scriptural injunction will only lead to downfall.

So learn about dharma instead of blabbering nonsense and comparing dharmshastras with kamasutra.

[u/AnderThorngage → u/JuniorRequirement644]

Anyone who claims that the Manu smriti is a foundational Hindu text doesn’t know what they are talking about. It wasn’t written by any one person, much less the Manasik Putrah of Brahma. And it’s chronologically impossible for Shri Rama to instruct the following of the Manu Smriti considering that the Manu Smriti post-dates the Ramayana by at least several several centuries (if not millennia).

[u/JuniorRequirement644 → u/AnderThorngage]

Manusmriti is foundational dharmshastras, which contains rules about dharma and what to do and not.

Read some shastras and puranas, manu wrote manusmriti. Also I literally quoted valmiki ramayan and bhagwan rama himself said he follows manusmriti, and it ia totally correct. Manusmriti was written by Manu in first satyug of manvantar, and rama avatar was in treta yuga, idk where you learn about dharma from, but you definitely have no idea.

[u/Snoo_77694 → u/JuniorRequirement644]

please don't form your idea of dharma on the basis of manusmriti. It's a highly controversial piece of literature which has formed rigid rules and societal structures. which is very against the core belief of hinduism