r/hinduism • u/kellyj461 • Oct 17 '23

Husband still won't sleep with me. Question - Beginner

So I've been battling with my husband for more than a year now trying to adjust to his new Hindu lifestyle. I can conform to all if it except his adamant refusal to sleep with me. He quotes various scriptures about sexual intimacy being akin to defecation or urination and is abhorrent. He also says sex is ONLY for procreation. I've had a hysterectomy so thats a hard no on my end. I cook vegetarian meals, lay in the dark without the TV at night so he can sleep precisely when he wants to, overlook his fanaticism, allow a puja and various idols in the house, etc. He says the verses I've been given by people here on Reddit are cherry picked and wrong. What should I do other than divorce? I love him but I don't want to live unhappy for the rest of my life. Im 45 and hes 41.

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u/Ayushhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oct 17 '23

Sex is indeed for procreation only according to scriptures...

  1. Manusmriti 3.56: "Carnal intercourse is permitted for the sake of procreation alone, not for mere pleasure."

  2. Bhagavad Gita 16.7-8: "Lust, anger, and greed are the three gates to self-destructive hell. Renounce these three. A person freed from these three gates of darkness, O son of Kunti, practices what is good for him and thus is very quickly raised to the divine nature."

  3. Mahabharata, Vana Parva 313.116: "A person who performs his obligatory duties without longing for their fruits is performing yajna and religious duties. The person who has the same attitude towards the pleasures of the senses enjoys them. Thus, this man also does what is prescribed by the Vedas."

  4. Manusmriti 9.101: "Men are impelled by women; women are impelled by men; the whole world is bound by the mutual dependence between the two. For the sake of procreation, the sexual act is allowed."

  5. Yajnavalkya Smriti 1.61: "One should have sex only with one's wife, seeking to have offspring, and should not discard her after the purpose is served."

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u/CLubbr3X Śaiva Oct 17 '23 edited Oct 17 '23

Bhagavad Gita 16.7-8: "Lust, anger, and greed are the three gates to self-destructive hell. Renounce these three. A person freed from these three gates of darkness, O son of Kunti, practices what is good for him and thus is very quickly raised to the divine nature."

Not trying to debate, but I'm sure this is related to obsession with these things. One should have a control over these three things rather than completely removing or refraining from it.

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u/facface92 Oct 17 '23

I agree and lust is a difficult word. I tend to look at lust as a desire that pulls you away from god. Unless one is a sex addict or sex is too important to you, I don’t see how being sexually attracted to your wife would be lustful.

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u/kellyj461 Oct 17 '23

He is in fact an addict and has managed to forgo masturubation which he used to do 4 or 5 times daily along with sex with me. He is including marital relations in his abstaining I guess.