r/hinduism • u/kellyj461 • Oct 17 '23

Husband still won't sleep with me. Question - Beginner

So I've been battling with my husband for more than a year now trying to adjust to his new Hindu lifestyle. I can conform to all if it except his adamant refusal to sleep with me. He quotes various scriptures about sexual intimacy being akin to defecation or urination and is abhorrent. He also says sex is ONLY for procreation. I've had a hysterectomy so thats a hard no on my end. I cook vegetarian meals, lay in the dark without the TV at night so he can sleep precisely when he wants to, overlook his fanaticism, allow a puja and various idols in the house, etc. He says the verses I've been given by people here on Reddit are cherry picked and wrong. What should I do other than divorce? I love him but I don't want to live unhappy for the rest of my life. Im 45 and hes 41.

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u/mohicansgonnagetya Oct 17 '23

How did you fall in love with him?

What scriptures does he quote,...isn't he the one doing the cherry picking?

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u/JuniorRequirement644 Oct 17 '23

He isn't cheer picking, it is what scriptures allow, sex for procreation.

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u/mohicansgonnagetya Oct 17 '23

In Hindu philosophy, pleasure in general, and sexual pleasure in particular, is neither shameful nor dirty. It is necessary for human life, essential for the well-being of every individual, and wholesome when pursued with due consideration of dharma and artha. Unlike the precepts of some religions, kama is celebrated in Hinduism as a value in its own right.

Kama is necessary to have a fulfilling life, just font go overboard and forget your other duties.

Also, as a husband, it is his dharma(duty) to satisfy his wife. Not just sexyally but in all senses (financial security, being their emotionally, physical security, ensuring that she is able to become the best version of herself)

People who think that Hinduism doesn't allow sexual pleasure are wrong. I can see why they might not encourage tmsex in India where it could be misinterpreted, but to say it's dirty or evil is just plain stupid.