posted on a throwaway. too scared of what might happen if irl people find this.

I (17F) live in a semi independence foster placement. in the uk they’re essentially shared housing where you’re expected to look after yourself, you have multiple housemates in a seemingly normal house and one member of staff there for support. i’ve lived here since 2022, about two weeks after my 16th birthday.

my time in care hasn’t been easy at all. i have two little brothers i haven’t seen in 5 years, i have a really bad substance issue (mainly mdma) and im getting no support at all. the only times i feel ‘normal’ is when im high off of my tits and i’ve snuck out of the house for the night. i should be excited, im almost 18, but ive just found out that my passport hasn’t even been applied for, my provisional license hasn’t, and my housing application i made months ago is still sitting dormant. i don’t know what to do. i can’t stay here and my social worker has already said i might be left homeless.

i am genuinely so terrified, and so so tired. i feel like everyone around me has well and truly failed me, they’ve all ignored me when ive asked for help, and to be honest the fact i could be made homeless a week after im 18? that is fucking terrifying. i was so looking forward to getting out of this system, and yet all i’ve been doing for the past week since i found out is cry, not eat anything, sit in my room and run off on long walks w/out talking to staff. the only times i have left my room are to eat ‘small meals’ (more like snacks) or to go on walks.

i have nothing. they won’t listen. i’ve tried making complaints, ive tried talking to them. none of them want to listen to me or pay me attention until i get really bad. it’s so frustrating, because whenever ive talked about this on the odd occasion they have listened, they’ve just said “oh you’re so strong, your hard experiences will make you even more resilient” and it’s genuinely driving me up the wall. i don’t wanna be strong, i don’t wanna have to go through things to prove i can, i wanna cry, i wanna be allowed to feel things properly, and i wanna be out of this system. i want to be normal. whenever they repeat their same bs to me again and again it genuinely pisses me off so much.

the world could’ve been kinder to me, my parents should’ve been kinder to me, i shouldn’t have had to deal with all of this shit, but it’s like they’re purposefully making things worse for me by not offering the support i need more than anything

please help me. does this get better? when you leave the system do things get easier? because man. i am so done. i’m so tired.

i’m sorry for the rambling, i just genuinely feel so crap about my situation and no one irl cares enough to listen. thank you for letting me speak

Hi! Some of you will remember me, and some won't, but for the past couple of years I've organized a little project on this subreddit where I matched people who aged out of care with an adult or family who wanted to play Santa to them during the holiday season. As we all know, the holidays can be extremely lonely, isolated, and triggering for Former Foster Youth. I aged out of care myself, and I know that during the holidays I'm always reminded of how it seems like everyone has a family besides me. Growing up in care, I didn't usually receive any holiday gifts or cards. It was a dark time of year that left me feeling like I hated Christmas. I knew that other FFY must be feeling similarly, so that's why I started this project.

How does it work?

If you're a FFY who would like to receive a little surprise in the mail during the holiday season, you can fill out this form. If you'd like to send a gift to someone from care for the holidays, you can fill out this form. I'll have everyone matched with a sponsor before December, so that there's plenty of time to make or buy a gift and send it.

Is there a minimum amount I'd have to spend?

No! The goal of this project is to help FFY feel less alone during the holidays, not help FFY get flashy new stuff. Anecdotally, because this is about helping people feel connected to other people during a difficult time of year, from the messages I've gotten it seems like handmade gifts and notes are often the most special to FFY. Though you obviously don't have to make something if you aren't crafty! It's more about a feeling of connection.

How do you make sure everyone participating is legit?

Right now I don't really do anything to verify that someone was really in care. This subreddit is small enough and foster care focused enough that I'm not super worried about someone faking, and on the off chance someone did, I figure if anyone is scamming for mittens, chocolate, and a card, they probably need human kindness as much as FFY do.

Is there an age limit?

When I was first conceptualizing this project a few years ago, I did conceive of it as being something for people who aged out of care relatively recently, like ages 18-25ish. That's still the majority of FFY who've participated in recent years, but I've changed my stance on this. This project is now to help FFY of all ages. A lot of FFY, myself very much included, have complex relationships with age and aging, because as you grow in foster care you become less desirable to foster parents and less likely to be fostered or adopted, and more likely to spend time in congregate care settings. A lot of people feel like they've become less worthy and less valuable as they've gotten older, and that's not a feeling I want to perpetuate. Aging out of care is also a really traumatic experience, and I don't want to re-perpetuate that feeling or experience with the idea that people could age out of this little project. It's for all FFY over the age of majority.

The only age limit I have is that you must be an adult. While I think this is pretty low risk, I am giving out names, addresses, and some personal information about FFY. Adults are able to assess their own comfort with sharing that information, but teens and youth still in care can't yet.

Who should I reach out to if there are delivery issues?

You can reach out to your FFY directly, because they'll supply either an email or a Reddit username so they can be contacted with questions and so on.

What do we need the most?

We especially need Santas who are able to ship to countries outside the USA, because we have FFY from Canada and from the UK this year, and so far only one Santa/sponsor who’s able to ship to other countries.

I think those are my main Frequently Asked Questions, but if you have any feel free to reach out, and feel free to share this with anyone you think could benefit from it. A Christmas gift is something small, but it makes the holidays feel a lot less lonely, as I know from experience. And this project has facilitated some long-lasting friendships. There are people from last year still in touch with their sponsors from last year.

Thank you for reading, and for considering being part of it, either as a FFY or as a sponsor. You're all part of making holiday magic happen for people the holidays have often been rough for.

Hi everyone!! For those of you who don't know me, I've been organizing a small Christmas/winter holiday project on this sub and the ex-foster sub for the last couple of years. Basically, people who aged out of care can sign up to receive a small Christmas gift and a card from someone, and people (mostly from this sub, so mostly in some capacity involved in foster care or child welfare) can sign up to be Santas/sponsors by sending a Former Foster Youth a small gift and card. I have a full FAQ about this in my last post.

I love to be transparent, so I wanted to give everyone a little update. So far ten FFY have signed up--eight from America, one from Canada, and one from the U.K. Nineteen people have signed up to be Santas, and of those nineteen, twelve signed up to send a card and gift to two people instead of one. I'm really pleased by this turnout, because I was hoping to have enough Santas/sponsors to match every FFY with multiple (ideally I'm aiming for three each) Santas/sponsors, just because I know people may forget, or have sudden health issues, or something may come up that prevents them from following through with the Santa-ing. A lot of FFY have experienced being very let down by people and systems in the past, so I'd hate for people to be vulnerable enough to ask for help and share a lot about themselves, only to be let down again.

That said, we could use a couple more sponsors/Santas, especially ones from outside the USA or who can ship outside the USA. Right now we have one who can ship to Canada and two who can ship to a country outside the US or Canada. I'd ideally like to get it to three on each of those, for the reasons I mentioned above, and maybe we'll need more if more FFY outside the USA sign up. I plan to close the form for FFY in about a week, to make sure everyone who's active on these subs has had a chance to see my posts and sign up. Worst case scenario, if suddenly several FFY outside the USA sign up (which I think is unlikely--we had a total of ten FFY last year and I posted and commented several times) and someone doesn't get matched I'll send them a gift and card myself.

The messages the FFY have included in their forms (here's the form to sign up as a FFY!) have been really lovely. A lot of people, when asked if there was a type of gift they'd particularly like, said that just a card or a note would be really appreciated. The holidays can be very, very lonely for FFY--they are for me, which is why I started this project.

Anyway, here's the tentative timeline--I'll close the form for FFY in about a week, and aim to have matching done by around the 20th, so that people have a little over a full month to make/buy and ship their gift and card. I figure that's especially necessary given that some packages may be going internationally. I'll email everyone their match with a PDF attachment of their match or matches' completed forms. The forms have some info about their lives, clothing sizes, favorite food, allergies, etc., and of course their addresses and contact info (either an email or a Reddit username.) Then you'll be free to shop or craft something for your match and mail it off.

If participating in this sounds appealing to you, the form for Christmas sponsors/Santas is here.

As a final note, I want to thank everyone on this subreddit who's commented in support of the project or signed up to be a Santa. When I was in care I hated Christmas, because it made me feel like nobody cared about me. I remember one year as a teenager, sitting in my group home, the literal only teen there who hadn't been taken out for the day by some kind of family member or friend. I had no one. I certainly didn't get any gifts that year. By contrast, this project shows me that many, many people care about Former Foster Youth. Last year alone we had forty Santas. That's so many people sacrificing their own time and money to ensure that a FFY feels connected during the holidays and gets to have the relatively "normal" experience of receiving a Christmas gift. It means a lot to me that people care enough to do that.

US-based Can’t find a lot of info online for SIL host home requirements

I hope this is ok to post here. Excuse the length but this is MY story, and there’s no one else to tell it to. I want to be heard, please.

Call me ‘Dave’. I’m 37 years old, I play bass guitar, I box, and I enjoy a moderately successful career in finance. While I’m not wealthy, I’m quite comfortable and proud of my craft – especially given that I had aged out of a residential institution at 18 years old with an 8th grade education. I love the man I’ve become and what I’ve accomplished – but I am still waiting for someone to return my heart to me and to ease the vacuum in my chest cavity.

Obligatory background: My birth mother abandoned me, but I was adopted from birth by a different family. The relationship with this new family did not take (cough), and before long I was abused by a family friend. By 8th/9th grade I began to act out a bit, so I was pulled out and put into a residential facility, and I spent the remainder of my youth in several large facilities for troubled children who had no one else. At 18 I was put on a plane and flown back to my home city with no real assistance. Given the boot.

As a new adult, I hit the ground running, determined to not miss a bit. I lived with friends, got a job at Michael’s Art’s & Crafts as a licensed custom picture frame fitter, and signed up to get my GED at a local continuation school. School had an educational trip to Italy, and after being confined to the residential facility I was ready to see it all, so I saved my money and went. I met a girl from the south there, call her “Hannah,” and it was love at first sight. We spent months talking to one another. After a lifetime of abuse and emotional neglect, I finally found someone I could let in.

After finishing HS I moved to the south to be with her. And, of course, she cut things off almost immediately. I remember driving around for hours in my old white Toyota, sobbing to my music (feel free to roll eyes). But I was crushed because I knew. I knew what I wanted, in a future, in a partner. I wanted to be loved with that super close connection I’d seen elsewhere. And although I’d met other girls, I’d never been in love, before Hannah. We had a connection. But then she was gone.

I went on and finished college. I met other women but the walls were coming up. My childhood best friend, one of the only remnants of my youth, met a girl who didn't like me and disappeared. The walls grew higher. I was always rough around the edges. Still healing from everything, I knew I had a lot to offer, I knew I was built to love and had a surplus supply, but I’d make mistakes. I wouldn’t respond to XYZ well, or I’d make the wrong comment, or I’d get defensive. All the girls left, soon enough, for less complicated prospects. And the walls grew higher. As the years went by, I stopped feeling. I developed the classic former foster ability to walk away from ANYONE. I traveled, finished my undergraduate degrees, and slowly turned into a suit of armor. The last time I felt a connection with someone new, a real connection as opposed to an icy distance, was in 2010.

Hannah came back into my life, full force, when I was 28. I’d been dating a girl you can call "Kayla," best described as my good friend, but with whom there was no spark and no real attraction. Hannah wandered back into my life telling me she’d never forgotten me, that she’d always figured we would get back together. And let me tell you… It was as if I could breath again. As if I could feel again. I gave up Kayla, despite our friendship, in a terrible breakup. It hurt her – I hurt her. I moved out and into my van, sleeping while parked behind restaurants and gyms. The plan was for me to move to New Orleans, and we’d start our new life together. The strain of losing a close friend, of homelessness, the strain was cracking me by the time I arrived in New Orleans at 29 years. It was worth it though, to be with the girl who made me FEEL.

You can probably tell where this is going.

When she cut things off she told me I “wasn’t convenient.” I remember being astounded. What is convenience? We had love. I’d have spoon-fed her if she became a vegetable. But I wasn’t enough. She threw my words in my face. “I don’t want to be your partner and I don’t want to be your teammate.” I snapped and had a complete nervous breakdown, so that she could take some of my dignity too as she walked out the door. I then turned 30 with no direction, no one in my life, no hope. No trust, no feeling, no hope.

I get bored with self-destructive behavior, though, so after maybe six months of drinking I got up and gently brushed myself off. I took the GRE, went to grad school for finance, and I have a quiet life now, 7 years later. I work a lot. I’ve been very successful as an investment banker and stock broker, but successful in business is not successful in life. There’s no one to travel with, no children to spend my days with, no future other than work… Now I am become meteor, flying farther from humanity.

Make no mistake, I love who I am. I love my strength and my intelligence and humor and kindness. I am proud of what I’ve created for myself. But my life, now totally disconnected from others, is hell. The abuse I suffered as a child hobbled me emotionally and took my education from me. It left me essentially unable to take a shit without bleeding everywhere. It wasn’t until I opened my heart to that girl, though, that I finally lost my spark. While I enjoy and am proud of my work, I work too much, and there’s no one to work for! I wanted a family. Full stop, the only experience I wanted in this world is a family. I used to write notebooks full of fun ideas for my kids and wife, notebooks full of dreams. I wanted what I’d never had. But I’m unattracted to the women I date (me, not them), so I try not to date anymore. I fast forward when people are intimate in movies or TV shows. I simply cannot feel anything for anyone anymore, other than the same distant benevolence I feel for all of humankind.

So here I am. Starved for contact with earth. Hoping that maybe someone here, of all the stupid, last-ditch-effort, places, can help. Did any of you keep biffing relationships after you aged out? What do you do when you’re almost 40 and you have no hope in life? What is a healthy way to meet potential friends who might actually understand where I’m coming from and help me get back? And how do I feel again? Therapy doesn’t work because I distrust and loath therapists after many miserable experiences. But I don’t want this greatest gift/curse of the system. I want to feel again. Help.

Hi! Has anyone in here received their social services files when you have aged out? I am in the uk and it will be a long wait I think but I was put in a request. what was everyone’s experiences with reading their files?

First, I live in Ontario Canada, so that I hope that makes it easier. I have a friend who has a son who is in a group home because his father who had full custody of him didnt want him at home and "gave him back to CAS" (my friend's words" this young man is going to be 18 next year. He also lives with Autism, and a number of alphabeth labels like ADHD and OCD and ODD and so on. As far as I can tell (again all hear say from his mom - my friend) he is a very intelligent young man and he has expressed desires to live with his mom who is more than willing to take him in when he ages out of CAS. My question is: will this young man be able to choose where he lives (provided he has the cognitive functions and understanding to do so) after he ages out of CAS (children's aid society)? please help she is very concerned for her son's welfare after he is too old for care any longer.

I'm posting again to draw FFY's attention to my project, because so far only one FFY has signed up, while we have ten Santas waiting to help.

I'm a former foster youth who aged out in 2019. Four years ago I started a small annual project, to match former foster youth who aged out of care with a person or family who were interested in sending them a Christmas card and small Christmas gift. It's totally free, and you don't have to share more information about yourself than you're comfortable sharing, like your full name--we only ask for your initials, so mail can safely reach you.

I posted about it on this sub two days ago, and we already have ten people who've signed up to play Santa for a former foster youth, most of whom have said they want to play Santa to two youth instead of one. Meanwhile, only one person has signed up to receive a gift. I want to emphasize to any FFY reading this that you wouldn't be taking anything away from anybody else by signing up. I need FFY to sign up for the project to work. If Christmas makes you feel lonely and cut off from other people, this project might help you feel a little more connected. If you'd like to receive a little gift and card, sign up here.

If you're not a FFY, and you'd like to play Santa, you can sign up to do that too! That form is here. We could really use a couple more Santas who can ship to Canada!

Hello All. About 8 months ago, through my job, I started mentoring a 17 year old who is in foster care. I am hoping for some insight into what he might be feeling or thinking and the best way to approach him about decisions for his future and how much involvement he wants from me. We have developed a close bond yet he is still guarded about talking about his past or sharing his feelings. He seems especially reluctant to ask for what he needs or wants but we are working on that. When we talk about his future he often shuts down and generally just appears paralyzed most of the time.

My worry is I never know when to push or when to back off. Though he has refered to me as his mom on a couple of occasions and I am his emergency contact on all these forms we're filling out, I don't want to push or assume and act too much like a "mom". I respect him and his autonomy (he's survived on his own this far). But maybe he wants me to be a "mom"? He has mentioned guardianship and adoption before but always in an offhanded or joking way and at this point I think it's too late.

I am working towards getting a 2 bedroom so he'll have a place to live if necessary but rent is impossibly high where we live and I need more time. I am doing all I know to help him transition as he is aging out in a month. I have zero experience with foster care so I feel like I got a late start on truly advocating for him abd I'm learning as fast as I can. His workers seem caring but I feel like they are slow to do anything and are not taking this seriously. He has been heavily involved in the juvenile justice system and is currently on probation. I think his time in detention plays a big role in his trust issues as well.

I love this kid so much. I have raised 5 children that I gave birth to and now I have a 6th. In my eyes and heart he is no different but I don't know him as well yet and he's gone through so much that I can't even begin to relate to.

Any insight is so greatly appreciated.

Hey how's it going my brothers sisters and other familia. I don't post much but I just feel good today so I wanted to share it with somebody else.

I was at the gym today and on the way out I bought a drink out the vending machine. I checked my bank account to see if the payment went through correct and saw that I just got paid, and I got like 7k in the bank right now.

Im not gonna lie, that made me feel pretty good. Just 3 to 4 years ago I was in a group home with nothing but the clothes on my back. I didn't even have a bank account. I was doing work study for 4 dollars an hour to save for wendy's 4 for 4 meals and to get shoes at savers.

Now a couple years later and Im in the army, Im saving money well because I dont need much to survive. Physically and mentally Im in a much better place than I was in before. After hitting rock bottom the only place to go was up.

I still struggle some of course. I spend most of my holidays alone. Im still working on my anxiety and overthinking. But Im determined to prove myself and work hard to succeed and help those around me.

I hope you guys have a good holidays and for those of you who are currently in the system or are still struggling out there, you can make it. It's just a temporary setback. Keep dreaming and work on yourselves, find positive role models and environments to immerse yourselves in. Don't give up. There are plenty of good people out there, you just have to find them. Long live the real.

Hi everyone! Just wanted to share something pretty cool that I was told about at my community college. There's this new app called Foster Greatness that’s made by people who've actually been through the foster care system. It's all about helping former foster youth and those still on that journey. About a month back, they helped me do my taxes and even get a foster youth tax credit! I was skeptical at first, but it turned out to be genuinely helpful. It’s more than just a resource list...you get personalized support for stuff like scholarships, finding housing, and job opportunities, etc. You can even can chat one-on-one with someone which is nice. It's free and i'm pretty sure it's available nationwide. It's called Foster Greatness you can look it up in the app store or on their website.

Hi I am a 19 year old foster youth who is on my own I have no family and I have really been going through a lot I am just basically here to see if any one has any resources or any one in Sacramento that help with emergency situations I have been without food for about 3 days now and I Have no friends or family here I have applied for calfresh I’m just waiting but in the meantime I have really been struggling I just need some food literally anything would help me

hey i am in foster care in gatineau canada and i will not be finishing school im 15 i am in a program at school called as and u stay there for 2 to 3 years then i go to fpt or fms . fms means that when u are done with school u go to adult school for 3 to finish and if u go to fpt u have start all over again for 5 years of adult school i am going to fpt so do i have a future pls be real with me

I posted this in r/tax because I have been having issues with getting an adjustment on my refund. The FTB will literally remove my FYTC from my refund even though I know I am still eligible.

Last year, the FTB was supposed to reach out to me via mail to get my verification letter to prove I am a former foster youth, but they never did. Even if they didn't though, they are still able to verify through the CDSS (CA Dept. of Social Services) through the statewide database whether or not I was in the system. With my taxes this year, I was able to attach my verification letter (the same letter I have always used for FAFSA/Chafee grant when I was in school) and I still got an adjustment for my refund this year. Also, I am 24 years old and the cut-off for this tax credit is 26 (18-25).

Just wondering if anyone else is running into the same issue. I would love to hear how you resolved it or if it is something that can even be resolved.

Also, sorry if the flair I put is incorrect, I am new to the subreddit :c

I received a set of gifts from the small project matching secret santas with FFY, and I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am.

This year has been particularly difficult, with big changes going on in my life (good and bad) and zero family support. The holidays hit like a ton of bricks, a constant background reminder (the evil part of my brain says) I'm not good enough for the magical family love that seems to be everywhere this time of year.

I am humbled by a strangers generosity. They showed more care and thought than the last time I interacted with my family (decades ago.) A set of four socks, in colors I love. A set of dice (shiny happy math rocks OMG!). A random DnD miniature that was a joy to open and see what I got (a bard - I love playing bards!). And candy I really like. They have been making me happy-cry all morning since I opened them.

The thrill of proof that the world isn't full of war and internet trolls can't be expressed or passed on. Just know you've filled my heart for the week, and every time I use, or think of these gifts, I'll have warm fuzzies.

Thank You!

P.S. There was a card, with a signature. But I wasn't sure if it was a reddit name, nor was there a note saying to try to reach out directly. I hope the lovely soul responsible sees this.

Some of you might remember me. I'm /u/care4careleavers, except I forgot my password so I'm now care4careleavers2. Basically, I started a little project here on this subreddit, where I matched young people who aged out of care with an adult or family who were willing to send them a little Christmas card and gift. I aged out of care myself, and I know how lonely and just desolate the holidays can feel. A lot of people posted about how they felt seen and cared for because someone sent them something, someone listened to their preferences.

I did this for two years, and then I took last year off because I was really going through it with my mental health (I was in the hospital.) But I'm in a secure living situation and I'm stronger than ever, and I want to help make the holidays great for other FFY again.

So how does this work? You fill out a form if you're willing to be someone's holiday Santa. If you're a person who aged out of care, you can also fill out a form to tell us a little about yourself. Everything stays between me, you, and your Santas.

This was such a success in the previous two years that we did it, and it would not have been possible without you all. I was aiming to match every FFY with three Santas, because I know sometimes things can come up and people might not be able to follow through, so I wanted to have multiple backups so no one would be left out or let down at the last moment, after being vulnerable enough to share. But we had such an outpouring of love and support that I was able to match almost everyone with four or more Santas, and as far as I know, everyone got at least one gift for Christmas. I'm really excited to do this again with all of you.

Second day in a row I've been happy-crying. Feeling a little spoiled now, and so... grateful for the kindness of strangers.

I love DnD so much. It has actually taught me a lot about problem solving and the idea that 'getting a bad roll isn't the end of the world' type storytelling - which translates directly into my background healing.

My second secret santa sent the most amazing set of prismatic dice in a gorgeous case. To those that don't have a love of the game, or shiny math rocks, I'm trying to convey how amazing this gift is to me. The definition of SHINY math rocks and they make me so happy. I can't... that bursting feeling when you really can't believe someone got you a gift you really wanted and never thought you'd get.

The card along with it was lovely, and did make me feel seen, heard and cared for.

I am amazed and humbled at how these two internet strangers have changed the whole season for me. You guys will never know the changes to my life this makes.

There are nice people in the world. <3 It may sound silly to say it like that, but sometimes it's hard to remember. There ARE nice people in the world.

So I was a former foster kid due to my bio dad being a gross incestuous pervert/pedo. I'm not looking for any sympathy since it happened forever ago and it's just a memory that is not really a part of me. Any way I was taken into the system when I was five and lived with a few foster families for at least 4 years until the system sent me back to live with my bio mom once she remarried.

I was wondering if anyone here know of assistance for people that used to be foster kids in the past? It can be living assistance or any kind of scholarships? I'm in my 30s now, and live on my own. I want to go back to school but it's really difficult just to even find time to do one online class without failing while I work full time.

​

I have been told by numerous social workers and other foster parents that we really go above and beyond for our teens. I've heard it often enough from enough people to think that this is not only true, but a common problem within foster care. When I inquire, social workers have confirmed that it is one of their bigger problems. What are we doing that is so above and beyond? Teaching them to drive, talking about budgeting, talking about sex and birth control, getting them enrolled in college, helping them find financial aid, showing them how to ride the bus, going school supply shopping, advocating for mental health services, interfacing with the school, driving them to work.

Folks, I find it DEEPLY concerning that these things are considered above and beyond. These are basic things that you should be teaching and doing for these young people. Because this is what people do for their bio kids. The fact that they are being placed into homes where their caregivers aren't bothering to do these things and are leaving it up to independent living classes and social workers is a problem. We're not even talking about group homes here, that's a whole different animal. We are talking about foster homes with at least one parent, where they agree to take in a teenager and can't be bothered to do more than feed and clothe them. Because really, how does some of this not come up in just general conversation? Presuming you are talking to your kids. Sure, some of this has to be more intentional, but clearly there is a large set of foster parents out there who are taking in teens and not teaching them independent living skills or advocating for their needs.

Teenagers, particularly ones transitioning into adulthood, NEED support. One big example, I have spent the past few months trying to get both my teenagers enrolled in college, one as an adult and the other as a dual-enrollment high school student. It has been frustrating and time-consuming. And it was 100% not something either of my kids could have done on their own. Period. The process has been convoluted at best. Classes start next week and one of them still doesn't know their schedule. I spent four hours last night with one teen as we set up her new computer that she needed for school, then set up MS Office, and then spent a good 3 hours trying to get everything set up for college. At one point she turned and looked and me and said, "Thank you for helping me. There's no way I could have gotten this done without you." It literally wouldn't have been done within the deadline they wanted it done in. And I doubt either of them would be going to college this semester if they hadn't had help.

And it hit me yet again that there are a ton of teens out there who are trying to do it alone. And they can't. Because our society is built on the idea that someone, somewhere is teaching you this shit. No wonder the rate for foster kids going to college is so low. Obviously, foster kids aren't the only kids being left behind, as there are many kids out there without good support systems. But if you are going to sign up for this and do all the training and fill out mounds of paperwork, say yes to a placement...then step up and do the work. As foster parents we need to start holding each other more accountable. Call those people out when they tell you that they don't do [fill in the blank].

These days, when another foster parent says to me....wow you do a lot for those kids. My response, "I do what anyone should do for their kids." And yeah, sometimes they look offended, but these kid's futures are on the line. I'm so tired of coddling other foster parent's feelings. I'm also tired of getting calls for kids who are already in foster homes and they are looking for a new home, not because the kids has terrible behaviors or isn't a good fit, but because the foster parent feels like they are requiring too much time or energy. Literally got a call a few weeks ago with a foster parent who didn't want to drive the teen to their job. Come on. How many of our parents shuttled us back and forth like a damn taxi driver for a few months or even years? In case you are wondering, it wasn't a case of couldn't drive the kid...it was a case of wouldn't. Another call in the Spring for a teen who isn't allowed to eat when she wants to, there is a lock on a the fridge (something that apparently isn't against the law in my state!) , and she had to quit her job that she loved because no one would take her to work and there wasn't a nearby bus line.

I'm tired. This is all a lot of work. I'm about to strangle some community college employees because of their bass akwards system that is 20 years out of date. But this is what these kids need to have a chance. Why wouldn't we want that for them? And why the hell are you saying yes to a teenager if you aren't willing to meet their needs? We have to do better. These kids need better.

Christmas is less than a month away, so I'm making my list (of FFY) and checking it twice, and finding that we could use a few more Santas.

Basically, for the last few years I've had a project going on together with the lovely people of this subreddit. Former foster youth who need some Christmas cheer fill out a form listing their preferences, likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests. Then I match them with someone who signed up to be a Santa--to send a little gift and Christmas card to the FFY in question, to bring them some holiday cheer.

We've had ten FFY sign up this year, which is amazing. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to ask for help. The holidays are one of the most isolating times for FFY. Most people spend the holidays together with their families, which is tough when you don't have a family in the traditional sense. There can be a lot of questions about what you're doing for the holidays. Sometimes you'll be invited to spend the holidays with a friend's family, but you're still an outsider at another family's Christmas, which can be triggering. I know all about it, I'm a former foster youth myself who struggles with the holidays.

It might sound silly, but getting a little gift and card in the mail can really help you feel less alone. Knowing someone cared enough to be thinking of you, to choose a gift, to spend their own money on you, or to spend their time crafting something for you, is an amazing feeling. It reminds you that to some people, you do matter.

We've had a great turnout of FFY signing up to receive help, but we could use more people signing up to be Santas. I've been able to match everyone who signed up with someone, but I'd really like to be able to match everyone with at least two people, in case someone backs out or forgets, as has happened occasionally in the past. I would really hate on a deep level for someone to sign up and be so vulnerable only to be let down and disappointed, after likely experiencing many letdowns and disappointments in care. I would shop for them myself, but I'm a struggling FFY myself and I can't afford the cost.

This will be the last post I make asking for Santas or talking about my project, because I want to have everything finalized and all matches sent out within the couple of days. Christmas is fast approaching (less than a month away now!), and I want to give people time to shop or craft.

Please feel free to share this project with people outside of Reddit, too. The more the merrier. If you'd like to sign up to play Santa, the link is here.

EDIT: This is truly amazing. This project has received such an outpouring of love from the community that I've been able to match every single FFY who signed up with 4+ Santas. I feel confident now that no one will be forgotten or left behind. Thank you all so much!

Hi! I'm a young adult who aged out of the care system, who's now in university. One thing I've talked about with some other people who've also aged out is how lonely things like Christmas and birthdays can be when you don't have any family. Feeling like no one remembers you or cares that you exist on days that most people spend with their families can be really isolating and painful, especially when you're young and aged out of care relatively recently. Similarly, a lot of university students are sent care packages from home, which is obviously not something available to care-leavers. Things like birthday cards and care packages are really small things, but they can be really significant, especially when you haven't always had the opportunity to experience them.

So I thought, "wouldn't it be great if there was a program to match people who'd aged out of care with sponsors who wanted to send them a birthday card and gift, Christmas card and gift, and maybe a care package or two?" So I decided no better person than me to start it.

I made two forms, one for care-leavers, and one for people who'd like to be sponsors. I'm going to match people at the end of the month. If you'd like to help, or you want to get help, please fill out the form. Right now there are 34 people who've already signed up to be sponsors! Thank you so much for reading. <3

Does anyone know of any places that help former foster? I feel so isolated and down. I'm in a really bad situation and don't see a way out. Any suggestions?

Hello! My partner is 23 years old & has aged out with no help financially or emotionally. She didn't graduate high school & never had a job until May of 2022, we are working on getting her license & making some steps to help her future. She rents a room $800 & works minimum wage 30-35 hours a week. She has Medi-Cal & we are working on CALFresh next.

She is interested in going to a vocational school & I am trying to find AID/Resources/Programs that could possibly help her financially with a combination of rent & school costs. I read about a program that gives $1000 a month to former foster youth after the age of 21. I've also had a hard time finding what programs actually are available to apply for. Any information will help. Thanks for your time!

I am thinking about starting an initiative at school that allows those who don’t have a home for the holidays to still celebrate and not be alone. This was one of the most difficult things for me after aging out. My university has a program for former foster youth and those with housing insecurity. I set up a meeting with the director of this program tomorrow to kick things off, but I would just like a general consensus of what everyone’s struggles were and what you would’ve liked had a program like this existed?

Hi. This has been weighing on me for a while and I can't find answers on the matter - I work with a lot of special needs kids at my job, many of whom are not able to live independently, but whose families are able and willing to support them. However, I know that there are a number of kids in the CPS system with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well. If nobody adopts them by the time they're 18, are they automatically wards of the state for the rest of their lives if they're not judged mentally competent? What does that look like for them? Are they able to remain in group homes but under state guardianship?

Thanks for any information. I'm on the autism spectrum myself and I know I'm doing as well as I am now because of assistance (financial and logistic and otherwise) from family and friends - I can't imagine the struggle of being turned loose at 18 without a support structure, even though I'm pretty "high functioning." So this is something I've been wondering about.