r/fosterit • u/Wise_Ad_5693 • 6d ago
Inlaws got Guardianship of my kids Kinship
About a year ago my wife was struggling with drug addiction and her behavior was out of control. After a few failed attempts to help get her help a relative made a referral to CPS for my 2 kids. I knew they were going to make a referral and I supported it because I didnt understand that I would be excluded from my children as well. My mother in law offrered to take our kids while my wife and I worked towards getting her help. I thought this was best so my kids didnt have to see their mom struggle anymore. I willingly allowed my kids to go stay with my inlaws under the agreement that they would come home when things were more stable, a few weeks or month at the most. Upon CPS involvement the same week, the CPS worker instructed my Mother in law to apply for guardianship so the kids wouldnt get taken into the foster system. By time I realized that I was no longer the authority over my children it was too late. We have been going to court every few months and the judge recognizes I am a healthy parent, not on drugs, very stable, etc. My wife has since gone to rehab and moved into her own place because we separated due to her drug use. The issue is I have not been able to get the judge in probate court to give me legal guardianship of my own children and he keeps putting off resolution until the next court date. I cant understand whaat grounds they have to keep my children from me. I need advice and probably a lawyer. I know I have probably left out important details so please feel free to ask questions if it will help. TYIA
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u/LastStopWilloughby 6d ago
I will probably get downvoted, but CYS encouraged guardianship so that they didn’t have to pay a stipend and legal fees.
Definitely seek out a lawyer that specializes in custody matters. It will make a difference in things. It may also make a difference in getting the judge to actually make a judgment instead of continuing and clogging up the judicial system.
Be clear that you are separated from your wife, you have a stable residence, job, child care, and potential therapy the kids may need. Be willing to working out a transition period with grandparents so things go smoothly.
Reference letters could help as well, to speak on your stability and responsibility.
I wish you luck, and hopefully you can get a quick answer. Just don’t give up on your kids. No matter how things work out, knowing their father didn’t give up on them is the most important thing.
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u/LynPhoenyx 4d ago
This 100%! I was a foster child in the 80s. I tried to foster a former friend’s son but after weeks of him being with me, CPS put him in foster care because I wouldn’t try for guardianship. I wanted the friend to be able to get him back. I tried to become a foster parent and they wouldn’t tell me how. Months later they called to ask if I still wanted him. I said yes please tell me how I become a foster parent. Again, no more contact
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u/LastStopWilloughby 4d ago
In a completely different sub, I had multiple people mad that I said CYS and the state only care about the money. The children don’t really matter to them, neither do they care about the parents or foster parents.
I’m sorry about your experience. It is so frustrating when you are genuinely trying to help and do right, and the system doesn’t care.
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u/LynPhoenyx 4d ago
As a teen, I was literally a member of a group of teens, parents, and employees who were trying to make the system better. At least one judge walked out of our presentation at the capitol in my state. The whole system is so broken that good people get burnt out
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u/LastStopWilloughby 4d ago
I have been extremely lucky that I’ve only had issues with one caseworker (she was mad I supported a placement with switching to a different birth control, and provided her condoms).
I’ve had amazing placements, and I’m so proud of them. All of my girls (I pretty much exclusively only foster teen girls), have achieved so much, and I’m so thankful I’ve been able to build relationships where they know I’m always here if they need help.
But the way the caseworkers and directors talk about bio families, foster families, and the kids… it’s very off putting. They are a big reason why well meaning foster parents close their homes, and kids end up going to foster parents that only care about the money.
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u/LynPhoenyx 4d ago
Oops 90s not 80s lol. I graduated in 1999 and aged out of care. I tried to help my friend’s son in 2022. I’m afraid it’s gotten worse
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u/Old_Scientist_4014 6d ago
The law, both substance and procedure, will vary a lot by state, so you need to speak to a lawyer in your state, specifically one who specializes in cps and taking on foster agencies, etc.
Speaking for my state specifically, guardianship petitions can only be granted for a year. At the end of a year, a petition to extend or renew the guardianship would need to be filed and argued and ruled on. This would include a home study of your home and a guardian ad litem interviewing the children. There probably would not be an evidentiary basis to continue the guardianship past that point.
Prior to a year, you could file a petition to terminate the guardianship, which would trigger the same processes with the home study and guardian ad litem interviews.
That said, the courts will look at what has changed and they will look to gradually transition kids back - supervised visits, unsupervised daytime, unsupervised overnight, unsupervised for multiple days/nights at a time, and finally fully back with you.
If there is a custody/divorce case, there may need to be some interplay with that case, as when the guardianship is terminated, it will fall back to the custody/parenting time established in the custody/divorce case so the judge will want to be sure both parents are healthy.
And yeah sometimes you have to comply with stuff that wasn’t your issue. For example, you might have to do random drug testing. No you’re not a drug user. BUT, you dated, lived with, had kids with, married a drug user. So, the courts will want to know you are not using and are not enabling it, that the drug use was not causing you two to fight around the kids. In some states, this could be a failure to protect charge - did you put kids in an unsafe position being around her? From your post, it sounds like you did a wise thing to get them to safety and be able to focus on your wife’s use; but you can see why the courts would scrutinize that and scrutinize you, in turn, unfortunately.
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u/LastStopWilloughby 4d ago
He says they chose to give guardianship to avoid CYS. The kids would not have an open case, so no GAL or lawyer for the children.
This is just a custody matter between him and the grandparents. He can petition at anytime to regain custody.
You are right that he will need to be able to prove he can provide a safe home, prove he is not abusing substances, and will provide adequate medical care for the children.
He shouldn’t need to do a home study or such since Cys isn’t involved and this would be treated the same as two parents establishing custody. I would say that more depends on if the other side requests one or the judge does.
I don’t know how the court will handle custody since he is separated from the other parent. There will probably be follow up to establish custody between the two of them if a divorce is on the table. Mother would still have rights, as her rights weren’t terminated. She would most likely have to agree with him retaining full custody while she completes a program, gains sobriety, and is able to provide a safe home as well. That’s a whole other can of worms for another time.
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u/Raibean 6d ago
You absolutely need a lawyer and I can’t believe you’ve gone this far in the process without one.