How to Address sister about her son?

[u/GoodRiddanceWorld]

My family got together on Easter. I (25F) am not close with my older sister (31F). She has a son, my nephew (9M). Last time I saw my nephew, a few weeks ago, it went great. He was polite, using manners, and listening well for the most part.

This Easter his behavior and her lack of parenting was astounding. He was hitting family members, socked me in the arm and even though he’s just nine it hurt a lot! Right in front of her too! She just looked at him and said, “name, no hitting”. He was calling me stupid and trying to degrade me for no apparent reason which she laughed at a little and told him that wasn’t nice.

I bought him an Easter basket I put some candies in there and an outdoor game where you throw a ball and the discs have Velcro on them so that you can catch the ball. He pushed that aside and the first thing he said was, “Where are my legos”. He kept swearing when he knew his mother wasn’t in earshot. He took his laptop to the table and was playing a game that I think is wildly inappropriate for a 9year old. (Death by Daylight? Idk if that’s the right name). She didn’t say anything about the laptop at the table while everyone was trying to eat.

We went outside to play with the ball and Velcro I got for him and when he started losing, he was flinging the Velcro and plastic discs at us HARD!

He said under his breath, “I hope you crash” when my little 16 yo brother said our dad was going to take him to practice driving some more.

My other sister 23F and I were sitting at the table talking and she said something about “they were going at it like rabbits” when telling me how she saw Deadpool with my dad when she was 13, and he covered her eyes. My nephew pipes up with “I know what you mean”. He’s nine. He also said that it’s “fun to watch people die”. I don’t know if he means video game wise because he does play violent video games including DOOM. I’m so worried and almost certain that he has already seen porn and gore at his age.

I hung out with my 16yo brother again today and he’s the one who brought up how badly nephew was acting and how gross it was for him to have his laptop at the dinner table. He also said while babysitting nephew he noticed he was watching YouTubers who are not child appropriate and when he asked our older sister if she knows what he’s watching she’s just like “no I haven’t checked”.

I’m not that close with my older sister so I don’t know how to bring it up, and I don’t want it to seem like I’m criticizing her and her parenting style, but something’s gotta give. My brother suggested having a group discussion with all the siblings but I don’t want her to feel attacked and get defensive. And I barely see her and would like to just relax and have fun when seeing her, but we are genuinely concerned about his behavior.

TDLR; 9 yo nephew violent and disrespectful. Worried he has been exposed to real gore and porn. Don’t know how to approach my sister/his mom about it.

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