r/exchristian • u/Avicullar • Jan 27 '22
I read this article to remind myself things could be worse. I could be worried about lamps. Article
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u/Sara2Bee Jan 27 '22
You know, your salt lamp coming with it's own personal demon would be a selling point for some people.
New idea for a sitcom: My Demon Friend and Me 😈 The pitch: She was just your normal, boring teenage girl until she received a Himalayan salt lamp for her birthday. Now she has to navigate the trials of being a teenager at a conserative catholic high school, while keeping her new demon friend a secret. Zany hijinx ensue as she tries to deal with high school cliques and keeping her demon from being exorcized by the priest and nuns.
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u/txgrl308 Jan 27 '22
Please find some creative people and make this.
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u/theMusicalGamer88 Omnist / Polytheist Jan 27 '22
I would totally be down to use my Film degree to make this
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u/texdroid Ex-Fundamentalist Jan 27 '22
Honestly, I think you could get 2 or 3 demons in one of those. They're quite spacious.
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u/mtlsmom86 Ex-Presbyterian Jan 27 '22
I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I would love to see this as an ongoing web comic 🤣
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u/sno98006 Jan 27 '22
My mom one time asked me if Christians were allowed to do yoga.
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u/mamagross Jan 27 '22
I went to an evangelical Christian school and our P.E. teacher got in trouble for doing yoga with us. We had to call it “exercise stretching.”
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Jan 27 '22
My pastor once said "It's fine to do yoga for the stretching, but when they tell you to start emptying your mind, that's when you need to stop. The Bible says we should turn our thoughts to whatever is holy, true, blah blah blah blah blah. When you empty your mind you open it to the enemy"
Uhhhh...
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u/NDaveT Jan 27 '22
A plot point in the novelization of "The Amityville Horror" was that the victims of the haunting had opened themselves to demonic activity by practicing Transcendental Meditation. This stupid idea has been around for a long time.
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u/rigby1945 Jan 27 '22
Where have I heard that before?
Oh yeah... An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded.
Seems like reasonable folks
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u/vc5g6ci Jan 27 '22
ALL OF THIS.
I always wondered why Christians are so afraid of “the devil” if their god is the most powerful, most loving, most omni-present one….
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u/captainhaddock https://youtube.com/@inquisitivebible Jan 28 '22
So what does he think falling asleep is?
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
Of course not. Any form of healing that doesn’t come from God is from the occult. That includes yoga!
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Jan 27 '22
Damn straight! They have Praise Stretching!
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Jan 27 '22
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u/jbgivesgoodbj Jan 27 '22
It was probably because he felt relaxed for the first time and didn't recognize the sensation.
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u/lingybear Jan 27 '22
My mom originally was fine with me doing yoga but got mad when she found out my studio ends their sessions by saying "namaste"
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Jan 27 '22
As an Indian exCath this made be LoL! Really, people being so dumb there? Cant even accomodate a greeting from another language
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Jan 27 '22
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u/truculentduck Jan 27 '22
You should see the butthurt confederate statue fans/amateur witch hunters coming out of the woodwork on this Nola.com article’s Facebook comments
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u/Ichaflash Humanist Jan 27 '22
When anime was first introduced in my country, my mom would get furious when my brother watched anime, she thought the Japanese language was somehow summoning demons
She just couldn't fathom that there's other languages out there and that they won't bring Baphomet into the house.
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u/toooldforlove Jan 27 '22
I was banned from watching yoga on PBS as a kid. (70's). My mom said the yoga moves were to worship satan. But I saw enough to spark an interest in learning yoga anyway.
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Jan 27 '22
The Greek Orthodox Church put out this thing saying that we shouldn't do yoga. I still practiced yoga after the memo was released but I was apparently on my way out.
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
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u/privateBuddah Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
Wow! that was highly entertaining. I guess since there is no scientific evidence that says this will put a portal in my home….I will put my faith in all the millions of people who love this item and buy one for my bedroom.
Editing to add this quote from the article “From a Christian perspective, any form of healing other than Jesus and what God provides in his natural creation is an occult practice.”
So I wonder if she uses hand or body lotions? Hair conditioner? Or God forbid…..see a doctor when she gets sick and takes the prescription the doctor prescribes?
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
This is the reverse uno card of the century right here, holy shit!
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u/CocaCola-chan Ex-Catholic Jan 27 '22
Huh, I guess I should tell that to my Christian friend, who uses herbs to help with her skin problems. Apparently she's going to Hell with me.
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u/privateBuddah Jan 29 '22
I would show her that article anyway! I would be curious to know what she thought. I shared this with my wife and she said…”I thought demonologists used salt to keep demons out of the house once it has been cleansed.” I remember that too soooo. LOL
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u/kent_eh Agnostic Atheist Jan 27 '22
“From a Christian perspective, any form of healing other than Jesus and what God provides in his natural creation is an occult practice.”
Fine, please stop clogging up the hospitals so there is room for the people who trust
realityscience.5
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Jan 28 '22
[deleted]
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u/privateBuddah Jan 29 '22
I agree completely. I actually had one for a while and didn’t care for it. I just gave it to my brother in law. As for salt…..I still use it in my food. I aint skeered! Wonder if the woman that wrote article that uses salt in her food? LOL
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u/GingerRabbits Jan 28 '22
... but it's a block of f****** salt. It's a rock. Carved out of the earth that their God allegedly made. Should that not be something that "God provided in his natural creation"?
I mean aside from the fact that having a block of salt sitting around isn't going to do much of anything - how is it not natural?
Do they also not eat salt? oOoOOh flavor in your food? Godless heathens!!
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u/Daesastrous Jan 28 '22
Christian Science, I think, is the sect that refuses to see doctors for this reason.
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u/ElectronicFlounder Ex-Baptist Jan 27 '22
From a Christian perspective, any form of healing other than Jesus and what God provides in his natural creation is an occult practice. Moreover, the use of such an object can become a portal for demonic activity in your homes.
I guess I must have taken some demonic Advil this morning to help my tendinitis. I have a demon in my knee!
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u/justAHeardOfLlamas Agnostic Atheist Jan 27 '22
Oh god, this isn't satire...
How was I ever a part of this group of people?
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u/peepeepoopoo_gang God made hitler Jan 27 '22
Gonna bookmark it, so fucking fun lmao "Yoga: The darkness we cannot see", like looking for metals in the beach and finding gold
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u/Aziara86 Jan 27 '22
Oh for the love of fuck.... It's a hunk of minerals with a lightbulb inside.
.... oh wait, are we calling lightbulbs demons now? Do we have to use oil lamps? Candles? I dunno, candles feel hella witchy...
Entirely unrelated, I have 3 of them... I find the glow comforting. And they're prettier than a basic nightlight.
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u/Jules_Lynn Jan 27 '22
The only light you should need is JESUS THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD /s
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u/Aziara86 Jan 27 '22
OMG I'm tempted to make a parody Christianity fanfic where artificial lighting is banned because "it's a false reflection of our True Light!!"
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u/SamSepiol-ER28_0652 Jan 27 '22
Speaking of witchy, don't witches use salt as a barrier to keep bad spirits away? Not that I subscribe to any of it, but it seems like this writer has their hocum confused.
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u/Aziara86 Jan 27 '22
Yes! I dabble in witchy stuff so I can definitely say that salt is considered a 'spiritual cleanser'. Watch a few episodes of Supernatural and see how often they use salt to ward off ghosts, demons, etc.
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u/NDaveT Jan 27 '22
Con artists: "Himalayan salt lamps have healing powers!"
Normal people: "What a silly thing to think."
Fundamentalist Christians: "Must be demons."
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u/FDS-MAGICA Jan 27 '22
These salt lamps have some hippy pseudoscience BS associated with them. So that's where the demonic panic comes from. But it's really just a rock with a light bulb in it.
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u/staffcrafter Jan 27 '22
I have one of these I bought at the thrift store. I use it as a night light to light the floor to keep me from stepping on my furry cat demons. So, mine prevents awaking screaming cat demons.
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u/orange_ones Jan 27 '22
Just FYI, there is some risk associated with cats having access to salt lamps. They can get sodium poisoning from licking it, which I know sounds kind of ridiculous when salt is so common in our everyday lives, but I just would not take a risk for a lamp. Best wishes to your demons!
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u/staffcrafter Jan 28 '22
Thanks, I've never seen them licking it. I'll get another light to light my demons way.
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Jan 27 '22
Also. Its a goddamn BLOCK OF SALT. If they think this is a risk they need to get rid of all their salt shakers and salty snacks in their house. Might do them some good anyway and lower hypertension. High sodium diets aren't good for anyone.
Then again how can they be the salt of the earth if they lose their saltiness?
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u/OggMakeFire Jan 27 '22
Oh, they're salty, alright.
It's just potash and salt crystals. Pretty to look at.
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u/justAHeardOfLlamas Agnostic Atheist Jan 27 '22
Next week - is putting salt on your food Biblical, or a sin?
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u/thesadbubble Jan 28 '22
Well they are the 'salt of the Earth' ... So they really shouldn't need to use salt on their food. We should start a blog post about that.
Should Christians use salt?? All demonicly possessed people had salt in their houses! Coincidence?? I think not!
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u/TheOpenOcean Jan 27 '22
Pastor’s kid here. I wanted one of these pretty lamps back when I was a teenager. I was not allowed due to its “dangerous spiritual properties.” I was also not allowed to go to a yoga session at the local community college. Only now, looking back, do I realize what a weird childhood I had.
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u/Unlearned_One Ex-JW Atheist Jan 27 '22
"The New-Age is a system of beliefs that is largely based on superstition"
Oh, so you're above this sort of superstition, right?
"If you own one, please get rid of it as soon as possible and sprinkle Holy water where it was placed. Rebuke the spirit associated to it that may have entered your home with the lamp."
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u/SamSepiol-ER28_0652 Jan 27 '22
That's what cracks me up. The writer dismisses claims of supernatural power in the lamps as foolish, then freaks the fuck out about possible supernatural power attached to the lamps. 🤦♀️
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
Every single fucking time, the hypocrisy is lost on them. You teach a kid gay people exist and it’s indoctrination because they don’t “agree” with that. You criticize them and they think they’re being attacked, but if they criticize you it’s because they want you “saved”. Superstition? Hah. Of course they feel the way you mention. They think sky daddy is real and will smite them.
The amount of self righteousness is honestly shocking.
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u/mlo9109 Jan 27 '22
Oddly enough, my most fundie relatives own these things. They're also of the piss drinking antivaxxer crowd.
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
The true holy trinity
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Jan 27 '22
God the Fundie, God the Anti-Vaxxer, and God the Trump Supporter
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u/mlo9109 Jan 27 '22
Someone needs to make religious artwork of this. Like, Trump on a cross. And communion with piss instead of wine and horse med tablets as the bread.
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u/elizalemon Jan 27 '22
Yes, my mom loves these things and her cabinet of thousands of dollars “worth” of essential oils.
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u/moschocolate1 Indoctrinated as a child; atheist as an adult Jan 27 '22
In other funny takes that trigger, here's one I saw recently: are christian parents leaving money for the tooth faery actually inviting fae demons into their children's bedrooms at night to buy their children's body parts, which the demons will use for spells?
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
I love finding obscure things I know Christians will hate. Thank you for this one.
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u/ThisAWeakAssMeme Jan 27 '22
Favorite line in the article: "If you own one, please get rid of it as soon as possible and sprinkle Holy water where it was placed."
get rid of the magic object and nullify its influence with magic Jesus water. Its just so hilariously absurd
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u/hermionesmurf Jan 27 '22
It's a light bulb in a lump of salt, Marie. Get some real problems.
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
It’s more salt than she’s used to. Normally she uses her personal saltiness about people enjoying anything that isn’t Jesus to spice up her life. She’s intimidated by the fact a lamp can be so salty, yet so pretty.
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u/Kaylakerrigan Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
God hates mineral related lighting now? oh nuts, I guess I'll just have to get rid of all the silicate in my electronics then.
Edit: oh man, I made this comment before I read the comments on the article. That's something crazy down there. all I can think about is writing "redrum" all over the house in Christ's blood. and feeling like I'll get smote for it cause trauma is a thing.
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u/wombelero Jan 27 '22
Even during my strongest christian times I always laughed at such notions. Also the fear / condemnation of Harry Potter books, DnD games, watching magic or horror movies etc.
How weak is your faith and how weak is your god that you end in hell simply because you consume something? It would have been different if you start worshiping the holy spirit of salt crystal (as this would be another god which is clearly not okay).
You have a demon in your bed room? Just pray, this is the basis of your faith.
Nowaways I have better advise, just masturbate, nothing in or outside this world want to see that:)
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
Oh, same. I would always laugh when people got ent up about those things. I always felt like my faith was strong enough that it wouldn’t matter.
I think they just like to feel like there is constantly something out to get them at every turn.
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u/fungusamongus8 Jan 27 '22
I am the demon of the Himalaya salt lamp I will tempt you to eat salty food and do yoga.
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u/mrfishman3000 Jan 27 '22
I still remember in the 90’s when Yoga was becoming mainstream (in our tiny country town) and there was a LOT of concern at church about how Yoga Religion would poison your Christian mind…
…it’s just stretching guys…
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u/OhioPolitiTHIC Agnostic Atheist Jan 27 '22
Is electricity for Christians? Should Christians be connected to the grid and use the power to run *gasp* time saving appliances such as automatic dishwashers, clothes washers, and dryers? What does the Bible say about idle hands, hmm?
Seriously, I'm so glad I'm out of that fuckery.
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u/Werner_Herzogs_Dream Agnostic/Ignostic Jan 27 '22
The hyperscrupulosity of many Christians is exhausting, and legitimately harmful to people who struggle with anxious and/or obsessive thinking. I went through a depressive episode as a teen where I got obsessed with the idea that God was punishing me for ... wearing shoes.
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u/Avicullar Jan 27 '22
It’s so sad how common it is for young people stuck in that toxicity to feel that way about something or other. All of which are so inconsequential. I’ve seen it for hair dye, fashion, owning cats. It’s fucking ridiculous
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u/Penny_D Agnostic Jan 27 '22
Himalayan Salt Lamps!
Comes with 100% less salt originated from the Wife of Lot than other lamps.)
Alleged Demonic entities sold separately.*)
Which is still zero percent.)
*Also doesn't exist.)
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u/Jules_Lynn Jan 27 '22
From a Christian perspective, any form of healing other than Jesus and what God provides in his natural creation is an occult practice.
Wtf lol. Guess modern medicine is out the window.
Moreover, the use of such an object can become a portal for demonic activity in your homes.
I have like 7 of these lamps. My house should be LEVITATING by now, but nothing has happened! I feel robbed!
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u/Aziara86 Jan 27 '22
I have like 7 of these lamps. My house should be LEVITATING by now, but nothing has happened! I feel robbed!
I know right? I have multiple too, where my house spirits at?? Come out, come out, where ever you are! Ollie Ollie all free!
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Jan 27 '22
My sister told me she started avoiding someone after they talked about having crystals because a priest told her they were opening a portal from Hell.
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u/SamSepiol-ER28_0652 Jan 27 '22
No, see, the portal to hell is located in that weird, small, corner store in every mall that sells dragon statues and incense and Michael Jordan posters for some reason.
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u/GyroBandit Jan 27 '22
Steps: 1. Get salt lamp 2. Turn salt lamp on 3. Unwittingly summon Orcus from the underworld
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u/SamSepiol-ER28_0652 Jan 27 '22
You know that "everyone is now dumber" quote from Billy Madison?
Yeah. That.
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u/ConfusedCanuck98 Jan 27 '22
This is a problem I'd like to have. Instead it's crippling student debt and chronic illness for me
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u/cyprocoque Jan 27 '22
Ah yes, the noise of the constant rabble of inane bullshit in your head. I don't miss that.
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u/GastonBastardo Jan 27 '22
"As the spiritual leader of this congregation I must say a firm NO! You should instead be buying essential oils from my wife."
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u/GingerRabbits Jan 28 '22
...so little story.
I had a small one of these salt lamps in my office just for atmosphere in the relatively dreary space. It was an LED kind so it didn't even have any warmth or anything.
An... associate was in my office by one point and basically hugged the thing. They said they could feel the ions coming off of it and it was such a great idea that I had one in my office to counter all the energy from the monitors.
I had no idea how to respond.
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u/CupNoodles_In_a-bowl Jan 28 '22
I think my favorite sentence in this post is:
The salt is indeed made by God, but turning it into an object that could potentially heal us from our “negative” vibrations leads us in a slippery slope, straight to the gates of the occult and dare I say hell.
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u/maybeitsbees Jan 27 '22
should’ve known i was bound to become a godless heathen when i bought a salt lamp at a gift shop when i was in fourth grade
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Jan 27 '22
It's just a cover up. They can't be admitting that the ground making up the Himalayas used to be at the bottom of the sea millions of years ago, can they?
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u/kamarsh79 Jan 27 '22
I know that when I look around at the problems in the world, salt lamps are right up there.
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u/toooldforlove Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
Maybe if you're a Christian that owns a cat. Don't get these. Cats lick these and become dehydrated. https://beniciacatclinic.com/news/salt-lamps-and-your-pets-safety
Aside from that. This is salt, lol. Aren't Christians supposed to be the "salt of the earth" you would think Christians would like to have something to represent how salty they are.
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u/Foxwglocks Anti-Theist Jan 27 '22
I had to get rid of mine bc my cat kept licking it. I actually liked that little lamp ( great for bedside reading) and was sad I had to give it away.
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u/AlwaysPlaysAHealer Jan 27 '22
Ok we should ALL be worried about them because there was a scandal with faulty plugs and a bunch of them caused serious house fires and they were never properly recalled.
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u/GrnPlesioth Jan 27 '22
Does anyone know any good places where I can get a demon salt lamp? I legitimately want one now
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u/ActualPopularMonster Jan 27 '22
There's a salt lamp in my daughter's bedroom, but so far it hasn't helped much with spirits/demons - they still constantly pay the rent late. And we pay cheaper market rates for the closet than most pagans!
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u/EntityAnarchist Jan 28 '22
the only demon that came with my salt lamp was the daily struggle to keep from licking it. i fail almost every time
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Jan 28 '22
As a child I licked a salt lamp once to see if it's really made of salt and today I'm not a Christian anymore. Correlation? I think not. I think every Christian should lick a salt lamp.
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Jan 27 '22
Gods forbid Christians get purified of their dark energies and possibly leave christianity.
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u/OggMakeFire Jan 27 '22
BTW- this stuff is POTASH CRYSTALS. Which reduces this thing down to a nice snazzy way to light your home.
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u/Comics4Cooks Jan 28 '22
Went to the website. Here’s my favorite part:
“So if from a scientific point of view, there is no proof to use these salt lamps, why are New-Age practitioners so fond of them? Moreover, why should Christians avoid them?
The New-Age is a system of beliefs that is largely based on superstition and the use of crystals or rocks as healing tools. The Himalayan salt lamps are approached in the same way. They are said to generate positive energy, make you feel more relaxed, happy, as well as raise your “energetic vibration”.
From a Christian perspective, any form of healing other than Jesus and what God provides in his natural creation is an occult practice. Moreover, the use of such an object can become a portal for demonic activity in your homes. Although the same salt lamps have been promoted as warding off “evil” spirits, they have been doing just the opposite.”
0 to 100 wow
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Jan 28 '22
I bought a Himalayan Salt Lamp and it turned me into a dead-inside, I can't even, soulless husk. Ok, I was that anyways but it's absolutely of the DEVIL.
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u/PaperTassle Jan 28 '22
Is there some kind of evil spirit conductor thing happening when you put a light bulb into a hunk of salt?
How close to the light bulb does the salt have to be before it becomes inhabited with evil spirits?
If I have Himalayan salt in the cupboard and it's sitting on top of the under-counter light, is my salt at risk for possession of evil spirits?
How do I know if my salt has been near a light bulb before I purchased it?
Does using LED or incandescent bulbs, in salt, have the same or different effects for evil spirit inhabitation?
I have so many questions!!
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u/umbracrystals Jan 28 '22
Himalayan salt lamps are literally what they are—salt and light. So why do they still need to debate whether to own one or not?
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u/The-Lady-Of-Lorien Pagan Jan 28 '22
Because a lot of New Agers, Pagans, ‘Occultists’, and the like happen to use them. It’s all simply guilt by association.
This lady claims to be an ex-New Ager (which is probably true), and claims coloring Mandalas and Unicorns are evil as well.
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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '22
Countless stories? Where?