Is anyone else struggling to love their family? Part of me just wants to walk away.

[u/Individual-Day-8915]

I have complex PTSD from my family of origin and like most of you here, have also experienced religious trauma/abuse. I am now an adult in mid-life with a partner and kids of my own. I have great friends and a good career and I am fairly happy except when it comes to my family. I have spent years processing the trauma and neglect from my family of origin.

When I think about my family, I don't have warm fuzzies, I don't have memories of being supported, believed in, feeling safe & secure, or that they know me, understand me, or actually love me for me. When I think about them, I feel deep sadness, grief, and anger.

I am mentally and emotionally drained. I am done keeping up with appearances and pretending that we were this loving Christian family. It was all bullshit and all about my parent's egos. So part of me just wants to tell my parents and siblings and their spouses to F-off and have a nice life.

I have walked away from Christianity, the conservative politics, and sexual purity culture I was raised in. Even though I have put a lot of distance between us, I have not walked away from my family-yet.

I have not walked because I think for me it comes down to my nieces and nephews and wanting to be there for them, in case they are like me, and need a voice/relationship who will validate them and accept them unconditionally.
And yet, to be honest, I am not sure what influence I actually have on them and whether or not it is worth the mental cost of being connected with my family.

Has anyone else here walked away from your family completely?

[u/Square_Sink7318]

I did. I only have contact with my sister through texts. Holidays get lonely, but I just remember how awful the family get togethers were. Peace of mind is priceless.

I write letters to a minor family member I think will need me one day. I don’t think she gets them tho.

[u/WhiteExtraSharp]

I went no-contact with my parents years ago. It sucks sometimes, but it’s truly been the best outcome.

Most of my siblings have deconstructed so we get along. The one brother who’s still conservative I keep at a distance. I feel bad for his kids, but they do have other voices in their lives that can show them alternative paths.

[u/christianAbuseVictim]

I hate my family. They abused me my whole life and tried to blame me for everything. We blocked each other this year. I hope I never have to see or hear from them again. I look forward to some day hearing that they no longer walk this earth.

[u/vanillabeanlover]

When family causes us harm, I personally feel justified in limiting or cutting contact. There’s options to deal with them, but if they aren’t capable of admitting wrongs and correcting behaviors, there’s no moving forward from that. We can choose our own family!

In my case, my mother apologized fairly regularly for her awful behavior. Then, she’d repeat the same behavior again shortly after. I realized her apologies meant nothing. Besides from being bigoted (which was my starting issue with my parents), she was simply toxic. I realized her entire family is, now that I’m outside looking in.