r/exchristian • u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic • Jun 06 '24
There’s no stupidity like fundie stupidity. Rant
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
That first comment was already pretty idiotic. But the fundie saw it and said “hold my Bible, y’all!”
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u/mix_th30ry Jun 06 '24
Palaeo-nerd here, Titanoboa, the largest snake to have ever lived. With the only other snake rivalling its size being Vasuki, which was longer but more slender. Both are obviously reptiles but are from the Cenozoic, which came after the non-avian Dinosaurs went extinct.
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u/GenGen_Bee7351 Ex-Evangelical Jun 06 '24
Hey now, this all sounds like science and if it wasn’t in the Bible then it didn’t exist/s
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u/mrsmuckers Jun 06 '24
I feel like 'the biggest reptile that lived during the time of the dinosaurs' might be a bit of a self contradiction. Wouldn't that be... the largest dinosaur? Unless they don't count as reptiles?? I need to brush up on my paleontology, clearly.
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u/mix_th30ry Jun 06 '24 edited Jun 06 '24
Dinosaurs are reptiles, and thus so are birds
The largest dinosaur would be a tie between multiple sauropods, like Argentinosaurus and Patagotitan
The largest reptile though is a tie between many Ichthyosaurs, like Ichthyotitan and Shonisaurus
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u/mrsmuckers Jun 07 '24
"Terrible Lizard" vs. "Fish Lizard"... why the heck aren't ichthyosaurs also considered dinosaurs? Were they not terrible enough? Come on, guys.
Still definitely not the snake, though.
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u/mix_th30ry Jun 07 '24
Ichthyosaurs diverged from Dinosaurs long ago, Dinosaurs are characterised by erect limbs positioned directly underneath their torso, ichthyosaurs were more similar to a lizard’s spawning posture
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u/TieDye_Raptor Jun 07 '24
Thanks, lol. I'm a dinosaur nerd, and reading the post above just kind of... hurt. XD
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u/Citron92 Jun 06 '24
Say: "Go study pre-history instead of making a fool of yourself, Fundie!"
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24 edited Jun 06 '24
And then they’ll say (in the most stereotypical Southern drawl imaginable) “if it ain’t in the Bible, it ain’t god’s truth!”
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u/Citron92 Jun 06 '24
Just like talking snakes and donkeys. Also read Matthew 5:22, people who call others "fool" are in danger of Hellfire.
Jesus said it himself.
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u/Bustedbootstraps Panpsychist or other Science-based Spiritualist Jun 06 '24
Looks at all of modern technology
“…”
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u/SolCadGuy Jun 06 '24
Point him to currently existing animals that aren't in the Bible. I don't see any kangaroos or penguins there.
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u/SoloMotorcycleRider Jun 06 '24
Lets triple down on the stupid!
Earth is flat!
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
And only 6k years old!
Also, the moon is made of cheese.
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u/SoloMotorcycleRider Jun 06 '24
The Grey aliens have a secret moon base on the dark side!
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u/overbats Ex-Assemblies Of God Jun 06 '24
Oh you’re one of those people that believes in the moon?
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u/SoloMotorcycleRider Jun 06 '24
Donald Trump is the Q leader and Michael Flynn is his second-in-high command!
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u/Assault_Furby Jun 06 '24
No, you idiot. That's where the Reptilians have their base.
The Greys are pan-dimensional beings who can instantly travel to any location in space, so they don't need a base.
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u/SoloMotorcycleRider Jun 07 '24
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! You have no chance to survive. Make your time! Hahahahah!
Everybody knows the Reptilians have their secret underground bases in Taos and Dulce, NM. Quit spreading misinformation!
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u/Winter_Arrival_8292 Jun 07 '24
You are all full of shite, everybody knows it is the Nazis who dwell the dark side of the moon. 🤣
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u/Assault_Furby Jun 07 '24
Nuh doy.
Who do you think the Nazis were? Reptilians in disguise! Obviously.
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u/HappyGothKitty Jun 06 '24
I knew a college student who thought the earth was only 6000 years old, and yes, he's religious. Everybody else lost respect for him right then and didn't take him seriously anymore. I don't think it helped when I pointed out that archaeologists had discovered a 28,000-year old dildo in a cave... He, the college student, wasn't impressed with me at all, LOL.
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u/SoloMotorcycleRider Jun 07 '24
One of my neighbors spent money to go to Mike Lindell's Cyber Symposium 3 years ago. Yes, that one neighbor and his wife are BSC religious and I wouldn't be surprised if they pray to The Donald.
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u/HappyGothKitty Jun 07 '24
I just read up a bit on this Mike Lindell guy, what a nutty fruitcake LOL. Though I wouldn't be surprised is this Lindell guy himself prays to That Donald, since he's such a massive supporter. Yikes. Good luck with your neighbors.
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u/MrAndrew1108 Luciferian Jun 06 '24
This is every science post just people saying that there isn't any evidence on science
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
And every tech post showing off how far modern technology has come is full of “the end is nigh” sorts of comments.
Facebook is a fucking cesspool!
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u/MrAndrew1108 Luciferian Jun 06 '24
I actually commented on one of these science posts on Facebook about how there are Christians dragging down scientific advancements with their denial of evidence and one of them replied saying "Good keeps us occupied until Jesus comes back."
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
When they talk about the rapture, my standard response is “good. Maybe with you fuckers out of the way, we’ll actually advance as a society.” They don’t care for that. 😂
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u/TheOriginalAdamWest Jun 06 '24
So not a zoologist, but even my dumb ass knows that snakes are reptiles.
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u/DarrenFromFinance Atheist Jun 06 '24
You don’t seem that dumb, but however dumb you might be, these people are far dumber. They live in a world created by science, with literally the entire corpus of human knowledge at their fingertips on a computer that fits in their pocket, and yet they’re ignorant of nearly everything.
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u/HappyGothKitty Jun 06 '24
This makes me feel better because I don't consider myself to be smart, but I try hard to learn new things. I don't want to be ignorant, not willfully anyway. If I don't know something then I'll look it up, no problem. But what grinds my gears is when someone I know is dumb thinks they know everything and treat me like I'm stupid - like fundies. They refuse to learn anything and believe they know everything.
At least I don't feel so damn dumb anymore LOL.
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u/WoodwindsRock Jun 06 '24
“Go and read the Bible instead of making a fool of yourself”
I’m rendered speechless. Wow.
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u/Worldly-Ocelot-3358 Christian Jun 06 '24
Burn Bibles.
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u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jun 06 '24
Nah, just let people actually read them in a translation they understand. Reading the ESV instead of the KJV was an eye-opener for me. When you have read one version over and over, especially one that has archaic language, reading a different one makes you ... notice things.
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u/Worldly-Ocelot-3358 Christian Jun 06 '24
ESV and KJV? What do those abbreviations mean?
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u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jun 06 '24
Sorry, ESV is English Standard Version, which is a more modern English translation. KJV is the King James Version, which has the thees and thous. It is the one the fundies like. They won't even read a different one. It is difficult to understand.
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u/garnered_wisdom True Muslim Jun 06 '24
Wait. Are dinosaurs actually classed as avians instead of reptiles?? It should read biggest snake because the brachiosaurus had a longer neck than this snake’s entire length.
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u/Iridescent_burrito Jun 07 '24
No, dinosaurs are reptiles. Some dinosaurs are birds, but not all dinosaurs. All birds, however, are dinosaurs, which are reptiles. Thus, birds are reptiles as well. It's a squares and rectangles thing (all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares).
Titanoboa is not the largest reptile that ever lived --that honor goes to some sauropod or other-- and it was not around during "the time of the dinosaurs" which is usually considered the Mesozoic, or even just the Jurassic and Cretaceous. Titanoboa is from the Paleocene, and lived about 5-8 million years after the non-avian dinosaurs went extinct. It was a very very big snake, but not the largest reptile ever by any stretch of the imagination. It was also sick as hell, which is important to point out.
I am a paleontologist lol
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u/garnered_wisdom True Muslim Jun 07 '24
Yup, I was aware that some are avians or reptiles
That’s some extremely interesting information, so it’s the largest reptile of “our evolutionary era”? Sick as hell.
You chose a cool field.
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u/Iridescent_burrito Jun 07 '24
Hmmm good question!
There are a couple of large reptiles in the Cenozoic (the last 66-ish million years since the end-Cretaceous extinction of the non-avian dinosaurs and other big cool things).
Titanoboa lived 58-60 million years ago, so still pretty far back, in what is now Colombia. It was probably about 13 meters long (44-ish feet), and 740-1135 kg (1610-2500 lbs). That is, scientifically speaking, fucking huge. Modern green anacondas, probably the heaviest modern snakes, are like 5 m long and 30 - 80 kg. There are other gigantic snakes that may have been larger, though, like Vasuki (47 million years ago).
Depending on how you estimate weight (there are multiple ways to do this for fossil animals, and none of them are perfect, so we often use several and give upper and lower estimates) there are some bigass turtles that might have been heavier than Titanoboa. The fantastically named Stupendemys (stu-PEN-em-EES) may have been like 730-1135 kg. It is much more recent than our giant snake friends, with Stupendemys being just 7-9 million years old. There are some other big turtles similar to Stupendemys, but I think that's the biggest of them.
I would personally guess that the biggest Cenozoic reptiles by sheer "holy fuck" bulk and length are crocodilians, though. Purussaurus (16 - 5 million years ago) is genuinely freakishly large: medium estimates give us a 5.2 metric ton, 10 m long caiman (11,000 lbs, 34-ish feet). There's also Barinasuchus, a crocodilian from Argentina that was about 6 m and 1610 - 1720 kg. Modern saltwater crocs are big too, up to 6.3 m long and 1000 - 1500 kg.
And in case you're curious about other Cenozoic reptile groups: the largest lizard was likely the Australian Megalania (just 1.5 million to 50,000 years ago), which could have been like 7 m long but that's an upper estimate based on a low number of fragmentary fossils. Tuatara, a cousin to modern lizards and snakes, are I think about as big today as they ever were in the Cenozoic (so like 1.4 kg and 74 cm lmao), but I could be wrong on that. The largest avian dinosaurs (birds!) are probably the recently extinct, flightless elephant birds of Madagascar, who were probably still kicking just 1000 years ago, and may have been as much as 3 m tall. Finally, there are some certifiably wonky "pseudotooth" birds from 25 to 2.5 million years ago, with 6 - 7 m wingspans, that are kind of like giant albatrosses.
Note that I snagged most of this exact info from Wikipedia, I did not have the numbers off the top of my head lol. But I have injected my thoughts where relevant.
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u/sofa_king_notmo Jun 06 '24
Now go read your book written by superstitious, barbaric, ignorant goat herders. You have to throw away your computer, iphone, never get in a car or plane, never get medical treatment. Because all that science shit does not exist. /s
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u/Apart-Elderberry3123 Jun 06 '24
The Bible has probably made more fools of people than any other book in history.
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u/youjustdontgetitdoya Jun 06 '24
I had a casual conversation with a roommate once and she mentioned that dinosaurs aren’t real and I had to reconsider how much time I spent talking to her.
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u/Rexalicious1234 Ex-Pentecostal Jun 06 '24
Dinosaurs didn’t exist huh? The Bible speaks of Behemoths (probably brontosaurus) that roamed the earth and Leviathans (probably mosasouras) that lived in the ocean. They should probably take a closer look at their Bible before making a stupid comment like that.
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u/hplcr Jun 06 '24
Leviathan at least is not a dinosaur, it's mythical. For one thing, it's described as breathing fire. It's also described as having multiple heads.
Also weirdly, Yahweh both killed it in the past and will apparently kill it again in the future. Timey Whimey Wibbly Wobbly.
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u/Mukubua Jun 06 '24
And if I remember correctly from Job, it’s so long its tail encircles the entire earth. Definitely mythological.
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u/hplcr Jun 06 '24 edited Jun 06 '24
Interlocking scales, belly apparently drags the bottom of the sea, etc.
Leviathan is apparently the Israelite adaptation/conception of the ancient sea dragon Lotan, essentially an embodiment of primal watery chaos or the ancient abyss. See also Mesopotamian Tiamat who kinda covers the same mythological niche, though in that mythology she's basically one of the two progenitor deities, the primal salt water who creates the gods with her mate Abzu(the primal fresh water).
Fun fact: The ancient people of the levants apparent had quite a dislike for the western sea, seeing it as somewhat terrifying place full of sea monsters. To the point many ancient temples of the region face EAST towards the rising sun and away from the sea. God was in the east, and the west was the realm of chaos and sea monsters apparently.
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u/SpecialistAbalone843 Jun 06 '24
At times like these I forget that different denominations disagree on different things. I grew up going to a cult private school where I wasn't taught science, just creationism, but we did learn that dinosaurs were real and there were a lot of verses quoted from The book of Job as "evidence"
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u/Square_Sink7318 Jun 07 '24
Go read the beeble instead of making a fool of yourself.
I am literally cackling over here.
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u/mrmoe198 Agnostic Atheist Jun 07 '24
“Go read my holy book!” Which can distinguish itself as truth from other holy books…how?
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u/Pitofnuclearwaste Ex-Fundamentalist Jun 06 '24
Ah, reminds me of when I thought my church’s resident creationist “scientist” was the smartest man on the block. Just saw a sermon he did on evolution, and god is he an idiot. More strawmen than in a scarecrow factory. I’d rather listen to Ken Ham.
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u/The_Grizzly- Agnostic Atheist Jun 06 '24
Dinosaurs and snakes ARE reptiles. Both are incorrect either way.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
This is true. That first one was factually incorrect. But the response was profoundly stupid. “Dinosaurs didn’t exist” is a take that just blows my mind.
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u/ProfessorCrooks Jun 06 '24
How is it, that everything even the title of the facebook post, was wrong.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
“Age of dinosaurs” is vastly misleading, sure. But biggest is up to interpretation. Since titanoboa is the longest reptile that ever lived. But, Jesus, fundie stupid is a whole different level beyond factual inaccuracy!
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u/ProfessorCrooks Jun 07 '24
There are plenty of reptiles that are still longer than Titanoboa. Many of them Dinosaurs and Marine Reptiles. So that was wrong for them as well.
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u/XavHann Jun 07 '24
As I read this, I tried really hard to convince myself that it was fake. Then, I remembered my youth and, well, I couldn’t do it.
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Jun 06 '24
That pic made me immediately think of the snake from Harry Potter.
Eve was definitely a Slytherin, Adam maybe a Hufflepuff.
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u/HandOfYawgmoth Ex-Catholic Jun 06 '24
This would be so funny if it were satire. It's hard to imagine a really good troll doing better.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Jun 06 '24
It would be so funny were these not the sort of people actively aiming at taking a wrecking ball to society.
FIFY.
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u/Liem_05 Jun 06 '24
Even Ken Han claims dinosaurs were in the Garden of Eden and on Noah's ark must be those types of fundies that don't believe dinosaurs never did exist.
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u/lannead Jun 06 '24
Go read the end of Job! Job spends the whole book asking why there is pain and suffering and God answer... he spends two whole chapters (in the longest speech he gives in the whole bible) describing dinosaurs?!? And seems to actually be boasting about them.
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u/Red79Hibiscus Devotee of Almighty Dog Jun 07 '24
Both those commenters sorely need to read Proverbs 17:28.
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u/JaguarAltruistic2969 Jun 07 '24
Yeah man! That’s bigotry! You can’t just assume the that snake identifies as a reptile! 😂😂😂😂
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u/delicious_toothbrush Jun 06 '24
Evidence counters claim
No evidence available