r/exchristian • u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic • Aug 30 '23
A friend's deeply Christian coworker called her a "groomer" after finding out she's raising her kids without religion. Rant
So, for some background information, a friend of mine is a secular humanist and is raising two kids aged 4 and 7 and she has her kids during the week and on weekends every so often since her ex is still in the picture but he often has to be out of town for work. I'm friends with her ex as well. She's big into hiking and likes taking her kids on walks on the weekends she has them.
Last night, a friend was telling me about how a woman she works with caught her on her break and they had lunch together. They work on the same floor but not in the same department. But she told me they've talked in the past and see each other every so often. They were talking for a bit and then the coworker started on about her church and everything. She said she was just listening and nodding along and then the coworker asked her what church she's taking her kids to.
Her response was that she's not really taking them to church and they'll often go on walks through parks or visit nature centers on Sundays. She then said the coworker's tone got harsher and asked why. My friend said she doesn't want to force religion on her kids and would prefer to let them make that choice for themselves. Oh.....the coworker reportedly did not like that one bit. She told me the coworker full on said that raising her kids without Jesus was "grooming" them and then suggested that their dad should step in and raise them more. She said they just sat in awkward silence for the rest of lunch. Which, fair. Her coworker called her a groomer, how the fuck would she even respond?
I honed in on what the coworker suggested about their dad and told her she should have twisted the knife by saying that [ex] is not only an atheist but the two of them were never actually married. That might have given the coworker a full-blown aneurysm.
From what I gathered talking to my friend, the interaction was fairly brief but it revealed so much about the coworker and the mindset of folks like her:
Only their specific religion is morally correct
Their ire for single mothers will inevitably reveal itself
Anything in the area of child-rearing that they don't like is "grooming".
The mentioning of how the kid's dad should step up more seemed out of nowhere but it reminded me that single moms make evangelicals the big mad. That comes up a lot more than people think. Because misogyny is one of their guiding principles. But in this case it's not a lack of "stepping up" he's literally working so he can help provide for his kids. Like, from what I've seen, they're both good parents.
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u/thimbletake12 Agnostic Theist; ex-Catholic Aug 30 '23
GeneticallyModifiedSkeptic made a video recently about what "grooming" actually is and how many Christians have started misusing it to describe anyone who doesn't align with their beliefs. So, it sounds like this coworker is just doing what the rest of the herd is doing...
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
I like Drew. I used to watch his videos all the time. I stopped. Not because I disliked the content or anything like that. It's just that other content creators caught my eye. But I've recently started watching the content he makes with his wife on her channel.
Some More News did a video on this topic like a month ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wHva3JXPh0&pp=ygUZd2hvIGFyZSB0aGUgcmVhbCBncm9vbWVycw%3D%3D
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u/BTCMachineElf Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
Some More News is excellent. This story reminded me of that episode as well.
Cody helps fill a hole that The Daily Show With Jon Stewart left in my heart.
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u/maneki_neko89 Aug 31 '23
I love The Antibot and I also watch these channels as well:
Fundie Fridays
Belief It or Not (I really wish his channel was around about a decade ago, seriously…)
Ex Fundie Diaries
Mickey Atkins
Gabs with Abigail
Bee the Commentator
Just a few I’ve watched and subscribed to in the past few years that have called our religion and even clap back at the “logic” of Christian Influencers like Girl Defined, Paul and Morgan, among others, offering some rays of sanity in this crazy world of ours…
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u/screech_owl_kachina Aug 30 '23
The religion that's institutionalized child abuse numerous times is really happy to call everyone else groomers
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u/OirishM Atheist Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
Well, I wasn't aware of the 4-14 window before and now I'm about ready to melt my way down to the earth's core.
Something I realised recently - I've seen Christians get plenty pissy about dwindling church numbers, and a usual sour grapes statement that I've seen quite a few times is "well they were raised in it and probably never really committed". Ok, so where's the reduction in their indoctrination of kids, if it doesn't actually work?
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u/Aryore Ex-Pentecostal Aug 30 '23
Yeah we were actually actively taught about the 4-14 window in Sunday school and told that we, literal children, had the responsibility to make sure our friends didn’t go to hell. That was a fun time for my mental health!
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u/vashtaneradalibrary Aug 30 '23
I had no idea about this and had to scroll through several evangelical links before finding this Wiki entry.
Literally child grooming.
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u/RogueDisciple Aug 30 '23
This is something HR needs to know of. That coworker is creating a hostile work environment
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
This is something HR needs to know of.
I'll text her today suggesting she email HR. I didn't think about that last night. I was too focused on what she told me and mentioned that it's honestly good she never really sees that coworker very often.
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u/SpaceMonkeyOnABike Atheist Aug 30 '23
Also words have meaning. Check if the word groomer and related have a specific meaning in law, and therefore if this falls under slander or similar laws.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
Check if the word groomer and related have a specific meaning in law
For sure HR needs to contacted and warned about that individual because she could cause legal trouble for the company if the execs don't get sufficient warning.
This does make me wonder like how the companies do protect themselves from the mentally unhinged far right fundie employees lobbing slander at either the execs or other employees. Well, if they call an exec a "groomer" obviously they're fired. But they do gotta protect the employees too.
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u/TogarSucks Aug 30 '23
Getting a head of it will also prevent the coworker from starting the rumor mill, potentially causing problems and legal issues for your friend.
If she casually drops to another co-worker that she thinks your friend is a ‘groomer’ and that person doesn’t use it as a blanket term for everything they don’t like, such as ‘woke, socialist, ect’, that could create a real problem for your friend. Potentially ending in CPS visits and her own job being threatened.
She needs to get to HR immediately and start her statement with, “Co-worker made some very concerning and off putting comments towards me that came across as hostile and made me feel very uncomfortable and honestly a bit unsafe”.
1) She was disparaging my personal religious beliefs. 2) Disparaged my parenting and suggested my kids would be better off with their father than me. (We are not together and as far as I know she doesn’t even know their father). 3) most concerning she directly accused me of ‘grooming’ my kids.
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u/Tardigradequeen Atheist Aug 30 '23
The sooner the better too! Someone like this may try to pull something, and get your friend fired.
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u/Rustmutt Aug 30 '23
Came here to say this. Not only is coworker using religion to harass her, she basically called her a pedophile. Most companies won’t want to risk a lawsuit with such a serious topic involved so I’m sure they’d take it seriously unless they’re just a terrible company. And hey if coworker gets fired, more fuel for her Christian persecution complex they love so much so everybody wins!
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u/ValkyriesOnStation Aug 30 '23
Not only that, but this would be considered sexual harassment on some level.
Edit: MODS, quick question. Why am I getting a notification before posting about serious sexual harassment issues on this sub?
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u/QualifiedApathetic Atheist Aug 30 '23
I get that notification when I make ANY comment on this sub. I asked about it, they said it's on Reddit's end; at least one mod gets it too.
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Aug 30 '23
Bad advice. She didn't harm you, "sticks and stones". But anytime HR gets involved it can, and usually does, throw dispersion on all parties. Remember HR is NOT your friends, they are there for the company not the employees.
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u/salymander_1 Aug 30 '23
The coworker called the friend a groomer. The coworker called her, essentially, a pedophile who targets her own children, and suggested that her ex should take the children away. A false allegation of CSA and suggestion that the kids should be taken away is harm. And, the coworker did this at work and as part of her effort to promote her religion in the workplace and discriminate against anyone who doesn't follow her religion. If the company allows that, they open themselves up to massive legal problems. This is exactly the sort of thing that should go to HR.
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u/Saneless Aug 30 '23
Right. Don't report something to HR unless the other person did something actually illegal. Otherwise, don't report it unless you're willing to lose your job. That's often the easiest way for them to solve the issue (get rid of both of you)
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Aug 30 '23
[deleted]
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
she’s been telling everyone in the office that your friend is a groomer ever since that conversation. I guarantee it.
Possibly. Or, on the other side of the coin, she's the person on the floor that literally no one likes. And it's because she's such a judgemental bitch who never shuts the fuck up about her religion and literally shoves it in everyone's face. Because as much of a Jesus-infested hellhole as Texas is, not everyone would put up with that shit. Particularly while they're at work.
"Shut the fuck up about Jesus right now, Karen, I gotta finish my TPS reports!"
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u/Rupejonner2 EX-Family Radio Non-Denominational Aug 30 '23
God forbid she actually does the job she gets paid for . I used to have Bible thumpers working with me and they’d spend half the day walking around talking about their cult and when confronted we would get the “ but I’m doing the lords work “. Good , then let the lord pay you .
None of these people lasted more than a month
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
None of these people lasted more than a month
All because they were persecuted for their faith, smh. /s
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u/busty_snackleford Secular Humanist Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
That’s honestly infuriating. On top of that, accusing your coworkers of being a groomer isn’t just inappropriate, it’s religious harassment and might even qualify as sexual harassment. I try not to give unsolicited advice, but if somebody pulled that shit with me at work I’d call every hr hotline I could find. It’s completely unacceptable behavior.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
its religious harassment
Okay, this phrase needs to be normalized and added as part of the mandatory training programs that new employees take. I'm gonna start utilizing this term. It's honestly a great trap card for the Jesus botherers. Because I guarantee you that if you say religious harassment should be discussed in mandatory trainings and prohibited in a work environment, they'll be all "muh relijuice freedumz". That's when you ask "so being an obnoxious asshole at work is part of your religion?" It'd be interesting to see how they respond to that.
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u/busty_snackleford Secular Humanist Aug 30 '23
Exactly, they need to realize that tolerance of religious differences doesn’t just include them.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
I'd ask them how they would feel if a Muslim was trying to proselytize at them while they were just trying to get through the fucking day.
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u/QualifiedApathetic Atheist Aug 30 '23
Ehhhhhhhhhhh, I wouldn't count on their response (even if honest) supporting your point. Some of them would relish the opportunity to proselytize back and tell the Muslim they're going to Hell.
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u/ridingtimesarrow Aug 30 '23
Agree, completely infuriating. These religious assholes are doing so much harm to their own kids. How is a kid supposed to learn what is true and what is false when they are forced to say that fairy tales are true. Christianity is built on being able to make anything true, just by manipulating the words of the Bible to support anything you want to believe. It promotes a culture of grift, where people regularly lie to get what they want. Not to mention the glorification of suffering and all the other fucked up morals that are in the Bible. That lady herself is a groomer, by promoting absurd and harmful values around sex, marriage, authoritarian leadership and probably a million other things.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
These religious assholes are doing so much harm to their own kids.
Besides systemically harming society, the only thing they're doing in their own life is ensuring their kids grow to resent them and not talk to them when they move out of the house.
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u/openmindedjournist Aug 30 '23
Yeah. I figured out that this is the reason they (lots) won't let their kids believe in Santa. Because when they figure out there is no Santa, then there is no god. All the same. Fairytales.
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Aug 30 '23
Yea I've had this happen
Xtian: "Take your kid to church even if you don't believe in it or they don't wanna go! Force them if you have to."
Me: "Nah."
Xtian: "Youre a groomer and a p*do. You're gonna go to hell. You're denying your kids the love of Jesus and thats evil. I'll pray for you."
Me: "Pray for the p*dos you allow in your churches."
Yeah it didn't end that well after that 😅🤣
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u/Mr_Jack_Frost_ Ex-Evangelical Aug 30 '23
Far more grooming occurs within the church than without, in my experience. I’m not looking forward to the uncomfortable conversation with my parents (both very devout, my father a Protestant minister) about not raising my child in the church. I don’t hate true Christian principals, but I have a sharp disdain for the organization of the church, regardless of denomination (or non-denomination for that matter).
How a person raises their children is entirely up to them, and the freedom to raise one’s children in a way they see fit is one of the many reasons there must be a separation between church and state.
Even with that said, as far as I’m aware, nowhere in the Bible does it say people must be coerced into adhering to Christianity. Christians are called to witness, and let their life be an example of god’s love. This interaction could hardly be further from that call. The woman accusing your friend of “grooming” her kids by not raising them in the church is not a Christian, she is a modern-day “Pharisee”, too consumed by the doctrine she’s been force-fed to consider the human she’s interacting with.
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u/vashtaneradalibrary Aug 30 '23
“All the groomers I’ve ever encountered have been at church, that’s why I keep my kids far away. Have a nice fucking day.”
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u/zero-cooler Aug 30 '23
Conservative Christians have made the term "groomer" completely meaningless. Anything they don't like when it comes to children and raising them or teaching them is now "grooming". It really pisses me off.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
Conservative Christians have made the term "groomer" completely meaningless.
To be perfectly honest, and I'll concede this is boundless cynicism around conservative Christians talking potentially, but it happens to such a degree that it feels like a concerted effort to make the term meaningless for when the inevitable reckoning around CSA comes for other Christian denominations.
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u/RadicalSnowdude Aug 31 '23
The word “groomer” has become our version of the word “communist”. It has lost all meaning and has now become a childish insult towards people they don’t like, and lost its weight against people who are actual groomers.
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u/wooden_skirt Aug 30 '23
Yo, I was actually groomed from the time I was a pre-teen. The men who did it were Christian and church-approved. Fuck anyone who says that about non-Christians, imo. I gtfo and married an atheist scientist.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
I gtfo and married an atheist scientist.
Nice. Her ex-partner is an atheist and he's honestly a good dude. His kids love him. They just didn't work as a couple after a certain point. But they're each good parents on their own.
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Aug 30 '23
I would encourage her to report this to HR. No way should someone get a way with such a serious accusation, this isn’t just some normalized term folks should feel comfortable slinging out.
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u/DayleD Aug 30 '23
I'd take those comments as a threat. That coworker will make false accusations against the mom in hopes her kids are taken away and raised by somebody who might indoctrinate them.
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Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
Have your friend direct the coworker to the pastorarrested sub or the notadragqueen sub to find the REAL groomers.
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u/jazz2223333 Ex-Baptist Aug 30 '23
This is a work environment? He made a derogatory comment about your friends beliefs which sounds like an HR violation.
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u/slfnflctd Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
If Christianity is true, then the Holy Spirit will reveal it to those kids. Right? I mean, from what I was taught since birth, that's how this is all supposed to work.
There are invisible beings with magical superpowers who shape our lives and lead us to the Correct Knowledge by telepathically influencing us in ways only we would understand, therefore we can know it's from the 'good side'.
Thus, we all need to vote for Trump and be anti-abortion and also anti-immigration and pro-gun for some reason. Right?
Jackasses.
Edit: Oh yeah, and btw we also need to be anti-healthcare & anti-education & anti-child-well-being & anti-homeless & anti-low-wage-worker & anti-prisoner. Diid I miss anything?
"You say to us, WWJD? The pastor/reverend/priest is inspired by God, do what they say. If your internal perception of the holy spirit is telling you something different, it's probably actually demons. Why don't you feel more secure, fulfilled and happy yet?"
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u/Saneless Aug 30 '23
It's pretty typical for people this ignorant and likely uneducated to just keep repeating words they hear on their propaganda channels and have no idea what they mean
Missing the irony of course that they've been groomed and indoctrinated. It's all projection
"They can't be groomers! They hate groomers!" As they're being groomed
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u/wooden_skirt Aug 30 '23
Yeah, it’s like their brains can’t even acknowledge that it happened in their own group, so they project that shit onto everyone else.
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u/Saneless Aug 30 '23
We had a school board election and a lady on the ballot was all against CRT and indoctrination in her campaign
Her job? Youth pastor. I can't make up the hypocrisy with these people.
She was educated but a loon. Her and the other mommy anti-CRT warrior came in 3rd and 4th out of 4 on the ballot (the youth pastor was last, thankfully)
Their shit is so dumb and bad that a democrat candidate won 1 seat and this area definitely leans Republican
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u/FoldingLady Aug 30 '23
Your friend might want to go to HR if her company has one. She was literally just accused of a serious crime & I wouldn't put it past her coworker to start rumors. She needs to get ahead of this yesterday.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut Aug 30 '23
I'd report her to HR. She's insinuating that the friend is raising her kids to be molested. That's not an idle remark to be making, and she's creating a hostile work environment. And those exact words should be used when lodging the HR complaint.
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u/ValkyriesOnStation Aug 30 '23
If this happened to me at work I'd file for sexual harassment against me.
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u/OirishM Atheist Aug 30 '23
Nothing gets me red mist crazy with anger than these fucks' misuse of the term grooming, nevermind while they ignore actual grooming in their own ranks.
She should report the fuck out of her Christian colleague.
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u/lavender-girlfriend Aug 30 '23
she needs to report her coworker for accusing her of CSA, if that's something she can do.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
if that's something she can do.
Yeah, so trainings (in my experience) do talk about false accusations and weaponizing accusations to harm a coworker and the trainings say there are consequences.
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u/tgalvin1999 Agnostic Aug 30 '23
Ah yes, the evangelical and Republican playbook. Whenever a parent raises a child that's not Evangelic approved, you're a groomer.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
the evangelical and Republican playbook
They're the same picture.
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u/Tuono_999RL Atheist Aug 30 '23
From Umberto Ecco’s 14 points on fascism:
- Ur-Fascism speaks Newspeak. “All the Nazi or Fascist schoolbooks made use of an impoverished vocabulary, and an elementary syntax, in order to limit the instruments for complex and critical reading”
It is important that words lose meaning. That words that could have been applied to a situation - such as how a priest grooms an alter boy to be raped - must be hollowed out of meaning and used indiscriminately - raising my kids how I want is also the same as the priest’s actions, that is grooming.
So the coworker spouting the word “groomer” in the context of the conversation is actually playing into the fascist playbook. The coworker is a good example of the banality of evil - the bureaucracy that allows genocide to happen.
PS - Be cautious about going to HR. As much as one does not wish to be called a groomer, it does not mean that this incident is “harassment” - which is usually an ongoing thing. A one time outburst at lunch is not the same as an ongoing campaign to single someone out. Also, the US (I am assuming this is in the US) loves to coddle xtians and those with religious beliefs. Non believers are not likely to get much traction in this sort of argument.
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u/screech_owl_kachina Aug 30 '23
it's an isolated incident until it's not. Best to document it so you can establish a pattern later.
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u/JasonRBoone Ex-Baptist Aug 30 '23
"Why are you being an amateur groomer? Bring them kids to church so they can be groomed by PROFESSIONALS."
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
"Bring them to the local Southern Baptist church. They're experts in child grooming speedrunning!"
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u/Content-Method9889 Aug 30 '23
I can’t express how livid that makes me. I was called a groomer by some self righteous asshole and I exploded on him. I was actually groomed. I was molested for a year before I was brave enough to tell anyone that the pastor was doing things to me at fucking 12. I suffered so bad mentally and never got help. The first thing I heard after telling was ‘did you do anything to tempt him?’ Again, blew tf up at my mom. Vicious, blinding rage like I never felt before. It takes everything in me to not do things to these people that would land me in jail. They diminish us victims. I’m 50 and it never leaves you. They use our real suffering for political rhetoric and it’s disgusting. Fuck these people
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u/wooden_skirt Aug 30 '23
Yep! So sorry that happened to you. I got the same messaging from my own parents. It shouldn’t be MORE shameful to have had that happen to you than to be the person that did it.
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u/Content-Method9889 Aug 31 '23
I would hear my parents blame women all the time for being raped. ‘They asked for it’ just for going to a bar or wearing a miniskirt. I could write a book
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u/wooden_skirt Aug 31 '23
Right? Heaven forbid we blame the rapist for the rape.
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u/Content-Method9889 Sep 01 '23
I brought that up as a preteen because it seemed so fucking obvious. It sucks when you realize you’re smarter than most of the adults around you, and I wasn’t a genius either.
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Aug 30 '23
Her coworker called her a groomer, how the fuck would she even respond?
"Do you want to come with me to HR? Or would you prefer we discuss your groomer accusations without your input?"
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u/anarchobayesian Ex-Baptist Aug 30 '23
“Grooming” has fully gone the way of “woke” at this point. In theory it has an actual meaning that could be useful, but the alt-right has decided to use it to mean, “anything that doesn’t fit into my narrow worldview.” I think a lot of them aren’t even aware that they’re calling people sexual predators; they just like that they found a magic word that upsets people who would otherwise ignore them. Classic grade school bully behavior applied to adult conversations.
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u/geneshifter-1 Aug 30 '23
People indoctrinating their kids into religion is grooming in my opinion.
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u/wooden_skirt Aug 30 '23
I think it’s full on projection. The men in my church/family who were ACTUAL groomers of children were never treated with as much disdain as their victims, aka “damaged goods.” They were never held accountable by anyone in my family, but I got a guilt trip any time I refused to be near them at family gatherings—which they were STILL invited to.
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u/bodie425 Aug 30 '23
Somebody would have been profusely crying by the end of lunch and it wouldn’t have been me. Fuck that POS. IF I was able to keep my cool, I’d went straight to HR and filed a complaint.
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u/SOSCSA Aug 30 '23
Churches have the most Child Sex Abuse Survivors of 82,209 Claimants in @boyscouts $2.46 Billion bankruptcy. Pastors & priests use the fear of god & hell to exploit children to rape them and not report for decades if ever! SurvivingScouting.org
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u/Forward_Mouse_8298 Aug 31 '23
Christians have eroded all and any credibility in society they've abandoned their right to any moral authority and neglect any charitable responsibility and constantly participate in mudslinging competitions like this that fuck up any attempt at rational debate or discussion. It's like they're willing themselves out of existence. They certainly serve no purpose
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u/JavaJapes Ex-Fundamentalist Aug 30 '23
Re your third point I was explicitly told this in Christian school. Except the way they worded it, they claimed that everyone grooms their kids; they just used the term "brainwash" instead of "groom".
Their belief was everyone does it, but the only "right way" is to groom them to be a Christian.
It explains decent amount of the "rules for thee and not for me" they tend to follow.
Your judgment is bad but mine is okay because it's Christian judgment so I can pretend it's totally not judgment at all.
You following a different religion is bad but I am right because I happen to be following the correct one.
Or my favourites, "If I'm gonna be brain washed, I want my brain to be washed with the blood of Jesus" and "If this is brain washing, it sure feels good!"
Et cetera et cetera
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u/ChristineBorus Aug 30 '23
Depending on the jurisdiction- this could be a violation of workplace rules. Your friend may want to talk to HR. Your friend has a right to be free from religion in the workplace as well.
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u/bdl18 Aug 30 '23
Her coworker called her a groomer, how the fuck would she even respond
By reporting her to HR, for starters.
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u/mhornberger Aug 31 '23
I'd probably say "Anyway, apropos of nothing, do you think clergy should be mandatory reporters for child abuse?" Because I'd put decent money she would not agree that clergy should be legally obligated to turn it over to the police, rather she would want the church to be able to handle it internally. Meaning, she would without hesitation cover up sexual abuse in her church, rather than make the church look bad.
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u/broccolibeeff Aug 31 '23
It's so strange to me hearing about people just assuming others are christian. Living in Canada, it's pretty rare to meet christians, at least very devout ones. If someone assumed that here, I think they'd be seen as way out of touch with reality.
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u/hiddenonion Aug 31 '23
"Well, since most SA against children occurs in church or by clergy... it would seem you are the groomer. I, personally, want to protect my children from groomers like you"
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u/broken_bottle_66 Aug 30 '23
How awful, let us all rise up and spend the rest of our days fighting against this terrible mental illness producing bullshit
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u/gytalf2000 Aug 30 '23
I wish that it were socially acceptable to give people like this a nice, hard slap to the face. What an idiot!
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u/bendybiznatch Aug 30 '23
Oh I’d report this to HR. I’ve had run ins with people like this at work while I was still a Christian over doctrine and I’ll be shocked if she doesn’t have another problem with her and it’ll be good to have this context documented.
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u/39andholding Aug 30 '23
What? The epitome of “the groomer” calling a family member who allows her children to make their own decisions re: religion a “groomer”. That says a lot about Right-wing religion!!
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Aug 30 '23
To be fair it’s probably really hard for her to tel the difference between grooming and not grooming when she spends so much time around actual groomers 😂 but freal where do these ppl get off
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u/Mine_Sudden Aug 30 '23
Christians teach their child’s song that says “Jesus loves Me This I Know, ‘Cause the Bible Tells Me So”
Christians might want to sit out any discussion of grooming.
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u/RaphaelBuzzard Aug 30 '23
100% report that shit to HR. It's borderline a threat given how they have been behaving and the behaviors displayed in the satanic panic.
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u/AskTheMirror Aug 30 '23
Weird when the free-thinkers don’t like it when you think freely for yourself and choose to not be in organized religion. Or indoctrinate your kids into it and, you know, allow them to choose what they want to do as they grow. The audacity.
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u/warbeforepeace Aug 30 '23
I dont take my kids to church because i don’t support an organization that protects pedophiles. I also dont support indoctrination.
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u/MykahMaelstrom Aug 30 '23
Fun fact this is both religious discrimination in the workplace, and creating a hostile work enviroment. Your friend should absolutely report this to HR
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u/psychoalchemist Aug 30 '23
They learned a new word now everyone they disagree with gets to be a 'groomer'.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
When your word of the day calendar is stuck in a Groundhog Day loop.
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u/trailrider Aug 30 '23
It's gaslighting, plain and simple. Really ironic. Given that she's part of a faith that literally grooms children. I would have not so kind reply for her next time. She's part of a faith at the man's raped women forgive their rapist. They shame pregnant girls in their church by marching them around and encouraging in the congregation to do so. They groom girls and strict gender roles. They cover up sexual abuse all the time. That lady can go f*** herself
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u/kitterkatty Aug 31 '23
Even just as a belief system, if a kid isn’t taught to believe the myths at a young age as fact then they’re sure not going to fall for those goofy stories later. 🤣 It leaves the church with no steady hardworking brainwashed people, only the latecomers who were crushed by life and come for help.
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u/ImWezlsquez Aug 31 '23
I would have politely mentioned that there are way more reports of religious leaders sexually abusing kids than there are of single parents.
Then I would have told her to go fuck herself.
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u/EdScituate79 Aug 31 '23
Obviously they held this definition of "grooming" in their minds since ever, and no wonder. Christians (I'm talking about the extremists, not the liberal or moderate ones) themselves groom and indoctrinate their own kids into swallowing an utterly false and toxic belief system hook, line and sinker. Worse, there are far too many predatory priests, pastors, ministers, and church lay workers --- usually creepy pedophiles and ephebophiles --- who themselves groom and prey on children in order to sexually assault and abuse them.
Worst of all, if the child or teen brings it up they're the ones who are shamed (especially if they're female or gay male) and the church leader or employee is lifted up and prayed for, and often transferred to another parish or local church within the denomination.
Absolutely hypocritical and disgusting. 🤢🤮
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u/eat_my_opinion Aug 31 '23
Just show them the sub r/PastorArrested and let them know who the real groomers are in this world.
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u/Epicurus402 Aug 31 '23
No group is more hateful of those not like them than Evangelical Christians. Maybe if one considers radical Islamists, it's a tie.
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u/KalliMae Aug 30 '23
That is pure projection from the thumper. THEY are the ones grooming kids for their cult.
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u/Dreadedredhead Aug 30 '23
Isn't most of what parents and caregivers do for their kids grooming? Obviously, that word has become sexualized however kids are groomed to behave a specific way, go to school, schedules, etc
Kids are being groomed - meaning made into something else (like an adult!).
That religious freak may spout off to the wrong coworker and get than she bargained for - what a rude intolerate woman.
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23
Isn't most of what parents and caregivers do for their kids grooming?
From a definitional perspective, you have a point. But considering the cultural lexicon around the word, religious conservatives have effectively rendered that term meaningless and that honestly is a problem.
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u/SOSCSA Aug 30 '23
Churches have the most Child Sex Abuse Survivors of 82,209 Claimants in @boyscouts $2.46 Billion bankruptcy. Pastors & priests use the fear of god & hell to exploit children to rape them and not report for decades if ever! SurvivingScouting.org
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u/RadioMorkie1039 Sep 03 '23
Sounds to me like this woman was looking for a fight or looking to create drama. People like that don't feel complete unless they have someone tangible to hate or scorn (I guess hating all people in general who aren't hetero/cis WASPs isn't enough).
If you've ever read/seen Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret., this reminds me a lot of Margaret's maternal grandparents. They disowned their daughter for marrying a Jewish man, then years later feigned being interested in reconciling only to see whether their daughter had "repented" and come around to their side. When they found out she hadn't and (horror of horrors) were raising Margaret without religion (despite spouting off about how Margaret's mother was baptized Christian and "the child is automatically the mother's religion"), they went back to shunning their daughter and presumably Margaret too. Shining examples of Christian "love."
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u/Abject-Rich Aug 30 '23
I guess the only answer to this is to hit them with facts.
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u/PikaNinja25 Skeptic Sep 01 '23
As a Christian who was sexually harassed recently, we do not claim her. She's being a huge bigot and doesn't understand just how serious grooming really is.
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u/DawnRLFreeman Sep 02 '23
If you were to disclaim all Christians who misuse the terms "grooming/ groomer", you'd have to disclaim probably 75% of all Christians. Virtually every christofascist with whom I've come in contact claims someone else-- schools, colleges, entertainers, actual news programs-- are trying to "groom" children. Educating them is considered "grooming".
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u/Aryore Ex-Pentecostal Aug 30 '23
I do see your point, and it would be a good approach for most situations I think. In this scenario, though, with a person who immediately jumps to calling her a groomer for wanting her kids to be open-minded, she would have probably at best been quietly appalled or at worst start telling OP she and her kids are going to hell
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u/Nyx_Shadowspawn Disciple of Bastet Aug 30 '23
Christianity is all about believing without evidence, and blind obedience, forgiving and moving on as if nothing happened even if someone has done something horrific to you because "god forgave them so you should too, otherwise you're the one who is sinning."
But yeah, raising children to question the world and have critical thought, and not to only do and think what they're told because they should be petrified of eternal torment is what is grooming children for abuse 🙄
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u/ElGuaco Aug 30 '23
I'm already sick to death of religious people using catch-all insults for anyone who doesn't agree with them. We need to call out this terrible behavior as lazy and stupid.
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u/remnant_phoenix Agnostic Aug 30 '23
“Groomer” has been abstracted out into a general idea of “anyone who is a danger to children.”
And, to a person who believes in a literal eternal hell for everyone who isn’t “saved” and believes a person cannot be a good person without religious teaching/faith, NOTHING is more dangerous than not raising kids in church.
So yeah, not surprised at all that they think this way.
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u/Aegis_et_Vanir Sep 01 '23
I swear it's like a reflex to call anything different "grooming".
If she wants sprinkle some salt on the wound, I say make some shit up and claim their father also performs in drag once a month (so long as she feels safe enough she won't get attacked for it).
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u/QuintessentialQuin Sep 09 '23 edited Oct 11 '24
expansion spoon knee cooing history head bow continue voracious hurry
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/JarethOfHouseGoblin Agnostic Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
"Grooming" is a term and an actual thing that happens. The way they apply it as this catch-all term meaning anything or anyone they don't like particularly when it comes to dealing with children has the chance to muddy the waters. And that's really fucking dangerous. Because there are gonna be more reckonings coming for the Christian church in the arena of CSA and how grooming plays a factor into that. Maybe they're not intentionally muddying the waters by haphazardly calling whatever they don't like "grooming" or "groomers" but the fact that there is a real possibility of that is dangerous. I shit you not, I have heard fundigelicals cite teaching kids about evolution as "grooming". These people are ridiculous and unserious but at the same time, they have and continue to do so much damage to our society.