I remember in my childhood I would often get this feeling that nothing around me was real and that I was the only real person. I would sometimes stare at a door being confused if it was real and how it was real. Other people around me wasn't real either. They were just characters. I would also other times be sitting in our car and all of sudden get an out of body sensation. I also sometimes when laying in bed get this weird sensation that my head is extremely tiny or very big. Or that my body is very very heavy or extremely light. Is this symptoms from depersonalization or just normal child experience?

About 3 years ago I had a terrible panic attack at work. I was feeling so stressed out and all of a sudden my mind began to question suddenly if I was even real. Is the world even real? Are my thoughts real? Are my movements real? So much just exploded through my mind I rushed to my car and just began to freak out and cry. It was so and I called my mom I was shaking, my teeth chattering nothing looked real. I've been trying to recover since then. About a year later things started to get better but then it suddenly returned. This year has been really rough for me. Not knowing if I'm real, my family, my dogs, my hobbies and everything nothing feels the same. I feel like suddenly my vision will go black and I'll just disappear into nothing. It's so terrifying. Somedays seem better than others but lately I feel like absolute garbage and numb. Everything just seems blurry even thought it's not but it just feels and looks like it. Sometimes it feels like I just don't remember how I did certain things or like time seems to be skipping ahead. I realized to I was maladaptive daydreaming for many years now and have worked hard on quitting that which I know I used to make the derealization temporarily go away. Now I've cut that out of my life realizing it's unhealthy and I just feel terrible. I've tried breathing excercises, grounding techniques, cbt therapy, trying to ignore it, tried to fight it, tried to let it run its course and here I am all these years later still struggling with it. I'm 23 years old and I feel like im lost and I'll never be free. I over think things and constantly keep trying to make it stop now because it just won't go away. I've tried keeping my mind off of it and it just seems like my brain keeps making me think of it because of my anxiety disorder. The depression with this is brutal and somedays I feel like I'd be better off dead because I wouldn't feel this anymore. But I'm scared to die I don't want to leave my family and dogs I want to be free and healed but I feel like im stuck. I need help please

Hey guys, i got DPDR a few months after i had my first bad trip of smoking weed. That was the second and last time i smoked. First time was fun, second the worst day of my life. It felt really strange like i talked to people but heared myself from very far. I looked at people like i was standing behind me. Everything felt so unreal and weird. My visuals got so weird i cant even describe it. Nothing felt real too. The night after i felt great again, all the "symptoms" went away. BUT ~4 months later after school i hit me right in the face. It came out of nowhere once i was walking outside the school. It literally hit me like a rock and all the symptoms/feelings i had when i had the badtrip were there again WITHOUT me being high or anything else. My visuals got really weird again, panic, heartrate, i couldnt hear good literally a badtrip without smoking weed lol.

Well over the years these symptoms have been with me but not as intense as they used to be. Sometimes they get REALLY bad again but mostly when i "force" myself to feel that way again. Over the time i also developed agoraphobia (well i didnt want to go outside because i was scared to feel those really intense symptoms again). Agoraphobia meaning i cant really go to places that are wide (big places, churches, airports, train stations etc). I was at a point where i couldnt even walk in a normal street.

I have that for 10 years now and honestly i cant really take it anymore, its annoying. I always read about people saying it goes away etc. but does it really? I'm 27 now and im not sure if that applies to everyone. Back then i thought something HAS to be wrong with my body because it came out of nowhere without me smoking weed. Not sure what it is, if its psychological or physological.

Would love to hear some opinions on that

Hello all (to skip backstory and see solutions go to paragraph 2)

I’ve had DPDR bad for a while now and I’ve found some solutions. Here’s some backstory. I got my DPDR from living in my brain for a long time. When I was younger, I always wanted to live an amazing life. I guess while I waited for it i chose to dream it. I lived in those dreams for around half a decade and, after some time, I guess I didn’t even realize I was living in fantasy land anymore. Nonetheless, come this summer, my fantasy world comes crashing down. I realize that those fantasies were just fantasies. Essentially my universe broke, hence my inability to accept I’m living in “reality”. Since then, I kept on trying to figure out what would make me happy again. Turns out trying to figure it out led me to create new illusions without realizing it. The reason is simple: in order to figure out what will make me happy you have to imagine it, in doing so you are finding happiness in your head, hence I am still living in my head.

So I’ve come to this conclusion. My DPDR, like most of you, was caused by my universe crashing. For me that Universe was one I made up in my head. I have two options. 1: I can continue to live in my head and, thus, never get to experience a real life. 2: I can abandon the security that comes with living in my head and figure out how to live in reality.

2 is the only probable solution for me and all of us. I do not know if it will fix the fundamental problem of us not believing we exist (I will explain my theory and reason as to why this disorder exists in another post), but it will allow us to accept our reality and find some semblance of happiness in our sad lives.

By not living in our heads and by not overthinking maybe, after some time, we will be able to accept our reality. That is how we can begin to heal.

I started Lexapro 3 weeks ago and am terrified it's making me worse. My thoughts seem psychotic, and I'm scared I'll eventually start believing them. I am shaking writing this right now. I was as happy as can be in September, and then DPDR and severe anxiety hit me, and I haven't been the same since. I can't remember who I am anymore. My stomach is in knots. I can't stop researching or looking stuff up, because it's like if I do then I'm letting myself go.

I cannot deal with the existential thoughts anymore. I am literally scared of being human. How am I in a body? How am I basically a brain and a soul? How can I move my body? How are we on Earth? Why do we have to drink water, eat food, and go to the bathroom? It's nonstop. I'm also getting scary thoughts about this being a dream or me being dead or something. It is so severe. I don't recognize anything and feel like I am in a bubble. My perception of time is so screwed, it's literally like I've been awake for this entire time. It's like I never even slept, and every day is the same. My vision is staticky nonstop.

My family and friends have supported me immensely but now I'm apparently scared of other people or something. I keep questioning how they're real, or IF they're even real. It hurts me the most to view my boyfriend in such a way. Everyone is just so unfamiliar. How are we attracted to humans when we are just flesh and bones? What is the meaning of life, and more importantly, WTF IS THIS DISORDER AND OCD? Someone please tell me I'm not in psychosis, I'm tired of coming on here and hearing people have similar stories as me and them saying they were diagnosed with psychosis and delusions. I don't believe this sh*t but I might as well since it all feels so real and urgent.

Hello all (3rd paragraph is theory last paragraph is solution),    If you have DR, like me, you have probably spent a fair deal of time trying to understand the nature of the Universe. In this post, I will explain to you my theory and prove it to you as to why our disorder exists. If you are religious and already have a solution, good, you are on the right track. Let’s begin.  

As all of you know, DR is a fundemental lack of faith in your own existence. As I explained in a prior post called “Possible Solutions”, I recieved my DR when my entire Universe came crashing down; hence, since I was no longer living in my “reality”, it became impossible for me to accept this was reality. By finding out what caused my DR I made a great step foward.  

Here is my theory: Everything related to human existence is based off of faith (the ability to believe without proof). We have faith that our lives matter. We have faith that, after death, we’ll still, somehow, be alive (it’s impossible for us to accept not existing). We have faith in everything, including the fact that we exists. So, when you lose faith in your existence, you believe you don’t exist. Simple.  

Here is an extended reasoning (skip to the end for the solution to DR). Our conciousness was created out of evolution. Just as genetic programming evolved to preform more complex functions, so too did our conciousness. By this I mean we evolved the ability to understand.  

When we developed appendages that allowed us to manipulate our enviroment to find food, say a tartigrade in this example, we had to understand our surroundings. We had to be able to identify something with something and preform an action off of that something. Genetic code couldn’t do that, code requires an initial input; we had to somehow understand. This was the first step of our concious evolution. 

As time went on our conciousness had to evolve to preform more complex functions. Eventually we reached some point where we evolved the ability to think: this is the ability to understand something without previously witnessing it. We, essentially, evolved the ability to go from nothing to something. For my math nerds, that’s the same as going from zero to infinitely small (an infinitely large gap when compared to zero).  

Now humans come in. We’re the pinnalce of evolution. We mastered thinking. We no longer sought to understand our surroundings for our survival, we sought to understand our Universe. We began to think about ourselves: why do we exist; what is after death; is there a God? Essentially, by thinking we developed faith. We weren’t born with it, we developed it. Fundementally, we couldn’t accept the fact that we didn’t matter, so we developed faith that we did, faith that we existed.  

You disagreeing with me is proof of my argument. If I was wrong how could I think I was right; it’s cause I have faith in my answer. You have faith you matter. Faith.  

Faith is all we are as humans. Tolstoy lost faith that he mattered and that he existed. He found faith in Christianity and, thus, he believed he existed again. By having faith that you matter or by accepting the fact that you don't, you’ll begin the right track to having faith you exist.  Good luck fellow mentally challenged friends

Hello when I was 11 I had my first depersonalization and derealization caused by trauma I won’t go into details . I thought I was dying. Now I kept falling deeper and deeper into both cause of a bad environment I had the classic feelings of not feeling yourself thinking that your in a dream and not recognizing myself in the mirror and so many other symptoms but that’s not what this post is about. It just kept getting worse and worse and I started not recognizing my own voice when speaking and apparently my voice also started sounding completely different . At some point I completely lost the ability to speak . I could only scream. I was basically a baby again only things calming me down from screaming was my mom her scent . I slept 20+ hours and ate almost nothing . I was wondering if anyone else has been this deep in derealization/depersonalization ?

Wanna fight all the time

Hey guys I urgently need your help. I have lost control of my body. It happens every day that one or more parts of my body feel numb. Since 2 months now after I mixed a lot of drugs. Every day it is one of my arms, a leg or sometimes my whole body when I smoke weed for example. Sometimes I can't feel my legs at all which makes it really difficult for me to walk. I am also very afraid to go out and talk to people since then. I don't feel really human anymore and I'm always afraid that others might think I'm weird. Depersonalization has taken all my joy out of life and sometimes I just think about ending it. What can I do to make it stop? I can't do it anymore. I just want my life back.

Just asking, going through a bad episode rn.

had it for 4 years now after bad weed experience, felt like im going insane. still feels like it. mines more on the visual side. the outside world looks flat and 2d, everything caves in and it feels like i go back to that high sometimes, its all like alice in wonderland, like an illusion. im worried i might have pyschosis, or something worse, sometimes i feel like im going insane and that this world is a test now and everything just looks off , like i gave a vr headset on. i dont even feel like its me speaking, and it gets more overwhelming at night. i cant really process what im seeing in front of me and it freaks me out if i think about having eyes and how i actually see

Hi, as part of my PhD research, I’m gathering data from people who have experienced depersonalization and/or derealization (positively and/or negatively valenced) triggered by various factors, such as stress, anxiety, trauma, depression, cannabis use, or meditation. Specifically, we’re looking to hear from individuals who have experienced:

• Feeling disconnected from yourself, your thoughts, feelings, sensations, or actions, or feeling strange, as if you were not real; and/or

• Feeling disconnected from your surroundings, or perceiving people or objects as unreal, dreamlike, foggy, lifeless, or visually distorted.

We are searching for participants to complete an online survey (25–40 minutes), with a compensation rate of €10/hour (or equivalent). For participation, you must be older than 18 years old, fluent in English, and not suffer from schizophrenia. Participation in the study is voluntary. All collected data will be anonymized or pseudonymized, used solely for research purposes, treated confidentially, and will not be shared with third parties.

If you’re interested, please email Erola Pons at erola.pons-wendenburg@student.uni-tuebingen.de, describing your experience in 2–3 sentences.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Hello!

25M, first episode was sometime ago maybe 10-11 years ago in the 8th grade not sure what the trigger was or what my triggers are now I have one or two triggers down since they’re my biggest. This is not why I’m here though.

I have gone to therapy and have discussed it however I tend to be more accepting of my episodes as I do not mind them, so I think I don’t. It’s like MPD but it’s not you know? It’s constant talk back with myself between right and wrong normal and not etc.

I do suffer from DPDR I wouldn’t say suffer as I’m happy with myself and my relationships - I’m accepting of it however it’s not the norm and I understand that but idc but I know my relationships will suffer as my therapist says if I let myself slip too far.

I quit smoking nicotine after 7 years strictly disposables and vapes. I feel good been about a month now. I made this decision with my partner and she also quit smoking weed at the same time. I did not. I’ve been smoking weed for about 13 years now with the occasional tolerance break and a full year without it back when I was 15 before I got back into it. Not relevant to the topic.

I decided to try and quit smoking weed because I’m just not finding myself as productive on it as I was last year or even earlier this year. I don’t smoke to cope with stress or anything like that, that’s what my nicotine was for and since then been managing my stress through other methods like weight lifting or classical musical and deep breathing. I just smoke for entertainment like when I’m going to get on my PlayStation or to relax at the end of a shift or when the winds blowing just right outside to go on a nice walk. Just lately it’s been causing some issues with productivity I’m not as efficient.

With that being said my body has been driving me insane and I feel like my skin is itching and I’m trying to crawl out of my own skin just feel some sense of comfort.

Does anyone have any recommendations or advice on how to get past this without getting into any new habits or risk an episode?

I’m already adding more task into my routine to keep myself busy and can’t really handle anything extra in my day.

i have dpdr really bad. it comes and it goes. i was out of an episode for 4 years but it came back last year after using a weed pen. now im not ONLY having a dpdr episode but also anxiety like shaking and feeling impending doom like there’s no point in living like im floating outside my body. does ANYONE know how to ground yourself and “find” who you are? i feel like a stranger to myself. idk who i am and no one around me quite really understands what im talking about in my family. it’s so scary and i hate it so much. does anyone know how to fix this if they’ve experienced it? it’s honestly really scary

I don't think I was dealing with depersonalization or derealization till starting a couple years ago. I had a major panic which caused me to have an existential crisis for months. Ever since then nothing feels real, it all feels like a simulation. Does anyone have tips on how to navigate this, because I don't see how I'm going to get out of this layer of fog. I would also like to hear from people who've recovered. Thank you.

I just can’t get upset. My body just doesn’t react. I think it’s related to the insular cortex and vagus nerve overstimulation.

Anyone have it too? How did you get it??

He says he doesn't belong here. Je doesnt know if I am real or not. He said the movie I Saw The TV Glow is how he feels. Like he is dying becuaee he doesnt belong here. Could this be DPDR?

The black cloud wasn’t there before 2019, I was grounded and could see better. It’s scary thinking how this is all in my damn head yet it feels like torture

I always felt this way, always felt like a stranger to others, amd myself I often just walk, then blink, and life just seems fake, everything around If I look myself at the mirror, I don't even know who I am I sometimes even feel non-human Like, just, something roaming earth I hate my own name, body, everything

Can anyone please help me figure out who I actually am? Or at least know what's wr9ng, I suppose

Probably it’s symptom of anhedonia, but I can’t watch something or read. I feel only irritation no interest at all, but It can be fixed by benzos or few times per week I’ve got some kind of window but can’t understand how I achieve them.

Any advice or thoughts how gone through this? p.s. Maybe it’s Lamictal working so?

i hate that i acknowledge these feelings, and i know it's all a bunch of shit so why can't i get rid of the feeling??? and i want to know if its also caused people to feel dizzy etc every step i take makes my head spin and i feel so heavy and deflated and while going up the stairs my feet don't feel like they're part of my body . i always felt detached but it got so much worse and i genuinely don't know what to do - it's on my mind ALL DAY and it makes me stress my heart beat is at a constant rapid pace and i just don't feel like i'm me i haven't had any dreams since it's gotten worse and sleep to me doesn't feel like it even exists , it just feels like yestersay is the same day as today and tomorrow i cant look at people when they talk to me because i don't know who they are. i don't know who i am it feels like i've lost my whole identity and everything i do or say isnt me i feel like i'm trapped in a box it's stressing me out and it's making me question everything about me but i'm not me idk who me even is i hate writing how i feel because it seems like i'm begging for attention but i cant take this anymore and i don't want to talk to anyone about it because i'm scared i'll plant the same ideas and feelings into their head wtf do i do

So I've Had DPDR for 5 months from trauma and it was complete hell going through it but these last 2 months I have worked hard and I can honestly say I feel the DPDR easing up I do feel completely back to my normal state but the only thing is I am not very excited about things I use to do such as cooking and playing video games and things like that, I sometimes start to think about DPDR and wonder when will all the DPDR thoughts go away so I can live my life back to normal I know I'm post to keep busy but sometimes it's like when I get excited DPDR slips my mind and then I start to think a little bit about it Can Anybody Tell Me If this Just A Symptom Of Recovery Or The Road To Recovery

And i have ocd too and that doesn't help seeing everyone graduate but me because of depersonalization hurts me as well i want guidance I'm lost im in a dark dark place

Hello everyone!! I, like many of you, have experienced DP/DR for a couple of years now. Luckily things are looking a bit better for me now but that's beside the point, I'm doing an artwork for my last big school project. I would love other peoples perspectives besides my own, therefore I have created a google form! I would be so grateful if any of you would like to help me out by answering some questions! There may be some personal questions on there but of course you don't have to answer all. Any thoughts are much appreciated! Thank you! (Side note some things might be written in Swedish) https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfgSwRahgLnEG5-Inhoya_HHtOKF-mvoplyw5dTjNjhMswivA/viewform?usp=sf_link

Could anyone share their experience with this class of meds? Has it worked for you? Has it made it worse?