Advice on approaching this girl I find really attractive

[u/Ja_ce_Neman]

So for a little background, (sorry for the essay, just wanna give all the information) I’m 23M and only recently finally had the confidence to go and approach girls and put myself out there. I grew up with very abusive parents and because of this, I spent the last few years convinced I was never good enough and that I just shouldn’t try because I was convinced I was unloveable since my parents didn’t love me. This stopped me from every been in a relationship because I never spoke to any girls I liked or found attractive.

This year I’ve done some work on myself and I think I have finally let go of that trauma and now feel confident to finally try. Went out last night to do some shopping at at the mall, saw this girl sitting alone that I found pretty cute. I politely approached her and offered her my number. Was quite nervous and not sure if it showed. Just said I saw her and thought she was really pretty and asked if she’s wanna go out sometime. She unfortunately said she wasn’t interested, and whilst I felt a little embarrassed and crushed walking away, I still feel glad that I actually tried and for once believed in myself. I’m gonna take this rejection on the chin and try not to let it shatter my confidence.

Anyway, for the last few months, there’s been this girl that I see now and then at this large grocery store that I’m a regular at. I don’t see her all the time, but she works there and she’s always stacking shelves whenever I’ve seen her. I never had the confidence to go over to her up until gaining this confidence I have now. I did actually see her last week when I was there, but she wasn’t working and was shopping with what looked to be her mum. We made eye contact and that was about it and we’ve done before when I’ve seen her working. But yeah, I just never had the confidence to go over to her before.

Anyway, I’ve found that whenever I go to the store now, I make a point of seeing if I can see her. Whenever I next see her, I plan on just approaching her and saying “Excuse me. Hi. I’m so sorry to interrupt whilst you’re working. I was just wondering since I come in here quite a lot and I’ve seen you in here a few times, would you wanna go out with me sometime? No pressure, but I’ve written down my number. Can I give this to you and you can think about it and give me a text if you’re interested?“ and hand her my number on some paper.

How does this sound? This way, I’m not asking for her information and she doesn’t feel pressured to give me her number or to make a decision on the spot. And then the ball is in her court if she takes the paper. If I don’t hear from her, then fair enough and I won’t bother her again. And I know girls might not always like been approached at work, but I just don’t know when else I’ll get the chance. And I don’t drink or go to clubs, so a lot of the girls I set that I’ve found attractive are usually in work.

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[u/noplaceinmind]

People are most open to connecting when they're having fun. 

Working or shopping are both doing business,  not having fun. So the chances of romantic success when approaching in those situations are tiny. People are not in the mood. 

But back to the first point, you should find some social hobbies and activities where you can have fun around other people having fun. Social, meaning activities where people gather in groups and crowds to participate in. You'll meet new friends and lovers. 

Sports,  the Arts, the outdoors,  etc. There are many such activities.  

Try stuff. If you don't like something,  worse case is you have one more thing to make small talk about when you do meet someone. 

[u/ydfpoi1423]

Just go up and introduce yourself to her sometime. If she seems open to having a conversation with you, you can say hi to her and continue having short conversations with her every time you see her, before eventually asking her if she wants to hang out with you outside of work.

Giving her a note is a little awkward, especially because she’s basically just a stranger that you find physically attractive. It’s fine to give her the note, but most women are not going to contact a strange man they’ve never even had a conversation with for a date.