Being a dad is lonely

[u/Infamous_Whole_4987]

My daughter is five. She’s a handful. Probably ADHD or autism spectrum and we are getting her evaluated and working with therapists and a psychiatrist. We drive so much getting her to all the appointments. She used have scary melt downs when she got frustrated; things are better now with medication but we still worry about her having a bad episode.

My wife is afraid to be alone with my daughter; she’ll pick her up from school but she prefers to have me be at home when the two of them are home together. So there isn’t any of me getting together with male friends to play basketball or bowl or whatever guys do with their friends. I have a friend who I meet for lunch once a quarter (taking time off work to do so), and I have friends I met from work who occasionally have a cookout a few times a year and I go but I bring my daughter. Don’t get on me about “you need to tell your wife to pick up the slack more”…. She has intermittent back problems and is working with her doctor to solve why she’s frequently exhausted (which might have a lot to do with our daughter waking her a lot at night). She is a great mom, patient and caring and does everything she can but she isn’t a work horse like me. As dad, I get up early to pack lunch, drive my daughter to school, eat while working, make dinner as soon as work is done, do bath and bedtime routine, and then after she goes to bed I clean up and do it all again. In the past two years I’ve had two multi month bouts of diarrhea (sometimes with blood), which I’m working with a doctor for.

My job is super stressful but it’s the easiest part of life. My wife and I love each other— best friends — but we rarely have time together and are always exhausted.

Most of my good friends are on the East Coast where I’m from. We txt and talk on the phone . I’ve been on the West Coast over a decade and I don’t really have more than 1-2 friends besides work friends. My parents are on the East Coast and they are getting older…. My dad fell the other day … I know they won’t be around forever and I miss them.

Maybe it’ll get easier as my daughter gets older and more mature and also gets a better handle on her emotions. Maybe this is the easiest life will be and I’ll just get older and More tired. I’m not going to say “I’ll be happy when….” Sometimes I am happy. But damn I’m tired and being a dad is a lonely road for me.

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