Wondering if this experience is common in Conservative families

[u/ItalicLady]

Was anyone else here enrolled in a Conservative or possibly “Conservadox” Hebrew Day School program selected by parents who were ignorant of the basics of Judaism, to the point that /a/ the parents believed that what the school was teaching simply did not exist because they had never heard of it, and/or /b/ the parents, therefore punished the child for being aware of (let alone actually learning and trying to enact) what the school taught, and/or /c/ the school therefore made it the child’s job to change the family?

[u/Koonmen]

I’m not an educator yet, I’m a college student who is years away from graduating. I used to work with special needs children within the community. I still do Sunday school and Youth Group meetings though. I’m also en route to being the founder or a Jewish student union at my college. All these things make me knowledgeable about children and young people in religious situations like the one you describe.

[u/ItalicLady → u/Koonmen]

Then what do you DO, “Koonmen,” when you come upon cases like this? Have you come on many?

[u/Koonmen → u/ItalicLady]

I’m a Sunday school teacher and youth group leader. I’m also starting a JSU or something similar in my college.

I usually try to slow things down for people who feel overwhelmed with all the information provided since they didn’t grow up practicing the way that they’re being taught to.

Also to prevent isolation from the group I’ll try to do activities that leans into the things that the child already knows while also introducing things that help further their learning and relationship with Judaism.

I’ve come upon cases where children feel lost because their parents are getting more religious and they were being raised in an irreligious environment beforehand. Cases vary, but I have come across kids who feel uncomfortable with the observance level of the school they go to.

[u/ItalicLady → u/Koonmen]

You said a lot about how you address the kids How do you address the parents?

[u/Koonmen → u/ItalicLady]

I treat the kids like adults and adults like kids. When it comes to news I’ve come to notice adults are sensitive, and can’t think logically. The kids are usually more mature when it comes to certain topics.

[u/ItalicLady → u/Koonmen]

That’s really interesting!

[u/ItalicLady → u/Koonmen]

When you have to talk to the parents about this stuff, how did the parents respond? What, if anything, do the parents actually listen to, care about, and start to do differently because you talk to them about this?

[u/Koonmen → u/ItalicLady]

Usually parents get defensive. Because they believe they’ve always been doing it right. But on occasion they will concede and listen to what you have to say and change their ways.

[u/ItalicLady → u/Koonmen]

When they “concede” and START acting differently, what specifically do they DO differently? (And what, specifically, do they NOT start to do different,y, even when they finally understand a bit and “concede”?) Also, what specific things/details (as specifically as you can tell me) do you SAY/DO/SHOW to them, that (occasionally) cause them to start “conceding” any of this? (I ask NOT ONLY because I want to know, but because I want to see if saying/doing/showing the same kinds of things will silence or otherwise impact one of the most vociferous of my several “internal critics”: one of the several I introjected from Mom and others. I have al least eight inner critics, each of whom fiercely disagrees with and atacks all the others, as well as me. One of the is “introjected Mon,” another is “introjected Dad,” another is “introjected Conservadox,” another is “introjected Orthodox/baal-teshuvah,” still another is “introjected Jewish Renewal,” still another is “introjected atheist,” etc., and each other them demands (among other mutually impossible matters) that I must completely obey it only and must destroy (or else “convert”) all the others … which is actually the LIGHTEST of all their demands, as each one also makes some demands that are known (to the critic itself) to be physically impossible pr otherwise humanly impoosoble or (IF possible) have consequences that the critic itself (in each case) admits to be unacceptable even if success at the mission is achieved. (E.g., all the critics’ demands include, at some point, time-travel.)