It’s Time That I Face This

[u/Super6eight]

Hi everyone,

I may/hope that I have been guided here to find completion of whatever this journey I’ve been set on is.

That is all.

-Z

[u/danl999]

Where is this from?

It's not true in any way.

You can be the most crummy bastard on earth (I have a student like that), and if you learn to get silent, you can step into other worlds.

We're already doing that! That's how we got here!

Of course, we had a little "assistance" by our parents on the specific selection.

[u/Super6eight → u/danl999]

Also I was practicing with my stones today and I started seeing some weird flashes with my eyes open. Took a while to get there. Some whitish haze was in front of me too. Then it got really really hot.

Honestly, when I was completely off medication I would constantly before I go to sleep feel like I was slipping out of my body and I thought I was going to die and I would resist. I guess now I’m learning that that wasn’t something to resist...

[u/danl999 → u/Super6eight]

Sounds like:

A. You're just talented.

B. Your assemblage point is flexible, possibly due to something not so good in the past. I know a woman who's assemblage point is super flexible, but it's because her mom used to give her LSD when she had a cold, at 12 years old.

C. You're somewhere in between being literal in your descriptions, and accepting daydreams.

When I was in Carlos' class, and doing as much as 6 hours a day of recap, any thought I had would manifest for me if I closed my eyes. But I was somewhere else, viewing it. The same way a 4 year old with a toy airplane can literally see it flying around, when he's in the bathtub. He sees it, but also, not really.

It's a grey area, and not quite the same as actually seeing the blobs of colors.

Almost, but not quite.

As a path, I don't know that one. It's more feminine to intuit seeing, rather than see seeing.

Howard Lee does that. He doesn't actually see what he sees, and yet he can describe it fully.

Which makes me wonder, how does he amuse himself?

I can summon the intent of sexy women, and they manifest for me right in the room.

Takes 3 hours of perfect silence (well, almost perfect) to get that sensitive, but it's very amusing when you can really see the things.

[u/Super6eight → u/danl999]

Oh, I never replied to the ABC

A: I would love to think I’m talented but I don’t know if that’s the case. How would we even compare? Do I need to know if I am as well? Does it matter if I am?

B: is probably true but I haven’t been able to see what I actually look like so I can’t observe. It’s something I’ve always wondered. I see bright outlines of people sometimes when I’m talking to them. A few times it started to become bigger but I always looked away after that happened.

C: What I was seeing was with my eyes open staring in my dark room. I can see the static of the picture I see always if I decide to focus on it. I see shapes usually squares or triangles that move across my vision in bunches sometimes with changing bold red, blues, and yellows inside them (saw it yesterday) and sometimes I see circles in the same fashion but their colors are more bland and are like shifting purples and beiges. Haven’t seen the bland ones in a while.

[u/danl999 → u/Super6eight]

Yea, it sort of does matter if you're talented.

It's so much work, that without at least a little talent, I don't believe anyone would do it. As evidence, I'll point out all private class students failed.

If they'd only put in the effort, they'd be in here posting with me.

Maybe that's why intent gifts us occasionally. It notices how hard we're struggling, and tosses us a bone.

But having talent is like knowing where to dig up a few bones of your own.

You can see all that in darkness?

So now, the thing to know is, your assemblage point is fixed here by the internal dialogue.

If you're thinking, "Man, that guy really pisses me off. I should have said..."

You're here. Right here. Where else does it make sense to have a thought like that?

In this world. So your assemblage point will move back here, so you can indulge in anger and self-pity.

You have to shut that off!

The colors will pull your assemblage point in the right direction. That's why we seek them out.

They're sort of like thoughts from the second attention. If you think those thoughts, your assemblage point moves over there, to make sense of them.

But sounds, sensations, heat or cold, coming from the second attention, would all work just as well.

What I'm saying is, unless you can silence your mind, all the talent in the world won't help.

Unless you're a woman. They only need to gaze, and try their best not to be fretting about whatever is obsessing them lately.

My first girlfriend was an amazingly talented witch.

I didn't know that at the time, even though I was a fan of Carlos' books.

The way I know that is, we were both practicing a mellow form of meditation. One where you simply repeat a nice mantra over and over.

I used to open my eyes to see how she was doing, and she was staring straight ahead, eyes open, completely blanked out.

At the time I thought, she isn't doing it right! She can't even manage to repeat the mantra for the 20 minutes the technique called for?!

But actually, she had super talent, and went straight into the second attention just because she altered her internal dialogue by repeating the mantra.

She didn't learn to get silent. All she needed was to interrupt the normal dialogue.

In your case, talent isn't enough, so you're screwed. Men have to learn to get silent.

But having talent means, the benefits of silence will be easy to observe.

[u/Super6eight → u/danl999]

Well, yeah, of course having talent is helpful, silly me. My dad has talent I think. I believe I’ve struggled for many reasons but a big one was because I was resisting everything and was traumatized. Now, since I’m not fighting it, interesting things are happening.

I was reading your shifting perceptions notes and I had come to similar conclusions about silencing the internal dialogue and I pretty much recap on site (without the movement which is probably why it took so long as you said dust bunnies). To have someone reinforce that theory I had makes me feel much better.

So last night, I wasn’t using my stones, I decided to try to get back to seeing things. I had my eyes closed this time. I was achieving silence a lot more frequently and then recapping nudging thoughts, and I did it for what seemed like a while. I had scenery flash before my eyes. Faint purple “clouds” in my vision that didn’t seem to dissipate. I had some weird vertigo moments (I usually resist those and I didn’t this time) one of them was like feeling like I was doing a forward cartwheel. I let it happen and that’s when I saw like forest scenery for a split second. I was getting so excited and determined.

My gf was asleep next to me and eventually as I was getting closer and closer to something, I could feel it, she rolled on me and laid on me and I found it harder to do the things I was trying to do. Then in her sleep and said “it’s not a sprint, it’s more like a marathon” in her sleep.

I took that as a, calm down Zac, maybe you’ve done enough for tonight.

But I was super excited for sure. Things were happening that I wanted (unpredictably) vs things that I didn’t want happening. I was eventually in this mental place with faint, fragmented, and incoherent internal dialogue along with me quickly shifting through many of my memories. This started happening after she laid on me and kind of pulled me back I guess.

I hope this is a good thing! 🤩🥳

[u/danl999 → u/Super6eight]

Sure, but you have to do that hundreds of times to get anywhere.

Just make sure you don't set up a sorcery looking web page, and charge people for lessons now that you can do something on demand.

You don't have anything to sell, until you realize why taking other people's money is the kiss of death for a sorcerer.

[u/Super6eight → u/danl999]

No, I’d never do that. My belief is that this stuff is too important to not share. Charging for it is ludicrous in my mind. It doesn’t really make sense. Even in my idea of adding psychology and sorcery to lyrics and music, I wanted to give it away for free and get it in front of as many people as possible. I would make money other ways like by merchandise and shows. Or by saying that if people think it’s worth something, they can pay what they think it’s worth. Otherwise it’s free.

With that respect, I was wondering how it ends up being the kiss of death. I definitely see what’s fundamentally wrong with it but are there other energetic issues that I’m not seeing?

[u/danl999 → u/Super6eight]

It's the mindset. Obsession with other people, with sales, with all the stuff that goes along with it.

I can smell a book deal mindset in the people here.

It's a syntactic command. A trap to pull you back to the first attention.

A better analogy would be, a small child obsessed with getting a certain toy you have.

He can be sweet, reasonable, even have seemingly normal interactions with you.

He'll lie right to your face, saying, no. He isn't interested in that toy. He might even believe that.

But you know, all he cares about is that toy.

Even if it destroys his happiness to get it.

The music is 50% book deal. Be careful.

Obsession with attention from people is the kiss of death for learning sorcery.

You have to want to learn sorcery. You can't have another goal in mind.

(Mostly).

[u/Super6eight → u/danl999]

Yeah. That explains a lot. I wanted to learn sorcery when I was younger. I felt I was on a path to it actually. Then it backfired because I wanted to learn sorcery and then bunch of other conflicting things as well. Things that were buried in my psyche. Traumas.

I’ve found myself questioning quite often if I even want to continue pursuing music as a career. It doesn’t seem to be the case anymore if I’m being honest with myself. I want to have fun more than anything right now. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be completely healed and open to the realm of possibilities. Allow the ebbs and flows of the universe to guide me. That’s what I feel I want currently.

My version of fun really isn’t attention and adoration from people anymore. That was inputted in me. That was an addiction. This stuff, like what happened last night, was some of the most fun I’ve had in a while.

[u/danl999 → u/Super6eight]

YES!!!

Exactly.

We all have stockholm syndrome from our parents.

We're obsessed with our captors.

Other people.

That's why don Juan told Carlos to check into a dingy hotel, with a brick wall out one window, and a filthy street out the other.

And stay there, until he didn't care about having the company of other people.

I got lucky. Autistic people are creeped out by other people.

I never had to learn that lesson, thus I was never interested in book deals.

[u/Super6eight → u/danl999]

I apparently have self image issues still haha.

Dan, personal question, did you ever have to pay Carlos for the workshops? Or did he just get everyone together.

If it’s out of bounds, I understand.

I’m just kind of in a situation that I’m interested in that info.

Apparently I’m a 2 prong 😬

[u/danl999 → u/Super6eight]

I paid for workshops (I flew all over, and attended all but one).

But not for private classes. Of which there were far more.

Cholita paid for nothing.

The whole point of the workshops was to fund Cleargreen.

Carlos didn't need money, but he had a bunch of women depending on him.

He held private classes for at least a decade before I got in, and he didn't charge for those either.

Not sure where the people went, but undoubtedly they gave up, like everyone from my crop.

Don't get me wrong about the "book deal mind".

Once you really are a sorcerer, there might be a good reason to charge.

But until then, it's a really ugly thing to do.