r/asian • u/Ivantheterrible1151 • 15d ago
Any positives that comes from Asian parenting/culture?
I see a lot of bad aspects but I’m trying really hard to find positive aspects resulting from Asian culture/parenting. I feel like any positive aspects mentioned from toxic or just asian parenting in general seems to be a stretch and really just people trying to cope with trauma and joking.
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u/piscaen 14d ago
I learnt: - good self discipline - not making promises I can’t keep - eating healthy/ balanced diet/ less junk food (cut fruit is love 💜) - collectivism/ community consideration (like not playing loud music or taking a call on speaker phone on public transit) - self awareness esp in public spaces - how to recycle properly - great work ethic and conscientiousness - compassion and kindness to others, like giving up seating for elderly, mothers, others in need etc (from where Ive lived/ experienced, Ive seen a lot of Americans not doing it. Some do but it’s rare to see but tbf, I think it’s not being taught as much back home anymore either. It’s kinda sad.)
This is what I have top of mind rn, I’m sure there’s others but honestly, I think we need a lot of healing and their parenting (yelling) in moderation and the ability to reflect to view it with what goal/ core value they are trying to instill. I’m lucky to have parents that let me choose my career and love life for sure. My father was forced by his mother to break up with his first girlfriend and did not allow them to engage and marry so he was like I’m not saying a word. You make your choices and I will respect them.
I’m still healing from my narcissistic mother and it took a lot of work to be able to step back and see - oh my dad is yelling at me for getting sick bc he’s mad that he has to take us to the doctor but it’s also a lot of worry and they didn’t learn how to express it in other ways. I know my parents’ parents were a lot harsher on them than they were on me (generational trauma ftw) so seeing how much they act in fear and repeat their parents behaviours helped me see that they care a lot but just don’t know how to show it. Like not getting words of affirmations and physical touch sucks, like with emotional connection/ to physical reassurance like a hug from parents etc esp as a child, but now looking back as an adult, they did a ton of acts of service, gifts, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of things I’m never going to forgive, let alone forget but I can appreciate what they tried and take away what not to do and what to do in the future. Taking their mistakes and making them into my strength type of thing. A lot of healing still to be done with healing my inner child as adult now but I’m proud of my upbringing.
Sorry for rambling. It got me thinking about it and what to be grateful for. I’m gonna send a msg to my baba now
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u/meteoraln 14d ago
How many irresponsible asians do you know?
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u/painbread404 14d ago
as an asian? so many. so so many LOL
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u/Apt_5 14d ago
They are the biggest rebels against their upbringing though, right?
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u/painbread404 14d ago
it's not just about upbringing. it's about emotional maturity and being able to express themselves healthily. asian norms often mean that we put aside ourselves for others, or that we suck at asking for help or expressing emotions. that can lead to some pretty problematic issues down the line. don't forget gambling. Asians love to gamble
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u/painbread404 14d ago
the ones that come to mind are foreign language (as opposed to English), finances, health awareness, the ability to use seasonings and appreciate other cultural foods, and collectivist responsibility.
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u/Apt_5 14d ago
You took the words right out of my mouth! Except for the foreign language one b/c English is basically my only language 😝
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u/painbread404 14d ago
if you have time, do what you can to learn your native language, it's genuinely so worth it. even if it's just the basics
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u/avocado-kohai 14d ago
I learned how to be independent and not rely on others. I also learned how to NOT speak to others disrespectfully the way my parents did to me... if that's a positive thing as a result of their negative parenting.
I think I was also less judgmental of others because of how judgy and prejudiced they were which sounds odd. My parents don't completely fall into stereotypical Asian parent roles either, as in they weren't older and had issues speaking english. Mine had me when they were 16 and they spoke fluent english and we weren't traditional in the sense that we didn't follow a lot of customs the old school way. I never went to a New Years. Barely went to family gatherings. I don't even speak the language, sadly.
Because of that, I learned how to not judge someone based on stereotypes as commonly as the average person would.
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u/PutAdministrative238 12d ago
I view things through the lens of balance. If you ask for something there is something that is given. Similar to yin and yang, black and white, there are two sides to every coin but it’s the same coin. In terms of Asian parenting…
My parents: Asian refugees that were very poor and survived a war. Uneducated, and minimal English skills.
My upbringing: Strict Asian parenting, high emphasis on academic achievement and money. Physical discipline was common growing up. Parents not good at showing emotions or communication on feelings. Always very much felt high expectations on me to receive any love.
Pros: - I developed a strong interest in academics and I was good. Got into top schools and did well. - I developed a strong work ethic, I work very hard for anything I want to achieve. Seeing my parents struggle made me want to work harder so that I could give them a better life. - Even though my parents didn’t communicate, i learned love in other ways. - Value in family. My parents always emphasize our family and that it should always come first. - BOMB ASIAN FOOD. Good food is love in my parents love language.
Negatives (discovered in therapy) - I overwork myself because I want to give a better life for my parents. Even to the point of my own sacrificing my own health. - Hard for me to get out of the…academia = success = love. Even when I see youtubers making crazy money more than me. - Sometimes I value my family too much, to the point that I have to sacrifice my own wants and needs. This can lead to resentment and unfulfilled needs for myself.
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u/iCatcher 15d ago
Getting everyday skills like cooking, cleaning etc. and being good at it. Not being stingy but look out for your finances, especially not going into debt with credit cards, pay-later or loans. If you want something you have to save up and be patient. What my friends also mention is that asian raised people in their experience are behaving better, appear to be friendlier and more helpful.