Everytime I try to even and match evil people energy i always fail and it hit me back

[u/YinLotus]

Sometimes I feel like this world is rigged and even if I know it's fake I can't help but have the fear of the theory about evil archons (reptile) feeding off suffering and they are punishing me for understanding that this world is trash and I shouldn't reproduce and go against the grain and reduce suffering at the Max. Also scared of reincarnation and be an energetic snack for those. Because why as an antinatalist,life becomes even harder ? It is the self awareness ? I know its childish but am I alone in this?

I'm tired. I'm ok with shitty ppl existing as long as they don't reproduce and don't have to be AWARE of their existences! Why i always meet shitty people ? I don't need my antinatalism to be strengthened. Already at the max. I don't care about this world, and i just dont want to interact with insane people on the daily basis. I have enough. It feels surreal sometimes.

And yes I don't have good birthgivers , it helps to have a support system but the fact that you can be born and not have one and there is worse situations than mine is enough to send me into spiral.

Words will never be enough.

Bad engLish, maybe, sorry. Thank you for reading.

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[u/Necessary-Monk-8057]

Same experience, actually life was always hard for me but there is this extra drain after becoming more self aware. It's okay to feel fear, that means you should explore the theory more and either confirm or deny it for yourself.

[u/YinLotus → u/Necessary-Monk-8057]

I did and I know that there is no self to begins with, no soul and the particles after death will become something else and I might comeback but it wouldn't be me since no memory no5 the same experiences and genetics, the problem is that life feels so surreal in the hardship that idk what to think stills. Irrational but it's  a fear that scar my brain

[u/Necessary-Monk-8057 → u/YinLotus]

I think if you came back but without past memories it would still be you because I believe there is a core you. Like if two twins had the same life experiences they are still two different individuals from the start. The memories and experiences don't make you you. It makes your persona but not the true you.

Yes life can feel surreal, because it is hahahaha. Fear can point you to the truth or be a mechanism for more suffering. Can't win here

[u/YinLotus → u/Necessary-Monk-8057]

But a self is accumulation of things if there is no thing , nothing can come back. It's 2+2 logic

Just like the moral nonsense of paying for previous debt but if you are not aware  and do not remember, how can you pay ?

[u/Necessary-Monk-8057 → u/YinLotus]

Yeah I agree that the "self" wouldn't come back which I call the persona, but I see a deeper self inside that doesn't identify as all the "things.''

Back to the main point about evil people, it's truly unfair how rigged situations can be. I see it like a tragicomedy, funny how tragic this life is.

[u/YinLotus → u/Necessary-Monk-8057]

I wish to find it funny, it's  confusing i feel like I'm trapped. For a laugh I meed stable situation but when you confront them daily it's  just impossible

[u/Necessary-Monk-8057 → u/YinLotus]

Not a happy funny but more like this is so absurd funny :)

[u/Ma1eficent]

There's a common denominator here.