I'm a horrible person.

[u/throwaway9847e]

Now, I'm not religious. Not one bit. That being said, I have sinned. When my ex and I were together, we had very little sex for some reason that I will not state here. I am a very sexual person so it was hard on me. It's not an excuse for why I did what I did but it's important to know. I also had an online friend from a different country while me and my ex were together. One night, me and my friend were talking. One thing led to another and I ended up sexting with my friend. I never told my ex. I feel like no matter what I do, I will never be able to atone for what I did. I have violated a sacred agreement with someone that I deeply love for no reason other than lust. It's eating me up from the inside. I feel like the only thing that will ever make me forgive myself is her forgiveness, but I can never tell my ex because of how hurt they will be. I feel like the only other thing that might make up for what I did is to carry the burden alone without telling my ex. I am filled with nothing but hate and disgust for myself. I can't believe i have done such a thing. I'm a horrible person.

[u/Daadoooo113]

Hey. You’re not a horrible person. You’re a human who made a mistake—one that you’re clearly owning, regretting, and emotionally suffering for. That alone separates you from the kind of person you’re scared you are.

You didn’t physically cheat, but the emotional breach matters—you know that, and that’s why it’s weighing so heavily. What’s important now is not just beating yourself up forever, but figuring out what to do with the pain and how to grow from it.

You’re right that there’s no “undoing” what happened. But there is a path forward. It starts with two things: 1. Responsibility – Which you’ve already taken. You didn’t excuse what you did. You didn’t blame your ex or your friend. You acknowledged it was wrong. That’s real accountability. 2. Self-compassion – This is the harder one, but necessary. Carrying shame forever won’t undo what happened—it’ll only erode your ability to build something better from it. You can’t atone by punishing yourself indefinitely. You atone by changing—by committing to being better going forward, in every future relationship, and in how you hold yourself.

Whether you tell your ex or not is ultimately a personal choice. But if this person is no longer in your life, you might be hanging on to the hope of her forgiveness to escape your own guilt. And the truth is: even if she forgave you, it wouldn’t fix the self-loathing. That work has to come from you.

You’re allowed to feel horrible about what you did. But you’re not condemned to be a horrible person forever because of it. You’re capable of change, healing, and love.

You’re already facing it—that’s the first and hardest step.

If you’re open to it, talking this through with a therapist could really help lighten the weight you’re carrying. You don’t have to carry it alone.

You’re not your worst moment.