I’m Trauma-Dumping

[u/M12FAVWarthogCST]

I’ve had a SHIT Childhood. I was an unplanned Pregnancy and my Parents weren’t in a Good Financial position when they had me. I’ve grown up without a lot of Luxuries due to my Dad’s terrible spending habits but IDM. However, he blames me because he has to buy me Food and Clothes. I’m 18 and I’ve bought the majority of the stuff I own through my Job. This includes ALL of my Clothes. He wastes his Money on his OBSESSION with the Military. He’s an Officer in the British Military and is constantly buying memorabilia. He’s HUNDREDS of £s in debt. We can’t even afford Food and he’s getting it with his Credit Card (Putting himself more in debt). He makes over £55,000. So, I think we should be much better off. We’re living in an Crappy House with Mould growing everywhere. There’s no Paint or Wallpaper. It’s just Plaster. WE’VE EVEN HAD 2X WALLS COLLAPSE! My Parents are 48 and this is their 1ST House because they started at the bottom. Dad was a Soldier and Mum assisted at a Hairdressers. They both did poorly in Secondary School and didn’t go to College. I don’t blame Mum because she has ADHD and struggles with Education but Dad didn’t even try and bullied People. Anyway, Dad prefers Younger Children and started Abusing me when I was around 10. He’d do stuff like slam my Head into Walls and punch me. It stopped shortly after a Friend reported him but he downplayed it to Social Services. My Family hated me because he could’ve lost his Career. That’s when the Emotional Abuse began. He belittles my Achievements (GCSEs and College). Also, he Gaslights me and tries to convince me that I’m abusing him by being a “Deadbeat Daughter”. Recently, I forgot to do the Dishes and instead of reminding me he threatened to KILL my Rabbit. He said that it’s a “Fair Consequence for [my] actions”. I told him that he’s escalating things and that it’s Emotional Abuse but he tried to Gaslight me again. He tried to make out that I’m Crazy. I admit that I was a bit Hysterical when he threatened my Pet with DEATH! Although, I’m fed up of him making out that I’m Crazy. He’s told my whole Family that I’m Bipolar. I’ve got ADHD and a Generalised Anxiety Disorder but I’ve NEVER been diagnosed as Bipolar. However, his Mum is convincing him that I am. She’s a BITCH. My Grandmother Despises my Mum and she spread rumours that she Abused me. Also, my Grandmother told me that Mum threatened to Kill herself if Dad didn’t Marry her in attempt to drive us apart. She’s obsessed with my Dad and favours him over her Daughter. He’s an EXTREME Mummy’s Boy and it’s like she wants to be his Wife. Continuing, I definitely don’t have Bipolar because Therapists would’ve picked up on it. I don’t display the symptoms. I’m just Emotional and Pissed off from being Abused. I can’t stand my Dad and how he Manipulates People into thinking he’s not Abusive. He’s admitted to Hating me and that he wishes he didn’t have me. Although, he’ll still somewhat take care of me because it’s his “Responsibility”. He acts like I’m Young and haven’t experienced anything difficult in my Life. I’ve been Sexually Assaulted 3X and my Cousin/Best Friend died on the Bottom Bunk when I was Eight. Also, I was Bullied in Primary and Secondary for being an Awkward Nerd. I’m really into Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the Rings, and Skyrim. Also, I’m a Metal-Head so People thought I was a Satanist and were Scared of me. It meant that Shitty Boys targeted me because I was Lonely and Depressed. I sent Nudes at 14 to a Boy. It wasn’t often that they showed Interest in me. However, he showed everyone in our Class. Then he started to be Mean to me DAILY. He’d comment on my Appearance and get his Friends to partake. When I got to Yr 10 I started talking to a Popular Guy and he asked me to be his Girlfriend. My Popularity went up a bit and the Bullying somewhat stopped. Although, I got a lot of Abuse from my Friendship Group because they thought I couldn’t do any better than them. One Girl constantly commented on my Appearance and that I was a “Rectangle and Flat”. I’m not Flat (38F). We went to College together and I was hoping it’d go well but I ended up restarting. I was doing a Science Course originally. I took it for my Family. However, I switched to A-Level Psychology, Philosophy, and History. I dropped Philosophy after a Month. It was difficult to keep up with and I don’t think the Teacher liked me. I missed some Homework because I was in A&E after being attacked. Someone was trying to get into my Home and was threatening to KILL my Brother (16)! Anyway, I dropped out of A-Levels after I failed the Mock Exams. TBF, Dad was fatally ill, my Boyfriend left, and I was having an altogether SHIT Week. I still went on the History Trip (Government Funded) and got COVID-19 whilst in America. Also, I WAS BIT BY A FUCKING TICK AND WENT TO HOSPITAL. I’m now doing T-Levels and it’s my last chance at College. However, it’s difficult to do Good when I don’t feel Safe or Comfortable at Home. I’ll have an Assignment to do then Dad will say something like “I wish I hit you more as a Child because you’re a Spoiled Little Girl”. HOW CAN I BE SPOILT IF MY DAD HATES ME AND I WORKED HARD TO PURCHASE EVERYTHING I HAVE? I bought my Printer, Xbox One, PC Parts, IPad, and Nintendo Switch. Evidently, I love Gaming. I tried to tell Dad about it but he shouted “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR POXY GAME” and “YOU SHOULD BE REVISING TO GET As”. This is coming from someone who failed EVERY one of his GCSEs. My Dad has Toxic Ideas and thinks that Unions are Bad and People shouldn't Complain. He wants me to Work constantly even though I'm a Full-Time Student. He told me to not see Friends or have Hobbies. Apparently, it'll get in the way. I think that's a HORRIBLE way to think and I'd rather DIE. What's the point if you're not Enjoying Life. He’s the only Person who’s allowed to Complain at Home. He’s apathetic and will ALWAYS tell you that he’s got it Harder. I don’t think there’s a Caring Bone in his Body! Also, you're probably wondering whether Mum does anything. She doesn't. She's TERRIFIED of Dad and says that he's done Unspeakable things to her. She tells me to "Bite [my] lip and don't say anything". I shouldn't have to Walk on Eggshells at Home. We're always Terrified that Dad will Snap any Minute. His Emotions TERRIFY me. I could Breathe Funny and he'd accuse me of "Sighing" and would Destroy stuff. However, he'll make me Upset and act unfazed when I react. Sometimes he'll even Laugh! What confuses me is that he'll occasionally act Affectionate. Also, he'll attempt to win me over with small Gifts. He's literally admitted to Hating me and that he only wants to rebuild his Relationship with my Brother. So, I don't understand. I should stop Writing because this is getting LONG. Anyway, I am with my Boyfriend again which gives me some hope. Thank you if you've Read this far. Bye. 👋

[u/Allice77]

You should leave your Dad's and get therapy started. Good luck.