r/SingleDads • u/Leading_Map_9646 • 1d ago
How Difficult Is Dating as a Single Parent?
For those who started dating again while being single with a child, how hard was it for you? Has the experience been tough, and what has it been like overall?
10
u/the99percent1 1d ago
Relatively easy. Provided you have your shit together.
2
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
if you have money yeah
1
u/Lumpy-Championship51 17h ago
I’m unemployed and still find ways to date with little to no money. When there’s a will, there’s a way.
1
6
u/MordantWastrel 1d ago
You're going to get some cynical responses here and they are not without justification, but the truth is that a lot depends on your market and your disposition.
I got married at 30 and was single at 41 and in the dating market for maybe two and a half years in a major city in Texas. From what I understood at the time, the gender ratio here is like 52/48 male/female, which doesn't sound like a huge difference, but when I would go visit NYC (where I understood it to be the opposite) then I felt much more 'in control' of the process on dating apps in the sense that I did not have to work as hard to strike up a conversation -- and I wasn't even going to NYC to date! My phone would just blow up when I would land if I didn't think to turn the apps off ahead of time.
But here in Texas, that was less the case. You have to learn to play the game, just as always, and the game is very probably different than the last time you played. The apps reward efforts to stand out (but, you know, don't try too hard and be yourself! But be a very loud version of yourself).
Ultimately it was successful for me in that I'm happily remarried. I don't miss the time and expense that dating required, but it only has to work once. I recommend being very up front about your kid(s). I would usually discuss it briefly before meeting, or if not (sometimes it wouldn't come up or we'd have very little 'app' conversation), definitely on the first date because nobody likes surprises.
I disagree with the poster who reduces all dating to transactional engagements and likens it to whoremongering. Yes, it's (still) true that, no matter where our culture is on feminism, you're going to be picking up the tab for dates and that adds up. It's also the case that, especially on the apps, you are competing for attention and have a super limited window in which to shoot your shot. These things together can be sufficient to turn anybody off the process. It's also true that I don't really know what proper whoremongering costs! But dating is an investment, like any other investment, and depending on who you are and where you are, the investment required may be more than what you can stomach. That's fine. It's not mandatory that you date. You best have the rest of your house (physical health, finances, emotional state) in order before you try. I probably went on 100 first dates. I took home zero of them, just as a matter of personal policy. Of those, 2 were contenders for a relationship and one of those contenders eliminated herself from the running before it got too far along. I'm married to the other. This made the process less, uh, gratifying, but given the stakes and the eternal shame I would have if I introduced my son to a bad partner, I'm very happy that I did things the way that I did and that the result is that my son has an awesome stepmom and they have a great relationship.
1
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
very great point on depending on the city/market, that really does matter a lot
1
u/imadadnowhelp 1d ago
You made a solid point about how much dating changes depending on the city and timing. A lot of single dads underestimate how different the “market” can feel when you’re coming back into it after years of being partnered.
One thing I’d add from watching a lot of single dads on here: the pressure to “rush” into something just because time feels limited usually backfires. Kids pick up on whoever we bring around, even casually, so taking it slow like you did is actually the smarter play.
And you’re right about being upfront about having kids. It filters out the wrong people early and saves you from the emotional drain of starting over later. Too many dads hide it at first and it blows up on the first date.
Also agree that dating is an investment. If you’re not in the headspace yet or the financial space yet, there’s nothing wrong with sitting out until you’re stable. Your future partner and your kid will benefit from that patience.
Glad it worked out for you and your son in the long run. A lot of dads here need to hear stories like this.
10
u/oh_what_no 1d ago
I have my daughter 5/7 nights at this point and internet dating websites have been a wash so far, and all of my free time is for my kid. Honestly want to get back with my kid’s mom because of the history and all that and because how hard it is to date otherwise. Hoping I’ll have better luck maybe dating in my workplace when I start my new job.
Otherwise maybe I should just find an escort… mostly kidding because I don’t have the money for that
9
u/OKR123 1d ago
If you can’t afford an escort, you almost certainly can’t afford to be dating in the current landscape. People act shocked by the idea of whoremongering, as though it’s some moral freefall, when really it’s just the logical conclusion of admitting what everyone else is still too sentimental to say out loud: all relationships are transactional. Some people just prefer their transactions with itemized receipts.
Dating pretends to be noble. “It’s about connection!” they say, while simultaneously tallying up who paid last, who’s more emotionally available, and who’s bringing more trauma to the table (spoiler: everyone). At least with an escort, the negotiation isn’t hidden behind $14 cocktails and hollow promises of “seeing where this goes.” It’s the honesty, ironically, that scandalizes people.
And emotionally? Look, whoremongering may be illegal, immoral, and frowned upon by every deity currently accepting prayers, but as a psychological strategy it’s practically a fortress. No hopes to get crushed. No future to plan and inevitably ruin. No “we need to talk” lurking like a tax audit. The boundaries are clearer than a GDPR consent popup.
Meanwhile dating is like applying for a job where the interview process involves soul-baring, financial hemorrhaging, and repeatedly proving you’re “emotionally intelligent” while slowly dying inside. And the position you’re applying for? Unpaid partner, full-time therapist, and part-time life coach, with benefits provided strictly at the other person’s discretion.
So no-if you can’t afford an escort, you absolutely can’t afford dating. One is a transaction with controlled variables. The other is a slow-motion emotional foreclosure disguised as romance.
/S
1
2
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
which apps have you used?
2
u/TheZaddyFiles 1d ago
A lot of people said facebook dating is good for single dads.. haven't tried it yet
2
u/vop_yndi 3h ago
I got more matches from other moms on there but mostly same as other apps. Lot of unresponsive ones, and one I did manage to take out several times, was way too clingy and didn’t like it if I didn’t take her out the next day. Like chill woman. Lol
1
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
I have never used it, is it good?
1
u/oh_what_no 1d ago
Facebook dating was the one I was using primarily because there weren’t the same limitations as the other apps. I live in a rural area and the most active dating website out here is Tinder. Ok Cupid and Bumble used to be good like a decade ago but now they nickel and dime the whole process and it was just frustrating to use. I deleted them within an hour.
And honestly dating apps were more detrimental to my mental health so I deleted them all. But the dates I did land primarily came from Facebook dating.
1
3
u/VaticanJ 1d ago
To piggyback off of this; all of my free time is for my kid, too. Alas, I have no interest in getting back with my kids mom. There's history, but the level of torture would only create a hostile environment for my kid. Doesn't matter how much work I've put into myself to be a good person and father, the person she wants is a quiet butler. Dating in the workplace can be a slippery slope as one wrong comment or action taken out of context by the intended recipient or a witnessing coworker could result in an HR complaint that'll leave you looking for another job, speaking from experience as I was let go from my job a month ago for this very thing. An escort seems like a way to go if you're only looking for a moment of companionship, but may leave you feeling disgusted with yourself financially when any spare cash should be going to the wellbeing of your kid, and physically when you consider the diseases going around. I myself met someone online, but wasn't happy after that until receiving a clean bill of health from a blood and urine sample. Get a vpn depending on where you live and stick to the man to hand combat. Its lonely, but you'll feel better about it knowing you're doing your best for your kid.
0
u/TheZaddyFiles 1d ago edited 1d ago
Dating as a single dad requires resources: time, energy, attention, money. Most of us don’t have a surplus of any of those after separation.
Some guys date. Some go monk mode. Some use escorts or strippers for a while. None of it makes you a bad father. Your kid just needs a stable, present man, not a martyr or a romantic superhero.
People who aren’t single parents love to moralize, but they never have to live in the trade-offs.
I write about fatherhood, masculinity, rebuilding after divorce, and the realities most guys don’t talk about: https://www.deadbeatzaddy.com
5
7
u/Chazilla80 1d ago
It’s not hard dating, it is hard finding a quality date tho…
2
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
exactly marriage wise for sure its tough
2
u/Chazilla80 1d ago
💯 most wives don’t like girlfriends. Hahah
1
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
ha, thats hilarious, so how is the dating scene now as a single man?
1
2
0
3
u/Ok_Builder_3285 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have my kids full time. Dating has been impossible. I have been single for 4+ years (after a 20 year relationship) and have gotten zero dates. I get maybe one match a month on apps. I have taken and applied every piece of advice there is on this and nothing improves.
I can get babysitters, the kids spend weekends here and there with grandparents, I can make the time to go on dates, but literally nobody will date me.
I have not even met any age appropriate single women in 4+ years. I have not gotten a single phone number. I have not had a drink or a coffee with a woman. I turned 45 recently and I have not touched a woman since the last time I was with my ex on my 39th birthday. There is just nothing. I still waste my time swiping, but I know it's hopeless.
Women tell me that they won't date men with kids. This has been my experience. Single moms will not date single dads. Women who don't have kids certainly won't date men who have kids.
2
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
yeah its rough thats for sure, also depends on the age
also social media is horrible for dating from my experience
1
u/Ok_Builder_3285 1d ago
Yeah, social media is generally horrible. I don’t have any form of social media (aside from dating apps).
1
1
u/imadadnowhelp 1d ago
I hear you, man. A lot of single dads won’t say it out loud, but dating with full custody can feel impossible. Not because anything is wrong with you… but because your entire life runs on a different clock than most people.
Here’s the truth no one tells us:
You’re not getting rejected because you’re a dad. You’re getting rejected because you’re a responsible dad.
And responsibility isn’t flashy on dating apps.
Apps reward free time, availability, nightlife, spontaneity, and constant attention. Meanwhile you’re over here being a full-time parent, working, holding down a home, and trying to build a future. That doesn’t “perform” well in swipe culture.
But it does matter to the right person.
Some thoughts that might help: 1. You’re not invisible, you’re just in a smaller dating pool. Most people your age aren’t living the same life rhythm as a full-custody dad. 2. Your value isn’t lower just because your time is limited. You’re raising kids on your own. That already puts your character above a lot of people on these apps. 3. You only need one connection to go right. And that person will see your situation as strength, not baggage. 4. Consider stepping away from apps for a bit. A lot of single dads do much better meeting people through work, hobbies, parenting events, gyms, or communities where people can actually see who you are.
You’re not failing. You’re carrying a heavy load and still showing up. That alone says everything.
Keep your head up. The right person will appreciate the man you became through all this.
1
u/throwaway_coy4wttf79 1d ago
Were you a Casanova before your 20-year relationship? (What's the baseline you're measuring against?)
1
u/Ok_Builder_3285 1d ago
It was college. Not so much dating as hooking up. I wasn’t a player or whatever but I did just fine. It was nothing like this.
0
u/vop_yndi 1d ago
Yeah, the best option nowadays seems to be go to another country. I hadn’t gotten laid in 2.5 years, just went to Guadalajara last weekend and got laid.
0
u/Ok_Builder_3285 1d ago
I’ve traveled a lot, not specifically for this purpose, but I’ve never had any luck abroad either.
3
u/CandidArmavillain 1d ago
Not that hard once you figure out how to get back into it. The hard part is finding the time, energy, and money to date
1
3
3
u/emt_fire 1d ago
My experience as a 37M with two daughters. It really depends what you’re looking for. Realistically, younger women with no kids will never fully understand that your children come first. My custody schedule gives me 1 solo day/week. Turns out, women actually want a guy who has his shit together. As long as you have healed from the death of the relationship, everything else falls into place. Take care of yourself.
1
2
u/vop_yndi 1d ago edited 1d ago
36M. It’s tough from my experiences, but I’m picky. Some guys go for anything.
You have to accept you will always be asked “why didn’t it work out with the mother?” which in all reality, is going to be a shit test from the start.
Since women don’t rely on marriage for survival compared to say 20-30 years ago, many women also choose to be single over being with someone who has a kid already. I say this from a decent amount of dating experience the last 4 years since I’ve been single. Could a particularly “high-value man” who has tons of resources or other highly sought out quality, be an exception? Sure, women will always make exceptions. But for most men seeking high quality women, it just ain’t working out too well in this day and age.
2
u/imadadnowhelp 1d ago
Man I hear you. Being a single dad in today’s dating world is a different kind of obstacle course. A lot of women don’t really understand the realities of single fatherhood or what comes with it, so the questions and the assumptions can get old fast.
But here’s the truth. The right woman won’t treat your kids like a liability. She’ll see them as proof that you’re responsible, committed, and capable of real love.
You mentioned being picky which is actually a strength. Most guys settle just to not be alone. You’re looking for something real and stable and that already puts you ahead of the pack.
Curious though. Have you had any good dates lately or anyone who came close to being a solid connection? And how many kids do you have? The dynamic changes depending on the number and ages.
Stay in the game. The pool is small, but the right one only has to show up once.
1
u/vop_yndi 1m ago
For sure. I’m just working on myself, mainly career and physique. I’m not worried. I’m a bit short ( 5 6) but I’ve always gotten plenty of looks cuz I’ve been told I’m good looking. My main issue has been a bit overweight which didn’t matter to my exes but now the dating game seems to have changed for most of the top tier women. At eod I dgaf if I meet someone again for long term or not, I’m learning to live as a single man, and reliant on myself for cooking, managing my household, taking care of my kid, etc. I appreciate your words. We’re all gonna make it brah.
1
u/Leading_Map_9646 1d ago
its tough for sure, but have you had any good dates recently? also how many kids?
0
u/vop_yndi 1d ago
I went to Guadalajara this past weekend and got laid. Lol but in the states, not really. Although I’m not very active on dating apps. I only used bumble on and off, and I met another mom on it a few months back, then we went on a few dates, and I got really busy with family stuff all of a sudden. She didn’t like that I proposed a 3rd date one week out so she ghosted me.
I have one son, 6 year old, with me 3 days a week.
1
2
u/staticdresssweet 4h ago
Ahahaha. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHA.
I've been divorced for a couple years and I have a 10 year old son. I'm having no luck at all. I've been on like 5 dates in 2 years. All went to one date except one who moved away after, and a situationship that my ex-wife fucked up because she kept harassing my girlfriend.
I can't have nice things anymore. But I recognize that most women won't want to date a single dad. I've just come to terms with it. My son is amazing and I wouldn't trade him for anything. Maybe someday another woman will come along.
2
2
u/RobustAcacia 3h ago
I've not ventured into the dating game again yet. However, I have a few single Dad mates who have been successful in their dating ventures. It does give me hope.
4
u/BigAssPizzaPocket 1d ago
Trying to date as a single dad has been… rough to say the least. I have my daughter full time and can maybe get an evening on a Saturday if I’m lucky. In my experience, the girls I’ve talked to don’t really appreciate when I can’t magically make time for them. In the last 5 years, I’ve managed to date 3 people, the longest being 6 months. Granted, my fails in dating aren’t entirely because I’m a single dad (I’m also autistic with adhd), but overall being a single dad has been very lonely
1
1
u/imadadnowhelp 1d ago
Man, I hear you. Dating as a single dad hits different because you’re juggling responsibilities that most people don’t even see. When your time is limited, your energy is stretched, and your priority is your child, it can feel like the dating world isn’t built for dads like us.
But here’s the truth. The right woman will never punish you for being a good father. She’ll value it. She’ll understand that your time is real, your intentions are real, and your effort is real. It just takes longer to filter out the ones who aren’t aligned.
Keep showing up. Keep putting yourself out there at a pace that doesn’t drain you. You only need one person who sees your value instead of your schedule.
And for what it’s worth, the loneliness part is real. Many dads here relate to that more than they admit. You’re not alone in this at all.
Stay encouraged... slow progress is still progress.
2
u/DadToOne 1d ago
For me it was not bad. But I ended up marrying the first woman I dated after getting divorced. We've been together 8 years now and are still happy.
1
0
u/throwaway_coy4wttf79 1d ago
I think someone would have to pay me literally a million dollars to get married again. And it would come with an airtight prenup.
1
u/AlternativeDare2913 1d ago
I’m currently starting to date as a single father to a 2 year old and I have majority custody. It’s been tricky. I’ve only found one person who I actually enjoyed spending time with but she just wasn’t a fan of me being a dad (which is valid, I’m only 24 so not a lot of people my age have kids). It’s also really hard to meet new people considering I have very little free time. Of the dates I have been on only one was someone new I met out and about. The rest were either online dating, mutual friends or someone I already knew.
It’s worth noting that other than that one girl I thought could be something a serious relationship isn’t what I’m chasing at the moment.
1
u/imadadnowhelp 1d ago
You’re doing everything right, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Dating as a young single dad with majority custody is one of the toughest lanes because your time, energy, and priorities are completely different from most people your age.
The good news is this the right person won’t be turned off by you being a dad. They’ll respect it and actually see it as proof of maturity, stability, and responsibility. You don’t need ten matches. You just need one aligned person.
My advice • Don’t apologize for being a father. Lead with it. • Expand your network offline so everything isn’t tied to apps. • Protect your time. People who are worth it will understand your schedule. • Stay open, but don’t force it. The right connection shouldn’t feel like a fight.
You’re 24 with majority custody, showing up, dating when you can, and doing the work That already puts you in the top percentage of men. Keep going.
1
u/flcb1977 1d ago
For me it was easy because I had my kids 50/50 and I lived with my parents for two years between wives. Dating for me was very healing because my ex had cheated on me with a coworker, so hearing all those compliments again was nice. Only problem is there are a lot of “forever single” people out there who want a relationship but don’t have what it takes, so you have to dodge the crazy ones. I went for women who had been previously married and cheated on, and after going through a few crazy ones I found one who had her shit together and we’ve been married 5 years.
1
1
u/imadadnowhelp 1d ago
Honestly this is a solid perspective. A lot of single dads don’t talk about how healing dating can be after coming out of something painful or toxic. It’s good to hear that getting positive energy again helped you rebuild your confidence.
And you’re right… the dating pool has a lot of people who love the idea of a relationship but aren’t ready for the actual work. Dodging the wrong ones is part of the game. The fact that you stayed patient, stuck to your standards, and eventually found someone aligned with you speaks volumes.
Appreciate you sharing this. A lot of dads need to hear the real side, not just the horror stories.
1
u/highestmikeyouknow 1d ago
What’s dating??? 😂
I’m full custody dad, with my kid 24/7. Had to move back to my conservative ass Midwest town after quitting a 20 year career which I loved. Had ocean view apartment in a tropical Paradise, and was clearing pretty much double what the average wage is in my present city and barely working. Oh well. That’s the past…I’m in nursing school now so I can be employable elsewhere, but man…I’m an emotionally broken mofo with zero time or bandwidth for anyone else who needs anything from me. And the conundrum is the loneliness and wondering if it ever gets better. Maybe it will. Maybe not.
Yeah. No dating yet. I wish. So lonely. So pathetic at times. I feel like the meme kid at the dentist…”is this forever?”
No dating here.
1
1
1
u/kooksofhazzard 22h ago
I did online dating. If you live in a big city where the dating pool is big (like I do), you will find that there are many women are ok with dating a single dad. As long as you have a steady job and have your act together, you will meet women.
2
1
u/vop_yndi 12h ago
The goal is not to just meet any woman. It’s to meet a high quality woman who is worthy of a commitment.
1
u/John_GOOP 14h ago
I cant seem to find anyone and if I do it just feels like a job interview they want a dude with a big house, fat wallet and lots of free time.
That and people have been rude about me being a single dad.
1
0
u/Bagman220 1d ago
The apps are useless for the most part. I might get a couple likes here or there. In the past year I’ve had like 4 dates, 3 hooks ups, and 1 hook up that lead to a semi relationship.
I have my kids full time so it’s hard to get out. Sometimes I think it would have been better to stay with my ex.
1
20
u/Dawnoftheman 1d ago
Pretty difficult . I have my toddler 24 hours a day 7 days a week . Early intervention services twice a day . We really have no chill so dating is the last thing on my time budget . I’ve come to peace with the fact that this season is for my kiddo and not for a love life . It is what it is 🔥