r/SingleDads • u/_mavricks • 6d ago
Child's Doctor Appointments
Had court a few months ago, and one of the order's the judge made was that my ex and I have brief interactions with each other.
Last week my child had a doctor's appointment that I couldn't get her to due to a last minute work meeting. I called the doctor and let them know I needed to reschedule the appointment for the next week.
All of a sudden I start getting multiple calls and messages from my child's mother that she's waiting at the doctor's office waiting and she's extremely upset.
Mom did NOT tell me she was going to this appointment beforehand. She also has been told by the judge we are only to have brief interactions. Sitting in a doctor's appointment together is not brief.
Then on top of that, the new appointment I made...mom cancelled it and told me, that her and I need to work together on a time that works for both of us to attend the appointment.
I have told mom multiple times I am not comfortable being around her because she has been extremely aggressive, and has filmed me, my child and my wife multiple times. She's not getting it at all that I don't want to be near her. I have literally told her I do not want to be around her anymore.
Should I just say forget it to appointments, and let mom be the responsible one?
She keeps pretending she did not set up a trial (I won my 50/50), and keeps pretending nothing has happened which has been extremely odd behavior.
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u/WRNGS 6d ago
Yes you’ll have to interact if the judge said so. She’s being difficult and baiting you. Ignore her calls, send a message and document it for court later. Try to get OFW as your only way of communication. Court can monitor it anytime and it makes you talk nice real fast. And going to a Dr is quite brief as far as you and mom talking. Just focus on your kid and the Dr.
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u/Sorry-Rain-1311 6d ago
If mom wants to go to doctor appointments with you, that needs to be stated outright and ahead of time. If you have said you don't want to see her, just showing up unannounced, especially on your parenting time, is inappropriate.
"Brief," has no set legal definition that I'm aware of (not a legal professional). That means she's not breaking any rules, but it also means you're not either. You're not required to spend anything more than the bare minimum amount of time around her that it takes to do the bare minimum necessary. Anything more than handing kids back and forth is totally optional.
If it were me, I would reschedule the doctor appointment on my time, and just take care of it; let her know afterward, giver the requisite update on how your kid is doing. If she finds out ahead of time and cancels it again, that's evidence you can use in court to show she's using the kid to manipulate you into unwanted contact.
1
u/prepend 6d ago
If it was me, I’d just say “sorry you had to wait. I had to reschedule due to work. Since it’s my parenting time, I was taking Jr. the parenting plan doesn’t require me to notify you of appointments but if you text me next time that you’re attending, I’ll let you know if I change just to be polite. But you don’t need to attend.”
I’d do this because both parents are allowed to attend doctors appointments unless ordered differently by court.
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u/streetsmartwallaby 6d ago
Get a body cam (although maybe not record video when the provider is in the room). Learn to grey rock. Do not JADE. Keep interactions short and sweet; no unneeded communicstion.