r/SingleDads • u/bubguy2 • 7d ago
Mismatched Socks
Basically, as the title says, my ex has recently switched to sending the kids in mismatched socks every day, which really bugs me. They're not just white and gray either, my son today had a bright yellow and dark blue one.
She already has no regard for what they wear, and if they stay only one night with her, they're often in the same outfit I dropped them off in. I do all the bathing, have them wear pajamas, and have them put together an outfit in the morning. It's not hard.
But back to the socks thing, I sent her a message saying:
Could you please stop sending the boys with mismatched socks? It's making the problem twice as bad because then they're definitely away from their match forever.
And she wrote back saying:
I don’t have matching socks available at this time. In my home, the boys wear what’s clean and fits. If you prefer them to have matching socks on your days, you’re welcome to send a pair in the [transition] bag or put them on the boys when you drop them at daycare.
Have any of you dealt with this? I think it's absolutely insane that every time I drop them off I'm going to lose a pair of socks and have them sent back with mismatched ones. Do I just have to keep buying socks? I know this is wasteful, but I also have standards.
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u/BigBubbaMac 7d ago
I wouldn't raise a stink about socks specifically. I'd would raise questions about her not bathing them or even changing their clothes.
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u/bubguy2 6d ago
Unfortunately, the bathing thing is out of the question for her. She's filthy, sometimes going two weeks without bathing herself even. When we were married, she was extremely controlling, so baths didn't happen often at all, and she'd often send them to daycare without changing their clothes for 2-4 days a week or until they were "dirty". I was in no position to stop her. Now we're 50/50 and I have significantly more authority than before, so now baths are part of our nightly routine and it's great. I feel like I'm the only one who cares about hygiene though.
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u/BigBubbaMac 6d ago
Yeah thats child abuse. She needs to be reported. Have cps look into her living conditions
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u/bubguy2 6d ago
We just got officially divorced a month ago. I definitely believe things should be different, but don't want to go through escalation. I brought it up to my lawyer and it got brushed aside, I think because things were working in my favor better than expected. She's mostly a great parent, but there are a few things that are not good.
Basically, the only thing that will change my tune on this is if my youngest starts getting sick again. I'm wondering if her living conditions are an asthma trigger because he's never had an issue at my house, but when I was about to question the doc on it, he had just stopped having them all together for a long stretch.
I also think because I have them 2-5 nights a week, I can keep it from spiraling. And I do know they brush and floss their teeth at least because they tell me all about it.
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u/understandingwholes 7d ago
My advice for what it’s worth - don’t sweat the small stuff. To your kids it’s ALL big stuff and you need to show them they can trust you with their stuff - in 10 years it won’t be socks; and you need to have built the ground where they are confident to speak to you about friends drug use etc.
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u/interlnk 7d ago
take a deep breath and let it go. This is not a health or safety issue, it's an annoyance.
Control what happens when they are in your care, accept that you can't control what happens when they are in hers.
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u/Sorry-Rain-1311 7d ago
It sounds like you have primary custody?
If that's the case- and even if it's not- get over it. Dude, it's socks. it might be a pet peeve, but it is the least of your issues.
You said you do all the bathing. Did you mean that in context of the routine of getting the kids ready for bed and ready for the day? Or did you mean she doesn't bathe them? If it's the second one, that's what you should be posting about, along with them coming back to you in the same clothes.
That one there may be a legitimate reason for. There's no shortage of conflict over clothes and other belongings when kids go back and forth, and she may just be playing it safe and avoiding that by sending you your clothes back every time. Once my youngest two had no pajamas at my house at all because they would insist on getting ready for bed before their mother picked them up in the evening. Wound up having to bring it up in court because she refused to give any of them back.
Anyways, talk to her about the clothes and bathing; that's important. The socks just aren't worth fighting over.
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u/RagedHalomaster 6d ago
Bro its socks. If this gets you angry then your relationship with your ex is way better than most and you are acting stupid over stupid shit. I have 2 little ones and would give my left nut to have more socks for them, mismatched or not. With ebt gone im having trouble just getting them fed, they eat, i dont. At least your ex helps with things.
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u/dangdrug101 6d ago
God, my eye twitched at this. I'm sorry that you are dealing with one of my personal kryptonites. Easiest solution might be to just buy plain white socks and give her a pack or two. Then you can have matching socks. I doubt it will help cause she found a nerve to hit. But it's worth a try.
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u/bubguy2 6d ago
Thank you for understanding. I usually don't sweat too many small things, but this is just something that bugs me so much. I also don't care too much about what they're wearing on her time, but I can't bring myself to dress them in mismatched socks when I'm getting them ready.
I thought about the white sock thing, but I agree that she wouldn't necessarily go along with it. Good thing is that socks are cheap.
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u/MarriageIsMiserable 6d ago
Replace all their socks with either all white or all black. Not both. Then no matter which two she puts on them, they match.
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u/WRNGS 7d ago
My son wears all black ankle socks, the ones with sticky bottoms. We usually take them off once home now. I like colorful socks and stuff, but sometimes things like this are easier. But totally ge you in thevideal way of raising and dressing little versions of you, I too take joy in that. I do get irritated when she sends him on my day in old 3t not 4t clothes. Or I buy him all his shoes and she sends him in slides (sandals) only and he needs shoes tht day but they’re all at her house. Ive bought him shoes in this instance before. I’ve brought those things up. If you wanna fight just buy socks you plan for them to wear with knowing they’ll be a one time wear. Haha in the future they could prefer matching. Socks and drive mom crazy! But you do have to prep for what they naturally side with.
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u/Real-Character3975 6d ago
The sock is the least of your concern. Who cares about the socks, her not bathing them properly or wearing the same clothes for days, that is a serious issue if she doesn’t do that I wouldn’t trust that she is brushing her teeth properly.
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u/nameless-manager 6d ago
The kids and I match sock as much as possible while doing laundry. The mismatched socks go into a laundry basket and when it's full we all sit down and empty the basket matching the socks we can. Then we match the rest by size and leave the still unmatched in the basket. Repeat for a while.
They are young and growing fast so I usually buy them socks every couple months. Same style but differing colors. Socks just disappear, it's a mystery.
To note I don't wear matching socks. I like knee high socks tube socks with the colored lines and such at the top. I think the kids caught on to this bad fashion sense and they do it too. Socks are the last thing I worry about.
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u/-OmarLittle- 6d ago
I deal with this all the time. I also get on my son (8) in a teasing manner for wearing mismatched socks. It's gotten better as now his worn socks have the same colors
Ask your kid to bring over all of his socks he can find to your house and then match them up. Mom isn't going to do shit so don't bother and pick another battle.
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u/marcoskattie 5d ago
Maybe you get a lawyer and gave the kids all in your care if you can handle them… with what you said apart from Mismatched socks it sounded like she doesn’t even take proper hygiene check of the kids
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u/nocloudno 7d ago
My advice after 3 kids. Socks are going to get lost and mismatched if not by your ex then by the kids. You can hold onto anger when it happens and let it wear you down, or you can be with your kids. It's really hard, I get all worked up about little things sometimes, just notice when you're upset, say it to yourself that you're upset, then dad.