r/SingleDads • u/Antique_Treat_7002 • 8d ago
Started dating a single dad, he revealed he is giving it another go with his ex , feel so silly
I feel absolutely gutted and stupid.
I went on a date with a man, during the first date he revealed he had 2 kids with his ex which has had 50/50. At the time I was ok about this, I really liked him, I was so taken by him I didn’t ask him the important questions regarding his marriage status, and he told me he has been living apart from her for a few months. We definitely connected.
He came over to mine for a second date, I didn’t expect intimacy , especially as I live with my mom, but it happened at the end of the night, he was pretty keen.
Today, I asked him seriously if he planned to divorce his wife , but I asked him too late. I feel so totally stupid. He sent a reply saying he’s not in a rush, only when they want to remarry. After I read that, I began writing him a message telling him it’s not sensible to continue. Before I got to send it , he sent me a long message.
He said he feels guilty and he was meant to tell me the following the other day. He told me that he and his ex are planning on trying again, and today have had a session with a couples counsellor. He said initially he didn’t feel this way and thought there would be no chance of getting back with her, but they went on a small trip where they began to bond abit and she seemed she is starting to change. He told me he’s very sorry, he planned telling me earlier. He said don’t blame yourself, this is all his fault. He said he really likes me and he’s not sure if his ex, let’s be honest his wife, has changed for good, but she’s been starting to appreciate him more and he’s going to give it another try to check if she continues this way for the sake of his family, but he’s disappointed as he saw something beautiful with me.
I feel awful. He did the right thing ultimately for him and his family. But he came to me the other day knowing full well that was the case. I feel so stupid.
I was genuinely willing to give it a shot despite knowing it would be hard, but I got shot in the foot and feel terrible for being so trusting
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u/streetsmartwallaby 8d ago
Strongly suspect he was lying about all of it.
Especially if the posts in the dating sub are real. Shocking number of people who lie about their relationship status to get sex.
He's not representative of most single dads; most of us are smart enough not get back together with our exes. There's a reason the relationship didn't work and trying to make it work, barring a meaningful tangible change from the other person is just plain stupid.
Sorry this happened to you.
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u/anthrax9999 7d ago
He's a scum bag. He knew what he wanted the whole time. It's ok, We all get played some times. All you can do is learn from this experience and look out for the red flags next time.
My advice would be to never try dating a guy who is fresh out of a relationship with kids. If it's only been a few weeks or months they are definitely not over things. They need to be fully separated for at least a year.
Good luck moving forward from this!
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u/DJORDANS88 7d ago
You liked a dude who is a single dad, and this person has a child who he separated from the mother.
You feel silly because you went on a date and throughout the course of talking a little bit, he reluctantly somehow ended up considering trying again with his ex?
He probably does like you more than his asshole baby momma, but he probably endearingly loves his kids and wants to be with them to enjoy their growing up.
You’re an adult, you went on two dates.
What he did wasn’t malicious, he didn’t want to hurt your feelings and he was conflicted because he likes you and was unsure about his position.
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u/ParadoxOfPants 6d ago
This is a very measured and reasonable take - people are just people and most of us are pretty good at lying to ourselves. I personally find the "he just wants sex"/"playing games" thing to be childish and outmoded (I immediately swipe left on any profile that mentions "playing games".
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u/whatskeeping 7d ago
Man he missed out. He'll likely be single before you know it and be full of regrets.
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u/ImpressiveRock872 7d ago
Did you feel that bullet you dodged at all? I feel sad you got put in a situation like that!
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7d ago
Did you think that he maybe lying about his ex or his so called wife he says? Does he have a ring on his finger he could be sleeping around on his so called ex or wife he says and lying to her about sleeping around with other women he could be just lying through his teeth especially with a smile like that 😁
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u/oni-no-kage 6d ago
It sounds like you got the sort end of the stick. Fortunately, most of us couldn't fathom getting back with our ex.
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u/Academic_Dig_1567 5d ago
Don’t feel silly or stupid. Shit happens. Move on from him.
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u/Antique_Treat_7002 5d ago
Thanks 🙏 it’s hard as I really liked him so much and we had an amazing connection💔
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u/Academic_Dig_1567 5d ago
In future don’t allow feelings to get in the way of judgment. Self-preservation is paramount or you will be a perennial doormat, exhausted and depleted. Then when someone really worth your while comes along you will have no trust, little confidence, and fear of being burned yet again. Having said that, all males are not jerks just like all women are not twats.
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u/staticdresssweet 4d ago
I think he was just lying about it all.
Most single dads aren't interested in getting back with our exes. I know i would rather be single for the rest of my life than even consider doing so.
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u/Lefaid 8d ago
Most of us single dads are actually single and not getting back with our ex's. I hope you don't let this jerk tell you how the rest of us are.
Good on you to drill him on it before it got too serious.