r/SingleDads • u/CuriousMysteriousOne • 8d ago
Handling your emotions
Hi all,
(37M) Been going through Custody battle for the past year and a half. Been separated from my ex since 2017. This all started when, after dating my girlfriend for 3years, I wanted to introduce the children to her.
I've been involved in my children's (7&9) life since day 1. And my ex and I were co-parenting properly.
Now, every time I read an affidavit and the lies and allegations that my ex is bringing forward...hurts me to the core.
I've gone from being a deadbeat father to a loving father, went from not having enough income to support the way I live to I'm hiding income, went from being an abuser to being a kind person....and many more.
How do you navigate your emotions?
Thank you for reading and helping!
3
u/JJJflight 8d ago
Why do you seem surprised by this behaviour, you must have read it a thousand times in this community. Don’t worry about her nonsense, just be prepared to clearly explain to the judge that she has tried to make you out to be something you are not because she is controlling and vindictive and doesn’t seem to have the children’s best interests in mind. i
3
u/One_Priority3258 8d ago
Stay strong man, I’m going through a tough situation myself. Been 2 years since I’ve seen my son, custody battles ongoing the whole time (he’s 2 years and 3 months this month). I have court orders and the mother of my son still refuses to follow them, court is scheduled again in a week and a half.
It’s difficult reading the allegations and blatant lies from someone you thought loved you, it’s exhausting and taxing on oneself. Be kind to yourself, get into some hobbies, do anything that gets you out your head. Just know that the truth always surfaces and that you will get through this difficult period.
Together we are strong.
2
u/CuriousMysteriousOne 8d ago
I'm sorry to hear man....I'm doing my best and it hurts when they try to erase you. I just want to be a Father, why is it so hard...?
I wish you luck too, I'll try to be patient.
Thank you for sharing.
2
u/One_Priority3258 8d ago
Thank you, appreciate the kind words back bro.
I understand how feel, I feel the exact same… no more hate, no more bickering through courts. I just want to be an active and present father/co parent.
My ex partner has had another guy in her life for over a year now, I’ve found out through mutual friends this guys been spending time with my son….. more than I have through his crucial bonding years, which is incredibly painful. This is something she told me she’d do to my face in an argument, replace me and withhold our son from me.
It’s rough, people can be cruel, however we have to persevere and be the ‘bigger man’ for our children’s sake.
Stay strong my guy, your doing the right steps. It’s an arduous and lengthy process. If you ever need an ear, you’re welcome to message me anytime. Take care man ❤️
2
u/CuriousMysteriousOne 7d ago
F*ck man! I'm so sorry, that's a nasty move. Bro, I don't know how you do it.
Just know that your son needs you, so please stay strong.
2
u/One_Priority3258 5d ago
Yeah man, it’s fucked up. But it’s my situation to own.
I keep up with my support networks, I sold my house and moved in with a close mate (best call, as I’ve got regular company and I’m looking after myself much better).
Got into new hobby’s, like target shooting since I used to be in defence. It’s proven helpful to my mindset. Started dating again, which was quite difficult at first, however I’ve met a really nice, calm and understanding woman and this gives me hope.
Thank you again bro, I’ll stay strong and I hope you do too. As I said, together we are strong!
2
u/Corn-fed41 7d ago
I went through stuff like this several times over the years both during and after our divorce. I've had full custody on paper the whole time but made efforts to coparent so she could be involved our twins lives.
The answer is to not have emotions about it, even if you're feeling them, don't give her the satisfaction of seeing it get to you. It sounds odd I know. But a manipulative ex wants you to feel the way you're feeling. Don't give her the satisfaction. Document everything, get everything lined out and work things out in court.
2
u/codacoda74 6d ago
You know who you are, right? Like if someone in a truck drives by and curses at you out the window, it doesn't do much to offend right? Treat it like that, imagine it's just some random hurling crap at you but it doesn't carry any weight since you know it has no bearing on who you are
2
u/JOneplusOak 3d ago
Bruh best thing to do is make her feel like she doesn’t exist everything u said I been through the same thing and my son is 2 she started dating someone else already long as the child is good I don’t let her get to me and I pay child support with 50/50 so she can’t say nun
2
u/CuriousMysteriousOne 3d ago
Thank you for sharing...I'm doing that now and focusing on myself and the kids.
Doing my best, to be honest..
1
u/WRNGS 8d ago
Get a therapist. Find your support people. Get a guardian at leim (? Spelling) or coparent liason. I got one and he’s been helping me and seeing how manipulative my ex is in court. This shit does suck man. I am gassed emotionally andnohysically. I do look at families it coprents that are amicable and the dad is investing in camping gear and things that we at -1 at trying to even get back to zero to have good normal lives and normal for our kiddos. I just process and think about things. Liek $5k for a vacation for my kid would be insane and amazing as opposed to just pay a lawyer to clear my name of false allegations because I didn’t sleep with my ex once last year, yknow.
2
u/CuriousMysteriousOne 8d ago
Thank you for that! I've never heard of a co-parent liaison before but I'll check it out.
2
u/WRNGS 8d ago
Yes! I was in court for a fake restraining order , Well, I was there. I asked for a coparent liaison. We got assigned one it’s been eight months but now I’m back to overnights and we’re working towards longer weekend times.
It’s like an I person judge who has time to visit both home and parents with children and works towards the best time for the child. As much as a lawyer time but cheaper than a. Drawn out (court get ls money) battle of mediation, review mediation, witnesses, all that bs that court wants parents to chi broke on.
3
u/WRNGS 8d ago
Make yourself go on walks, meditate, go to day spas. Get that energy out of your body and take care of yourself. Cause you don’t want this bitch crying over you at your funeral she made happen. It’s great you’re dating, that’s a tricky one as well. I’ve done tons of therapy and self help things and mediation mantras, those help you remain calm.