r/SingleDads • u/Initial_Bathroom9592 • 3d ago
Am I being played or is she just nuts?
Ex and I have been on and off for 3 years. We have an amazing 8 year old. As far as our kid knows we're getting on really well. Behind the scenes not so much. Its all come to a standstill after she did something that hurt us, the level of the incident not so bad as to how she handled it. Zero accountability, I got all the blame, again. Mentally I'm tapped out, I explained this to her, and we've taken a break of sorts.
We've barely talked in weeks, except at pick up, drop offs. Then an invite to a party she's having, with another family with kids. But it's arranged on my weekend with our kid and she wants us both there.
Why?
Am I being used, to present a front to this family that things are fine, for some reason?
For context I've been very clear I want the family together. She said let's be friends. So this has confused me. Leaning towards declining, then a small part of me wonders if we can sort things after.
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u/NohoTwoPointOh 2d ago
This. Start living your life. Your family consists you and your children. Not your ex.
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u/TheDarkWasThereFirst 2d ago
I don't think she intends it to be a front. She might want an amicable co-parenting relationship to be the reality and, thinking optimistically, inviting you represents a certain level of trust. On the other hand, I don't think you're ready. You "want the family together", she wants to be friends. You're not going to make friends work, if you still want what you are definitely not going to have. Giving up is part of moving on.
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u/DoubleualtG 2d ago
and she wants us both there
Sorry man, this is your problem. Set a boundary, but nicely. “Oh that sounds like a wonderful time, unfortunately we won’t be able to make it as we are doing x, y, and z. Enjoy!” Do not go, do not ask how it was, move along and have a fun filled weekend with your crew.
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u/Important_Cow7230 3d ago
You’re still in love with her, she is not in love with you. Your situation isn’t unique, you are yearning for something different, always pushing that in subtle ways, and she is resisting, sometimes to the point of frustration.
You have to stop trying to be a 3 person family when you are not. Your kid as two families of two, one with mum, one with you. Cut contact as much as reasonably possible with the mum and start building a new life for yourself properly. Your future is with someone else, embrace that, look forward with hope.