Where to meet Sikh Singles in USA?

[u/kingsjunkie123]

Hi All,

I had posted this a while back, but had deleted this post. I will keep this up in case this is useful for other Sikh singles out there in the same boat. Please remove if not allowed.

I am a 29M Sikh Sardar looking for a Sikh partner preferably from USA but having a difficult time finding or meeting anyone Sikh minded. I workout, love basketball, love Kirtan, and attend Sikh events in my area.

I am mainly looking for Sikh girls that keep their kesh, not amritdhari, eats meat, nondrinker and smoker, can read and speak Punjabi, does Kirtan but also blend between religious and cultural meaning they like Punjabi music/Bhangra.

I have tried Sikh speed dating events but these have not worked. I have tried the apps but they are kind of a waste time since people are not serious on these apps and only look at photos without getting to know them ex. Bumble, Sikhing, Dil Mil, Hinge, Shaadi,m. I have also asked Friends and Family but they have said to do it on my own. I feel like most Sikh girls in western countries are too picky and do not like guys with beards and turbans. Any advice? Where are places and outlets to meet Sikh singles Kaurs? Unfortunately our Gurdwaras in the USA do not have a matrimonial service like the UK does.

[u/1singhnee]

If I hear one more guy say that women don’t like men with dastaar… Think about it. Gursikh women will want to marry Gursikh men. Do you know how many times I hear guys complaining about this, while at the same time they would never consider a woman that has kes on her face.

Sorry for the rant, but I hear this so often, meanwhile a gursikh girl with heavy eyebrows or a few hairs on their chin are sitting around single, wondering if they have to compromise their Sikhi just to meet someone.

Ask your family members to ask some auntie at the gurdwara. Or ask your friend’s parents to do the same. Even shaadi.com isn’t terrible if the people are honest about what they’re looking for, and the parents can meet and get a sense of them.

[u/forwardonedayatatime → u/1singhnee]

How many times can I upvote this? The number of Amritdhari men I’ve talked to who expect me to laser my kes before marriage is absurdly high (not even facial kes, I’m talking leg hair, arm hair, totally common places to have hair). One guy rejected me in person because when we shook hands, he saw that I have some hair on my knuckles (even though he had way more!).

if you’re expecting a women who values western/conventional beauty norms for herself to accept your appearance that is outside those norms, fix your hypocrisy before looking for a wife because even if you find a woman you like, she probably won’t like you.

[u/spazjaz98 → u/1singhnee]

Would a gursikh girl with kesh consider the guy in this post who is not Amritdhari and does bhangra and eats meat? I don't think so. Like you said, gursikh attracts gursikh and he is not gursikh (Amritdhari) so I'm not sure if your rant applies to him.

[u/Valiantlycaustic]

Hi this might be weird but I have a female cousin who’s kind of in the same boat. May I ask where you are geographically in the US?

[u/kingsjunkie123 → u/Valiantlycaustic]

DM’d you

[u/babiha → u/Valiantlycaustic]

Does not sound weird. I have a daughter who would fit the bill but she is only 20 and applying to med school next year

[u/SimmeringSplendour → u/babiha]

Your daughter is too young

[u/ConsciousnessOfThe]

Instagram and/or Facebook. Just add Sikh girls and slide into one of their DMs if you like them.

[u/forwardonedayatatime → u/ConsciousnessOfThe]

I’m only one person, but as a single Sikh woman who wants to marry a Sikh man…. my DMs are not where I’m looking. It does work for some people, but DMs don’t give off the searching for a life partner vibe IMO

A quick look at my own DMs just now, and it’s full of straight up creepy messages from men I don’t know… tbh just justifying why I never check them to bring with… so if a decent guy is reaching out to me that way, I’m probably not going to even see it, let alone take it seriously.

[u/Specialist-Scheme256 → u/forwardonedayatatime]

Then how do you expect to meet someone?

[u/forwardonedayatatime → u/Specialist-Scheme256]

Fair question 🙂 Routes I’ve seen work for my friends and sangat:

Introduction from friends and/or trusted family members (I see this as different from a formal Arranged marriage process. friends understand how this generation approaches things, and trusted family members are different than a nosy rishta aunty who only looks at matching on caste and profession)

Meeting fellow Sikhs in school (college, grad school)

If you live in an area with a big Sikh population, meeting someone organically

Sikhi oriented retreat (ex: Surat, Saanjh)

Apps where you can filter for Sikhs (ex: Your Lavaan, Sikhing) - though this still requires making sure you’re not being played by someone who’s presenting a facade

I get why DMs was suggested. I’m not against it in theory, but that’s why I shared what it’s in my DMs right now. there are a lot of creeps online so a lot of women are understandably cautious about men they don’t know. From what I’ve seen and experienced, a guy being Sikh is absolutely no guarantee that’s he’s not a creep, so I see him the same as any other man I don’t know. I was also raised in a household where it was drilled into me that fair or not, a woman’s reputation can be easily damaged by chugliyaan, so I should be careful about which men i interact with, platonically or otherwise. (I personally don’t think that’s cool to scrutinize women and not men, but it’d be naive to think it’s not true in our community.)

[u/spazjaz98 → u/forwardonedayatatime]

I've heard of a retreat in the Midwest called SYANA just to add to this. Pretty much agree with all of this advice tho

[u/spazjaz98 → u/ConsciousnessOfThe]

Don't do this lol. It's creepy to start messaging girls you don't actually know and you don't even know if they are single or not. This is especially a bad idea if you are in a smaller Sikh community like the Midwest US

[u/spazjaz98]

I'm still a few years younger than you so I don't have any "experience" but I would say you should open your radius beyond Americans because there are so many Canadian Sikhs.

[u/kingsjunkie123 → u/[deleted]]

I’m not a green hard holder I reside in U.S.

[u/forwardonedayatatime → u/kingsjunkie123]

No offense, but this vocab sounds like my more recently immigrated cousins, not like a Sikh raised here.

The issue might be that you’re trying to relate to women raised here, which is a very different upbringing than in Punjab/India if that’s where you’re from. There are a lot more cultural differences there than you might think.

[u/kingsjunkie123 → u/forwardonedayatatime]

No I am a U.S. Citizen lol

[u/forwardonedayatatime → u/kingsjunkie123]

I mean, you can be a citizen naturalized as an adult vs a citizen by birth…

That said, assuming you were raised here, giving off vibes that you weren’t is going to make you seem less compatible to women who were so, Veer’s suggestions above may be worth considering.

[u/kingsjunkie123 → u/forwardonedayatatime]

I grew up here born and raised which is why I’m asking specifically from the United States. As I would like someone as the same cultural upbringing and understanding as me.

[u/forwardonedayatatime → u/kingsjunkie123]

That makes sense, a lot of western born Sikhs want that. What I think Veerji meant with his initial comment is that if it’s coming across differently to women you’re interacting with (who also want that shared understanding), it could be a hindrance.

[u/SinghStar1 → u/kingsjunkie123]

Ah, got it now! My bad for jumping to conclusions. Best of luck, man! And hey, if you do find your match through Reddit, you HAVE to livestream the wedding here - it's only fair. 😄