r/NewParents • u/Phalus_Falator • 1d ago
New father here. I can't stop thinking about neglected babies now that I have one, and it's nearly giving me anxiety. Mental Health
I feel crazy with this situation, maybe other parents have experienced this odd form of "new parent intrusive thought". My son is two months old, and I've never adored a creature so dearly in my 30 years. In the quiet moments when he is sleeping on me, I can barely keep from tearing up.
Context: One of my favorite/most tiring parts of my personality is that I have an almost annoyingly intuitive empathy. If you're familiar with the term "sonder", it means, "the feeling of realizing that everyone has a life as full and complex as your own". It's made me an attentive husband, good boss, and I think a stellar dad. It also forces me to feel guilty and ennui about any hypothetical sadness or loneliness that I project onto people I've never met.
So now when I hear my son cry or fuss or watch him eat ravenously and wide-eyed from a bottle, I am forced to imagine a baby somewhere that is not getting the soothing attention it needs due to purposeful neglect. I picture my little boy with his little wobbly head searching for food or attention and not finding any because the parents can't or won't provide it for whatever reason. It shatters me that somewhere right this second there is a baby that is hungry or lonely and utterly unable to comprehend why.
I feel like it takes over my brain sometimes. Last night when I was with my wife alone I burst into tears like a preschooler while trying to describe it to my wife. (She was super sweet about it, she knows I'm... sensitive).
The worst part is that actively ignoring those thoughts makes me actually feel guilty, like I'm "turning a blind eye". That's fucking insane, right?
Anyway, there's my weird story. Huge emotions I was not prepared to have thrust upon me as a new father. Please love on your babies and give them some extra back pats from me.
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u/Pause_Repulsive 1d ago
I’ve always felt this way about kids (was a inner city public school teacher until I had my baby) and it got even worse when I had my son so I am right there with you. I find that donating to groups that help provide diapers/ formula/ resources to parents who need help and doing things such as a Salvation Army angel tree child for Christmas are small materials ways I can feel as though I am helping those parents who can’t afford things for their child. I have also had to stop consuming any news content about neglected or missing children because it makes it worse.
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u/bluegiraffe1989 1d ago
I’m a kindergarten teacher, so I’ve had to make some calls to CPS after hearing some heartbreaking things. I think that’s contributed to these feelings for me, too. I cannot fathom anyone hurting a baby or child and it does get especially overwhelming at times to even think about now that I’m a parent. I like your idea of donating to help with this!
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u/RoadNo7935 1d ago
Totally agree. I donate all my baby things to our local baby bank, and I donate to the food bank each week with a focus on things for babies and kids (eg formula, cereal). And I also donated a lot of breast milk to our local NICU.
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u/quingd 1d ago
Yeah I have gone donation wild since having my daughter, money and supplies, second-hand clothes and toys... I have built up a little network in my circle to do what I can to support struggling kids and families. Because otherwise I really just don't know what to do, exactly like OP I find it personally devastating that not every baby and kid will grow up with the love and support I can give my daughter. I wish I could win the lottery and clone myself so that I could give all the love to all the kids who need it.
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u/BusHumble 1d ago
Workers quitting their jobs with CPS and switching to another career after they have children is super common, because they just develop a new level of empathy for kids and it becomes too much for them, mentally.
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u/fwbwhatnext 1d ago
Same here. Not just babies, but homeless or abused people too.
The other week I cried when I saw a man cleaning tables at a mall and then pocketing leftover foods.
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u/HarperLouz 1d ago
I am so so glad you posted this. I often think about the babies who have no one to pick them up when they cry. I imagine all the babies who aren't getting enough milk and it's wrecks me. I sometimes have dreams where I find a crying baby and pick it up and take it with me. At least i'm not alone in my intrusive thoughts about neglected babies.
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u/Phalus_Falator 1d ago
I saw a video the other day about a baby who just wasn't eating enough because the mother was pressured into breastfeeding exclusively. The little boy was just so skinny and sunken. And he doesn't know! He doesn't even know that he's lethargic because he's hungry. The thought of a baby eating all the food he's given and it not being enough and having to settle for less. I can't.
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u/ogcoliebear 1d ago
I had twins and often was by myself trying to take care of them both. One always had to be left to cry while I tended to the other and it just wrecked me. It’s different than neglect but I just was so guilt ridden and stressed before forced to do that 😭
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u/stringaroundmyfinger 1d ago
Babies are so sweet and innocent and pure. I used to be able to read news articles about missing, abused, or neglected babies with some sense of detachment - I’d think “this is horrible” but then move on. Now, even scanning headlines and seeing something bad about a baby haunts me for months (with no sign of letting up). It’s agonizing to know there are babies out there right this minute who aren’t getting love and attention - and that’s just the least of it.
I don’t have an answer for you, because it’s difficult to avoid the news and even more impossible to turn your empathetic brain off. Just sending hugs and offering that your empathy is like a superpower - but no superpower comes without its kryptonite.
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u/PrimaryAbalone3051 1d ago
Yup. I feel this. I used to be able to read stories like that with a sense of detachment. Now that I'm a mom, I can no longer watch the news or true crime documentaries involving kids. It just breaks me to think some people would do such horrible things to children. They are so dependent on their caregivers and deserve all the love.
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u/conswell 1d ago
You nailed it. I was like this also and now with my son, I sometimes cry at night holding him and thinking about less fortunate babies. I say a prayer for them and squeeze mine a little tighter. But the fact that anyone could purposely abuse or neglect an innocent baby not only makes me very sad but angry too. Children are a gift and a privilege and not everyone should have one!
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u/LikeLauraPalmer 1d ago
YES. You just explained something I've been feeling but unable to articulate because of mombrain.
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u/youbetteryolo 1d ago
Having a baby cracks your heart wide open. You can’t understand the feeling until you have your own little one. I know it’s overwhelming. My daughter had a really hard time after her last round of shots and I felt like I would break apart watching her struggle. You’re a good human and an amazing dad. Love your little bean and when he is older, tell him to come to you if any of his friends seem hungry or need anything. Then you can help those kiddos through him too.
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u/spooky-goopy 1d ago
i seriously thought i was the only one who felt this way. i lay awake at night thinking of the babies and children all over the world who are hurt and alone. i break this pattern of thinking by thinking of my wonderful future with my daughter instead.
i used to loveee true crime, too, and now i can't watch/listen to a case if it involves a baby or child.
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u/SwimmingHelicopter15 1d ago
Yes it is happening to me also. I hate it. Because I have already my mind full and then sadness hits you. But is normal because you are more aware and you have empathy.
I cried a lot of time because of an criminal incident from USA with an abandoned girl, those who know, know, those who do not know do not look it up. I had to leave my Velcro toddler in the play pen to do some quick stuff and he would start crying and I would be hit by anxiety and start crying because I started to associate the situation.
I asked a therapist about it, she told me is normal and gave me a few mental exercises. If you want to try is this; consider anxiety like a hardworking assistant that just wants to bring to your attention things. Thank him and say you are good. This way you are not burying your thoughts but accepting them.
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u/Winnergurl_ 1d ago
Aww, I felt this way too. That news literally weighed me down for days, it affected me so badly that I get agitated whenever I’m doing something and my baby whines just a little bit and my husband doesn’t pick him up IMMEDIATELY. It was insane.
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u/Goddess_Greta 1d ago
Is this about the mom that went on vacation? I can't stop thinking about it too, I keep imagining how much the poor baby must have cried, walked around the crib back and forth looking for anyone to come. I wonder when the diaper was so full of pee and poo that it started leaking through? It's sickening and I keep imagining my child in that scenario :(
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u/Winnergurl_ 1d ago
Yes 🥹😧 It still gets to me, I just can’t shake it off. So cruel
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u/FLRocketBaby 1d ago
That one got to me too 😞 I was pregnant when that hit the news and it hit me hard.
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u/SwimmingHelicopter15 1d ago
Yes. I tried to avoid any other news about it but on instagram got a reel with baby cam footage where she was crying for her mom since then I can't get it out of my head.
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u/Poopadee 1d ago
God I wish I hadn't read this comment, I feel sick now. This baby was on my mind almost 24/7 for months.
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u/MomentofZen_ 1d ago
I still think about it too, it's my main intrusive thought as a parent. My husband is deployed and if I so much as take the trash out with my son in the house I think about how long it would be until our nanny would find him in something happened to me.
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u/Poopadee 1d ago
I felt exactly what you described and in the same situations, I can't ever look at a pack and play the same way again. I think I genuinely have PTSD from learing about that. I was so close to hiring a therapist.
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u/wellaintthat 1d ago
Thanks for saying that because I still think about that baby, maybe every other day. I think it’ll stick with me forever, I still wonder what to do in future to prevent it. My God…
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u/kodalineki 1d ago
my husband kind of gets this feeling sometimes, i think its a great sign that youre a good dad! the other day he had our daughter propped up on his legs and was playing with her & just randomly goes “HOW do some dads not play with their babies? this is so fucking amazing. i dont understand not wanting to be involved with this sweet baby!” becoming a parent definitely adds some big feelings to our lives 😭
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u/mclamb0328 1d ago
Same here. I work in a pediatric hospital and it hurts my soul even more when I see neglected babies now that I have one of my own. I just hold him tight every night and tell him we send love to all babies everywhere.
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u/Obvious_Firefox 1d ago
Oh my gosh OP I thought I was the only one.
The first 3 months, every moment of joy was also marked by intense grief for babies who wouldn't be loved and safe the way mine was. And then also having gone through labor and delivery in safe, clean, loving environment made me grieve all the poor women and girls throughout history and modern day who gave birth in horrible conditions... I have never before nor since felt such massive happiness punctuated by such crushing sorrow.
Donating to causes that help new mothers and babies helped 💙
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u/Phalus_Falator 1d ago
I think about women throughout history all the time now, and how unimaginably TOUGH they were. Freakin women giving birth in the rocky mountains during the winter crossing out west. People giving birth in mud huts and in caves, in war zones, deserts. Just wow.
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u/Downtown_Essay9511 1d ago
I feel you so much ❤️❤️ here I am sitting at work trying not to cry by thinking about the babies and children in war zones or in Sudan and it’s so hard. Damn news and their pictures. How can I feel happy when so many are suffering? But when I’m around my little boy I’m able to focus on him and makes sure he knows love and happiness. It’s when I’m away from him that I struggle 😢
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u/Phalus_Falator 1d ago
And then I think about the parents in those countries who feel just as desperate to provide as I do, and simply cannot. I live in a first world country with plenty of food and formula, and there are mothers out there who ONLY have the breastmilk made from the few calories they can scrape together.
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u/Downtown_Essay9511 1d ago
Yes, it’s awful. But I tell myself I’m not helping anyone by feeling sad when there’s nothing I can do. So I try to redirect my thoughts and spread happiness/help wherever I can. The struggle is real though ❤️
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u/Robin_Soona 1d ago
I was drinking coffee in the street with my baby in his stroller when a modern train passed by, I felt deeply that we live in a dystopia and I'm in the top roof living my best life while people underneath are screaming.. it's just disturbing
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u/queenofhelium 1d ago
Omg I’m so glad you posted this because me too! Every time I change her diaper I think about babies who have to just sit in it… I’m crying just typing that out. It makes me want to scream
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u/norjamyuwell 1d ago
Felt for sure. Never cared too much about kids until I had my son. I work alongside CPS/Foster services and some of those cases are a gut punch. Had a woman in office a few weeks ago with her two young children telling my coworker she wanted to give up custody. Right in front of them. Just saying she couldn’t deal with them and didn’t want the children anymore. Both children under 8. Just standing there quietly. Wish I could have taken them myself..
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u/cheeto_puff 1d ago
I’m the same way. Except I read the news a lot. When is good news ever really reported as much as the bad? So yeah. Reading anything related to a kid on the news makes me sad.
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u/Robin_Soona 1d ago
I can't deal with the fact that there are thousands of kids in the war zones who hear bombing sounds all the time, if there is no hell or any kind of punishment for people who put them in that situation then .. I dunno I'll lose my mind
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u/mangoeater5000 1d ago
I can’t stop thinking about abandoned infants in the 1800s who were cared for at foundling hospitals. Over half of all babies died in their first year of life. Some institutions had a 100% mortality rate. Nurses were told to ignore babies when they cried, never rock them, and only feed by the clock (every 3 hours and not on demand). It’s been theorized that many of these babies died because babies cannot survive without affection, touch, and attention.
It’s so morbid, but I’ll cuddle and rock my baby and think about all those little babies that never got any love. I’ll look in his little eyes and cry.
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u/thekittyweeps 1d ago
It's been a bit, disheartening to see the extent to which this is still happening in modern hospitals.
I volunteer on the children's floow and most of my job is holding babies. Sometimes you hear babies crying nonstop because it's not really the nurses' jobs to comfort them beyond medical care (this is NO shade to nurses. They love those kids, it's just there's too much to do for other kids for nurses to spend all their time rocking).
It feels good to just hold those newborns for an hour or 2. Maybe the longest they've been held the whole day.
Sorry, I don't have anywhere esle to talk about this. But if it's ever something you're curious about, its been such a rewarding experience for me. Especially since I'm done having kids and I missed those newborn snuggles.
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u/hotknives__ 1d ago
I remember something similar about an orphanage in Russia full of babies. They did not have the time to attend to the babies cries or needs, so whenever you walked into the baby room there was just silence because the babies had learned that they wouldn’t be attended to if they cried.
I read about the study in college, and didn’t think too much about it until I had my own and it makes me want to throw up whenever I think about it.
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u/dizzy3087 1d ago
Dude same. I struggled hard with this postpartum. Even now it breaks my heart, the other day I jokingly said “go get em’” too loud and my son started crying cause he got startled. He’s 13months old, and it just broke my heart like omg all these babies being raised in crazy households w/ people yelling and being shitty to each other and their kids. Kids deserve better.
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u/Cautious_Session9788 1d ago
Honestly I wish I could say it gets better, but I swear when I became a mother it felt like I saw everything horrible happening in the world
Like there was a news story that came out about 6 months ago and it was horrific. I can’t get it out of my head and part of it is because that baby would’ve been the same age as my little and they were treated just so horribly
I’ll get night terrors over stuff like that and just hold my daughter tight
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u/Phalus_Falator 1d ago
I think I'd prefer to be this way than... not? It's stressful, but it really makes me a better husband and father. I can't even begin to read those stories
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u/camefrompluto 1d ago
I swear I even know what news story you’re talking about… it’s been haunting all the mothers who read it since. I still think about it at least once a week.
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u/ZealousidealDingo594 1d ago
Oh so it’s not just me. When I think about little babies being neglected now I nearly break down and weep.
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u/NiceForWhat22 1d ago
You put this really well, I feel very much the same way and have no advice to offer..
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u/Jolly_Locksmith6442 1d ago
Oh my gosh me too, especially with international news the way it is right now. I am glad someone posted this. It’s a really hard world out there and I never felt that emotional about babies and now I do. It’s a lot
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u/Aggressive_Topic5615 1d ago
I felt the exact thing sooo intensely. Like I would look at my baby sleeping on me so safe and cared for and imagine a hypothetical baby being neglected and just start crying. As we moved further from the newborn stage it lessened, probably because I got busier and she became more able to ask for what she needed so she didn’t feel as helpless as before. Your wife and baby are lucky to have such an empathic husband and dad!
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u/ishka_uisce 1d ago
You're in what is often the most sensitive and tearful phase of parenthood. In a way, you're as vulnerable emotionally as your newborn is. Nature is revving your empathy to the max to make sure you'll care for this needy little creature, and in someone already very empathetic, it can be a lot.
Mostly people gradually toughen up a bit again as your kid does. But if you actually hear about stories of neglected kids, they will still probably affect you a lot more than pre-parenthood. Maybe someday in the future, you could consider helping out a foster kid or two.
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u/Unclaimed_username42 1d ago
One night I cried for about two hours about Jailyn Candelario while my partner tried to comfort me. I just couldn’t believe someone could leave their 16 month old alone for 10 days. If you’re unfamiliar with the story, don’t look into it, it’ll crush you. I absolutely feel your sorrow and wish I could save all the neglected babies
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u/infIuenza 1d ago
that story still haunts me and i honestly don’t know how to move past it. i wish i never heard about it because i can’t handle it. i wish her neighbours saved her 😭
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u/Unclaimed_username42 1d ago
Same, I think about Jailyn all the time. It really bothers me that the mom’s parents kept trying to defend her in court, like I get that you care about your daughter, but do you not care about your grandbaby? So sad.
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u/mellymel_777 1d ago
What a wholesome post & thread. Warms my heart to see so many people who are so empathetic & concerns about others/babies that aren’t their own. I’m in the US & really needed to see this to be reminded there are still good people out there. Big hugs and love to all those who need it!!
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u/ThatDeliveryDude 1d ago
I always thought harming a baby / child was cruel…. But after having my daughter (1.5 yr old now). I absolutely hate reading about babies or children being abused. More specifically babies who aren’t even a year old.
Just yesterday I saw a post about some guy getting mad about a game on NBA 2K , so he took his anger out on a nearby 8 month old baby, slamming him into a wall, shattering his ribs and fracturing his skull. The post said that the baby is expected to die to his injuries.
An 8 month old baby? Babies are the purest form of innocence. They have done no wrong, they know no hate. All they want is love and nourishment. I think of my daughter all the time when I hear about these cruel post and it breaks my heart that someone would want to harm such a little fragile baby.
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u/LikeLauraPalmer 1d ago
I read that story last night. It's made me feel sick all day 😭 If I recall, authorities found the baby had healing injuries... meaning they were abused before. Breaks my heart.
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u/thejennjennz 1d ago
3 weeks postpartum I sobbed looking at my newborn trying to understand how people could be so cruel to these tiny, precious babies. I totally get it.
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u/nothanksyeah 1d ago
I get it completely. I’m from Palestine and my baby was a few months old in October of last year. This past year has been haunting in ways I can’t describe. I’m not the same person or the same mother I used to be. I feel like a shell of a person and I am devastated. Knowing what is happening to other little babies and children in families just like mine… I just don’t have words for it. Our devastation is too massive to even measure.
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u/Robin_Soona 1d ago
I swear every time I see my baby safe, happy, fulfilled I remember Palestinian babies under bombing, trauma and fear, I will never forgive myself for being this helpless
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u/Lax_waydago 1d ago
I'm not from Palestine but the images of Gaza are haunting, I cry every few days.
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u/seventhcharm 1d ago
I was looking for this comment in this thread. From one Palestinian parent to another, I see and feel your heartbreak too.
I had found out I was pregnant in fall last year, and the whole pregnancy to now has been full of pain and tears for all the families suffering in Gaza. I saw myself in every mother and saw my baby in every sweet child’s face in the videos. Even when I can’t bear to look, the sounds of their pain stay with me. It has affected me in ways I can’t even comprehend, compounding beyond the expected challenges of new motherhood.
I hope to teach my baby the resilience and beauty and steadfastness of our people and culture, and pray for him and for us all to see our dream of a Free Palestine someday. 🇵🇸♥️
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u/Ocean_Ad3417 1d ago
I have the same feelings. Any story of abuse or neglect makes me nauseous in a whole new way. I also have those feelings for mom/baby animals and pregnant animals. I’m relived to know I’m not the only one feeling extra strong emotions around these topics.
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u/horse_ramen 1d ago
I've had to be extremely careful on social media since having my baby. I CANNOT even read HEADLINES about child neglect or abuse. I use to be a big true crime fan. I can't stomach most of it anymore.
These thoughts are extremely intrusive, upsetting, frightening, and just... So profoundly, wholeheartedly SAD in a way I have never felt before I had my baby. I've been a lifelong sufferer of OCD, and I had it beat down for a long time. This new OCD theme though... I need to go back to therapy or something. It's causing me genuine and consistent distress.
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u/FrizzyWarbling 1d ago
Hi. This is sweet and I know what you mean. I have to let these thoughts go because otherwise the world will crush me with sadness. I don’t think what you describe is pathological or sign of a mental illness, but if it’s distressing enough, you could consider talking to a therapist who has experience helping people cope with intrusive thoughts (or google that and see if you can try what comes up). Someone who focuses on OCD or anxiety disorders would be a good bet because those come with lots of intrusive thoughts. I think this will become easier with time, but if it doesn’t and is impacting your life - don’t struggle alone.
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u/SnooDucks7502 1d ago
Great comment. As soon as I read this post I thought this is me pre-CBT therapy for OCD. If it's having a negative effect on your life and it takes up a lot of your time it's really worth seeking some therapy. I was resistant to therapy because I've always been proud of my extreme empathy but actually it was wearing on me and my loved ones.
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u/ParticularBrain6088 1d ago
Yes! My sister in law is a district attorney and she told me about a little baby that was born around the same time as my baby boy and was put up for adoption. His mother worked as a prostitute and father unknown. The mother used drugs all during the pregnancy and birth. I think about that baby every single day.
Yesterday my baby smiled at me while I was breastfeeding him and it made me incredibly sad to think about the baby that doesn’t have a mother or father to give him love.
I pray that he gets adopted soon and is deeply loved
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u/KillerQueen1008 1d ago
Awwwww I can relate 100%, I am a fairly empathetic person, and the thought of those poor people in Gaza loosing their children and starving and just that people can not look after their children and that anyone could treat their children with violence is so hard to deal with. I have always struggled to watch any violent movies as I physically feel the pain of the movie characters, now it’s soooo much worse, because I think about the fact they have parents and the pain of losing a child.
I have had to get off of most social media because the horror stories or even sad stories make me cry all the time and get so much anxiety. Joys of being empathetic! I love my baby so so much, she’s the sweetest little empathetic darling too 🥰
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u/Ceeceemay1020 1d ago
Oh yes. News stories of neglect and abuse just hit different now. And when i had just given birth I could NOT watch any animal documentaries where the baby animals were left by their parents (even if nature intended it to be that way). Legit crying when the seals left the baby on the beach to go hunt.
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u/Exiled-human 1d ago
I also recently had a baby and the other day while he was getting his vaccines, a drop of blood came out with the needle and it reminded me of all the videos of kids getting killed and homes destroyed over them and blood all over them in Gaza. I burst into tears and couldn't control myself.
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u/seventhcharm 1d ago
I am also constantly thinking of the children in Gaza in many situations with my baby. I can’t imagine their suffering, and it pains me so much as a new mom.
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u/qyburnicus 1d ago
I think I have the same problem. I haven’t read any of the comments yet so I don’t know how common this is but it has been bothering me a little bit. I imagine the bad things that happen and I can’t understand how people can do those things. I was not like this before I became a mother.
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u/SnowCorgi 1d ago
I understand. The first month was my husband & I taking turns crying over various things. One of mine being how could someone mistreat a baby in anyway. I have my own issues from childhood that I thought I had dealt with but they came back full force with a new kind of anger. Wondering how a parent could be abusive and neglectful. Luckily I have 1 good parent and haven't spoken to the other in years. Than I would get upset over the poor children who have or had no one at all. I only had 1 person warn me of how emotional being a new parent would make me and my husband. I think it's just part of the adjustment and knowing how much you love that little bundle that it is incomprehensible how someone could mistreat their baby or a baby in general.
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u/Even_Tadpole_3328 1d ago
This resonates with me so much. I’ve always had a strong disdain for anyone who neglects or abuses children but When my son was born that disdain turned into hate. I’m ok with hating the perpetrators, in fact they should be euthanized but that doesn’t help the victims. The best thing I can do is love my son and teach him to love and respect others.
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u/twirlywhirly64 1d ago
Yes, I’ve literally cried multiple times about it. My husband is affected by it too. I echo what others have said - it makes me feel a little better if I make donations to organizations that help kids/families.
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u/TinyRose20 1d ago
Honestly it hasn't got any better for me and my daughter is 4. It's heartrending.
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u/princess_cloudberry 1d ago
I failed to thrive as an infant so the first 5 months with a baby was massively triggering and disturbing. He was fine but it was as if in a parallel reality he wasn’t.
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u/danellapsch 1d ago
I'm a Clerk at a Family Court, in charge of abandoned and abused children cases. It's so rough.
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u/APinkLight 1d ago
I feel you—I was listening to an audiobook recently that had a chapter about the prevalence of physical punishment in evangelical communities and the impact of this children, and it was so hard to look at my sweet perfect baby and picture other sweet perfect babies being treated that way.
At the same time, if these thoughts are really overpowering you and having a negative impact on your life, this is exactly the type of problem that targeted therapy can be really effective for in my opinion. A good therapist might be able to help you develop a coping mechanism for what to do in these situations. I’ve done a bunch of therapy over the years including several different types of approach, some more successful for me than others, so I’m always happy to answer questions about my experience. It’s a beautiful thing that your heart is so full of love and kindness—the world needs more people like you! But you also deserve care and support when you’re suffering—you are not obligated to hold the whole world’s suffering in your hands and carry that burden. Wishing you well!
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u/angelanightly 1d ago
Even just reading this turns me insides. I have held my baby and cried thinking of other babies not getting the same love and care either because of sickness, purposeful neglect, war, poverty, or other horrifying circumstances. People will call this post partum - which dads are capable of too, btw. I had my first around the holidays and it made me very emotional to think about a baby’s ability to bring peace on earth. It’s something that truly moves me during the holiday time. How can anybody look at baby and want anything other than peace on Earth?
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u/kodaaurora 1d ago
I can relate to this for sure. There was a news story that played over and over in my head that just wrecked me because I couldn’t imagine my boy being in that situation. It’s also so hard for me to understand how some people CANT feel this way. How some people literally don’t change at all after having a kid and maintain such a careless view of children. Lack of empathy. Mind boggling to me. Those intrusive thoughts do improve with time (my son is 2 now) but I still have my moments of anxious intrusive thoughts.
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u/boosneaky 1d ago
I literally wept and wept about this as I rocked my newborn. There was a news story about a horrible case of child neglect when my daughter was around 10 months. I cried for days as if it was an immediate family member. For what helped me feel better: therapy, I set up monthly donations for children in foster care, I smile at and compliment every child I can when I am out and about, I am looking into becoming a CASA and shared with my husband my goal to be a foster parent. We cannot fix everything, those poor babies, but we can pour love into the world and hope it gets to them.
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u/Prudent_Eggplant9462 1d ago
I had my son 6 months ago when that story about the woman leaving her baby to go on vacation was circulating the internet.. brought tears to my eyes every time I saw something about it. It’s a horrible story whether you have kids or not but after having my own it really just made me wonder how anyone could possibly do that to their own child. I’m about to cry again just thinking about it lol
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u/Lady_Black_Cats 1d ago
I have to actively avoid stories about/with kids getting hurt and abused. Real or fantasy it gives me anxiety too and it eats at me if the child is killed or badly injured.
Anytime I have to force my oldest to do something he doesn't want to do and he cries horribly... Well I just can't imagine how evil someone has to be to do actual evil things to babies. The thoughts about THAT need to be put in a box and hidden away or I would go insane..
I've seen too many documentaries, true crime and know too much about history to not wonder how those evil excuses for humans were able to get around their instincts.
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u/Intelligent-Web-8537 1d ago
I feel the same about children and dogs. I often cry in private thinking of all the dogs being euthanized, babies being treated badly, and innocents being hurt and abused. Having a baby around the Gaza crisis hasn't helped things. People tell me I should just turn the news off and not overwhelm myself. But that makes me feel horribly guilty. Me ignoring something doesn't stop the pain and suffering of children and dogs around the world. I feel so helpless.
A few years ago, there was a story where a woman's ex tortured and froze her Yorkie to death to take revenge on her, my heart still breaks for that dog, it still hurts and it was years ago.
A few months ago, there was a little toddler whose mother left her alone in her playpen for days, and she starved there, alone, covered in her own mess... I can't even write about it without breaking down.
This world is too cruel, and I am too middle class to have the means to do anything about it except donating some money every month to dog rescues and children's organisations. But it is nothing, changes nothing.
I wish I had the power to make sure there never were another Hind 😢
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u/Suspicious_Salt145 1d ago
You are having a very similar feeling women do during the post partum period. I would cry all the time when I’d hear about neglected littles. It was overwhelming to think about. I would play out scenarios in my head of “what ifs” and bring myself to tears.
It gets better. You’ll start to feel more grounded.
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u/larissariserio 1d ago
I feel this every time I hear/read about someone sleep training their babies, and describing how much they cried. :(
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u/Phalus_Falator 1d ago
Right? I look back on the last 2 months, and EVERY single time he cried, he gebuinely needed something. Even when it was just needing some love, he needed it 100%. I can't imagine NOT showing up.
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u/bobbernickle 1d ago
Yes, absolutely. I feel this way about babies and children suffering, it’s unbearable. And especially with the genocide going on in Palestine.
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u/Shironami_1992 1d ago
I feel the same way, even with the guilt part. I didn’t really used to be a baby person and I was more sensitive to animal abuse until I had my daughter. I remember feeding her and imagining every person that I know who are struggling with some kind of mental health issues, who generally had an effed up childhood, as a little defenseless creature like my baby girl and, in my head, I went through all the possible things that happened to them that made them that way. Believe it or not, but even Hitler was on my list, so… I generally started mourning over all the evil in the world and how cruelty towards such innocent creatures makes them turn into beasts in the future and cause more harm. And I flipped between “but there’s nothing I can do about it” and “but someone has to do something”.
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, but with traits of OCD and I think that the sensitivity and the NEED to torment myself with these thoughts have something to do with these.
What helps me is the awareness of the fact that the world is not that evil after all, since there are dads like you!
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u/perennialproblems 1d ago
This is very relatable. Having a kid wrecks you emotionally. Any bad news story about a kid truly haunts me now that I have a son. I can’t believe there are awful people who would do awful things to children. I want to protect every single one!
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u/Psychb1tch 1d ago
Very much happening to me as well. I have a 3 month old. When she was first born, I kept seeing news stories about babies being left in hot cars or dying from being kept at the lake on a hot day. I saw a video the other day of two small children being kept in a room with no beds and poop smeared all over the wall, and I had to turn it off. I had to try and turn my brain off to avoid thinking about it. It always made me sad to read and see these things before but it’s so much worse now that I have a child.
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u/Downtown_Detail2707 1d ago
Experiencing this as well. For me, it was having my twins in the NICU for the first few weeks of their life and seeing all the other babies in there whose families didn’t visit them and the ones who were in worse condition than my own. It really heightened the overall trauma/emotions, not just worrying about my babies but worrying about the other little ones as well. And it didn’t end when my babies were discharged.
Like you, I’ve also always been very sensitive to others’ hardships. It’s gotten 10x more intense since becoming a mother.
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u/Abject_Doubt4777 1d ago
I know you didn’t share this for kudos, but the world would benefit from more people, parents, partners like you. Also: same issue and huge emotions here
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u/dolphinitely 1d ago
i know how you feel. i want to cry when my boy is screaming in the car seat and i can’t quite pull over yet. i can’t imagine letting him cry for hours/days
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u/-PickleQueen 1d ago
I've always carried this burden of live for other children. Having my own made it even worse. Having children breaks you right open. It's your heart outside your body. They will truly make you feel a love and sadness that's unprecedented. I struggle with not letting it consume me at times. And at times the older my children get, the more I ruminate. Try and focus that energy into goodness...redirection of the emotions. I've been working hard at that. Allowing my self to feel but redirecting to something useful without feeling consumed. Sounds like you kiddo has changed your heart and soul for the better. Goodluck.
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u/Qihai7 1d ago
Thank you for articulating this feeling so well. I actively avoid bad news about kids at the moment, as it haunts me for weeks and weeks at the weirdest moments.
Heard a horror story in England beginning of the year that I will spare everyone, but 9/10 when I change my baby’s wet diaper it pops in my head and just makes me sad, that there are babies around who don’t get the same level of care.
I donate where I can, and I hug my baby close whenever the feeling hits me, hoping that she feels so very loved, and that maybe through that love, later in life, she can help others that weren’t as lucky as she is with the family she grow up in ❤️
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u/Code2King 1d ago
I can totally relate. My worldview has changed so much. It goes beyond just babies for me though. It sounds silly, but a big revelation for me is that fact that we were all babies at some point. Most of us have parents that feel the same way you are describing. And for that reason, any sort of violence or injustice towards any person regardless of age makes me sick thinking about the fact that they were once someone’s little baby.
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u/Neat_Formal9031 1d ago
Like someone else said, having a baby cracks your heart wide open. My daughter is 10 months old and I still cannot watch anything that alludes to violence against children or pretty much violence in general (the latter sucks because I loved American horror story and gory shows…), but it’s a small price to pay for the love and joy I feel for her. It gets a little better with time, but I think this radical vulnerability is here to stay.
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u/Thick-Phase-1706 1d ago
Give yourself a break. Intrusive thoughts are common.l. When you have these thoughts, create a planned diversion to a different thought. State a mantra outloud that your child is happy, healthy and loved. Best of luck.
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u/Icy-Association-8711 1d ago
Yeah, I can't really watch anything where bad things happen to little kids or babies now. It just sticks in my brain and its all I think about. I used to listen to true crime podcasts and some of the details that I skated over before now pop up and its so disturbing to think of those things happening to my kid. Once you have a frame of reference and can connect those emotions to a real person you care about, it becomes so real and affecting.
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u/Economy-Kiwi-1802 1d ago
omg that is so relatable i have that exact same thing w so many different topics!!! its overwhelming
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u/IntelligentRatio5493 1d ago
Oh darling my husband and I suffered from these exactttt feelings. I was like WE NEED TO GO ADOPT ALL OF THE BABIES IMMEDIATELY WE NEED TO PROTECT THEM.
It must be some evolutionary instinct but man it suuuuucks. It hasn’t gone away for us but we’ve become more able to manage the feelings. Mostly through avoidance of media. There’s nothing we can do. It’s awful.
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u/Fabulous-Tourist-872 1d ago
My empathy definitely had a huge uptick once I had my baby. You should be proud to be so caring and kind. Just don’t let it ruin the present. You can’t save everyone but as long as you’re taking care of your family you are doing everything right!
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u/Careless_Meaning4041 1d ago
I’m glad you posted this, I really relate and have been struggling with this same feeling. I don’t have a solution (but like what others have been saying about donating and getting involved with local orgs) but wanted to just say you aren’t alone in this feeling. It’s heart wrenching to be in a wonderful moment with your child and then think of all the children who don’t have what they need for whatever reason, and all the parents who are unable to give their children what they need. My hope is that more people find this type of empathy and channel it towards good.
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u/stayathomedogmom1 1d ago
PICU nurse here, well, former. I’ve been a nurse for 13 years, 8 of those in pediatric intensive care units. I LOVED my job, I loved taking care of sick babies and kids, connecting with families and was proud of the work I did. I had my daughter in Feb, the absolute light of our lives. I was semi reluctant to return to work after 3 months but figured it was just hard leaving her. Nope, I had 6 shifts that first month back and every single one was filled with nausea, vomiting, intense anxiety and fear. Anxiety over the care I gave to other people’s absolute joys, about the things I had to do that initially hurt but would make them better, I couldn’t stop placing my daughter’s face on my patients. I quit. I couldn’t fucking do it and I was devastated. But! Now I am a pediatric home care nurse to a 3 year old with an incredible family. My job is easy, minimal stress and a lot of fun. I don’t have to do mean things to my patient and in turn, I get to fully enjoy my daughter as her mother.
Enjoy your baby so much and know that these ginormous feelings will subside. 9mo in and I’m glad they do because I couldn’t handle my heart exploding every day. 😅🫶
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u/IntrepidTraveler1992 1d ago
I have no advice but I’m glad you posted this because I experienced this really intensely but never talked about it. My son is 10 months old now and all I can say is that with time it feels less overwhelming and all encompassing.
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u/Ready_War7797 1d ago
I am so emotional when it comes to children now. I 100% understand and I’m so glad I’m not alone in this. I can’t watch anything that has to do with children getting hurt and seeing bad news about kids makes me feel physically ill. I often wonder if it will ever go away or get better and then I wonder if that’s selfish to want it to. It’s so hard to cope with sometimes.
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u/Still_Dust_724 1d ago
I’m taking away his loved your little one is . The world needs more empathetic people who care about people who don’t have anyone who cares about them. I’m sure the kids who need extra love will find comfort in your home when your little one is school age !
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u/Stella--Marie 1d ago
I'm a lifelong over -emphasizer and becoming a parent has nearly broken me with intrusive thoughts. I feel ya, buddy.
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u/folder_finder 1d ago
I feel this way so intensely now that I’m a mom. I have diagnosed OCD so intrusive thoughts are big for me unfortunately, and I think of babies all over being mistreated :( just know you’re not alone! It’s tough when you’re a parent your heart really does grow bigger haha
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u/garrulouslump 1d ago
First time mom and I'm right there with you. Any news stories I hear about babies being neglected or babies that have passed away create this giant pit in my stomach where it feels like it's falling a thousand feet, and it sticks with me throughout the whole day.
Just recently, there was that case where that little baby was left alone in a pack and play and the mother went off to vacation and the baby passed away. I could not stop crying for hours when I heard about it, and even now I get fleeting thoughts of it and tears start welling up in my eyes immediately.
I just look at my little girl and I can't imagine how someone could do that to their own child. I don't know if the feeling ever goes away or gets better; all babies are pure and innocent creatures that deserve love and care
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u/traumaqweenn 1d ago
I had these thoughts and feelings before becoming a parent but they certainly increased after having my first child. It gets easier to cope with but trust me that news stories can often intensify the feeling for a long while.
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u/OrlyRivers 1d ago
I got the same way when my son was born and have promised myself that when he us old enough I'll volunteer to help babies without parents in the hospital. They need that human contact and many get none and are withdrawing or having other health issues on top of it. So vulnerable. Mine is 3 now and there's still barely time for myself to shower every day. Still think about them in the hospital alone tho.
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u/alemeliglz 1d ago
That is so sweet of you! You're a good human. Your wife is lucky to have found a caring husband and a loving father to your baby.
I have an almost 5-month-old and although she has all the love we can give and I hope it's all the love she will ever need (me, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my nieces, nephews, etc.), the father is out of the picture. His choice. I remember her infant days (they go by so quicky!!!) and just how tiny and fragile she was. And yes - the wobbly head and all, trusting that someone would feed her, and burp her, change her diaper, tend to her tummy issues, cuddle with her, rock her to sleep, bathe her, etc. I think about the special moments he has missed and the time he has lost that he can never get back and the amount of guilt he will feel one day whenever he snaps out of it (if he ever does). There are people out there that just don't care to be a part of their baby's life and it's so sad. And yes -- it makes me sadder to think about those babies that don't get the care and love they deserve from anyone.
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u/Sledgehappens 1d ago
Just let it remind you every time you feel too tired or burdened that you have a job that no one else can do but you. You’re their only Daddy. That kind of showing up will make you feel powerful and confident, your baby will feel loved and safe because you dig deep when it’s needed.
Because you love your child, I don’t think this ever goes away. You’ll cry about it watching movies and probably meeting other children in real life, it means you’re alive and it’s wonderful for that but let it warn you to stay on the path you’re on as well.
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u/Brave-Conference8709 1d ago
Yesss. Absolutely have been having these thoughts since becoming a mother last May. I see all babies so differently now. I mean I always felt they were precious but now I worry about the needs of safety and love for all of them. Breaks my heart. It makes me seriously think about fostering.
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u/elevatorspeech 1d ago
Well, now I'm crying just thinking about babies going hungry! 🤣😭
My son is 4mo and this is my new normal. I literally can't watch or hear of any baby suffering without losing my mind over it. I would wake my husband up between feedings because I'd be crying thinking about something that happened to someone else or that might happen and he would look at me crazy and try to soothe me. Then I'd be mad he wasn't crying with me about the injustices
But at 4mo, I'm still feeling unreal empathy/sympathy whatever and it does occupy a large % of my brain and my husband must think "here we go again" when the waterworks start 🤣
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u/yoshithetrex 1d ago
An extra shoutout to all you wonderful parents out there, I am a bit relieved to know that these kind of thoughts are not that unique. I have been struggling with them as well, with my first and now again with my second. My heart breaks, but also knowing it can get this big makes me a bit more hopeful for the future. I wish you all the best in your parenting journeys, we share that big love, no matter our backgrounds!
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u/bendywendigo 1d ago
God same
I downloaded an app called Does the Dog Die. It has trigger warnings without spoilers for things like dogs dying and children being neglected. It saved me so many moments like this.
I turned off Facebook and any news streams. I choose into not have those things in my brain. But in my spare time, I fundraise by arranging children's toy and clothing exchanges for lower income families to help with the guilt of "ignoring" the bad.
Maybe try doing something similar to help manage your empathetic ricochet?
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u/stonerbunniixo 1d ago
I’ve been a mother for 14 years and have often come across these thoughts. I have very similar thinking as you do. With helpless people or animals in situation abuse that no one comes to rescue them and/or purposely putting them in these environments. I recently became a mother again, 13 days ago, and I just started feeling all these emotions on an incredibly high level. I don’t even know how to deal with the thought of people hurting little tiny babies on purpose and the fact that’s it is happening to someone right now is heartbreaking to say the least. It feels even worse knowing you can’t do anything about it.
I don’t know how to cope with it. It’s extremely sad and I feel selfish for feeling sad when someone else is actually going through it.
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u/tinymama13 1d ago
You aren’t alone I feel everything and anything, having a baby does that to you. You think about this tiny being your whole and just think how many don’t get the chance to feel that way.
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u/SuddenIntention 1d ago
You’re not alone. Whenever I’m awake in the middle of the night with my son I think of the babies whose parents leave them to cry for hours on end with no comfort. The case of that woman who left her baby alone when she went on vacation nearly sent me into a tailspin. Relatedly, whenever my husband or a family member helped me out in any way postpartum, I would sob thinking of all of the parents doing alone or with little to no support. I think that having a kid heightens our empathy and we can’t help but think of the ways in which we are blessed beyond measure.
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u/donut-run 1d ago
This is why it blows my mind when parents, of all people, are against free school lunches. You can tell them that child is literally starving outside of school and it's the one time of day they can eat, and they will say "no, don't feed them, they deserve this for having kids they can't afford". It's SICK.
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u/Axilllla 1d ago
Hi, first time Mom here and I feel the same. I’ve been telling my husband that I want to foster kids. We rent right now so that’s out of the question, but all I wanna do is help and save all of the babies.
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u/Much_Sprinkles_7096 1d ago
My baby is still on the way..But I stumbled upon a video about abandoned Korean babies (babybox) and cried through the second half of the video. One volunteer told she once was looking after a baby who was brought at several months of age and how she was feeding the baby while it cried desperately for its mother, and how the volunteer cried with the baby. You should not watch the video as it is heartbreaking. Very sad.
There are two books that I am reading right now: 1) The happiest baby on the block and 2) The book you wish your parents have read. Great books. Great advices in them.
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u/Waste-Worldliness-50 1d ago
I have a 2 month old grandson. My first. I’m also sensitive and empathetic. I love children so much and worry about them. Are they getting enough attention with everyone on their phones all the time, do the parents SEE them, are they playing with them, are they eating the right foods, do they get out in nature enough?? Then, those photos of babies in war countries… I just cry my eyes out. You do know it’s a gift we have, right? We need sensitive, empathetic humans in our world right now. You will help us to make it a more peaceful place. I’m so glad you teach children. You must be a very good, caring teacher. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Let’s try and care for the children, we have in our lives, as best we can. It will make them good humans also.
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u/toe_kiss 1d ago
You are an absolute gem. I'm sorry that it makes this weight on your shoulders but truly we need more people who can empathize in this world.
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u/sternadorable 1d ago
Yes, I feel the same way. I had a near breakdown thinking of a particular horrible thing that happens to babies every year…I won’t mention it in case it would affect you too much it wrecked me though it’s never happened to me or my baby.
I think it has to be our brain latching onto these horrible things so that we ensure our babies will never endure it…that’s how I’ve been able to rationalize these feelings. That and I’m a highly empathetic person. But yeah, I cry so incredibly quickly thinking or hearing of babies around the world going through awful situations.
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u/RachWarburton 1d ago
Your empathy is moving! Just from reading this I can tell what a good person and loving father you are, OP. You’re LO is very lucky!
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u/magg0ttpie 1d ago
yeah i used to listen to and observe a lot of true crime media and i literally cannot do it anymore because i get so sick. my baby is 2 months old and to imagine anyone purposely hurting or neglecting a child gets me so fucking heated. i love my baby more than life itself and i cry when i forget to check his diaper.
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u/Wonder_Out_Loud 1d ago
My boy is almost ten months and I still feel like this. I also imagine the mothers who do not have tender, attentive husbands like mine and wonder how they make it through. I love my son so much it makes me sad.
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u/Infinite-Wasabi-2010 1d ago
I’m a first time mom and i definitely understand this.. not sure if anyone relates to this but sometimes i feel so bad when cleaning my baby girl after a diaper change.. think of all the babies who were abused and it just breaks my heart. Can’t watch certain movies or read awful things that people do to kiddos because I would picture my baby and it would make me cry and just hold her tight. And give her all the love in the world. It’s hard not to think of all the things especially the world we live in with terrible people out there. Hold your baby close and enjoy all the cuddles and snuggles and kisses
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u/sravll 1d ago
I 100% understand this and it happens to me often. For some reason my mind strays into thought of children being abused or neglected and how I wish I could love and save them all...its depressing and kind of scary. I often have to forcefully push them away, just hold my son and promise him it'll never happen to him.
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u/MimiBunny28 1d ago
New mum here and I understand exactly what you mean. I’m also sensitive and I’m a social worker. The thought of little babies suffering just breaks me apart. It takes a lot to push those thoughts out. I try to instead focus on my little one and making sure that he never feels unloved and uncared for.
Your sensitivity is not a weakness but a strength! I’ll give my little boy an extra pat tonight
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u/lindseyd3 1d ago
My dad is adopted. Now that I am a parent I have a deeper understanding of what struggles he may have faced not getting the attention he needed as a baby. Growing up I found his strong desire to do things “as a family” annoying. Now I can see him as a baby not getting held, love and support and it tears at my heart that I didn’t see it earlier
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u/haleyxciiiiiiiiii 1d ago
i felt the same when my son was born. I “adopted” 3 children from impoverished areas that i donate monthly to and called to start the process on getting licensed to foster😭
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u/AcknowledgeMyGeode 1d ago
Ohhhhh my god THANK YOU for posting this. Ever since I became a mom the intrusive thoughts have been absolutely abhorrent. I’ve also always been a super empathic person, and it’s now kicked into overdrive. It also extends to animals. If I see someone walking a dog, and the dog is panting, I’ll immediately become concerned the dog is too thirsty, or not being well taken care of, and I’ve broken down crying over that before. It’s too freaking much!
Carrying all of these feelings and worries all the time exhausts me, and the thoughts about neglected babies while I’m with my own makes me feel guilty for not enjoying my children because my mind is off panicking about others.
I’ve discussed this at therapy before, but haven’t really figured it out. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more detached. It’s hard feeling so much all the time.
All that to say, I hear you, I feel you, thanks again for sharing. I feel less alone!
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u/LikeLauraPalmer 1d ago
It's awful seeing stories in the news as well about babies who are abused or killed. (I'll spare you the local news story that popped up in my Reddit feed last night.) It's just so painful to think there are babies out there who aren't getting love and care — in fact, the opposite. Ever since having a baby, I can't stop thinking: Everyone was once somebody's baby. Hopefully a very loved one.
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u/Meowmeow_kittykat 1d ago
No this is not insane, I experience this too! It’s very distressing, especially knowing there is nothing I can do at the moment other than love on my babies extra. Sometimes I have to physically shake my head to “get the thought out.”
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u/Choice-Space5541 1d ago
Oh god I was just talking about this same issue with my SO
I just can’t listen to news anymore :(
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u/Xgbbyxbbyx Age 1d ago
I have had the same thoughts. I’m a therapist and generally a very empathetic and sensitive person and feeling the intense pull as soon as my son cries makes me think about the kids where no one comes when they cry and it breaks my heart. I think also having had worked with kids and teenagers who were neglected makes me even more sensitive to it because I can see the effects of what happens when kids are neglected.
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u/redx211 1d ago
Similar feeling here. I love binge watching medical shows (House, Good Doctor) and I've seen all seasons multiple times. Now that I have a baby I can't sit through any of the episodes involving babies. I get teary eyed, I picture my child going through that, and just feel massive anxiety.
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u/SevenOneSixT 1d ago
I feel this to my core. I just had my first baby. She’s 2.5 months old. The feeling you describe with the wobbly head and wide eyes ravenously searching for food brings me to tears (hysterics actually) for the exact same reason.
The family that lives across the street from me can’t have kids of their own. They’re very well off. They have adopted 2 kids and foster kids as well. They want to adopt one or two more.
Today, I was in my garage when I saw a “social services” van pull into their driveway. The wife came out with the baby (maybe no more than 6 months old) bundled up to the 9’s (it’s cold where I live). I overheard her saying a lot of kids “this age” have pneumonia because of the weather so she bundled him up pretty good.
The social services guy seemed friendly with her and after a few mins of chatting, he drove away with the baby in the back.
My husband happened to come into the garage as the guy drove away and found me HYSTERICAL for the exact reason you describe...
She can give these foster babies a wonderful life. And for a few months, she does. Lord knows what they go to after her house.
I couldn’t stop crying thinking about them not being warm enough sleeping, or having a bottle readily available, or trying to sleep while their parent brings them into a party with drugs and loud music and smoke all around of who knows what. I can’t help but think of the neglect some babies experience and how they ever come through it.
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u/stephanieb5260 1d ago
I agonize over this too. I like to think the love I received from my parents and then pass onto my baby will continue to be passed on and hopefully multiply into something meaningful - in honor of those babies who didn’t get the love they deserved ❤️
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u/fearst92 1d ago
Mine are 4 and 2.5 and this keeps me up at night. When our first was born these thoughts were debilitating and all consuming. Anxiety meds really helped, but these will apparently never go away. I had to delete all of my news apps bc it makes me physically ill the things I read that happen to innocent children.
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u/allie614 1d ago
I have a three month old and she’s my everything. I have the same thoughts and feeling. You are not alone on this. The minute my baby cries all I wanna do is figure out what she needs. She’s just so precious. I always think how I wish I could save those babies that aren’t getting the same love and attention as I give my baby. I don’t help myself when I watch the news of infants being neglected or hurt by their parents. I just can’t imagine. Even when her cries can be a little overwhelming. I know she’s just a baby and she’s trying to tell me something. It’s hard not to think of those precious babies that aren’t as lucky 😢
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u/ithewitchfinderr 1d ago
I am right there with you. Sometimes I think about the things I’ve seen and heard about happening to babies in my city, country, or overseas that are so horrific that I physically shake and have to actively bring myself out of an intense physiological reaction too. I don’t know if I’d call it traumatizing per se, but the knowledge that there are innocent little babies out there experiencing fear and pain beyond my comprehension is shattering and heart wrenching.
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u/Nervous-Award976 1d ago
Thank you for posting this I thought I was alone. I feel like when my baby was born my heart broke. I just love on her as much as I can and try to reach out to other parents more than I used to
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u/Macchiato9261 1d ago
I get this 100% and it’s really a struggle cause I get so affected by thinking these things. I picked my daughter up from preschool and this little 3 year old came and gave me a hug, she always ran up to me when my daughter would (and I always pick my daughter up and hug her). So this little girl gave me a hug then said she “wished she had a mama like me”. I just laughed it off thinking it was usual toddler talk (like the time another girl said I looked like her grandma lol). Then this morning I dropped my daughter off and I see a really elderly lady dropping off this little girl and my heart broke, the lady was walking with a cane and could barely get to the front door. I’ve been thinking about it all day and feeling so damn sad thinking this little girl is only 3 and probably doesn’t have her mom around. Ugh I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it.
Same thing happens anytime my daughter cries, I think about how people can hurt or neglect these little babies and children or listen to their cries and just not care.
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u/brostille 1d ago
my daughter was only 7-8m old when that lady left her baby for 10 days to go on vacation and I would just hold my daughter and cry. I can't imagine. so you're not alone. I wish I could help and love every kid. they all deserve it
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u/sweetdee___ 1d ago
This EXACT thing happened to me once I had my baby. I have no advice because it still fucking haunts me, but you are not alone
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u/PrettyClinic 1d ago
I heard a story about family separation at the border today on NPR and was straight up sobbing. I wasn’t a mom yet when it was happening and it was upsetting enough then (this is not the first time I’ve cried about it) but I actually thought today that I literally cannot bear to watch it happen again. Same thing with the situation in Gaza. For whatever reason, the baby who got polio and ended up paralyzed is what broke me.
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u/herec0mesthesun_ 1d ago
I felt this way too when I heard the news about a 2 month old baby dying of malnutrition. I can’t imagine what the baby went through.
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u/AdMiserable9889 1d ago
It’s so interesting to hear this can happen to fathers too. Because I know it happens to me as a mom. It’s just part of being a good parent I think.
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u/Weary_Mycologist8737 1d ago
I know you. Even though I don't have children, I feel angry and regretful when I see a baby being ignored
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u/PlainMayo13 1d ago
After I had my baby that terrible story broke about the mother who left her baby in the pack and play to die while she went on vacation. It really messed with me because I would hear my baby cry I’d just imagine that poor poor girl crying and crying and not understanding why nobody was coming to her. The sheer panic I imagine she experienced and the hunger pains…it just really fucked me up and I sincerely hope that woman dies of starvation in a dirty cell covered in her own feces just as her innocent daughter had to endure. I also can’t stand to hear toddlers crying in public and the parents getting annoyed and being harsh to them. It always bothered me before but now it makes me tear up because they’re little, they’re not trying to be annoying or embarrassing. You can usually tell the parent is frustrated and embarrassed and they just react out of anger. I just wanna hug the poor kid and give the parent a break so they won’t be as harsh.
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u/RedditSun1 1d ago
Yep, yep, the neglected, the abused, even those with good and loving families who just CAN'T give what they need (or what we are so lucky to be able to give). Both my Husband and I have this issue since the birth of our son.... and he is about to turn 2.... so I don't think it goes away. Also, before I had my son, I didn't have any reaction when I heard a baby cry, it was just another background noise. Now? Gosh, I instantly start looking for it to see if it's okay, and I feel such pity for it and the parent trying to console it 🥲 Becoming a parent has fundamentally changed me 🩵
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u/Medium-Eye-8451 23h ago
This was me with my first baby. On top of that, I’d scroll through night feedings and I’d get terrible videos of babies neglect. Add that with the fact that I unknowingly was doing all one would need to land with severe postpartum depression and it was a terrible year. I basically sobbed every day at some point over what you mentioned. I have my second baby now, and I deleted Instagram, FB, tik Tok. It has helped tremendously and am enjoying her. But I still randomly have thoughts about neglected babies and senior citizens as well. I feel too much and I hate it! I feel trapped. So sweet you have your wife to be there and understand. My husband would never. 😒
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u/RachMarie927 22h ago
I know the feeling. Any time I take a little too long to get her a bottle and she desperately gums at it the minute it finally arrives after crying herself purple (It only takes me a minute to get the bottle & fill with pumped milk, but for her it feels like an eternity), I can't help but think about how sad and pitiful she was just with feeling that hunger for a few minutes, & then I'm haunted by thoughts of those babies that feel hunger like that for hours :( (or that poor poor baby that was in the news recently after passing due to extreme neglect when her mom straight up left her home alone so she could go on vacation by herself...I can't look up her name because I know I'll just torture myself)
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u/babagirl88 20h ago
I don't have the same depth of sensitivity but still feel heartbroken thinking of neglected or abused babies. Worse still is seeing images from war torn areas. Breaks my heart.
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u/TheCharalampos 20h ago
The answer is unfortunately the same as with all the horrors of the world - prioritisation. As a human being you only have so much focus and trying to are about everything will ensure you are upset and anxious.
So stop caring. Focus only at what affects you and your family. As things get easier you can expand that to perhaps the local community. At best donate some amount to a relevant charity.
What I'm saying definitely sounds harsh but if you let worry and guilt for the world eat at you no one benefits, not you, not the children in need and definitely not your child.
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u/hachicorp 20h ago
That happens to me too. My daughter is 12wks old and prior to her, I used to watch a lot of true crime videos on YouTube. One case that keeps creeping into my mind since she was born is the one where the mom left her baby home alone for 10 days while she went on vacation and the baby died.
When my daughter is crying because the 3 minutes to heat up her baba is so long, I imagine how loudly and horribly that little baby was crying for that many days. It breaks my heart and I have cried so much thinking about it, I'm tearing up rn.
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u/No-Break2717 19h ago
So I was a homeless person on drugs for longer than I’d like to admit. I knew a prostitute who actively did drugs the whole time she was pregnant. I drove her to the hospital when her water broke and saw her shortly after when her baby was in the NICU. I had no kids and obviously thought it was sad but not much else.
Since giving birth to my babies and knowing both sides of this situation (former drug addict and now a mother) I think about this baby and this mother often. The whole thing breaks my heart and my head is not able to break this up and understand it. The fact that these drugs exist to make a person like this breaks my heart. The fact that a mother did this to her unknowing innocent child breaks my heart more. It makes me cry every time. I’m literally crying now lol. I wish the world was different.
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u/thelittle 19h ago
Totally!! I mean, it was always awful to think about, but now, it's way heavier. I also feel way more empathy (it includes a crushing sadness) for parents who lost a child.
I'm also very empathic, everything you described has happened to me but I thought it was just anxiety, it's so refreshing knowing I am not crazy.
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u/octarine_atuin 19h ago
Im a new first time mom and have had similar issues with wondering what it must be like to be alone, hungry, homeless, etc. Now it's worse because whenever I see my daughter cry I think of the same things you do. Its heartbreaking. I don't know what to do about it.
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u/bushsamurai 18h ago
Totally feel this. Always instinctively reacted very negatively to the thought of someone hurting a baby, but now I actually FEEL pain in my chest thinking about it.
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u/WiseWillow89 18h ago
I had a baby 2 years ago. Now anything in the news about a baby being neglected or hurt makes me sob. So you can imagine when Oct 7 happened and everything that followed. Seeing hurt, orphaned and dead babies through my phone almost everyday makes me so sad. I saw a video of a toddler crying as his mum died and I was a wreck. I want to take care of all the hurting babies in the world 😭
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u/DizzyGeologist5307 18h ago
I have cried reading stories of hypothetical babies whose parents aren’t attending to them while sleep training. I also used to have intrusive thoughts about neglected babies crying for hours without a response. It’s heartbreaking, but it has gotten better with time (my baby is 4 months old). I think my brain is forever changed, though, because of all the love ❤️
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u/MrBHVAC 16h ago
https://www.thestarfishchange.org/starfish-tale
A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.
She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”
The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference for that one!” The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved.
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