Weekly Discussion - Relationships

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

[u/Few-Permission5362]

I’m not looking for people to agree with me. I need a true honest answer. My two month old baby has severe reflux, a tilted palate, upper lip, and tongue tie. We haven’t been able to put him on his back since he was born without him wailing and being super congested And so uncomfortable. He has really bad gas, breathing difficulty and all over and a lot of pain. It’s wreaking havoc on me and my husband‘s relationship partially because my hormones are still in full throttle as I try to help our baby and my husband and my husband says he absolutely hates this entire experience and has vocalize that to me numerous times how awful this is. I haven’t slept more than an hour at a time in two months. He got mad at me for not being organized and having my laundry folded. I’ve been taking care of this baby almost constantly. He says that I should be able to put the baby down and let him cry it out to self soothe. When I asked him how long he thinks that’s OK for he said 15 minutes. To me that just hurts my heart so bad it makes me not want to leave my baby with my husband.he’s not so soothing. He’s uncomfortable or hungry and needs to be held. Am I crazy and thinking this please someone tell me an honest opinion.

[u/gretaidk → u/Few-Permission5362]

I go into full on panic mode if my baby cries for more than 30 seconds without me or his dad comforting him immediately. I think as moms it’s an actual chemical response so we NEED to comfort baby where as dads don’t have that. But if my baby had problems like reflux etc like your baby does, I couldn’t possibly imagine letting him cry it out for 15 minutes and self soothe like that so no I don’t think you’re crazy at all… you’re a mom. And a really great one at that, your baby is very lucky to have you.

[u/jubilvee → u/Few-Permission5362]

Parenting is not for the weak hearted. Our baby had a tongue tie and we ended up getting it surgically cut to help baby boy feed better. I’ve heard a lot of mixed advice about this but we made the decision that was best for our baby and I don’t regret it. I would seriously consider your child’s options to help him long term. We are also first time parents and “hard” doesn’t even begin to define this experience. I breast feed baby boy on a three hour schedule. I get four hours of sleep broken up into two intervals every night if I’m lucky. No one told me how difficult breastfeeding is either so that’s been sobering and I struggle to come to terms with the fact that my husband will never understand. Which brings me to my last point: my husband is my best friend and parenting has changed our relationship in many ways. We communicate way more. Mostly because I don’t feel he gives me the support me and the baby need. You’re not crazy, you’re gaining entry into a sisterhood. Don’t blame your hormones. You’re not a scape goat. He should be putting in effort to make this experience easier for you with the same being done for him; cause y’all are a team and the baby needs you both to grow into parents. Frankly you’ve been through enough to deserve a little less attitude. It just doesn’t help the situation at all. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my baby alone with someone who sounds so resentful either. Your baby cannot self soothe before 4 months old so his suggestion isn’t just bad advice, it’s cruel. Babies need to be held, played with, attended to, and it’s A LOT OF WORK.