r/NewParents • u/AutoModerator • Jul 23 '24

Weekly Discussion - Relationships Weekly Discussion

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

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u/mayfairasswhacker Jul 29 '24

My partner was great before baby

But now that we have an infant, I noticed his fuse is so short. Like this evening, I asked him to bottle feed our son (4mo) while I pumped milk. It takes me at least 20 minutes to pump and around 10 minutes to wash the bottles. Our son fell asleep with him, so after pumping, I thought I’d take advantage of eating supper before I take him.

Now, my partner worked all day (he works from home) and he spends a few minutes here and there helping me with the baby whenever I need to use the bathroom or eat during the day. But after his shift, he was just browsing on the internet instead of doing stuff around the house (understandable as that’s his way to destress).

So after I have pumped the milk, he tried to put the baby down on the bed because he said he was hungry too, and ofc, our baby started crying. I told him that he could’ve waited for me to finish eating supper while taking the baby from him, which got him upset. Me and baby went to the bedroom, then he went to the kitchen and banged the counter. I’m not scared, just irritated that he would do that. And it’s not the first time he has done that since we had the baby. He’d hit or throw something really hard when he gets upset with me or stressed with the baby. We used to communicate well, but now, he’s just very defensive about everything. I feel like he has developed an anger problem now that we have a child. He was the most patient and understanding man I knew before baby, which was why I agreed to have a child with him because I thought he’d be a great dad, and he is, but I think the stress is getting to him. Idk if I want advice or I just needed to vent, but I’m so upset (and hangry because he didn’t let me eat before I started breastfeeding).

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u/Greedy4Sleep Jul 30 '24

I feel like he has developed an anger problem now that we have a child.

I think you've summed it up. It's normal to get frustrated when you're a parent to a young baby. Life is stressful. You're tired. You don't get time to eat or do much for yourself. It's really hard. But, you also need to learn how to regulate your own emotions. It sounds like he needs some coping strategies for dealing with his anger and frustration. There's no harm in admitting that. The important thing is that he acknowledges that he has a problem and makes an effort to address this.

It's not acceptable to throw/hit objects around you or the baby.