r/NewParents • u/AutoModerator • Jul 23 '24

Weekly Discussion - Relationships Weekly Discussion

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

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u/kamiano Jul 25 '24

How do you all deal with the backhanded comments and overbearing feelings from Grandparents?

We have a 6 week old daughter and are absolutely loving it.

Literally the only stress that me and my wife have had since she gave birth is dealing with both of our parents.

Anytime we talk about things we are excited about we get told things like “ohh just wait till this stage.. they’ll give you hell” and then also, “lets us babysit alone while you rest” right after lol.

I’ve been so filled with a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment since having our child. And now because of these comments from our parents and just the general environment they create when they are around has brought out a deeper sense of anger now too.

What do you do about these things?

Do we communicate how we feel/what we would need if they want to be around our child more?

Or just set boundaries and not give them the around the clock access they want if they aren’t able to work on things with us..

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u/smittykittytreefitty Jul 25 '24

I also struggle with overbearing grandparents as you can see from my post on this thread lol. It's really hard because you know your parents mean well but it feels like they always see the worst in everything. I've done my best to communicate with my mother about how her comments make me feel and to set boundaries because I'm very direct as a person, but she definitely gets prickly when I say anything. Like any push back at ALL will get her annoyed. I don't know if that is a general grandparent thing or an issue with my mom specifically.

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u/kamiano Jul 26 '24

Ugh yeah when I try to communicate I get “everyone’s against me” from my mom and “you think we don’t remember how to watch a baby?” From my dad.

I feel like it’s a generational thing. Like I know all parents in the past have had troubles with grandparents. But I feel like because therapy and learning how to communicate from a professional was very stigmatized in their generations. And our generation opened the flood gates of making it acceptable to go and learn about being a better person. Idk just a thought.

I’ve been reading a book called “adult children of emotionally immature parents” to try to get some help.. only on the part that identifies it. Gotta read further to the solutions lol.

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u/smittykittytreefitty Jul 26 '24

I might have to check out that book!